Darkseid's Couch

Ep.274 – Hawkman No. 7 (1965)

Mon, 18 Nov 2024 11:15:26 -0000

This time on the Couch: Mike, James, and Shée line their cage with Hawkman no. 7! In the first adventure, the sunlight-powered villain I.Q. is on the loose and only Hawkman and Hawkgirl care enough to try to stop him! Can the Hawks put an end to the man whose whole thing is that he's kinda smart under certain conditions? Let's just say there's a reason he's not a Batman villain. Then, the Hawks travel to Egypt to confront buff dudes in animal masks decades before 'Eyes Wide Shut' made that kind of thing cool.

Ep.273 – Your Vote is Vital! (1952)

Mon, 04 Nov 2024 12:00:11 -0000

This time on the Couch: Mike, James, and Shée stuff the ballot box with Your Vote is Vital! It's election day and Uncle Sam is so full of patriotism that he's gonna be hanging out at the polls all day instead of spending time with the loved ones that he definitely has! Come along as he attempts to educate a string of low-information dunces who can't be trusted to dress themselves, much less choose the leader of the free world!

Ep.272 – Giant-Size Man-Thing No. 1 (1974)

Mon, 21 Oct 2024 10:00:37 -0000

This time on the Couch: Mike, James, and Shée let the jokes write themselves when they read Giant-Size Man-Thing no. 1! He's got a silly name, a sillier nose, and the silliest book title of all, it's Man-Thing! And he's taking on the greatest threat of all: Philosophy students! Then, it's a bevy of batty back-up stories involving ice monsters, invisible men, and insecure alien invaders! Celebrate Halloween with a sugar rush of comic book nonsense!

Ep.271 – Animal Man No. 71 (1994)

Mon, 07 Oct 2024 10:30:56 -0000

This time on the Couch: Mike, James, and Shée lay down some papers for Animal Man no. 71! Enraged at the world that done him wrong, the man with the animal powers has decided to get literal with it and transform himself into an horrific chimera creature! But even worse: He's gotten super preachy about his views on the environment! Can Animal Man be reasoned with before he starts trying to sell us on his vegan deodorant business?!

Ep.270 – Man-Bat No. 2 (1976)

Mon, 23 Sep 2024 10:30:56 -0000

This time on the Couch: Mike, James, and Shée spend some time with the member of Batman's rouge's gallery who's spent the least amount of time coming up with his gimmick, Man-Bat! It's the second and final issue of Man-Bat's swingin' 70s solo series, and the scientist-turned-chiropteran (it means 'bat') is going out with a bang! Having moved to Chicago to escape the rampant Batman-related face-punchery of Gotham City, Man-Bat instead finds himself in the crosshairs of the nefarious Ten-Eyed Man! It's the battle of the D-tier Batman villains and the stakes couldn't be lower! Crank up that new Rough Muffin album and get ready to root for no one!

Ep.269 – Zip Comics No. 17 (1941)

Mon, 09 Sep 2024 10:00:56 -0000

This time on the Couch: Mike, James, and Shée zip on back to 1941 to check out Zip Comics no. 17! It's eight big, bountiful tales of pugilism and WWII-era patriotism as a load of beefy dudes punch each other out in the name of freedom! But if that's not your bag, don't worry: There's also explorations into circus crime, cow physics, and an incident with a couple of young boys and a very hungry witch that will get us demonetized if we don't stop describing it right this minute. So just press play before we get in as much hot water as those two unlucky boys found themselves in that one unfortunate day!

Ep.268 – Darkhawk No. 1 (1991)

Mon, 26 Aug 2024 10:26:00 -0000

This time on the Couch: Mike, James, and Shée swoop down and gracefully land on Darkhawk no. 1! Young Christopher Powell is a typical angsty 90s kid with a couple of dopey brothers and a set of parents who can't seem to figure out how to take an easy bribe. But when his family's overall schmuckiness lands him in a creepy abandoned carnival, he'll discover a mystical lava lamp that gives him the power to transform into the mighty avenger known as Darkhawk! Yes, he's still entirely forgettable, but when it comes to most of the flavorless gruel Marvel churned out in the early 90s, maybe you're actually hoping not to be remembered.

Ep.267 – Rip Hunter... Time Master No. 12 (1963)

Mon, 12 Aug 2024 11:00:00 -0000

This time on the Couch: Mike, James, and Shée RIP off the Band-Aid and go HUNTING for something good to say about Rip Hunter... Time Master no. 12! Time-traveler/suburban loungewear model Rip Hunter has been called upon to get rid of a dangerous meteor that's been hanging out at Stonehenge for centuries, becoming an object of worship for the easily-impressed buffoons of the past! Rip will gather the most whitebread people you've ever seen in your life and start ping-ponging through the ages, disrespecting the ancient gods, the timestream, and history as a whole until a solution just kinda... makes itself known. Just goes to show you how far you can go with a clean shirt and a well-maintained coif of blonde hair.

Ep.266 – Magnus, Robot Fighter No. 9 (1992)

Mon, 29 Jul 2024 11:00:00 -0000

This time on the Couch: Mike, James, and Shée fry their circuits over Magnus, Robot Fighter no. 9! In the year 4001 AD, there are only two things that sci-fi adventurer Magnus hates: Robots, and the idea that any robot has gone unfighted. But when conflict brews between the residents of upscale North Am and the rebellious freewill bots of Synchron, can Magnus prevent an all-out war? Well, that all depends: Does fighting robots prevent all-out war? Then yes. Magnus is your guy.

Ep.265 – Showcase '93 No. 6 (1993)

Mon, 15 Jul 2024 11:00:00 -0000

This time on the Couch: Mike, James, and Shée dig deep into the DC vault with three tales from Showcase '93 no. 6! First, Robin steps out from Batman's shadow to take down a terrifying mob boss using nothing but his wits and a couple of Constitutional violations. Then, the joykilling Blue Devil won't let an innocent demon enjoy his simple meal of every single living creature he can get his claws on. Finally, Peacemaker heads to Poland to reclaims his family's land, but it's been taken over by capitalist reptiles! This is why you just rent forever, people!

Ep.264 – Knighthawk No. 1 (1995)

Mon, 01 Jul 2024 11:00:00 -0000

This time on the Couch: Mike, James, and Shée put on a fresh pair of JNCOs and check out Knighthawk no. 1! It's the radical '90s, and Neal Adams' latest creation Knighthawk is destined to be the edgiest superbro on the comics rack! Sure, Spawn's cool, but did he ever decimate an orphanage with his cyberclaws just to make a point about equality? Huh, did he? We're seriously asking, we never read the comics; It would've destroyed their resale value, and it's juuust about time to cash all those puppies in to buy our megamansions. Looks like hinging your entire future on a speculative bubble was the most extreme adventure of all!

Check out the full story behind Knighthawk's birth at Pipeline Comics: https://www.pipelinecomics.com/neal-adams-spawn-valeria-she-bat-knighthawk/

Ep.263 – Journey into Mystery No. 89 (1962)

Mon, 17 Jun 2024 11:00:00 -0000

This time on the Couch: Mike, James, and Shée are deemed worthy to lift Journey into Mystery no. 89! Thor, a literal god who controls thunder, must do battle with a crooked businessman who sold poor building materials to the city! Can the thunder god defeat this most wily of villains? Yes. Very, very easily. It honestly wasn't even an adventure worth writing down in the first place. Must've been a slow week in the Marvel universe. I bet a lot of people made it to work on time that Monday.

Ep.262 – Captain America No. 133 (1971)

Mon, 03 Jun 2024 10:00:08 -0000

This time on the Couch: Mike, James, and Shée are taking it to the streets with Captain America no. 133! Living soda can M.O.D.O.K. is back for revenge on Cap, and this time he's got a new, stupid plan that can't fail! Enter the Bulldozer, who never actually bulldozes anything, but rather sows seeds of dissent among the slums of New York! Luckily, the good Cap is willing to cut short his bro sesh with new BFF Sam Wilson, aka the Falcon, to deal with the situation. Will his usual strategy of throwing his shield at the enemy and then calling Tony Stark when that doesn't work solve the problem? Well, the slums are still standing, aren't they? You're welcome, America!

Ep.261 – Kickers, Inc. No. 4 (1986)

Mon, 20 May 2024 11:00:08 -0000

This time on the Couch: Mike, James, and Shée viciously tackle Kickers, Inc. no. 4! Jack "Mr. Magnificent" Magniconte and his team of NFL pros with way too much time on their hands take a break from whatever it is that got them a comic book and actually decide to play some football for once! Unfortunately, their opponents are a pack of spine-snapping maniacs known as the Wreckers! Can Magniconte hack it against them on the field, while also dodging the mounting accusations of steroid use? If not, he could just join the Wreckers, where his brand of careless, raging freakouts will actually win you the game ball.

Ep.260 – Batman No. 184 (1966)

Mon, 06 May 2024 11:00:08 -0000

This time on the Couch: Mike, James, and Shée meant to text you back, but they got distracted by Batman no. 184! What strange event could possibly cause Batman and Robin to ignore every attempt Gotham City has made to contact them for nearly two weeks straight? It might have something to do with Gotham asking them "What even are we anyway?" the last time they hung out! And then, in a backup solo adventure, Robin suspects criminal activity and won't be convinced otherwise, no matter how much evidence is presented to him! That kind stubborn tenacity is why he's the George W. Bush of crimefighting!

Ep.259 – Weird Tales of the Future No. 2 (1952)

Mon, 22 Apr 2024 11:00:08 -0000

This time on the Couch: Mike, James, and Shée get weird with it when they read Weird Tales of the Future no. 2! Do you often lie awake at night, worrying about what the future holds? Well fear no longer, because this glimpse of times to come should put all your concerns to rest! The world of the future will be a utopia: There'll be hunky dudes in crop top jean vests fighting aliens, hunky dudes in skintight spacesuits fighting aliens, even hunky dudes in short shorts fighting aliens! So relax! Humanity's future may still have resource scarcity, ecological ruin, and rampant corruption, but it'll look foxier than ever!

Ep.258 – Metamorpho No. 4 (1966)

Mon, 08 Apr 2024 11:00:08 -0000

This time on the Couch: Mike, James, and Shée fight over the last churro while reading Metamorpho no. 4! When Metamorpho, the fugly superhero who can transmute his body into any element he wishes, has to compete with a chadly billionaire for the affections of his perfect dime of a girlfriend, their competitiveness will lead them into the middle of a Mexican anti-authoritarian rebellion! If Metamorpho's smart he'll just turn himself into THC and chill everyone out already.

Ep.257 – Godzilla Vs. Barkley (1993)

Mon, 25 Mar 2024 11:00:08 -0000

This time on the Couch: Mike, James, and Shée dunk on Godzilla Vs. Barkley! It's the radical 90s, and even the King of the Monsters has hoop dreams! But standing in Godzilla's way is NBA superstar Charles Barkley, and he's brought his massive ego! Who's gonna win that sweet Nike endorsement? Well, it won't be Godzilla. That guy won't even wear clothes.

Ep.256 – The Badger No. 37 (1988)

Mon, 11 Mar 2024 11:00:08 -0000

This time on the Couch: Call your stockbroker, because Mike, James, and Shée are bullish on The Badger issue 37! It used to be the mall was the only place a fella could go to get away from rampaging buffalo attacks. But when the Badger, the superhero with multiple unhinged personalities, brings his bison buddy in for a spa day, can even the well-trained army that is mall security contain the chaos? I mean, maybe: How many Paul Blarts have you got?

Ep.255 – The Question No. 26 (1989)

Mon, 26 Feb 2024 12:00:08 -0000

This time on the Couch: Mike, James, and Shée get bit by the love bug after reading the Question no. 26! Schlubby supervillain the Riddler has been released from prison on account of harshing their whole "bad boy" vibe with his endless dorkiness. But when he meets a busted stripper with a thing for receding hairlines, can the Riddler resist her murderous allures and go straight? Only the Question can answer that one, since he's stuck on the same Greyhound as those two lovebirds! And he is NOT happy about what they got up to in the bathroom!

Ep.254 – I Dream of Jeannie No. 1 (1966)

Mon, 12 Feb 2024 12:00:08 -0000

This time on the Couch: Mike, James, and Shée wish for I Dream of Jeannie no. 1! It's a delightful romp through workplace unprofessionalism and the careless wielding of power when Tony the Astronaut and his infinitely-thirsty genie sabotage rocket launches and set off international incidents without consequence! Eh, who cares about all that; Just keep that belly button covered, you heathens!

Ep.253 – Strange Sports Stories No. 5 (1975)

Mon, 29 Jan 2024 12:00:08 -0000

This time on the Couch: Mike, James, and Shée lace up for Strange Sports Stories no. 5! It's a pair of twisted tales of sports gone awry, and not due to steroids or CTE! First, a hockey player is forced into the game of his life against a demonic goalie! But here's the cruel twist: Even if he wins, he's still in Canada! Then, a sheriff must abandon his skiing plans to catch some space varmints what made off with some of that there space jewelry! Okay, maybe there's a little CTE involved...

