Best Friend Simulator

Episode 62: BFS Says Goodbye

Fri, 05 Jul 2019 00:38:44 -0000

Topics include: welcome to the last episode!, our new show is called Dial E for Eerie so stay tuned!,updates on some old segments, paranormal/weird topics we never got around to covering, and some thanks to some very special folks.

Thanks to returning guests Gary Libsyn, Special Occasion Dracula, Joe Mantegna!

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Do you like this podcast? Then tell a friend! Or shoot us an email! Or rate and review us where you listen to podcasts! Be sure to follow us on Twitter (@bestfriendsim), Instagram (@bestfriendsimulator), and Facebook. Thanks!!!

Episode 61: "The Seeing of the Penis Could Set You Off On An All New Adventure"/ The Montauk Project Part 3

Sat, 01 Jun 2019 13:10:23 -0000

Topics include: Does Josh smell old?, Denis watched 146 eps of New Girl AMA, Josh's dishrag gets a little juicy, Denis looked toward a man's penis, animal presidents, Denis is mean about people liking things, and part 3 of The Montauk Project! !

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Episode 60: "One Full Leprechaun"/ The Montauk Project Part 2

Thu, 16 May 2019 07:01:00 -0000

Topics include: Denis was fart-fired, an announcement about the future of BFS, can your two favorite podcast hosts learn how to read again?, Pickle Friends!/Devil Ham, and Josh's Paranormal Portal: The Montauk Project Part 2!

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Episode 59: "Meat Bees"/The Philadelphia Experiment & The Montauk Project Part 1

Thu, 18 Apr 2019 07:00:00 -0000

Topics include: How 'bout that fuckin' black hole?, Josh has been thinking about that one commercial, Denis is mad about drug commercials and Josh fails to recreate one, Denis needs some cat advice, yellowjackets apparently aren't bees, "meat bees", BFS News Minute featuring a story about actual hell monsters (cassowaries), Josh takes an upsetting phone call, and a return to Josh's Paranormal Portal featuring The Philadelphia Experiment and part 1 of The Montauk Project!

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Episode 58: "That Sandwich Had Been Eaten 50 Years Ago"

Thu, 04 Apr 2019 07:01:00 -0000

Topics include: Josh and Denis give well-deserved thanks and apologies, important pillow updates, Old men yell at clouds, Georgia(n)(restaurant) on my mind, and then things go off the rails

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Episode 57: "How Do Woodpeckers Do Love?"

Thu, 21 Mar 2019 07:01:00 -0000

Topics include: Denis is the late night boy, Josh has a cool/pervert feeling, Josh leaves an offering, Woodpecker talk, Sweat management, and talkin’ bout current events turns into straight nonsense.

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Episode 56: "James James F***ing Nimrod"

Thu, 07 Mar 2019 07:01:00 -0000

Topics include: Josh reports on a new series of targeted ads, Josh's sensitive guts, Dr. Beans/Baretta, discussion of the word "Nimrod", Fezzik's first vet visit, Denis's tremors, fairie offering update, Denis thinks he's going deaf, and Denis cites Ludacris as a big influence

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Episode 55: "You've Been the Toad All Along"

Thu, 21 Feb 2019 14:12:26 -0000

Topics include: Dumb brain jukebox, Josh has snow madness, TOADS, We’re writing a book, and another installment of Streets of Philadelphia

Cane Toads: An Unnatural History

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Episode 54: "If This Brownie Hears You Talking Sh*t Things Are Gonna Get Worse Here"/ Above Majestic Review

Thu, 31 Jan 2019 07:00:00 -0000

Topics include: Denis sees a hypnotherapist [skit], Denis had night coffee and Josh had chocolate, Josh discusses going to Podcon 2, Cumtown report, Denis wonders about a possible hidden meaning behind an old mixtape by means of a Sugarcubes song, Josh discusses the how and why of his suspected house curse and then proposes his solution, and the return of Josh & Denis At Some Movies featuring the documentary Above Majestic: The Implications of A Secret Space Program

Episode 53: "An Argument For A Hornier Podcast"

Thu, 17 Jan 2019 07:00:00 -0000

Topics include: We need a tagline, Denis is definitely passive aggressive, Josh argues for a hornier show, Denis writes bad notes, Josh will be at PodCon (as a paid attendee)

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Episode 52: "Live your F***in' Life, Bigfoot"

Thu, 03 Jan 2019 07:00:00 -0000

Topics include: Josh is in a good mood for once, did you know we like Thin Lizzy?, kayfabe holiday discussion, Denis's MRI results are in, very exciting IKEA story, cat talk, the return of The Streets of Philadelphia, discussing an article on the controversial stance of killing bigfoot, an unpaid plug for Destination America, a bigfoot-related shooting, and then Denis and Josh discuss their own personal top fives of 2018! Happy New Year, BFS Maniacs!