Ep.252 – Nexus No. 1 (1981)

Mon, 15 Jan 2024 12:00:08 -0000

This time on the Couch: Mike, James, and Shée swear a loyalty oath to Nexus no. 1! Space vigilante Nexus spends his nights dreaming about atrocities and his days figuring out who he needs to laser-blast in the face to alleviate said dreams! It's a pointless, agonizing existence, but at least he's got perfect obliques and a crew of alien weirdos that worship him and/or those glorious side abs. But when Nexus is asked to take on a job as a hitman in exchange for ending his dreams, will our hero cross over to the dark side... and become someone's employee?! Don't give up the freedom of self-employment, my good man!

Ep.251 – World's Finest No. 201 (1971)

Mon, 01 Jan 2024 12:00:08 -0000

This time on the Couch: Mike, James, and Shée spank 2023 out the door with World's Finest no. 201! Superman and Green Lantern are at odds because they have very different ways of dealing with problems: Superman prefers to do things moronically, whereas GL likes to behave like an idiot. When the Guardians of Oa decide they've had enough of this nonsense, they challenge the two heroes (?) to a game in space to determine who gets to take care of our sexy planet! But to win, Superman will have to overcome his greatest fear: Getting spanked by his dad's giant ghost!

Ep.250 – Batman No. 27 (1945)

Mon, 18 Dec 2023 12:00:08 -0000

This time on the Couch: Mike, James, and Shée deck the halls with Batman no. 27! In this 250th episode spectacular, Batman helps a teenage millionaire discover the joy of the season through child abduction and unrestrained physical violence! Plus, Alfred the butler scoffs at the poors, the Penguin breaks into the literature game, and Robin uses his tiny hands to make an older man's volcano erupt! Tis the season... for pleasin'!

Ep.249 – Kickers, Inc. No. 6 (1986)

Mon, 04 Dec 2023 12:00:08 -0000

This time on the Couch: Mike, James, and Shée take to the skies for Kickers, Inc. no. 6! Superhuman NFL pro/toppler of Central American governments/robot hater/all-around manchild Jack "Mr. Magnificent" Magniconte is late for the big game! Hopefully this plane he's hopping on doesn't get hijacked by a psychologically-broken flight attendant... HEY GUESS WHAT HAPPENS! It's terror at 35,000 feet when the fate of a planeload of people rests in the hands of a middle-aged man who still thinks neckerchiefs are a good idea!

Ep.248 – Suicide Squad No. 22 (1988)

Mon, 20 Nov 2023 12:00:08 -0000

This time on the Couch: Mike, James, and Shée pledge allegiance to Suicide Squad no. 22! Likeable bootlicker Rick Flagg has run off to Washington to assassinate a senator who's trying to extort his beloved Suicide Squad, throwing off Squad maestro Amanda Waller's masterplan! The only sensible thing to do, of course, is to send a bunch of psychopaths after Flagg and hope they don't somehow make it worse like they always do every single time! Unless their goal is to assassinate common sense, this is probably gonna go sideways pretty quick.

Ep.247 – Zip Comics No. 11 (1940)

Mon, 06 Nov 2023 12:00:08 -0000

This time on the Couch: Mike, James, and Shée unzip their lips to talk about Zip Comics no. 11! It's a bountiful fall harvest of supertypes in these eight Golden Age adventures! There's Steel Sterling, the man with the steel skin, battling a guy who's a little too into snakes (aka your burnout roommate)! There's Lil' Dicky, an unsupervised child exploring strange lands and just kinda stealing things he finds, because he has no parental guidance in his life! Plus, some cowboys, a magician, regional wrestling squads, and a bunch of other stuff you had posters of in your childhood bedroom!

Ep.246 – The Haunt of Fear No. 26 (1954)

Mon, 23 Oct 2023 11:00:08 -0000

This time on the Couch: Mike, James, and Shée plan to go to a Halloween party, but bail on it at the last minute and read The Haunt of Fear no. 26 instead! It's an eerie anthology of tales designed to chill the bones, raise the hair, and dissuade the marriage! Yeah, turns out a lot of creeps in the 50s were getting hitched for money and then murdering their spouses, or at least that's what the Old Witch would have us believe. Say what you will about that one-eyed crone, but she knows a thing or two about love. But before any of that, Darkseid's Couch was at the 2023 Chicago Marathon and it's time to debrief on all of the gross, triumphant, gross, humbling, disgusting, and most of all gross highlights!

Ep.245 – The Amazing Spider-Man No. 139 (1964)

Mon, 09 Oct 2023 11:00:08 -0000

This time on the Couch: Mike, James, and Shée get their paws on the Amazing Spider-Man no. 139! It's been almost a month since Peter Parker got his girlfriend Gwen Stacy killed, so naturally he's pretty much over it now, which means it's time to cut lose and fight some new goofy villains! Enter the Grizzly! He's big, he's dumb, he's dressed like a furry, and he's wrecking up the offices of the Daily Bugle! Why? Because throwing your weight around is cool as hell, duh.

For real real, it's your last LAST chance to donate to James' Chicago Marathon fundraiser! All donations go to OAR, the Organization for Autism Research. You might even get some Darkseid's Couch-approved junk in the mail as a result! Oooooh, junk!

https://support.researchautism.org/Chicago2023/rjopiekun

Ep.244 – Zatanna No. 1 (1993)

Mon, 25 Sep 2023 11:00:08 -0000

This time on the Couch: Mike, James, and Shée try to pull a rabbit out of a hat, but end up with Zatanna no. 1 instead! Backwards talking magician and fishnet enthusiast Zatanna has given up the superhero life in favor of becoming a high-powered California talent agent! But now she's seeing demons and monsters everywhere, and her simpering, redheaded boyfriend ain't making the scenery any less creepy! Can Zatanna get to the bottom of the her disturbing visions, or at least start hooking up with some higher-value dudes?

It's your last chance to donate to James' Chicago Marathon fundraiser! All donations go to the Organization for Autism Research. Maybe you'll get something for your trouble, maybe you won't, but do you really wanna take that risk? https://support.researchautism.org/Chicago2023/rjopiekun

Ep.243 – The Brave & the Bold Vol. 2, No 4 (1992)

Mon, 11 Sep 2023 11:00:24 -0000

This time on the Couch: Mike, James, and Shée are in hot pursuit of the Brave & the Bold no. 4! Green Arrow, the Question, and whoever the Butcher is are all on the case when a Native American man is blamed for the death of an innocent land developer! Hey, if they didn't wanna sell their land why'd they keep the resale value up for so long?

We've exceeded our fundraising goal for James' marathon! You'd think that'd be enough for us, but instead we're gonna be greedy and demand even more! All donations go to the Organization for Autism Research: https://support.researchautism.org/Chicago2023/rjopiekun

Ep.242 – Adventure Comics No. 271 (1960)

Mon, 28 Aug 2023 11:00:00 -0000

This time on the Couch: Mike, James, and Shée This time on the Couch: Mike, James, and Shée open a big wooden door to adventure with Adventure Comics no. 271! Learn how the budding friendship between Superboy and Lex Luthor came to an early end (As with all male friendships, it involves hair-related jealousy). Then, Congo Bill shoves his brain into a gorilla's body, because that should be fun. Finally, Aquaman and Aqualad confront their religious prejudices when they meet the biblical Noah and call him a schmuck.

Time's running out to donate to James' marathon fundraiser! All proceeds go to the Organization for Autism Research: https://support.researchautism.org/Chicago2023/rjopiekun

Ep.241 – The New Guardians No. 2 (1988)

Mon, 14 Aug 2023 12:00:00 -0000

This time on the Couch: Mike, James, and Shée sniff out a winner with the New Guardians no. 2! The newly-minted superteam are on a mission to usher in the next generation of humanity, but that's going to have to go on the backburner for a minute because Uncle Sam needs them to be CIA assassins instead! You see, cocaine-powered supervillain Snowflame is running a drug empire out of Columbia, and he's not giving America, like, any of that money! Not even a little! Can the Guardians put aside their blinding incompetence long enough to do this one single thing? Or, if they can't, can they at least get Snowflame to stop talking about Rush so much?

Time's running out to donate to James' marathon fundraiser! All proceeds go to the Organization for Autism Research: https://support.researchautism.org/Chicago2023/rjopiekun

Ep.240 – Batman No. 208 (1968)

Mon, 31 Jul 2023 12:00:00 -0000

This time on the Couch: Mike, James, and Shée tally up Bruce Wayne's body count with Batman no. 208! Who is the most important woman in Batman's life? Is it Poison Ivy? Catwoman? A random old woman we've never heard of before who will play almost no part in the Bat mythos going forward? Here's a hint: It's the stupidest option. Along the way, revisit Catwoman's petty revenge, Vicki Vale's bizarre antagonism, and Batgirl's sordid history with... Killer Moth. So Batman gets the Joker and Batgirl gets a dude in a bug helmet. And they say the patriarchy isn't real!

Ep.239 – The New Warriors No. 6 (1990)

Mon, 17 Jul 2023 12:00:00 -0000

This time on the Couch: Mike, James, and Shée rip a rad frontside 180 to nosegrind right off their copy of New Warriors no. 6! Teenage idiots the New Warriors have a lot on their plates. They've stumbled onto a plot to blow up the Inhumans' city on the moon, they've gotta deal with NASA-hating madman Star Thief, and they've got to figure out how to properly apply Accutane while wearing constricting superhero masks! Those things are bacteria factories, kids! Fortunately, Black Bolt and his inbred Inhumans are here to pretty much save themselves, so thanks for not much, Night Thrasher & Co.!

Ep.238 – Billy Ray Cyrus Marvel Music Special (1995)

Mon, 03 Jul 2023 12:00:00 -0000

This time on the Couch: Mike, James, and Shée saddle up for the Billy Ray Cyrus Marvel Music Special! In the 90s, Marvel Comics went looking to the music world for their next hot properties, and country music megastar Billy Ray Cyrus threw his mullet into the ring for a couple of pageturning adventures! In the first, Billy Ray employs ghosts and cultural appropriation in a plot to keep a couple of teen lovers from achy breaking up during a camping trip! Then, he brings a DIFFERENT pair of teenage lovers on a time-travelling jaunt to 13th century England! Wow. This guy, uh... he really likes using his fame to convince young people to hang out with him in remote locations, huh? It's probably nothing to worry about.

Ep.237 – Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles Meet Archie (1991)

Mon, 19 Jun 2023 12:00:00 -0000

This time on the Couch: Mike, James, and Shée cross over with cheap corporate synergy when they read Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles Meet Archie! It's interdimensional terror when the turtles get stranded in the scariest universe of all: One where being a ginger makes you popular! Local redhead Archie Andrews has two smokeshow girlfriends and not a care in the world, as long as one of them doesn't get abducted by some shifty extortionists or something. Aw no, that's exactly what just happened! Maybe these space turtles have the exact skillset to get her back! Or maybe they sleep in the sewers atop literal piles of human filth, so just call the cops instead of risking sepsis.

Link to donate to James' marathon fundraiser to benefit autism research: https://support.researchautism.org/Chicago2023/jameso

Ep.236 – Visionaries No. 1 (1987)

Mon, 05 Jun 2023 12:00:00 -0000

This time on the Couch: The batteries in Mike, James, and Shée's iPads die, so they resort to reading 1987's Visionaries no. 1 instead! In the future, on a planet that's totally not Earth, a horrible apocalypse has ended the age of science/nerds and ushered in the return of the age of magic/uberchads! Bored magician Merklynn promises a bunch of self-proclaimed knights awesome powers and HUGE gains if they complete a series of vague challenges! That awesome power? Creatine! Oh, wait, sorry: That should've read "awesome powder."

Ep.235 – Captain America No. 222 (1978)

Mon, 22 May 2023 12:00:00 -0000

This time on the Couch: Mike, James, and Shée trash the place in solidarity with Captain America no. 222! Steve Rogers has a lot of problems at the moment. He's not sure of his own background, his buddy Falcon isn't clocking in at work, and now a Volkswagen's attacking him! In his own apartment, no less! If he can manage to best its fine German craftsmanship (a big 'if'!), his next stop will be Washington, D.C., to learn the truth about his mysterious past. That is, assuming the Lincoln Memorial doesn't come to life and challenge him to a battle to the death! But what are the odds of that happening? Wait, it's on the cover?! Oh, tough luck, Cap: That dude's got biceps made of literal marble!

Ep.234 – William Shatner's TekWorld No. 17 (1994)

Mon, 08 May 2023 12:00:00 -0000

This time on the Couch: Mike, James, and Shée blast off for a return trip to William Shatner's TekWorld with issue no. 17! The last time the Couch checked in on the good Captain's ambitious vanity project, it was a hodge podge of generic sci-fi tropes and poorly-developed characters, but that was probably just first issue jitters! Sixteen issues later, okay, sure, it's still got the two-dimensional characters, but now they're sexy two-dimensional characters! Some of them are even robots! You like robots, right? Sure you do, everyone likes robots! Just... just go along with it, okay? We thought we were reading Demolition Man.

Ep.233 – Funnyman No. 1 (1948)

Mon, 24 Apr 2023 12:00:00 -0000

This time on the Couch: Mike, James, and Shée throw a pie at Funnyman no. 1! A decade after Superman, creators Siegel and Shuster went double or nothing with their new hero, Funnyman! Armed with a rubber nose, zero training, and the ability to never take anything seriously ever, Funnyman pratfell his way onto the comics rack for six glorious issues of baggy-panted hilarity! Scourge of the underworld, the only ones who didn't love Funnyman were criminals! And comic book readers, it seems. Actually, the cops don't seem to like him much, either. And his girlfriend is getting pretty tired of it as well. You know, it's actually pretty impressive how he keeps such a good attitude!

Link to James' marathon fundraiser: https://support.researchautism.org/Chicago2023/jameso

Ep.232 – Punisher War Journal No. 19 (1990)

Mon, 10 Apr 2023 12:00:00 -0000

This time on the Couch: Mike, James, and Shée do something no comic book fan's ever done; Go to the beach! In Punisher War Journal issue 19, Frank Castle has murdered his way out to Hawaii in relentless pursuit of still more people he'd like to kill! But can he get over his crippling and never-before-referenced fear of water, so that he'll have easier access to potential victims that too stubborn to be slaughtered in landlocked areas? And whose credit card did he put down to rent that jet ski?

Ep.231 – Captain Victory and the Galactic Rangers No. 12 (1983)

Mon, 27 Mar 2023 12:00:00 -0000

This time on the Couch: Mike, James, and Shée shake forearms with Captain Victory and the Galactic Rangers no. 12! In the 1980s, Jack Kirby snuck one past the copyright gestapo with Captain Victory, a stealth continuation of his legendary Fourth World comics in the guise a new IP. Free and clear from any legal action, Kirby and the good captain traverse the stars, making friends with computers and ruminating on the meaning of valor! It's a nostalgic trip back to the days when the phrase "toxic masculinity" was mostly referring to all of the radiation your space sled was constantly pumping out.

Comic Book Historians with more on the good Captain: Jack Kirby Star God Trilogy: Thor, New Gods & Captain Victory by Alex Grand | Comic Book Historians

Ep.230 – Detective Comics No. 275 (1960)

Mon, 13 Mar 2023 12:00:00 -0000

This time on the Couch: Mike, James, and Shée earn their stripes by reading Detective Comics no. 275! It's the debut of another classic Batman villain, the Zebra-Man! You know, the Zebra-Man? Electromagnetic powers, dresses like a scrambled tv signal? Well, he's really cool, just trust him. In fact, he's so threatening that Batman will have no choice but to crash a plane into a ship, wreck a world-changing piece of technology, and endanger the life of the underage child that he forces to hang out with him. At a certain point it kinda starts to seem like Batman is just looking for excuses to break stuff.

Ep.229 – Black Knight No. 4 (1955)

Mon, 27 Feb 2023 13:00:00 -0000

This time on the Couch: Mike, James, and Shée gallop away from Black Knight no. 4! In the mythical land of Camelot, the mysterious Black Knight maintains a secret identity as the wussified, lute-plucking Sir Percy! As the unlovable court bard, Percy pines after Lady Rosamund, who think he's the scum of the Earth. But he wore his frilliest tunic! What more does this woman want?! Funny enough, it turns out that what she wants is to get into the Black Knight's unwashed chainmail onesie, despite not knowing anything about him or having ever even seen his face! The moral of the story? Healthy relationships are a myth, and don't let the liberal media tell you otherwise.

Ep.228 – Justice League No. 5 (1987)

Mon, 13 Feb 2023 13:00:00 -0000

This time on the Couch: Mike, James, and Shée get punched in the face by Justice League issue 5! An irritable and presumably very bored Batman has assembled a new Justice League consisting of a bunch of goofballs whom he can order around more easily than actual heroes. But every rose has its thorn, and 3rd tier Green Lantern Guy Gardner's bad attitude and worse haircut are getting on the Dark Knight's last nerve! Can they resolve their differences in time to deal with a brewing crisis in Vermont? The fate of American's maple syrup supply chain hangs in the balance!

Ep.227 – Superman's Girl Friend Lois Lane No. 5 (1958)

Mon, 30 Jan 2023 13:00:00 -0000

This time on the Couch: Mike, James, and Shée wrap up Supermanuary with Superman's Girl Friend Lois Lane no. 5! It's a trilogy of torment, as Superman's borderline sadistic treatment of the woman he loves leads to... absolutely no consequences whatsoever! From constant negging to covertly attacking her with a size-changing ray, Superman gets away with all the damage he can possibly inflict! Why? What possible reason could Lois have for putting up with all this? Probably the abs. That man is a Supersnack!

Link to donate to James' marathon fundraiser to benefit autism research: https://support.researchautism.org/Chicago2023/jameso

Ep.226 – Action Comics No. 381 (1969)

Mon, 23 Jan 2023 13:00:18 -0000

This time on the Couch: Mike, James, and Shée plant their flag in the dirt of Action Comics no. 381! As Supermanuary continues, our hero has become even more unhinged, causing a ruckus at the UN and demanding the entire Earth kneel before his immaculately-toned Kryptonian physique! Has Superman finally come to his senses and realized that a war-hungry, Crocs-wearing planet could probably benefit from a little stern leadership? Hopefully! Then, in a chilling backup story, Matter-Eater Lad confronts the worst terror imaginable: Dating outside of your league!

Ep.225 – Action Comics No. 337 (1966)

Mon, 16 Jan 2023 13:00:07 -0000

This time on the Couch: Mike, James, and Shée put on their top hats and spats to read Action Comics issue 337! It's only week two of Supermanuary, but it seems Superman's already gotten bored and has resorted to bizarre stunts to keep himself invested in this whole "fighting crime" thing. Why is the man of steel dressing up in a series of goofy outfits to stop criminals instead of just punting them out of the galaxy? Don't worry about it, just tell him he looks great in that headdress and pray he doesn't eye-laser your skull in half. Then, Supergirl travels to another planet where everything's just slightly different than on Earth, but still totally unbearable for any sustained period of time. Are we sure she's not just in Iowa?

Link to donate to James' marathon fundraiser to benefit autism research: https://support.researchautism.org/Chicago2023/jameso

Ep.224 – Superman No. 162 (1963)

Mon, 09 Jan 2023 13:00:37 -0000

This time on the Couch: Mike, James, and Shée kick off Supermanuary with 1963's Superman no. 162! Determined to finally do all that stuff he swore he was gonna do, the Man of Steel splits himself in two, amplifies his brain, and knocks out all of the universe's problems in a few weeks. It's like putting together your science fair project the night before its due, except that Superman improved the existence of every living creature, whereas your styrofoam solar system just made your parents disown you.

Ep.223 – The Amazing Spider-Man No. 314 (1989)

Mon, 26 Dec 2022 13:00:36 -0000

This time on the Couch: Mike, James, and Shée throw another copy on Amazing Spider-Man no. 314 onto the yule log! It's a Christmas disaster when Peter Parker and his out-of-his-league wife Mary Jane get evicted from their condo! Well, HER condo, seeing as how Pete refuses to get a job that doesn't involve taking pictures of himself in spandex. Meanwhile, a disgruntled nerd goes all Falling Down on his miserly boss and Spider-Man figures he might as well take care of the situation, seeing as how he's got nothing else to do and literally nowhere to be.

Ep.222 – Barbie No. 37 (1993)

Mon, 12 Dec 2022 13:00:36 -0000

This time on the Couch: Mike, James, and Shée celebrate the crushing march of entropy with 1993's Barbie no. 37! It's Shée's birthday, and it's time to celebrate with international megastar Barbie and her sister Skipper! They're going to have an exotic adventure in Thailand, if only they can shut up the incessant whining of Skipper's low-value tagalong friend Courtney! Is the irresistible, some would say mystical allure of Barbie enough to pull Courtney out of her ethnocentric shell, or is this parade doomed to be rained all over by a sad sack teenager and her stupid bangs?

Also, donate to James' marathon fundraiser to support autism research and funding: support.researchautism.org/Chicago2023/jameso

Ep.221 – Kickers, Inc. No. 2 (1986)

Mon, 28 Nov 2022 13:00:09 -0000

This time on the Couch: Mike, James, and Shée hike Kickers, Inc. no. 2 straight into the dumpster! The NY Smashers football team is back, or at least they would be if they weren't busy solving local petty crimes instead of attending to their NFL careers. After a successful appearance on Johnny Carson, the Kickers get their first case: Figuring out why an old lady's rose garden has been destroyed! Of course, it was the work of a giant robot operated by middle eastern terrorists, which suggests the Kickers might actually be onto something and should probably call the FBI. Or, you know, just destroy a couple city blocks and run away before anyone sees you, either one is cool.

Ep.220 – Batman No. 97 (1956)

Mon, 14 Nov 2022 13:00:14 -0000

This time on the Couch: Mike, James, and Shée sniff the crotch of Batman no. 97! Gotham is going to the dogs when Batman and Robin, two totally sane people without any sort of psychological damage that could lead them to make bizarre decisions, decide the only way to solve crime is to employ a German Shepard wearing a mask! Plus, the Joker makes an appearance, and that's important to note because of search engine optimization! That's the Joker, appearing in this episode!! Who knows, maybe he's in every episode! Listen and find out!

Ep.219 – Wildstorm Halloween Trilogy of Terror (1997)

Mon, 31 Oct 2022 12:00:12 -0000

This time on the Couch: Mike, James, and Shée try to wring some scares out of the Wildstorm Halloween Trilogy of Terror! It's three interlocking stories of macabre ghoulishness featuring three interlocking teams of mediocre foolishness! First the heroes of Team 7 bomb the hell out of a sacred Mexican temple because who's even gonna mind? Some sort of vengeful bat demon who lives there? Please! What are the odds of that happening? Next, Gen13 deal with a vengeful bat demon who's super upset about something! Jeez, what's his problem? It's never made clear. Finally, Wetworks stops by to channel the spirit of a Nordic warrior in order to fight some sort of bat-demon-conjuring guy who's really angry for reasons I didn't catch. It should be a great comic, but if it's not, remember: Nobody forced you to listen.

Ep.218 – The Unexpected No. 214 (1981)

Mon, 17 Oct 2022 12:00:24 -0000

This time on the Couch: Mike, James, and Shée get gently startled by The Unexpected no. 214! World heavyweight champion Joe Goodwin has a booming career and a hairline that refuses to recede even deep into middle age, so why shouldn't he press his luck by fighting a minotaur in a secret cave full of cultist monsters? Just because it's incredibly stupid and pointless? Well, there wouldn't be much of a podcast if these characters made intelligent decisions, so let's just all stop asking questions and enjoy. Plus, a con artist takes cultural appropriation to a new extreme and a werewolf risks his life by riding the subway!

Ep.217 – The Thing No. 7 (1953)

Mon, 03 Oct 2022 12:00:49 -0000

This time on the Couch: Mike, James, and Shée ask for something spooky and get The Thing no. 7! Because it's finally October and there's nothing scarier than trudging through 30 pages of nonsense in search of a coherent Halloween tale! In the mood to hear about some mobsters who get easily distracted by boats? How about a deal-making devil with a limited bank account? Or maybe a landlord who can change into a different kind of gruesome predator? It's all here and it's all frighteningly incomprehensible!

Ep.216 – Dinosaurs No. 1 (1992)

Mon, 26 Sep 2022 12:00:37 -0000

This time on the Couch: Mike, James and Shee lovingly threaten to eat each other after reading the Dinosaurs comic book special! As Septembersaurus roars to a close, it's time for another always-excellent comic book based on a tv show. Because the incredible feat of live-action puppeteering that was the hallmark of the Dinosaurs television series is probably better appreciated through cartoon drawings. In this special issue, Robbie Sinclair attempts to run for class president, only to discover that dinosaurs are vicious and immoral. You know, humans may be those things as well, but at least we don't go around casually slaughtering anyone who gets in our way. We just make health care unattainable and allow our enemies to get sick and die. It's evolution, baby!

Ep.215 – Kona: Monarch of Monster Isle No. 5 (1963)

Mon, 12 Sep 2022 12:00:50 -0000

This time on the Couch: Mike, James, and Shée meow their way into an inexplicable Septembersaurus with Kona: Monarch of Monster Isle no. 5! It's time again to read all about dinosaurs, or, failing that, giant radioactive kitty cats! Jungle adventurer Kona and his family of psychotic white people hatch a plan to defend their island by slaying the adorable kitten that's doing nothing wrong. Well alright then. Apparently when you're from privilege, the real catnip is harming innocents!