Episode 51: "You Could Be a Man Who Drinks Toilets"

Thu, 13 Dec 2018 07:01:00 -0000

Topics include: We don't need any fucking notes, Josh's brain update, could Denis be the diner conversation guy?, do people do cosplay of old Hanna Barbera characters?, the three-note only Jingle Bells lady, Oh Shit the Bells!, our favorite christmas songs, Denis's MRI experience, The Predator: Assisted-Assisted Suicide, our post-human diner future

A Quick Update

Thu, 06 Dec 2018 23:38:58 -0000

No episode this week but we'll be back next week! Josh explains why we're doing this.

Episode 50: "I'm Not A Nihilist, I Just Crush A Lot"/ Simulation Hypothesis Part 3: David Icke and Roko's Basilisk

Thu, 22 Nov 2018 19:23:41 -0000

Topics include Josh is sad about aliens for a different reason, välkommen till showen Swedish listeners!, the 'googling' names? STOP! ad, the creeping horror of the Green Man, Thanksgiving plans, Denis is proud of showing (nice) restraint, Bryan Adams is a real nasty fucker, the tragedy of human existence and the final part of our Simulation Hypothesis discussion, featuring glitches in the Matrix, David Icke's "Cosmic Internet", and Roko's Basilisk!

[WARNING: Listen at your own risk, Best Friend Simulator is not responsible for any endless simulated torture you may experience as a result, all hail the Basilisk)

Episode 49: "The Werewolves Have Changed Back Into A Sad Man"/ Simulation Hypothesis pt 2

Thu, 08 Nov 2018 07:01:00 -0000

Topics include: Josh has the post-Halloween blues again, aggressive book club, whole lotta Swamp Thing, makin’ faces, updates, Denis’ BFS News Minute, and part 2 of our Simulation Hypothesis conversation.

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Episode 48: "Just Hookah-Dookah-ing"/ Simulation Hypothesis

Thu, 25 Oct 2018 07:01:00 -0000

Episode 48: "Just Hookah-Dookah-ing/Simulation Hypothesis". Topics include: Josh has a made up illness, CATS, house update, smokin’ n tokin’, terrible Halloween attraction and some real-life scares, Skinwalker Ranch update, and a new segment on our contest-winning topic Simulation Hypothesis.

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Episode 47: "Gift Them A Big Ol' Hog Leg"

Thu, 11 Oct 2018 07:01:00 -0000

Episode 47: "Gift Them A Big Ol Hog Leg"

Topics include: Is VHS dead?, Car alarms, You CAN’T Call Me Al, Denis goes to the brain dr, Josh hits it off with teens, Secret podcasting, Sally Jesse Raphael/Raphael from TMNT, and exploding eyes/witches!

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Do you like this podcast? Then tell a friend! Or shoot us an email at joshanddenis@gmail.com! Or rate and review us where you listen to podcasts! Thanks!!!

Episode 46: “It’s Like A Cover Version of Your Hair”/ Hunt for the Skinwalker Documentary Review

Fri, 28 Sep 2018 18:23:21 -0000

Topics Include: Our one-year anniversary!, Denis fells like a Radio Man, Startalk with Jason Fleeeeeeee, we get to the bottom of all this astrology business, The Best Friend Simulator Tarot Deck, house buying stress, we want to do another Halloween Spooktacular so tell us your spooky stories!, BFS HQ West is no longer IN SEATTLE?!?!, GETTING OLD: why does the internet think Josh is an old man?, Josh thinks perfect attendance awards are fucked up, Denis discusses adult education school class titles, and we review the new Jeremy Corbell documentary, Hunt For the Skinwalker!

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Episode 45: “Just Rip Me to F***ing Shreds, Monkey Man” /The Monkey Man of New Delhi

Fri, 14 Sep 2018 20:45:49 -0000

Topics include:

New microphones!/eargasm, Josh apologizes for recording with the window open last episode, we’re pretty sure the Krull cyclops said “fig new-ton”, Denis thinks the story about his Lyft driver last episode made him sound like a dick, we demonstrate some ways to engage with service workers, Denis encountered bugs on his vacation, we compare the anxiety-induced tics we had as adolescents, Denis encountered a southern manchild in an Asheville ice cream parlor, Josh got obsessed with squirrel warbles and then discusses his former obsession with maggot brain and the way he overcame it with MS Paint, why Josh probably can’t go back to the bike shop in White Center ever again, new segment: The Streets of Philadelphia, and Josh’s Monkey Mysteries: The New Delhi Monkey Man!

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Do you like this podcast? Then tell a friend! Or shoot us an email at Joshanddenis@gmail.com! Or rate and review us where you listen to podcasts! Thanks!!!

Episode 44: "Would You Say I Was a Snake Person?"