Ep.214 – Tales of the Legion of Superheroes No. 7 (1985)

Mon, 29 Aug 2022 12:00:50 -0000

This time on the Couch: Mike, James, and Shée steal some flight rings and enlist with Tales of the Legion of Superheroes no. 7! It's teenage drama, 30th-century style as the Legion deals with the berserk pinball machines that are their hormonal systems! Who's sleeping with who? Who's gonna be an auntie? Will anyone ever touch disgusting dogboy Timberwolf? The answers won't be coming anytime soon, since there are, like, a thousand members on this team and they're lucky if they get their perfectly-toned bods in for a couple of panels apiece. Meanwhile, the handful of members who've decided to actually attempt to do their job have been stranded on a nightmare planet, which is why you never put duty ahead of mindless hedonism.

Ep.213 – Jungle Adventures No. 2 (1971)

Mon, 15 Aug 2022 12:00:50 -0000

This time on the Couch: Mike, James, and Shée relax comfortably in the treetops while reading Jungle Adventures no. 2! Meet Zangar, the Hollywood movie star who moonlights as a mankini-wearing defender of the jungle! He and his two tiny ocelots (not a metaphor for testicles) spend the afternoon breaking up a ring of thieves who all share an apartment together because they're not very good at turning their crimes into livable wages. Then there's a story featuring Jo-Jo, who's pretty much the same guy, except stupider and way easier to take advantage of. He's sorta the Billy Carter to Zangar's Jimmy. And don't forget the mighty Sheena, queen of the jungle! Cross her and be suffocated by her mighty jungle thighs! Or join her and still be suffocated by her mighty jungle thighs, but as a reward this time! That's the law of the jungle, baby!

Ep.212 – The Fish Police No. 10 (1987)

Mon, 01 Aug 2022 12:00:50 -0000

This time on the Couch: Mike, James, and Shée start a new life under the sea after reading 1987's Fish Police no. 10! Inspector Gill, an oddly human fish creature, finds himself lost in the desert after one of his wacky investigations goes awry! How can a fish world have a desert? Stop asking questions, nerd, it's not that kind of story. What matters is that Gill is about to learn that the earth is flat, physics are for losers, and no matter what you do, barnacles will manage to get on everything. Like, everything. Looks like our worlds aren't so different after all!

Ep.211 – Batman: Digital Justice Nos. 3 & 4 (1990)

Mon, 18 Jul 2022 12:00:50 -0000

This time on the Couch: Mike, James, and Shée get down and digital one last time with Batman: Digital Justice! In the back half of the story, Cyberhunk Jim Gordon III is bringing both sexy and Batman back! As his war against the Joker program races to its conclusion, the AI spirit of the original Batman returns to lend a hand. Or at least a disembodied skull with dead eyes. If you like watching computer-generated heads yelling code at each other, get ready for the only comic book you're ever going to enjoy! The rest of us will just find something else to do, I guess.

Ep.210 – Batman: Digital Justice Nos. 1 & 2 (1990)

Mon, 11 Jul 2022 12:00:50 -0000

This time on the Couch: Mike, James, and Shée take a ride to Futureland on the Progress Express with the first half of Batman: Digital Justice! In this computer-generated adventure, an AI Joker program ruthlessly controls a dreary future Gotham! With the city under the thumb of corruption, the Dark Knight an ancient memory, and CDs still being the dominate media, the citizens of Gotham have quite a bit to be depressed about. Fortunately, plucky silver fox Jim Gordon III is on the case, completely dedicated to bringing justice back to his town right after doing one last set of crunches! Can the new sexy Gordon honor the memory of his grandpappy's best crimefighting pal? And will he look fine as hell doing it? (SPOILER: Yes to both.)

Ep.209 – Sachs & Violens No. 1 (1993)

Mon, 27 Jun 2022 12:00:50 -0000

This time on the Couch: Mike, James, and Shée get palm-struck by 1993's Sachs & Violens no. 1! With the legendary George Perez's passing away, it's a great time to reflect on some of his greatest work, which you can find out about from other, more thoughtful podcasts. Over here on the soiled cushions of the Couch, it's time to take a look at a forgotten passion project about sex in society, coping with trauma, and how to afford a spacious apartment in New York on a low-level pornographer's commission! Sachs & Violens is a sordid tale of murder and revenge involving a sassy young Cher impersonator with her whole life ahead of her and a damaged middle-aged man who probably buys a lot of katanas off the Home Shopping Network at 3 am. Oooh, those two were just made for each other!

Ep.208 – The Savage Dragon No. 34 (1996)

Mon, 13 Jun 2022 12:00:50 -0000

This time on the Couch: Mike, James, and Shée expose THEIR brains to The Savage Dragon no. 34! Chicago's favorite amnesiac police officer crosses paths with demonspawn federal agent Hellboy in a contest to see which can make licking the boot of law enforcement look less cool. It's Christmas morning and Hellboy's investigating a train yard to find out why all sorts of ghouls are hanging out down there. Uh, maybe because it's super rad? Why else would all those grunge bands be having their photos taken there? Since the Savage Dragon also doesn't have any loved ones, the two decide to channel their rage into breaking enough stuff to make Fred Durst proud. Can the two put aside their frustration at being unlovable freaks long enough to get some work done and maybe solve a case? And do you think Hellboy having a single stone fist means he's always veering to the right a little bit?

Ep.207 – Strange Adventures No. 216 (1969)

Mon, 30 May 2022 12:00:31 -0000

This time on the Couch: Mike, James, and Shée believe the unbelievable when they read 1969's Strange Adventures no. 216! The great Neal Adams has passed away, but he's left behind a legacy of anguished facial contortions and stories about oddball supertypes that'll last forever. Case in point, the non-corporeal Deadman, who can jump into people's bodies without permission and make them do any weird thing he wants! It's kinda like in Wonder Woman 1984, but somehow far less problematic. Deadman's hot on the trail the of jerks what killed him, and his hunt will lead him to the mythical Nanda Parbat, an idyllic land of spiritual redemption and hallucinatory freak-out caves! Will Deadman make peace with the forces that have tormented him? If not I guess he could just jump into the body of someone who has.

Ep.206 – Starriors No. 2 (1984)

Mon, 16 May 2022 12:00:17 -0000

This time on the Couch: Mike, James, and Shée spend way too much time trying to pronounce Starriors no. 2! What options do you have when you toy line about a gang of indistinguishable robots with unclear motivations is too dumb and boring to get its own cartoon series? Why not try dumping it into the comic book industry instead and see if maybe those losers will gobble up the slop? Good hustle, but it turns out Marvel managed to do the impossible with Starriors: Insult the intelligence of pre-pubescent comic book fans in the 80s. The concept flamed out in a matter of months, and all we're left with is four issues of red robots fighting blue robots but also sometimes other red robots over who gets to control a wasteland planet that nobody should want in the first place. Ugh. Hey Marvel, you know what really would've jazzed this series up? Wolverine. It's pretty bad, bub!

Ep.205 – What If... Vol. 2, No. 9 (1990)

Mon, 02 May 2022 12:00:59 -0000

This time on the Couch: Mike, James, and Shée wring the tears out of their fur after reading What If... no. 9! In a wacky alternate universe where actions have consequences, Professor Xavier manages to get all of the gullible suckers who signed up for his whole "X-Men" scam killed on their very first mission! All except for Beast, who's left his sweet "no-pants-required" gig at the Avengers to push a mopey Xavier around his X-Mansion/tax shelter for the rest of their lives. Things are going about as well as you'd expect, until a global threat forces Xavier to put together a new, equally inexperienced team! I'm sure it'll be fine: They say after you've gotten a dozen or so people killed you really start to find your footing.

Ep.204 – Weird War Tales No. 89 (1980)

Mon, 18 Apr 2022 12:00:12 -0000

This time on the Couch: Things get weird for Mike, James, and Shée as they read Weird War Tales no. 89! War is hell when a bunch of gorillas subscribe to a particular ideology that savvy podcasters know not to write in their show notes for fear of getting banned! Just look at their armbands, folks. How did the Primate Platoon come to be? Which Steve Bannon speech did they hear that made them become so problematic? And where do you get guns with wide enough trigger guards for gorilla fingers? Plus, speaking of problematic figures, you'll never guess which slashhappy former running back makes a surprise appearance! If you guessed O.J. Simpson, you're wrong: He actually makes TWO appearances!

Ep.203 – The Badger No. 13 (1985)

Mon, 04 Apr 2022 12:00:03 -0000

This time on the Couch: Mike, James, and Shée barge in on the Badger! In issue 13, the lovably unwell superhero feeds a wizard to his pet rats, makes some soup, and does buddy curls with a space ape! Meanwhile, 5th century druid Ham got hisself lost in a bizarre dimension where walking around in public wearing a purple cloak isn't such a big deal! Maybe he'll just stick around here for a bit after all! Then, in a backup story, welcome to the world of Zoomtown, a futuristic dystopia that looks pretty much the same as the world we already live in, except with fewer reptile people.

Maximalism by Punch Deck | https://soundcloud.com/punch-deck Music promoted by https://www.free-stock-music.com Creative Commons Attribution 3.0 Unported License https://creativecommons.org/licenses/by/3.0/deed.en_US

Ep.202 – The Incredible Hulk No. 290 (1983)

Mon, 21 Mar 2022 12:00:40 -0000

This time on the Couch: Mike, James, and Shée pour one out for The Incredible Hulk no. 290! Bruce Banner's got his horrific life under something resembling control, having found a way to maintain his nerd brain while transformed into the Hulk. So now he's got the self-awareness to recognize what a disgusting, green freak he is most of the time! Luckily, sentient soda can M.O.D.O.K. is hanging around so that Hulk won't have to be the ugliest guy in the room. Together, they'll raid AIM headquarters, looking to rescue some lady that Hulk has suddenly decided he's in love with! But will he still feel the same after she's been turned into Ms. M.O.D.O.K., the new high-fructose queen of carbonated mischief? Probably. It's not like Hulk's in any position to get judgey about appearances.

Ep.201 – Showcase '94 No. 2 (1994)

Mon, 07 Mar 2022 13:00:43 -0000

This time on the Couch: Mike, James, and Shée wrap-up Showcase '94's dreamy Joker story! Does it end with the clown prince of crime being bitten by a radioactive society? In another tale, Gunfire unleashes his horrific powers on a gang that's destroying the lab he works in! Well, works/lives in, because times are tough and rent is high. Finally, Blue Beetle bugs out in the dilapidated garbagetown of Freemont! Hey, maybe that's somewhere Gunfire could live! They'd probably welcome a living weapon with the trigger discipline of a cartoon firehose to knock down a few of those flophouses for the insurance money. Really, anything other than what that guy's currently doing should be a big lifestyle improvement.

Ep.200 – Showcase '94 No. 1 (1994)

Mon, 28 Feb 2022 13:00:29 -0000

This time on a very special Couch: Mike, James, and Shée celebrate 200 episodes! It's a big milestone, and that means it's time to celebrate the Darkseid's Couch way: By confronting childhood trauma! Showcase '94 featured a Joker story so disturbing it managed to terrify a young James in 1994, which is saying a lot, because he was very tough and pretty much never spent his school lunch periods reading magazines about knitting! Plus, come along on an adventure with the New Gods (aka Chads in Space), and meet Gunfire, a hero who can turn anything into a weapon, but couldn't turn himself into an interesting character!

Ep.199 – US 1 No. 1 (1983)

Mon, 21 Feb 2022 13:00:46 -0000

This time on the Couch: Mike, James, and Shée hitch a ride with the premiere issue of US 1! Ulysses Solomon "US" Archer loves the trucking life that he can't have, on account his being too much of a nerdy beta. Not content to pursue a life as a lowly engineering genius, US immediately gets into a horrible road accident that cracks his skull like an egg. Luckily, the miracle of comic book science puts some metal dodads in there, and the next thing you know US is hearing CB radio signals in his barely-functioning brain. For some reason. It's the only motivation he needs to go ahead and give the trucking life the old college try again, designing a futuristic supertruck to help him solve the pointless murder of his parents! Although it's possible that all of this has just been a cover so that he gets to blow that sweet horn. TOOT TOOOOOT!!!

Ep.198 – Secret Hearts No. 83 (1962)

Mon, 14 Feb 2022 13:00:54 -0000

This time on the Couch: Mike, James, and Shée get jilted by Secret Hearts no. 83! This Valentine's Day, continue your futile attempts to navigate the impossible world of romantic relationships with an assortment of regressive comic book tales! Women being defined entirely by the men who do or don't love them? Dudes gaslighting their dates with zero consequences? Creepy advice about making out in front of your girlfriend's parents? Yup, sounds like romance through the eyes of middle-aged comic book writers in the 1960s! If carpal tunnel was sex appeal those guys would be Leonardo DiCaprio! But it's not, and they're not, and neither are you. Happy Valentine's Day!

Ep.197 – Kickers, Inc. No. 8 (1987)

Mon, 07 Feb 2022 13:00:15 -0000

This time on the Couch: Mike, James, and Shée take a knee for Kickers, Inc. no. 8! The NY Smashers have made it all the way to the Super Bowl, but their crimefighting side hustle miiiight suggest they're not prioritizing this whole "professional football team" thing as highly as they should. To make matters worse, superpowered silver fox Jack "Mr. Magnificent" Magniconte is being accused of using steroids, even though all he's been doing is swallowing the mysterious unmarked pills that his brother's been giving him all his life! It's a controversy that threatens to destroy the NFL, or at least it would if anyone in this universe was taking any of this seriously.

Ep.196 – The Flash Vol. 2 No. 131 (1997)

Mon, 31 Jan 2022 13:00:19 -0000

This time on the Couch: Mike, James, and Shée slip on some Speed Force and crash right into Flash no. 131! Replacement Flash Wally West has wrecked his legs fighting a living suit that sucks up people's energy and leaves them as withered husks (also known as getting dressed for work, amirite!?). For a guy whose main advantage is moving really fast, this is gonna be an issue. Maybe he can try using his words to solve conflicts for once instead of just running all over everything, hmm? Since a civil resolution seems out of the question, Wally pulls together a collection of lesser speedsters to get themselves killed in his place so that he can show up with a game-winning suckerpunch and take all the credit. It's called playing four-dimensional chess, and you ain't checkmating the Flash, suckers!

Ep.195 – Captain N: The Game Master No. 4 (1990)

Mon, 24 Jan 2022 13:00:11 -0000

This time on the Couch: Mike, James, and Shée get sucked into Captain N: The Game Master no. 4! When teenage dorkmeister/perpetual virgin Kevin Keene is pulled into the world of his Nintendo, he finally has a group of friends who won't laugh at his custom jacket and NES controller belt buckle. How could life get any sweeter?! But contrary to what movies and tv have led us to believe, nerds never actually win, and Keene's utopia is about to come tumbling down when a new, more Alpha game master shows up on the scene! Now, Kevin will have to find a way to use his tiny lil zapper to win back the dueling affections of Samus and Princess Lana, who are getting to see what an actual man looks like for what is probably the first time in their entire lives! I bet they didn't even know guys could have abs!

Ep.194 – Marvel Premiere Featuring Paladin No. 43 (1978)

Mon, 17 Jan 2022 13:00:09 -0000

This time on the Couch: Mike, James, and Shée are podcasters for hire, taking on the daring mission of reading Marvel Premiere Featuring Paladin no. 43! Underdeveloped damsel in distress Marsha has a problem: Her abusive boyfriend is angry for no reason again and has decided to unleash his wrath under the guise of the villainous Phantasm! Luckily, Marsha's got enough cash in her hidden savings account to hire Paladin to protect her for a couple of days! But when the battle threatens to black out all of Manhattan, will Marsha be able to pay Paladin's overtime rate? Hey lady, nobody said nothing about no city-savin'! It's a character so great he never had to headline an issue of a comic book ever again, instead only making guest appearances for the rest of his publishing existence. Wow, it's like an early retirement for Paladin! The residuals on this issue must be sweet!

Ep.193 – Peacemaker No. 4 (1988)

Mon, 10 Jan 2022 13:00:55 -0000

This time on the Couch: Mike, James, and Shée give peace a chance with 1988's Peacemaker no. 4! After purchasing the character from the defunct Charlton Comics, DC published this adventure to help slide him into continuity like sliding John Cena's skull into a chrome bedpan. And what an 80s adventure it is! Christopher Smith, aka Peacemaker, is dedicated to eradicating the threat posed by the nefarious and culturally unacceptable Dr. Tzin Tzin, who hopes to cause chaos at the Berlin Summit! Luckily, Smith has an ace up his sleeve: The hallucinated ghost of his Nazi father is mentally abusing him from beyond the grave, granting him all the bloodlust necessary to defend global freedom! You know, none of this would've been possible if a certain 80s president/conservative godhead hadn't set in motion the closure of certain mental health facilities that could've helped certain toilet-headed crimefighters repair their fractured minds. So make sure to thank the Gipper for your freedom tonight, kids!

Ep.192 – Dick Tracy No. 3 (1990)

Mon, 03 Jan 2022 13:00:38 -0000

This time on the Couch: Mike, James, and Shée use their two-way wrist radios to talk about Dick Tracy issue 3, until they remember that Zoom exists! A faithful adaptation of the 1990 Warren Beatty film, Dick Tracy follows the square-jawed lawman as he battles gangsters with severe dermatological issue, corrupt politicians, and a lusty, in-her-prime Madonna! As if he wasn't busy enough already, Tracy is forced to balance his quest to clean up the city with having to babysit a homeless kid who ends up following him around until he just kinda... becomes adopted. That might not seem like how adoption works, but let's not forget that back in Tracy's day society had only just started bothering to write down people's birthdays. Child Protective Services was not high on the list of old-timey priorities.

Ep.191 – Captain Power and the Soldiers of the Future No. 1 (1988)

Mon, 27 Dec 2021 13:00:47 -0000

This time on the Couch: Mike, James, and Shée put a bow on 2021 with Captain Power and the Laser Gun Boys or Whatever! For the brave few who managed to get through the relentless trainwreck of a title, Continuity Comics' adaptation of the short-lived Captain Power tv show offered a glimpse into a grim future ruled by evil robots, constant war, and Amazon auto-subscriptions that you forget about until they've already shipped! Okay, so not exactly fresh terrain for the Couch, but what better way to wrap up a year that's felt like nothing more than a tired rehash of the last, equally terrible year than with a comic book you'd swear has been covered dozens of times already? So strap on all your non-functional NES accessories and blast a hole into 2022 with the podcast that was already prepping you for doomsday anyway!

Ep.190 – Batman No. 45 (1948)

Mon, 20 Dec 2021 13:00:23 -0000

This time on the Couch: Mike, James, and Shée find a lump of Batman no. 45 in their stocking! It's a vaguely yuletide grab bag of superhero nonsense, starting with Catwoman ruining a bunch of Hollywood productions because they're not about her! Ironically, had she gotten to see the actual Catwoman movie, she probably would've just kept her head down and enjoyed all those stolen jewels like a sensible person. Then, a reformed criminal gets knocked unconscious by some ruffians while on the way to spend the holidays with his girlfriend. Luckily, eternal hyperchad Bruce Wayne is willing to fill in for him, and probably get a little action in the process. Hey, if you don't want Batman posing as you to make out with your girlfriend, maybe don't get assaulted by roving gangsters! And finally, Batman encounters a ginger! That story must be left over from a Halloween issue.

Ep.189 – Adventure Comics No. 387 (1969)

Mon, 13 Dec 2021 13:00:52 -0000

This time on the Couch: Mike, James, and Shée say goodbye to Krypton with Adventure Comics no. 387! It's the final comic featuring a member of the Super-family until 2023, and Supergirl is determined to make sure we don't miss them too much! First, the Maid of Might overcomes her weakness to kryptonite, but at the expense of her beautiful, beautiful face! Will she accept the trade-off in order to become humanity's greatest champion? Nope. Like, she doesn't even consider it! Then, Supergirl remembers why she's grateful for her impenetrable uterus when she meets Lex Luthor's obnoxious, superpowered nephew. So... he can lift cars with his mind, but he can't clean out his own diaper? Oh, that's mighty convenient, you little twerp!

Ep.188 – Spiral Zone No. 1 (1988)

Mon, 06 Dec 2021 13:00:34 -0000

This time on the Couch: Mike, James, and Shée get the spins from 1988's Spiral Zone no. 1! The evil Overlord has taken over half of the planet using secret spiral technology, and it's up to four bros and a lady to maintain the illusion of trying to stop him long enough to generate a successful franchise! But when heroic dunce "Tank" Schmidt gets pulled from the war due to general incompetence, he'll have a lot of time to sit and think about the things that really matter. Things like disobeying doctor's orders to go look for his missing son, who probably doesn't like him anyway. Or the radiation poisoning he may be spreading while doing so. Or the fact that he's obviously walking directly into a trap. Hopefully you only need four people to save the world, because Tank is a walking liability who's probably going to get his head stuck in a honey pot any minute now.

Ep.187 – Spider-Woman No. 20 (1979)

Mon, 29 Nov 2021 12:30:11 -0000

This time on the Couch: Mike, James, and Shée swing into 1979's Spider-Woman no. 20! Between losing her job due to general incompetence and getting evicted because she doesn't bother reading her own mail, Jessica Drew, aka the Spider-Woman, is having a bad day. And now she's being followed by the completely unrelated Spider-Man, who wants to see if she might be a good candidate for another girlfriend he can get killed! After some casual superhero flirting (read: reckless destruction of private property with no repercussions), Jessica spills her insanely-complicated backstory, involving cow people, serum injections, rocket ships, Hydra franchise locations, and several wizards of questionable integrity. Will the ol' Webhead stick around to help piece together the horribly fractured mind of his new ladyfriend? Uh, look, he's got an early morning tomorrow and everything, it's just a bad time, y'know?

Ep.186 – The Incredible Hulk No. 169 (1973)

Mon, 22 Nov 2021 13:00:14 -0000

This time on the Couch: Mike, James, and Shée stifle juvenile giggles while reading 1973's The Incredible Hulk no. 169! It's the fight of the century, the jade giant versus the provocative Bi-Beast! That's right, the Bi-Beast is loud and proud and he doesn't care who knows it! Of course, "it" refers to the fact that he has two heads sharing a single skull. That's... really kinda it. Look, he lives alone in a secret cloud city in the sky, excuse him for not running his codename by a focus group of grade school children first. But none of that matters to the Intolerant Hulk, who's enraged by anything that he thinks might threaten the established cultural norms he's become so comfortable with over the years. Hey Hulk, here's something you can try smashing: It's called social inequality, you jolly green bigot!

Ep.185 – Jonny Quest Special No. 2 (1988)

Mon, 15 Nov 2021 13:00:03 -0000

This time on the Couch: Mike, James, and Shée quit "stallin'" and finally get around to reading Jonny Quest special no. 2! Globetrotting tween Jonny Quest is at it again, stirring up international incidents in foreign countries and facing zero consequences for his actions. This time, he and his non-traditional family have traveled to Russia to investigate claims that a group of space communists have been covertly influencing the course of human history for millennia! Now, the reanimated corpse of Lenin has returned to lead his comrades in the first stage of an intergalactic proletariat uprising! Can the Quest crew convince them that capitalism is the only true path to freedom before they erase all semblance of a social hierarchy? The future of the blue jean industry may hinge on it!

Ep.184 – Superman No. 263 (1973)

Mon, 08 Nov 2021 13:00:00 -0000

This time on the Couch: Mike, James, and Shée shed some tears for Superman no. 263! Emotionally-repressed Kryptonian Kal-El is forced to celebrate his fake earth birthday because humans won't give up their petty traditions even when it goes against the will of a god. What's the secret reason that Superman privately cries on every sixth birthday? Is it because he's worried My Chemical Romance might break up again? And, in another tale, Supes fights a flaming wolf, which is probably just a metaphor for his rage at having to blow out birthday candles like a pathetic mortal every year.

Ep.183 – Death Race 2020 No. 1 (1995)

Mon, 01 Nov 2021 12:00:53 -0000

This time on the Couch: Mike, James, and Shée rev their engines for the first issue of Death Race 2020! A sequel to Roger Corman's 1975 schlockfest, Death Race follows the continuing adventures of President Frankenstein as he attempts to rid society of the hyperviolence we love so, so well. Turns out taking away our right to run down strangers in our cars for fun and profit offends basically every part of the soul of America, forcing the race underground. There, a colorful cast of loveable psychopaths do a great job of showcasing why all those moms in the 90s were trying to shut down the comic book industry in the first place. Will Frankenstein hold strong to his pacifist principles, or give into his barely-repressed bloodlust? Well, he is an American president, so maybe adjust your expectations accordingly.

Ep.182 – The Tomb of Dracula No. 10 (1973)

Mon, 25 Oct 2021 13:00:38 -0000

This time on the Couch: Mike, James, and Shée open up the Tomb of Dracula as they wrap up a month of Halloween comics! Issue 10 is the first appearance of vampire slayer Blade, except here he's just some dude with a green coat and no superpowers who happens to think vampires are dumb and has built his whole persona around that opinion. And to make his point, he'll hunt Dracula to whatever dark, foggy castle he's currently hiding out in! Unless, of course, he's hanging out on a cruise ship for some bizarre reason. Hey guess what, that's exactly what he's doing! It seems the count is peppering a bit of Jimmy Buffet into his usual Robert Smith aesthetic, but if Blade gets his way ol' Vlad's gonna arrive in Margaritaville with a teak stake in his heart!

Plus, time's running out for the Halloween Horror Box Kickstarter from Asylum Press! Take a look!