Thu, 30 Aug 2018 07:01:00 -0000

Topics Include: Josh bought a house, Denis doesn't listen, Breast Friend Simulator discussion, Josh's recent streak of nightmares, Denis has an improv group (Wet Crackers?), Denis also joined a gym and talks about his former/current? spin teacher, erroneous movie quote attributions, beer sampler takes liberties at Acme, shoplifter takes liberties with beer at Walgreens but shares with passing mother, Lyft driver brings the puns...hard, RIP sticker ideas, Denis can't draw, someone mistook Denis for a snake person, yo Paul F. Tompkins get at us!, and we read some listener submitted life tips!

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Breast Friend Simulator Episode 281: "Using Economics and Friendgonomics"/ Tesla Town pt. 3

Fri, 17 Aug 2018 03:47:14 -0000

Breast Friend Simulator Episode 281:

Topics include: Jenn's awkward interactions at the tire place, we're recording together for once!, thanks to everyone who came out to the live shows, Jamie looked at a house haunted by pee and a special hairless angel, C.H.U.D.s (Cannibalistic Humanoid Upstairs Dweller), voting day in Seattle & Good Space Guy, murder toilets, Find a New Friend Challenge Updates!, Weird Shit Updates: Miss Helen the Shark from Sir Mixalot Aquarium, Dimension Jumping, sarcophagus juice, and Part 3 of Tesla Town: Tesla Town After Dark

Special thanks to our sponsors, Blue Apron, Nature Box, and Casper!

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Episode 43: "This Isn't How You Apologize"

Thu, 02 Aug 2018 07:01:00 -0000

Topics include: WE'RE BACK BABY!, Denis confronts Josh about getting too comfortable in his absence, Josh got into naps during the break, a great new tattoo idea, more getting nude in the bathroom discussion, Josh discovered the link between food and having energy during the break, Denis doesn't get pajamas, Denis turned into Bernie Mac for a second but you missed it, Denis has a temperature curse, Josh got sad thinking about the possible nonexistence of aliens, Denis did the dumbest thing he's ever done over break, ideal vacation spots, floatation tank plans, we announce the winner of the topics contest, and an announcement concerning a pending format change. Also send us your life tips!

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BFS Mixtape Vol. 2: The Music of the Satanic Panic

Thu, 26 Jul 2018 07:01:00 -0000

We're still not over the whole Satanic Panic thing even after covering it for multiple episodes. For the second volume of the BFS Mixtape series, Josh invited our friend Allen to join him in laying down his soul to the gods Rock 'n' Roll to play some choice jams from the Satanic Panic!

Tracklist:

Hells Bells - AC/DC
Into the Coven - Mercyful Fate
Possessed - Venom
The Number of the Beast - Iron Maiden
Better By You, Better Than Me - Judas Priest
Burn In Hell - Twisted Sister
Haunting the Chapel - Slayer
Holy Diver - Dio
Shout At the Devil - Mötley Crüe
Black Sabbath - Black Sabbath

BFS Mixtape Vol. 1: Mopey Harrigans; or, Songs That Make Us Cry

Thu, 19 Jul 2018 07:01:00 -0000

If you're old like us, you probably had a best friend make you a mixtape when you were younger. As your simulated best friends, we went ahead and made you a brand new one! Back on episode 28 we discussed songs that made us cry. Now we're sharing some of those with you, the BFS Maniacs!

Tracklist:

1. Adventures in Zoochosis - Propagandhi
2. Without Love - Propagandhi
3. A Picture Postcard - The Promise Ring
4. Atlantic City - Bruce Springsteen
5. Pints of Guiness Make You Strong - Against Me
6. Philomena - Thin Lizzy
7. Screwing Yer Courage - Team Dresch
8. Sum and Substance - Assück
9. Long Desert Train - Jason Molina
10. Plea From a Cat Named Virtute - The Weakerthans

BFS Nuggets Vol. 2 (Episodes 10-14)

Thu, 12 Jul 2018 07:01:00 -0000

As our break continues we've selected some of our favorite nuggets from episodes 10-14! This is when we really seem to hit our stride, so there were a lot of funny bits to choose from in these episodes. Enjoy!
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Nuggets Include:

Ep 10: "Wind Beneath Wing" by Bette Middlers, New York City or: An Evening Salsa in the West

Ep 11: Switching over to a Magnus Archives Fancast, Bob Uecker death check, "Running Down A Dream" video analysis, Denis-Exclusive serial killer

Ep 12: Thankgiving Theodore, Listener mail about Josh's violent statments toward Denis, Jarry the Burnout Pants Designer decides to make proportionally huge clothing

Ep 13: Old guy renditions of popular songs, Murder Daddy, Mustache Daddy, that critically acclaimed episode of Frasier where that fuckin' dog bites off Nigel's butthole

Ep 14: Denis gets thirsty/Josh's Butt Talk, Sussquatch, -Denis and Josh exchange tender goodbyes Missing 411-style

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Do you have a favorite nugget from a past episode you'd like to see included in a future compilation? Let us know at joshanddenis@gmail.com! Also please share the podcast with a friend!

BFS Nuggets Vol. 1 (Ep. 0-9)

Thu, 05 Jul 2018 07:01:00 -0000

We hand-picked some of our favorite bits from the early days (i.e. last year) and compiled them here for you, the BFS maniacs! The sound quality is a little uneven because we didn't know what we were doing back then. Also lots of background noise because we were dumb and didn't close our windows!
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Nuggets Include:

Episode 0: our origin story, it's a shame what happened to John Debella, sexy secrets,
Episode 01: our cool brains
Episode 02: Denis didn't hate his voice and then recants, I HAVE CRY WHAT AM FRIEND, At War With Ants
Episode 03:"you made it nice for daddy"/"fuck you Brett Hull, you cherry picker", and other things we say to ourselves while alone
Episode 05:Southwark Post Office conversation style
Episode 07: Password problems/Barry the Password Manager
Spooktacular:"I thought for a second I was friends with Dracula"
Episode 08:"That's it, I'm throwing you to the goblins" and other stranger secrets, Soft Brain and Nasty Boy
Episode 09: Denis tries to help Josh with his post-Halloween blues, Christmas Ghouls
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Do you have a favorite nugget from a past episode you'd like to see included in a future compilation? Let us know at joshanddenis@gmail.com! Also please share the podcast with a friend!

Episode 42: “Like a True Nature’s Child/ The Fresno Nightcrawlers”

Thu, 28 Jun 2018 03:50:21 -0000

Topics include: Denis has a headache, Josh disses friends and has another infestation, Life Tips, and another edition of Cryptid Country featuring the mysterious Fresno Nightcrawlers!

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Episode 41: "As Long As I Can Feed Skittles To Someone’s Backface"

Thu, 21 Jun 2018 07:01:00 -0000

Topics include: Backface Boys, No new friends, Josh hates weddings (or not), Denis Graduates, Josh has excuses, New friends, and a BFS News Minute about Billy Corgan and the Mothman

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Episode 40: Officer Little Billy

Fri, 15 Jun 2018 06:32:30 -0000

Topics include: Josh has hiccups, FACTS, Best Friend Simulator After Dark, Denis has a plosive problem, home remedies/half an onion ear, FRIEND UPDATES!, NEW SEGMENT: Let's Name Your Improv Group, pessimistic BFS giveaway talk, and discussion of the 1989 "Idenfication, Investigation and Understanding of Ritualistic Criminal Activity" handout from the Chicago Police Department.

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Episode 39: “What if I Showed Him My Wicker Basket/ Satanic Panic pt 4”

Thu, 07 Jun 2018 07:01:00 -0000

Topics include: Denis’ future, makin’ friends, Josh likes a podcast/movie and gets into fights, BFS GIVEAWAY, and part 4 of our discussion on Satanic Panic

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Episode 38: "King For A Day, Off For Four" /Satanic Panic Part 3- The McMartin and Oak Hill Ritual Abuse Trials

Thu, 31 May 2018 07:01:00 -0000

Topics include: Josh's chaos magic is spreading, Denis wonders how serious Josh is about chaos magic, Headaches & Hot Dogs, A King's Schedule, Mails Hole: putting a stake in "Thursdays Are For The Maniacs"/feedback from OB/Bike Ballz/a concerning letter from Pugnillicus from Alaska/Josh apologies about the Pugnillicus letter/a letter from David Draiman(d)?!, Itunes Reviews, Show walkers, and part 3 of our Satanic Panic grab bag featuring The McMartin and Oak Hill Satanic Ritual Abuse Trials

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Episode 37: "Wizard, Warlock, or Whatever"/ Satanic Panic Part 2 - Mike Warnke

Thu, 24 May 2018 07:01:00 -0000

Topics include: Josh has magic updates, Denis has bathroom updates, and part 2 of our discussion on Satanic Panic with a SPECIAL GUEST

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Episode 36: “I Bet He Smells Like A Cool Dad"/Satanic Panic Part 1- Michelle Remembers”

Thu, 17 May 2018 07:01:00 -0000

Topics include: Denis whines about ride sharing, Josh has thoughts about Satan/dads, Denis goes it alone, BFS Ad Practice, and part 1 of our discussion on Satanic Panic

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Episode 35: You Know I'm A Big Ballhead/ The Brooklyn Bridge Abduction Part 3

Thu, 10 May 2018 07:01:00 -0000

Topics include: We’re not prepared, Josh is getting bike friends, and part 3 of Josh’s Paranormal Portal about the Brooklyn Bridge UFO Abduction

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Episode 34: “You’re Gonna F**kin’ Buy This House”/ The Brooklyn Bridge Abduction Part 2