Halloween Horror Box-A Collection of All-New Horror Comics! by Asylum Press — Kickstarter

Ep.181 – The Mighty Thor No. 207 (1973)

Mon, 18 Oct 2021 12:00:48 -0000

This time on the Couch: Mike, James, and Shée are on parade after reading The Mighty Thor no. 207! Welcome to the real-world town of Rutland, home of the annual Rutland Halloween Parade, where DC and Marvel both briefly pretend they're not litigious corporate behemoths and allow their characters to tiptoe around each other semi-freely! It's a perfect setting for this bizarre meta tale, where a carload of comic book creators make their way to Vermont to celebrate that most holy of October holidays. Unfortunately, Thor is making his way to the same location, on account of his being incapable of allowing any public gathering to take place without rampant destruction. It's the superhero's code! Can the Asgardian finish fighting with his brother Loki in time to go trick-or-treating? Sure, a thousand-year-old Norse God isn't usually considered the right demographic to go begging for candy, but there are full-sized Snickers out there!

Ep.180 – Batman No. 523 (1995)

Mon, 11 Oct 2021 12:00:15 -0000

This time on the Couch: Things get spooky for Mike, James, and Shée when they read 1995's Batman no. 523! The Scarecrow is terrorizing the bullies from his past again, but this time he's been drawn all weird! Can Batman and his strong jawline put a stop to Crane's very specific reign of terror before, like, three or four people get hurt? And would it really be all that bad if he didn't? What's the return on investment for this whole "vigilante" thing anyway? Is it actually worth all this effort just to ensure that a handful of meatheads who peaked in high school get to continue contributing nothing to society until they die a nice natural death? Is this the absolute best use of Batman's resources? I mean, he knows about homeless people, right? They're all over town! Anyway, it's a pretty cool book. Happy Halloween!

Ep.179 – Ghost Manor No. 6 (1969)

Mon, 04 Oct 2021 14:00:10 -0000

This time on the Couch: Mike, James, and Shée begin a month of allegedly-spooky tales with Ghost Manor no. 6! What is the ghost manor? What mysteries does it hold? Who's dealing with those ballooning estate tax payments? Find out (or don't) in this bevy of tales designed to chill the spine, clam the hands, and flop the sweat! First, an ornery hunter loses his mind when he peers into a dimension with way trippier visuals than this stupid one. Then, some guy dreams of digging his own grave, and not just by refusing to delete problematic Tweets! Finally, a cat destroys an unscrupulous attorney's life through a series of subtle, malicious attacks! Either that cat has an extremely strong moral compass or, alternately, he's just being a regular cat.

Ep.178 – Cadillacs and Dinosaurs No. 8 (1994)

Mon, 27 Sep 2021 14:00:56 -0000

This time on the Couch: It's an extinction-level episode as Mike, James, and Shée wrap up Septembersaurus with Cadillacs and Dinosaurs no. 8! Hundreds of years in the future, humans emerge from a societal collapse to find that dinosaurs and all other manner of believed-dead varmint have reclaimed the earth! And they seem to be doing a pretty decent job with it! Of course, no human being is going to let some dumb animals bring unfettered nature back to the planet, so they immediately set about killing one another and finding innovative new ways to destroy the environment. The lesson here is that if you've been looking at the modern world and thinking that humanity may be winding down, don't worry: It's gonna take a heck of a lot more than global pandemics, unwinnable wars, and depleted resources to keep us from our meddling! As ever, (human) nature finds a way!

Ep.177 – Dino-Riders No. 1 (1989)

Mon, 20 Sep 2021 14:00:29 -0000

This time on the Couch: Mike, James, and Shée keep stomping through Septembersaurus with 1989's Dino-Riders no. 1! With all the problems in the world, the one thing everyone can agree on is that we're all in desperate need of more children's toy franchise ideas. Enter Dino-Riders, the story of a group of peaceful humanoids who travel back to the prehistoric era in a failed attempt to evade a gang of bug-eyed space bullies called the Rulons! With nothing else to do on account of there not being any internet yet, both groups decide to force the local dinos to wear battle armor so that they can expand their pointless power struggle into new and highly merchandisable vistas. Will either side address the Brontosaurus-sized ethical dilemmas inherent in turning peanut-brained animals into their personal armory via mind control? Actually... they kinda do! Wow! Now that's a twist! After 80 years of watching Batman beat up the mentally ill you start to assume the worst in these scenarios.

Ep.176 – Dinosaurs for Hire No. 1 (1988)

Mon, 13 Sep 2021 14:00:21 -0000

This time on the Couch: Mike, James, and Shée continue rampaging through Septembersaurus with Dinosaurs for Hire no. 1! People love smart social satire, and so it only follows that those same people would tolerate mediocre social satire. Enter Dinosaurs for Hire, a comic about space lizards coming to Earth and immediately finding gainful employment as well-paid government agents. On, like, the first day! They don't even know what country they're in yet and they're already doing better than you would in a dozen lifetimes! It's the perfect setup for some cutting commentary about modern society, which is probably coming in issue 2. For sure by issue 3.

Ep.175 – DC Special No. 27 (1977)

Mon, 06 Sep 2021 14:00:11 -0000

This time on the Couch: Mike, James, and Shée hatch a month of dino comics beginning with DC Special no. 27! It's only the first week of Septembersaurus, but it may be the last if Captain Comet and his tighty whities can't figure out how to get some time-displaced dinosaurs back to their era! Hopefully the solution involves punching! Meanwhile, space adventurer and high school drum major Tommy Tomorrow is dealing with a comet-worshipping T-Rex/human hybrid with fantastic obliques! It's all due to the devious machinations of Chronos, an evil villain with access to all eras of time, yet he chooses to hang out primarily in the 1970s. Huh. Must be all the high collars and key parties.

Ep.174 – Quasar No. 5 (1989)

Mon, 30 Aug 2021 14:00:03 -0000

This time on the Couch: Mike, James, and Shée absorb 1989's Quasar no. 5! From the outside, space investigator Quasar appears to have a pretty sweet life. He's an honorary Avenger, he runs a security firm, and his fashion accessories are on point. Unfortunately, like all of us, he's just pretending his life isn't an absolute mess of half-victories and soul-crushing compromises. In reality, Captain America has stuck him on janitorial duty with F-lister Stingray, his firm hasn't gotten a single contract, and now the Absorbing Man has stolen the power of his space bracelets! No wonder Quasar's ghost dad would rather hang out with the talking space log that lives in the Quantum Zone. Wait, what? More like Cray-sar, right?!

Ep.173 – Captain America No. 378 (1990)

Mon, 23 Aug 2021 14:00:42 -0000

This time on the Couch: Mike, James, and Shée just say 'yes' to Captain America no. 378! The year was 1990 and the war on drugs was in full effect, empowering both heartless Nazis like Red Skull and heartless capitalists like the Kingpin to profit off of American puritanism. But in comics, unlike in the real world, there can only be one evil billionaire exploiting society's failings, and so the two villains agree to settle their differences with an old-fashioned underwear fight! When you're that wealthy, it's the only way to get excited about anything anymore. Unfortunately, Captain America accidentally smelled some marijuana smoke or something and demanded the Avengers immediately swap out his blood for some clean stuff, so now he's just a regular yoked-up dude with a shield! Can he break up the fight in time to lick George Bush's boots clean for his big meeting with Noriega? The future of drug-fueled imperialism depends on it!

Ep.172 – Cain No. 1 (1993)

Mon, 16 Aug 2021 16:00:11 -0000

This time on the Couch: Mike, James, and Shée get duped by Cain no. 1! You know, Cain? Like the guy from the Bible? Invented the concept of murder? This Cain is pretty similar, except instead of murdering his brother, he murdered about twenty minutes of anyone who picked up his book. In 1993, Harris Publications knew exactly what the kids liked. They just didn't know how to make it themselves. So, they did the next best thing: They cobbled together bits of 90s detritus and wrapped it up in a trench coat before setting it loose on an innocent comics-buying public. Can Cain overcome all the shortcomings of his derivative existence in order to fulfill his dream of having more than two issues published? Well, no, but even that first Cable series only lasted for, like, 107 issues.

Ep.171 – Moon Knight No. 7 (1981)

Mon, 09 Aug 2021 16:00:20 -0000

This time on the Couch: Mike, James, and Shée glide into 1981's Moon Knight no. 7! Hey, it's another vigilante with dangerous mental health problems, like the Badger! Or Batman! Or the Doom Patrol! Or Rorschach or Daredevil or literally any other superhero whose name doesn't end in -uperman. Seriously, why does anyone do this job? In this issue, Moon Knight gathers up all of his split personalities and the random weirdos he considers his crew and heads off to the Midwest for an adventure in Chicago! What could be the crisis that's driving all of the fine citizens of the Windy City to madness? Is it the potholes so large that hitting them counts as international travel? Is it the CTA schedule that can be considered, at best, a loose suggestion? Is it the winters that feel like plagues that got deleted from the Bible for being too unrealistic? Yes.

Ep.170 – Batman No. 147 (1962)

Mon, 02 Aug 2021 16:00:00 -0000

This time on the Couch: Mike, James, and Shée get fussy while reading 1962's Batman no. 147! An evil scientist has de-aged Batman while allowing him to keep his adult mind and strength, which arguably makes him less like an evil scientist and more like the greatest person who ever lived. Nonetheless, Bruce Wayne won't tolerate being too short to drive recklessly through the streets of Gotham, so he'll don an adorable new suit and carve a path of pint-sized justice through the underworld to find the man who did this to him! Now if only he could figure out who got his nose! And in another story, Batman and Robin encounter a space farmer whose crazy freak plants are being used to help gangsters steal valuable jewels. Hopefully Bruce has good mental health insurance, because these are the kinds of adventures that are absolutely going to shatter Robin psychologically any day now.

Ep.169 – Lobo Paramilitary Christmas Special (1992)

Mon, 26 Jul 2021 16:00:22 -0000

This time on the Couch: Mike, James, and Shée celebrate Christmas in July with the Lobo Paramilitary Christmas Special! It's the second-most wonderful time of the year as the pope of 90s hyperviolence tears through wave after wave of defenseless elves on his way to assassinate brutal dictator Santa Claus! Luckily, the rich and powerful would never make wage slaves of the proletariat in the real world, so we can enjoy Lobo's rampant carnage without being reminded that we're all futilely scurrying for shelter under the oppressive bootheel of a corporate oligarchy. Oh, and there are some pretty cute penguins, too!

Ep.168 – Strange Adventures No. 55 (1955)

Mon, 19 Jul 2021 16:00:00 -0000

This time on the Couch: Mike, James, and Shée run out of ape jokes with 1955's Strange Adventures no. 55! It's time to once again journey into the Gorillaverse when yet another malicious ape tries to steal the riches and power that God rightly gave to humans! After that comes a tale of a mysterious force that's destroying national monuments. It's probably just some super woke aliens, though. In another adventure, the sun is going supernova and the government instantly begins the process of protecting its citizens at any cost, which makes it satire. Finally, an astronaut turns himself into a ghost because he's not very good at his job, but then learns there's no problem that can't be solved by running 500,000 volts right through your body. Man, it's a good thing they didn't sell these books to children!

Ep.167 – Kickers, Inc. No. 10 (1987)

Mon, 12 Jul 2021 16:00:30 -0000

This time on the Couch: Mike, James, and Shée check back in with the Kickers, Inc. by reading issue 10 for the first time while recording! Bored of only being known as an NFL superteam, the NY Smashers decide to spend their evenings fighting crime and reaping the tax benefits of self-employment! And they'll need those savings, considering that they don't ever seem to make any money with this monumental waste of time. In this issue, quarterback Jack "Mr. Magnificent" Magniconte gets conned into busting up a drug deal in South America on account of him looking the most like a narc anyway. Can this middle-aged gringo outfox a stereotypical 80s dictator and make it back to the field in time to inflict devastating cranial damage on some poor kid who had his whole life ahead of him? Well, he wouldn't be much of a hero if he couldn't!

Ep.166 – Sonic Disruptors No. 1 (1987)

Mon, 05 Jul 2021 16:00:30 -0000

This time on the Couch: Mike, James, and Shée try to explain what 'radio' is to anyone under 30 while reading Sonic Disruptors no. 1! In the year 2030, the American government has undertaken a coup that's made rock music and communist sympathy illegal. Luckily, a gang of leftie weirdos have taken up residence in a satellite and is broadcasting whatever the gosh durn heck they please, free of stuffy format restrictions and FCC-mandated weekly Emergency Broadcast System tests. Thanks grandpa, but I'm pretty sure if there's a tornado coming I'll hear about it on Twitter. Can the Sonic Disruptors overthrow the US government using only the combined power of hot riffs and outdated broadcasting mediums? No idea, because this book was cancelled barely halfway through it's intended 12-issue run. Most likely the left won a hollow, meaningless victory which they then proceeded to squander until the distinction between them and their political opponents was all but eliminated, robbing a disenfranchised citizenry of even the illusion of true representation. Happy Fourth, everyone!