Thu, 03 May 2018 07:01:00 -0000

Topics include: We don’t want to work, Maybe we’ll try real estate, The fans have spoken and want more nu-metal, We need a catchphrase, Denis experiences his own Mandela Effect, and part 2 of Josh’s Paranormal Portal about the Brooklyn Bridge UFO Abduction

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Episode 33: Did the Toddler Smoke Crack or Was It A Coward?/ The Brooklyn Bridge Abduction Part 1

Thu, 26 Apr 2018 07:01:00 -0000

Topics include: Josh is experiencing a Reverse Mandela Effect, Denis has blood pressure to spare, Thursdays are for the bfs, Bachelor Party Madness, Josh did a good job and hates toddlers, and a new Paranormal Portal about the Brooklyn Bridge UFO Abduction

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Episode 32: There's Little Willy Staring Back At You/ Unacknowledged Documentary Review

Thu, 19 Apr 2018 07:01:00 -0000

Topics include: Josh is down with the sickness, Denis works with manimals (part 2), Denis has a boring story, Josh has a better one, back faces, Denis is self-conscious, and another segment of At The Movies about the documentary “Unacknowledged”

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Episode 31: We Have Some Things To Work On/ The Sierra Sounds Bigfoot Recordings

Thu, 12 Apr 2018 07:01:00 -0000

Topics include: Josh and Denis have notes for each other and pull back the curtain, Denis has new friends, and a new segment of Cryptid Country about The Sierra Sounds, alleged recordings of Bigfoot(s) PLUS A BFS EXCLUSIVE RECORDING!

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Episode 30: “Those Piss Pennies Add Up/ Skinwalker Ranch Part 3”.

Thu, 05 Apr 2018 07:00:00 -0000

Topics include: April F-f-f-foolin’, Denis has complaints, We’re getting old yet we’ve come so far, Denis questions people and their decisions, and part 3 of Skinwalker Ranch

Episode 29: "So There’s No Kruk The Barbarian?!?"/ Skinwalker Ranch Part 2

Thu, 29 Mar 2018 07:00:00 -0000

Topics include: Denis has a tummy ache, (Fantasy) Fantasy Baseball, Josh misses a golden opportunity with street meat, BFS News Minute: new “UFO” footage, and part 2 of Skinwalker Ranch

Our apologies for: Josh making fantasy baseball sound boring

Episode 28: Don't Stop Reaching Across the Distance/ Skinwalker Ranch Part 1

Thu, 22 Mar 2018 07:00:00 -0000

Topics include: Josh maybe had a package stolen/judged, let us solve your mysteries, Denis made an oopsie, Josh made a boatload of money on a belt buckle, we maybe went too hard on Ricky, Josh shares his high school notebook/poetry, Josh has a good cry and tries to spin it with an improv scene, and a new installment of Josh's Paranormal Portal about Skinwalker Ranch!

Our apologies for: car noises

Episode 27: Hey Ricky, Is This Fast Enough For You?

Thu, 15 Mar 2018 07:00:00 -0000

Topics include: WE HATE BAD REVIEWS, listener feedback, bad fashion, Denis can’t come up with Neil Hamburger’s name, Josh has eBay issues, Denis is shopping for houses, BFS News Minute: Footprints on Mars, more sabotage!, Denis has soft hair, and RIP Meshach Taylor

Our apologies for: so much anger towards a listener

Episode 26: Any Occasion With Dracula Is A Special Occasion

Thu, 08 Mar 2018 07:00:00 -0000

Topics include: our feelings about Aerosmith, weird Olympics voices, BFS Social Media Fun Fact, trying to get celebrity guests, Josh has been watching Doomsday Preppers and Cat TV, Denis had his improv show and the BFs do some improv scenes!

Our apologies for: nothing. We really knocked it out of the park on this one

Episode 25: “I Would Know More of This Space Monkey Mafia”/ The Alien Grave of Aurora, Texas

Thu, 01 Mar 2018 07:00:00 -0000

Topics include: Monkey talk, Josh’s birthday celebration, Denis’ improv class & lost time, winter comes to Seattle, Incredible Hulk TV show chat and what makes us Hulk-out, and an installment of Josh’s Curious Crypts/Mysterious Mausoleums about “The Alien Grave of Aurora, Texas”

Our apologies for: Josh’s inability to make up fake names

Episode 24: Some Kind of Zombie Turducken Situation

Thu, 22 Feb 2018 07:00:00 -0000

Topics include: Josh’s birthday, more public restroom complaints, Josh is concerned about oversharing, weird smells, a new segment: “What Brings You Joy?”, and the BFS News Minute on former Canadian Minister of National Defense and the Illuminati

Our apologies for: going off the rails.

Episode 22: The Going Rate For Potassium/ The Dover Demon

Thu, 08 Feb 2018 07:01:00 -0000

The Going Rate For Potassium

Topics include: Josh & Denis celebrate sports!, Denis at the deli, why can’t people follow the rules, Decision 2018, Josh finds out how much he’s worth dead, BFS Investigative Journalism, Josh takes us to Cryptid Country to discuss the Dover Demon

Our apologies for: Denis being so angry

Episode 21: Endless 9/11 Commemorative Coins In Your Ballsack

Thu, 01 Feb 2018 07:00:00 -0000

Topics include: Josh gets a podcasting injury, lookin’ at the numbers, R.I.P. Jack Ketchum and more celebrity death talk, Denis sees weird people, Talkin’ about grossness and a sexy secret, Denis has a Super Bowl dilemma, Josh loves donkeys and bears, and Josh gives Denis permission to wear his skin

Our apologies for: mouth noises

Episode 20: Morgellons Syndrome With Special Guest Jamie!

Thu, 25 Jan 2018 07:01:00 -0000

Topics include: What won’t Meatloaf do?, our special guest Jamie gives us a list of things she has had to say to Josh, talkin’ bout neighbors, Philly’s greased poles, and Jamie’s favorite conspiracy/unexplained/internet thing Morgellons Disease

Our apologies for: on-air kissing

Episode 19: Heiniesight is 20/20 / Gang Stalking Part 2

Thu, 18 Jan 2018 07:00:00 -0000

Topics include: Denis once got holes in his feet, the world has gone off the rails, Josh’s boy Jeff Bezos, Denis has stupid thoughts and took a trip to a weird pharmacy, Josh’s Sexy Secret, R.I.P. Fast Eddie Clark and an argument about celebrity deaths, and part 2 of our conversation about gang stalking

Our apologies for: “sex fingers”, all the Viagra talk, and for Denis being kinda jerky and insensitive

Episode 18: 50 Year Old Bigfoot Ninja Josh and Wasteland-Ripped Marauder Gang Court Jester Denis/ Gang Stalking part 1

Thu, 11 Jan 2018 07:00:00 -0000

Topics include: Meet our new cohost, hear about our trip together and some fails, we love ferries, Josh’s dog Spuds, what will we do in the post-apocalypse (and prison), update on Josh’s war on ants, and a new edition of Conspiracy Corner, where we discuss gang stalking and targeted individuals.

Our apologies for: Josh’s audio. (Hey we’re amateurs!!)

Characters: so many Bigfoots

Episode 17: Live in Seattle/ Love & Saucers and David Huggins

Thu, 04 Jan 2018 07:00:00 -0000

Topics include: Our first live episode!!, our plans for our time together, Josh knows millennials maybe too well, our in-depth review of “Love and Saucers”, including a look at the relationship between alien abductions and mental health, as well as Josh’s “awakening”, and a correction to an earlier story

Characters: David Paulides (impression)

Our apologies to: anyone opposed to all the “privates” talk

Episode 16: Those Mummy Flippin' Flintknappers/ Ong's Hat

Thu, 28 Dec 2017 07:00:00 -0000

Topics include: Crimbus gifts, planning our funerals, Scary German Lady, Philly Legends: The Bubble Fairy, Josh is home alone, Alien Alloys, BFS Road Trip, Corrections and Josh’s Chaos Dimension: Ong’s Hat, the Pine Barrens, and Joseph Matheny

Characters: Sammy Squarespace (the CEO of Square Space)

Link to Ong's Hat: The Beginning

Episode 15: BFS Turns 40--Suck It!/ The Pentagon's Declassified UFO Program and Robert Bigelow

Thu, 21 Dec 2017 07:00:00 -0000

Topics include: Too much butt talk, BFS turns 40!, Is Denis gross?, Kendrick Lamar visited by aliens, BFS News Minute: NY Times article confirming government UFO-studying agency, Robert Bigelow, and Happy Holidays!

Our apologies to: Mark Hoppus

Episode 14: What Did Those Guys Do With Their Butts/ National Parks Disappearances & Missing 411 Part 2

Thu, 14 Dec 2017 09:11:08 -0000

Topics include: We’re tired and old (again), Denis needs water, Josh’s Butt Talk: Civil War Edition, more local news references that everyone loves, do the listeners have topics?, another edition of Best Friend Simulator Behind The Scenes, and Part 2 of Missing 411 and disappearances in National Parks. No characters this episode! Apologies for saying pee pee, wee wee, poo poo, and boo boo.

Episode 13: Do Doo Doo Do Be Happy/ Missing 411 and National Parks Disappearances Part 1

Thu, 07 Dec 2017 07:00:00 -0000

Topics include: Denis and Josh have great memories, Michelin has a baby, Old dudes have trouble with songs, please review us where you listen to podcasts!, we get excited about dumb things including car washes and The Murder Accountability Database (murderdata.org), Josh is really into serial killers, Swing music is the devil, Murder Daddy, and a new segment: Josh’s Disturbing Disappearances about disappearances in National Parks and Forests and Missing 411 (part 1)

Characters in this episode include: Mustache Daddy (the new name of serial killer Murder Daddy), Frasier, Jjosh,

Our apologies for saying “butthole” and “balls” a bunch

Episode 12: "If I Turn Around and This Lion Man Kills Me..."