Ep.165 – The Badger No. 8 (1985)

Mon, 28 Jun 2021 16:00:22 -0000

This time on the Couch: Mike, James, and Shée go crazy for the Badger no. 8! That's right, it's the Badger! The only superhero self-aware enough to admit that he's insane and belongs in a mental institution. It's a refreshing change of pace, but unfortunately all good things must come to an end and the Badger is released back into the endless yammering and chain-smoking of civilized society. Fortunately for us, it turns out he's been sprung by a sixth century Druid turned 80s business mogul (a surprisingly natural transition) who wants to recruit the Badger to fight a demon who's been rudely leaving corpses all over his property. Hey buddy, murder is one thing, but at least deposit the remains into a designated meat bin! Can the Badger resolve the situation without getting all aggro and literally mincing the demon into a fine paste? Hopefully not!

Ep.164 – Rai and the Future Force No. 9 (1993)

Mon, 21 Jun 2021 16:00:06 -0000

This time on the Couch: Mike, James, and Shée dropkick their toasters in robot-fighting solidarity after reading Rai and the Future Force no. 9! It's the year 4002, and evil space bots have taken over the earth because everyone forgot to opt out of Amazon Sidewalk. The world's best hope for salvation rests with nanite-powered superhero and everyone's second favorite bread (after banana), Rai! To fend off the invasion, he's put together a motley crew of courageous warriors who won't stop battling until they each get their own toy line! Everyone's here: Magnus, Robot H8er! Space Hillbillies! X-O Manowar But Now It's a Lady! The Crypt Keeper With a Gun! Other ones! Even with all that, the most outlandish part is that Valiant Comics is still around a couple thousand years from now. Suspension of disbelief only goes so far, guys.

Ep.163 – COPS No. 5 (1988)

Mon, 14 Jun 2021 16:00:08 -0000

This time on the Couch: Mike, James, and Shée stop and frisk 1988's COPS no. 5! In the distant future of the year 2020, a crack team of law enforcement agents have banded together around a single noble goal: To shove another half-baked franchise in front of millions of impressionable children and cash out before the Supreme Court shuts this whole scam down! In this issue, canine unit officer Bowser is bummed because his robot dog got blown up, which is especially scary because that guy is a psychological minefield even on a good day. But don't you worry, because if there's one thing the police know how to handle, it's the de-escalation of delicate mental health episodes with compassion and tact. The boys in blue'll unload 40 rounds into that pesky psychotic breakdown faster than you can say, "Zyprexa"!

Ep.162 – Doc Savage No. 22 (1990)

Mon, 07 Jun 2021 16:00:05 -0000

This time on the Couch: Mike, James, and Shée read Doc Savage no. 22 during a break in their daily two hours of exercise! In this issue, Doc Savage, adventurer and golden-skinned ultra-Chad, spins a light-hearted tale from his boyhood about the time he and his parents took a family trip to Siberia! Of course, they were there to pick over the ruins of a massive asteroid strike, and the whole thing gets sidelined by the murder of Savage's mother, as well as some awkward confusion about who his real father is, but by Savage Family standards it went pretty well! They probably went back the next year! Unfortunately, the young Savage got so busy with his regular routine of squats and bronzing that by the time he became an adult he'd forgotten to do something about the next asteroid strike, which is scheduled for... any day now!? Uh oh! How many dips is he gonna have to do to solve this mess?

Ep.161 – Strange Adventures No. 201 (1967)

Mon, 31 May 2021 16:00:55 -0000

This time on the Couch: Mike, James, and Shée wonder why a gorilla would wear a suit when they read Strange Adventures no. 201! If you were printing comics in the 60s, there was no better way to move units than to put a primate in your book and set him loose on an unsuspecting hero. Also, if you were printing comics in the 60s, hopefully you swiped enough copies of Amazing Fantasy no. 15 to have retired by now. But while you were achieving financial independence, D-lister Animal Man was fighting a 400-pound monster in a fedora, and getting absolutely wrecked in the process! Maybe next time try absorbing the abilities of an animal that can reconstruct its spine after it's been ground into paste! Plus, in another tale, two daring adventurers with the same fashion sense fight their way through a surreal hellscape in order to tip over an old man's tub of Hydrocodone. Enjoy your joint pain, grandpa! That's what you get for doing your squats incorrectly all these years!

Ep.160 – Batman Elseworlds (1991)

Mon, 24 May 2021 16:00:15 -0000

This time on the Couch: Mike, James, and Shée christen a new episode by reading Batman: Holy Terror! In an alternate version of Gotham City set under British rule, things pretty much turn out the same as they did in OG Gotham, with Bruce Wayne's parents getting killed and him swearing bloody vengeance upon the ills of society. The only difference is, in this reality, he's also super into God. That's right, this Bruce Wayne is washed in the blood of the lamb and the criminal element! But will the Lord guide Batman to his parents' true killer, or is the Supreme Deity just another bootlicking toady of the State? Also, isn't it weird that this Batman doesn't have a Robin? If you ask me, being a priest is a way more believable cover story for why you have a rosy-cheeked young boy running errands for you than just being some rich guy.

Ep.159 – CyberRad No. 1 (1991)

Mon, 17 May 2021 16:00:33 -0000

This time on the Couch: Mike, James, and Shée duck and cover from CyberRad no. 1! In the early 90s, Neal Adams' Continuity Comics had one glaring problem: It just wasn't rad enough. Luckily, the solution was as simple as giving a teenage boy with tight glutes and sweet feathered bangs some robot body parts and setting him loose on a construction site to fight some leftover Battlestar Galactica droids. It's an epic brawl and not much else, but that's what kids were into back then, so this thing probably flew off the shelves, right? Does the phrase, "ran for eight issues" mean anything to you? It turns out CyberRad was just too radical to last, a totally tubular flame burning so hot it set its own bodacious hair on fire. Goodnight, sweet Bandana Thigh. We'll always remember your rockin' 90s style.

Ep.158 – Skeleton Warriors No. 1 (1995)

Mon, 10 May 2021 16:00:48 -0000

This time on the Couch: Mike, James, and Shée exhume 1995's Skeleton Warriors no. 1! Published months after the cancellation of the cartoon show, Marvel's adaptation only served to further divide Americans on the topic of Skeleton rights and has been rightfully shunned ever since. In the first issue, the evil Baron Dark is creating an army of bone soldiers to steal a magical gemstone that will raise his credit score or something. His methods and intentions aren't entirely clear, but at least he's having a lot of fun with his work, which is a heck of a lot more than you can say about your job, so maybe put a sock in that judgmental attitude. Opposing him are the skin-loving Legion of Light, who claim to be fighting for justice but are probably just jealous that the Skeleton Warriors' costumes are way more metal. It's a clash for the ages, or at least for about 20 pages!

Ep.157 – Damage Control Vol. 1 No. 2 (1989)

Mon, 03 May 2021 16:00:20 -0000

This time on the Couch: Mike, James, and Shée settle some debts by reading 1989's Damage Control no. 2! On the rare occasion that comic book superheroes are called upon to take responsibility for their actions, they call Damage Control to rebuild the vast expanses of public property they've carelessly destroyed. Still no word on how they plan to repair the psychological damage caused by viciously beating mentally-ill criminals in the streets, but, y'know, baby steps. This time, Latverian king and all-around fashionista Dr. Doom is behind on payments, and some schmuck has to go collect using the most dangerous superpower of all: The threat of a lowered credit score! Good luck financing that jet ski NOW, Doom! Plus, the Thing mutates into a form so hideous that half of the Fantastic Four leave the team in disgust! Hey pal, I know you're trying to save the universe and all, but can you do it away from where we're trying to eat?

Ep.156 – Quantum Leap No. 9 (1993)

Mon, 26 Apr 2021 16:00:28 -0000

This time on the Couch: Mike, James, and Shée put things right by finally reading 1993's Quantum Leap no. 9! Dr. Scott Bakula is off on another one of his lighthearted time-travel adventures, this time inhabiting the body of a 1960s photographer in Greenwich Village's LGBT community! Aided only by his boomer friend Al and the smartphone he can't figure out how to use, the good doctor will confront the bigotries of the day and maybe bust a few heads if things start getting boring. It all leads to a confrontation at the historic Stonewall Inn, where Dr. Lady Scott Bakula photographs the real-life riots that would go down in history as a watershed moment for civil rights. Not bad for a guy who only ended up in this mess because he wasn't a very good scientist.

Ep.155 – Adventure Comics No. 420 (1972)

Mon, 19 Apr 2021 16:00:08 -0000

This time on the Couch: It's all stems and seeds when Mike, James, and Shée read the leftover tales that got rolled up into Adventure Comics no. 420! First Supergirl makes out with a cosmic gardener before getting him killed and YOLOing away from the scene of the crime! Then, the improbable Animal Man catches thieves with his amazing power of convenient plot devices! Afterwards, a space crook tries to steal some magic gems before realizing that the real magic gems were in his heart all along! Finally, when Superman is turned into a voiceless dragon monster, he must confront the greatest challenge of them all: Convincing humans not to murder something they don't immediately recognize! Good luck with that, you better hope we can't turn your bones into oil.

Ep.154 – Adventure Comics Nos. 439-440 (1975)

Mon, 12 Apr 2021 16:00:12 -0000

This time on the Couch: Mike, James, and Shée unleash vengeance upon their enemies after reading Adventure Comics nos. 439-440! In the 1970s, DC Comics was eager to capitalize on the newly-relaxed Comics Code Authority guidelines and decided the best way to do that was to revive God's favorite underdressed goth assassin, the Spectre! Finally allowed to reach his full murderous potential, the Spectre casts holy judgement on all of the malcontents of society, from slow-walkers to people with two first names to even the occasional criminal, if he's not too busy! Will his unwavering crusade convince God to finally release the Spectre from his existential prison? Yeah, have you ever known God to do that?

Ep.153 – V No. 5 (1985)

Mon, 05 Apr 2021 16:00:29 -0000

This time on the Couch: Mike, James, and Shée get their scaly claws on 1985's V no. 5! A prequel to the hit television mini-series, V is the story of a bunch of space lizards dressing up in human skinsuits and taking over the earth because LOL. Luckily, various teams of resistance fighters are throwing random plans at the wall with zero coordination in the hopes that maybe one of them might not be completely stupid. You know, maybe it's that kind of shortsighted tribalism that got our underachieving planet invaded in the first place. Sure, we do our best, but at the end of the day you really gotta hand it to the space lizards: They just wanted it more.

Ep.152 – Booster Gold No. 11 (1986)

Mon, 29 Mar 2021 16:00:41 -0000

This time on the Couch: Mike, James, and Shée crash the Darkseidmobile right into Booster Gold no. 11! After having travelled back from the future to become a corporate celebrity superhero in the 1980s, things aren't turning out very radical for Booster Gold. His sponsors are doing him dirty, his employees are getting killed, his agent has terrible facial hair, and D-list villain Shockwave is destroying his rooftop pool! He was just gonna bask near that! To top it all off, a mysterious enemy has guessed the WiFi password for Booster's sassy flying robot assistant Skeets! The only comfort during moments like this is the knowledge that all of these people will be dead hundreds of years before you're even born. When you look at it like that, life is kinda magical after all, isn't it?

Ep.151 – The Invincible Iron Man No. 134 (1980)

Mon, 22 Mar 2021 16:00:04 -0000

This time on the Couch: Mike, James, and Shée activate their refractory coating or whatever after reading Invincible Iron Man no. 134! Publicly disgraced on account of all of the murdering he's done, Tony Stark is getting back to basics. That means destroying public property while sending the bill to taxpayers, creating futuristic technology that he's unwilling to share with an undeserving world, and thinking the Playboy Club is a perfectly romantic place to take a date. Meanwhile, Communist supervillain the Titanium Man shows up to fill the void in wanton destruction caused by Tony Stark taking a night off, and comedian Rodney Dangerfield puts in a cameo appearance! Does he finally get some respect? It'd be the end of his career if he did!

Ep.150 – Batman No. 150 (1962)

Mon, 15 Mar 2021 16:00:05 -0000

This time on the Couch: Mike, James, and Shée celebrate/reluctantly acknowledge a year of quarantine and then immediately try to forget it with Batman no. 150! The year was 1962, and the Dark Knight's sales were in a tailspin. The Comics Code Authority had robbed the industry of its precious youth-corrupting sex and violence, so what was DC to do? How about some nonsense where Batman fights an assortment of uninspired losers who don't see how owning firearms might aid their criminal enterprise? Or maybe a story where Batman sniffs incense and falls in love? How about one where Robin gets hit by lightning and gains super-strength instead of just a crippling ER bill? It's all here and it's all canon!

Ep.149 – Solo Avengers Starring: Hawkeye No. 18 (1989)

Mon, 08 Mar 2021 17:00:02 -0000

This time on the Couch: Mike, James, and Shée get sucked up into a whirlwind of interspecies romantic with Solo Avengers Starring: Hawkeye no. 18! With the useful Avengers out of town, Hawkeye just wants to get in some shirtless target practice and forget his many, many failings as a superhero. There's only one problem: Cowboy goofball the Texas Twister has come a'lookin' for help rasslin' up the slimy gremlin what stole the soul of his darlin' Star, and Hawkeye is too much of a coward to tell him to kick rocks! Together, the two heroes (?) confront the monstrosity, only for Tex to lay a big slobbery kiss right on its face! What's going on here?! Have all the methane fumes of a life on the range finally eaten their way into his brain? Also, in a bewildering backup tale, Moondragon and her talking pendant have to escape from space bugs who want to steal the baby that contains her cousin's mind! If the solution involves more kissing this might be the greatest comic book ever made!