Thu, 30 Nov 2017 07:01:00 -0000

Topics include: Josh is still full and a Thanksgiving review, Denis’ favorite shop dude, Update on Josh’s childhood Boogie Man, We get “letters”, a conversation about nerds/nerd culture, Hoodie Talk and clothes for the “larger man”

Characters on this episode include: Thanksgiving Theodore, Denis’ mom, Jarry, Jamexis, and Salandricus

Apologies to: People who don’t like hearing Denis say “like” 3 million times and individuals suffering from papyrophobia

Episode 11: Ex-Best Friend Simulator Vs.Best Friend Murderer/ Stardust Ranch

Wed, 22 Nov 2017 07:01:00 -0000

Topics include: Josh is obsessed with The Magnus Archives, Bob Uecker is alive and well, UPDATE: we are NOT neosexuals, Denis complains about forms of transportation, BFS Behind The Scenes, Josh is obsessed with Tom Petty's "Runnin' Down A Dream" video, Josh thinks he was almost a serial killer, Josh is obsessed with murdering Denis (aka Exhibit A), Best Friend Stimulator, Josh's Paranormal Portal Volume 6 - Stardust Ranch

Our apologies to: anyone upset by Josh's singing (again), anyone upset by the thought of Denis being murdered, anyone upset by Denis' constant complaining. Also, apologies for the phrase "big old sausage".

Episode 10: You Are Wind Beneath Wing

Thu, 16 Nov 2017 07:01:00 -0000

Topics include: Denis is sleepy, Cormac McCarthy’s salsa commercial, Denis’ day in NYC, celebrating our raunchy neosexuality, killing dads, boring dreams, Mails Hole, corrections about ghouls & ghosts, 10th episode!, two grandpas complain about kids and their music, young us vs old us, Josh's hot take on making shows better

Our apologies to: people that don’t like Josh’s singing or Denis's boring stories

Episode 09: The Ghoul Has Done All His Scares/ John Titor, Time Traveler

Thu, 09 Nov 2017 06:27:33 -0000

Topics include: Denis thinks people think he is an asshole, Josh has the post-Halloween blues, we're both idiots for remembering commercials and little else, Denis is home alone, Denis likes lite dad rock, sexy sax, Josh asks weird questions, Christmas Ghouls and holiday traditions, the return of Dracula, special holiday surprises, CPCGs, the first volume of MAILS HOLE, and Josh presents another volume of paranormal talk in which he changes the title yet again (this one's about the alleged time traveler from the year 2036, John Titor)! Our apologies to: anyone scared by Christmas Ghouls and Dracula.

Episode 08: Soft Brain & Nasty Boy, or: Our Foot is Always Gonna Be Weird/ Mel's Hole Part 2

Thu, 02 Nov 2017 04:11:07 -0000

Topics include: Josh and Denis get hostile about loudness, Josh wonders if he is a nasty boy, "dickhands" and other new curse words, oblivious people are driving the boys crazy, new segment: Sexy Secrets, occupying spaces, people who look like they've got a secret, "That's it, I'm throwing you to the goblins", review of the book Meth: It's a Big Deal by Johnny Crackenheimer MD, trouble speaking english when it's your only language, issues that arise when you wait a month to record a new episode, The Best Friend Simulator Destiny 2 Clan, Denis claims and then immediately denies he is a fancy boy, a bunch of behind the scenes podcast stuff that could've been discussed off the air but was marginally funny enough to include, Josh loves the idea of a young person in old age makeup again, MDMMA joke, why the "how can you tell someone is vegan?" joke sucks, a return to Mel's Hole, and a teaser of the new segment, Mail Hole. Our apologies to: anybody who expected a much less salty podcast, anybody bothered by the fact that Denis decided to not use his pop filter on this one.

Best Friend Simulator HALLOWEEN SPOOKTACULAR 2017!

Tue, 31 Oct 2017 04:23:50 -0000

IT'S THE MOST WONDERFUL TIME OF THE YEAR!!! Welcome to our Halloween special, BFS Maniacs! We were fortunate enough to chat with our friends Adriane, Kettner, Jenn, Jim, and Ryann about their own real-life spooky experiences, and Josh shared one of his own! Topics include: Draculas, Little Halloween Baby Jesus, Little Man With Dad Face, Adriane's sleep paralysis, waterbeds, snake rooms, Kettner's JC Penny Portal to Snail Hell, Jenn's teenage witches and milk ghosts, Jim's stubbly shadow person, and Ryann's...well, just listen to hear about that one. Special thanks to Allen for the BFS theme spooky remix. Happy Halloween, everybody!

Episode 07: Roll Another Tnioj for Barry the Password Manager/ Mel's Hole

Thu, 26 Oct 2017 07:01:00 -0000

Topics include: Josh calls Denis out about cod, Denis gets on his soapbox, a follow-up to our Robocop conversations, Denis is recording from the Rick Ghastly Studios, too much dragon talk, Josh struggles with passwords, Josh announces the Ant War is over, we decide nothing is real if it doesn’t get discussed on the podcast, a thanks to all the listeners, 10 minutes on Tom Petty’s Instagram, and another edition of Josh’s Paranormal Portal (that he decided to change the name of 7 episodes in) about Mel’s Hole. Our apologies to: anyone who cringed when Josh said “Mel’s A**hole” 30 minutes after we argued that we weren’t lowest common denominator comedy.

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Episode 06: "You Can Do Some Mouth Stuff With Him"

Thu, 19 Oct 2017 07:01:00 -0000

Topics include: Josh lives in the Matrix and wants to believe, Robocop, "Big" is a weird movie and Josh drops the term "chi-mo", Denis has a pimple, Robocop, Denis and Josh are getting old, Denis has a stomach attack, Robocop, Denis writes a will, complicated feelings about high school bullies, mental health vs physical health line graphs, Robocop, Warren Buffet emails, our cool fans, Robocop, The Talking Best Friend Simulator, Video podcast ideas, Robocop, Coast to Coast AM, Robocop gets sexy, and RIP Tobe Hooper. Our apologies to: any listeners who were hoping for complete thoughts or sanity, anyone offended by an alien saying "take it" while making love to Robocop.

Episode 05: Denis and Josh Pander to the BFS Maniacs, Reptilians vs. Reptoids, David Icke and The Dulce Wars

Thu, 12 Oct 2017 07:01:00 -0000

Topics include: Denis hopes Nigerian email scams are real, Josh wants to karate kick alt-right listeners into the refrigerator, Josh pays for a song of silence, Denis defends Ed Sheeran, first world problems, a new segment: “What Did I Mean?”, the band breaks up and gets back together, and Volume 3 of Josh’s Spooky Stories where we talk about the very important difference between Reptilians and Reptoids, David Icke, and the Dulce Wars. Our apologies to: all you BFS MANIACS that we pandered to for money.

Episode 04: The Music Episode with Special Guest, Allen!

Thu, 05 Oct 2017 07:01:00 -0000

Josh and Denis are joined by Allen from Werewolf Ambulance and Marveling at Marvel’s Marvels for The Music Episode! Topics include: the first cassette tapes we’ve purchased, getting into The Cure, grunge, and metal, bands we have played in, and what we are listening to now. Then Josh forces Denis to name his favorite band (too hard!). Our apologies to: haters of background noise and people not interested in our amateur musical careers.

Episode 03: Brett Hull, You Cherry Picker/Yaphet Kotto and Other Celebrity Alien Contactees

Thu, 28 Sep 2017 07:01:00 -0000

Topics include: Denis has a witch’s nose, more talk about the weather (oh boy!), Denis is hammy and blames Josh, Josh says “pork” as a verb, and things we say to ourselves when we’re alone. Also, Volume 2 of Josh’s Spooky Stories where we talk about aliens and Yaphet Kotto. Our apologies to: Brett Hull and people grossed out by the use of “pork” as a verb.

Episode 02: 17 Million Goddamn Ben Franklins

Sat, 23 Sep 2017 03:10:31 -0000

Topics include: Josh talks about Eddie Vedder again, Denis fishes for compliments and has trouble with words, Josh is at war with ants and “knows a guy” who can help him, more mascots and Denis’ true feelings about Benjamin Franklin. Also, Josh has a rash! And, a “hot” take on the weather! Josh also has some serious things to say about suicide and depression. Our apologies to: Benjamin Franklin.

Episode 01: Still Getting the Hang of This/Star Jelly, Freezers Full of Deer Cum

Sat, 23 Sep 2017 03:05:41 -0000

Our first episode! Topics include: Josh’s friendship with Eddie Vedder and repairs at the Space Needle, Denis takes his nephew to college, and sports mascots. Listen to: our voices doubled and tripled (it gets fixed in later eps, I swear), so much background noise (ditto), Josh’s Spooky Stuff where we learn about Star Jelly, and the worst podcast closing ever! Our apologies to: your ears.

Episode 0: Josh and Denis Test the Microphones

Sat, 23 Sep 2017 03:02:15 -0000

Our intro episode! Topics include how we met each other and what to expect from the podcast. Listen as we: talk all over each other, make poorly executed jokes about privilege, make obscure references that will surely turn new listeners off, and do terrible impressions! And oh so many planes flying overhead! Our apologies to: Howard Stern, John Debella, Jim Carrey, whoever owns Libsyn, Puff Daddy, and Joe Mantegna. (Please stick with us, it gets better!)