Ep.148 – Phantom Lady No. 13 (1947)

Mon, 01 Mar 2021 17:00:26 -0000

This time on the Couch: Mike, James, and Shée shine their black light of justice on Phantom Lady no. 13! When she's framed for murder by her robotic doppelganger, the mysterious Phantom Lady must clear her name the only way she knows how: By punching anyone who gets in her way until the police agree to drop all charges! It's a legal strategy that could've saved O.J. a lot of hassle. But one adventure is never enough for this Lady, so she's off to investigate why all of the radio stations have suddenly stopped broadcasting. Does the answer involving beating up Nazis? It's a comic book from the 40s, isn't it? Yeah, stop being naïve. Plus, the Blue Beetle attempts to fight a mummy, but then remembers that he's just some dude who likes bugs and thinks better of it, making him the smartest crimefighter the world has ever known.

Ep.147 – Midnight Tales No. 4 (1973)

Mon, 22 Feb 2021 17:00:35 -0000

This time on the Couch: Mike, James, and Shée miss their stop because they were reading 1973's Midnight Tales no. 4! Arachne and her creepy uncle, the Midnight Philosopher, have to get some upper-middle class children to go to bed. But their bourgeoise sense of entitlement means they'll only sleep if they get told some spooky stories first, because that's what people considered entertainment before God created Reddit. To no one's surprise, a guy who calls himself the Midnight Philosopher doesn't actually have anything interesting to say when put on the spot, so he plays dumb until he can get back to what he's good at: Making sorority girls uncomfortable at parties he's way too old to be going to. In the end, it's a book that'll really make you think. Specifically, it'll make you think, "Maybe I don't like comic books."

Ep.146 – The Flash No. 265 (1978)

Mon, 15 Feb 2021 17:00:42 -0000

This time on the Couch: Mike, James, and Shée speed-read 1978's The Flash no 265! Barry Allen and his wife Iris are heading off for their second honeymoon, which means Barry is gonna have to find some flimsy excuse to put on his costume and go screw something up in the name of justice instead. This time, a group of benevolent aliens have come to Earth to help us to not be such diseased, gross pigs. The Flash, sensing that nobody would ever willfully help another living creature, proceeds to wreck the entire operation without asking a single question first. Luckily, there's no problem that can't be solved by running in circles really, really fast. It's just another day in the life of the most catastrophic superhero of all time, and it's all so that he can avoid spending time with the only person who can tolerate his unending string of chaotic nonsense.

Ep.145 – Undertaker No. 6 (1999)

Mon, 08 Feb 2021 17:00:54 -0000

This time on the Couch: Mike, James, and Shée raise Undertaker no. 6 from the dead! It was 1999, and Chaos! Comics had to find a way to adapt wrestling megastar Undertaker to their signature blood-and-gore-and-uncomfortable-cleavage aesthetic. The solution was clear: Just do whatever, man, it doesn't matter. Freed of all restrictions concerning narrative, canon, characterization, or even coherent plot structure, the resulting product finds a bunch of WWF wrestlers with undefined supernatural powers being set loose in some gothic set piece that looks like if Lord of the Rings hated its parents. Can Undertaker and Pals reclaim the Necroverse? Does anyone take Paul Bearer seriously when he talks? And shouldn't Mankind be under adult supervision? All of these answers and more... if you write your own comic book instead!

Ep.144 – Ms. Marvel No. 5 (1977)

Sun, 31 Jan 2021 17:00:48 -0000

This time on the Couch: Breaker, breaker, 1-9! Mike, James, and Shée are haulin' a big rig loaded up with Ms. Marvel no. 5! In the 1970s, Marvel launched an exciting new hero designed to give young female readers someone to look up to, and then clothed her in a few random scraps of fabric and had her fight a monster truck. Sure, maybe Ms. Marvel never became the feminist icon some hoped she would be, but she did jackknife a semi carrying dangerous chemicals and immediately got into a vicious brawl with an Avenger, so she can hang with the rest of the raging psychopaths we call comic book superheroes any day. Plus, check out Brian K. Vaughn's IG (@briankvaughan) to find out how to donate to Bob Wiacek's glaucoma fund and receive access to a newly-unearthed Gen13 script written by everyone's favorite Sorcerer Supreme, Alan Moore!

Ep.143 – Prez No. 4 (1973)

Mon, 25 Jan 2021 17:00:09 -0000

This time on the Couch: Mike, James, and Shée celebrate two insurrection-free weeks with 1973's Prez no 4! After the teenage President Rickard donates a much-needed dam to an impoverished country, he learns why adult politicians never bother with helping anyone. Turns out all that altruism has angered the nearby vampire contingent, who send their wolfman lawyer to the states to threaten unholy Eastern European-style violence! After Prez laughs him out of the White House on account of his smelly wolfman fur, things take a turn for the unbelievably worse when a legless Dracula orders an infestation of rabies bats be dropped on America! It's the kind of airtight comic book plotting that makes you say, "Yeah, I can see why they cancelled this."

Ep.142 – Prez No. 3 (1973)

Mon, 18 Jan 2021 17:00:56 -0000

This time on the Couch: Mike, James, and Shée certify 1973's Prez no. 3! America has elected their first teenage president, and a right-wing militia is none too happy about it! The Prez plans to unilaterally take away all of the country's guns, which is pretty in line with how every eighteen-year-old assumes government works, so they're nailing this book so far. But things go wildly off the rails when insurgents attack the White House, leading to rampant bloodshed, an attempted coup, and probably more than a few stolen flagpoles. Realizing he's in way over his hormone-addled skull, Prez turns to Eagle Free, his Native American FBI chief who refuses to use indoor plumbing, to sort this mess out while he practices kissing girls in magazines. It's a tale so preposterous it could only happen in comics! And, sometimes, in real life, which is kind of like God's comics.

Ep.141 – Mr. Muscles No. 22 (1956)

Mon, 11 Jan 2021 17:00:42 -0000

This time on the Couch: Mike, James, and Shée read Mr. Muscles no. 22 while waiting for the squat rack to open up! So who is Mr. Muscles? Why, he's a super fit guy who never passes up an opportunity to remind people of that fact, resulting in a seemingly-endless string of jealous beefs throughout the city! Afflicted with Polio at a young age, Mr. Muscles used the power of spite to heal himself and rub it in his stupid doctor's face! Realizing how good being an Alpha feels (hell yeah, bro!), he decided to dedicate the rest of his life to blasting those delts until the whole world bowed before his superior technique! Together with his sidekick Kid Muscles, they'll fight tigers, get roofied, interfere in conflicts without bothering to gather all of the facts first, and generally put out the numerous fires their hubris has caused! And don't worry, ladies; There's a Miss Muscles for you to identify with as well! Although she's only around for two Bechdel-failing pages, which were written by a man. It was the 1950s, after all.

(Outro music by Mr. Muscles.)

Ep.140 – Robin No. 7 (1994)

Mon, 04 Jan 2021 17:00:47 -0000

This time on the Couch: Mike, James, and Shée kick off the new year with Robin no. 7, a comic book about a delusional narcissist who refuses to leave his job after being fired for acting like a psychopath! Jean-Paul Valley has been Batman for a little while now, and things are going so terrific, you just wouldn't believe it. Every window in Gotham has been shattered, making it much easier for people to see if someone is committing a crime, the new Batsuit has endless merchandising possibilities, and Robin is finally wearing leggings. But for some reason Bruce Wayne, who's way too old to be Batman anyway, thinks this is HIS Batcave under HIS house and wants to take over again! Please! Bruce Wayne doesn't even have flamethrower claws, folks. Jean-Paul Valley has the BEST flamethrower claws, everyone says so!

Ep.139 – Shazam! No. 11 (1973)

Mon, 28 Dec 2020 17:00:16 -0000

This time on the Couch: Mike, James, and Shée shout their magic word, "Podcast!" and suddenly find themselves reading Shazam! no. 11! As 1973 was drawing to a close, there was just enough time for a few more inexplicable adventures featuring Captain Marvel, the teenage boy who can transform into a burly man at will yet never thinks to try and get any. First, Cap must eat literal tons of cherry gelatin, despite the fact that it's going to throw his sugar intake way off and make him logy at the gym tomorrow. Then, a wannabe superhero proves that it takes more than a costume to do Captain Marvel's job: It also takes a willingness to use vigilante justice to flout the law. Finally, the evil Dr. Sivana attempts to shorten Christmas to ten minutes, while leaving Hanukkah, Kwanzaa, and Ramadan unaltered. So... is that culturally insensitive or not?

Ep.138 – Jonah Hex No. 34 (1979)

Mon, 21 Dec 2020 17:00:47 -0000

This time on the Couch: Mike, James, and Shée celebrate the holidays with 1979's Jonah Hex no. 34! Hot on the trail of some yuletide bandits, the grizzled bounty hunter finds himself in a town populated by nothing but miscreants and lowlives! Assuming he's just wandered into Des Moines, Jonah is shocked to find out that he's actually discovered a genuine outlaw town, and it's run by his own dirtbag of a father! Papa Hex doesn't take too kindly to his boy bringing all this big city justice around and throws him in jail, which is exactly the kind of cold-blooded leadership that made him the mayor of a criminal settlement in the first place, so at least it's very on-brand. Jonah Hex may be the rootinest, tootinest, horrific-facial-disfigurementest lawman in all the land, but is he tough enough to deal with his unresolved daddy issues this Christmas? And did he remember to charge overtime for working on a federal holiday?

Ep.137 – Street Sharks No. 3 (1996)

Mon, 14 Dec 2020 17:00:16 -0000

This time on the Couch: Mike, James, and Shée dive into the sewers with 1996's Street Sharks no. 3! That's right, it's time to get totally tubular with the righteous kings of gnarly 90s underground anthropomorphic superdudes! No, not the ninja turtles, these guys are way cooler! They wear pants! They eat drywall! And their dumbass mutant villains are a lobster and a swordfish, not a rhino and a warthog! Seriously, a warthog? What's extreme about that? Do you even gene splice, bro? So take a property-damaging trip with the Street Sharks as they recklessly destroy Fission City in order to... save Fission City. Somehow. Which Shark is YOUR favorite? Trick question, they're all exactly the same.

Ep.136 – William Shatner's TekWorld No. 1 (1992)

Mon, 07 Dec 2020 17:00:09 -0000

This time on the Couch: Mike, James, and Shée glimpse the future by reading a 28-year-old comic! In William Shatner's TekWorld no. 1, all of Los Angeles is held in the devastating grip of a new microchip-based drug called Tek. It's basically an Oculus Rift that you don't have to buy DLC for, which means drug lords are officially more consumer-friendly than the video game industry. Since corporate America isn't getting a cut of the action, they decide to pull some strings and arrange an early release for the only man who can get the epidemic under control: A disgraced, roughish ex-cop who's absolutely NOT a thinly-disguised William Shatner analogue! If he was, wouldn't he have a spare tire and a toupee casually sliding off the back of his head without him realizing it? Duh!

Ep.135 – Shogun Warriors No. 15 (1980)

Mon, 30 Nov 2020 17:00:39 -0000

This time on the Couch: Mike, James, and Shée climb into their mecha suits to read 1980's Shogun Warriors no. 15! The Yakuza have infiltrated the headquarters of inexplicable giant robot task force the Shogun Warriors, who were right in the middle of squandering billions of dollars on one of their weird trust fall exercises! Completely disregarding the maintenance requirements of a 100-foot tall bipedal machine, the Yakuza figure that stealing one will finally make them popular, provided they can figure out how to make it walk without crashing into a mountain and immediately shattering. If you're going to go to all that trouble at least make sure to steal an extra power cable, you don't want to be running one of those things on batteries.

Ep.134 – Married... With Children: Quantum Quartet No. 1 (1993)

Mon, 23 Nov 2020 17:00:56 -0000

This time on the Couch: Mike, James, and Shée share a big cartoon turkey leg while reading Married... With Children: Quantum Quartet no. 1! In the 90s, NOW Comics was printing cash publishing low-effort adaptations of popular IPs for undiscerning kids who would scoop up literally anything. Feeling pretty cocky about their success, NOW decided to jump completely off the rails by mashing together television's lowbrow losers the Bundys with an unlicensed satire of Marvel's first family, the Fantastic Four! It's a cornucopia of corny jokes and wildly inconsistent characterizations, and it probably sold more copies than War & Peace. Plus, a Darkseid's Couch investigative report: Just how underage was Christina Applegate during the show, and should someone be in prison right now?

Ep.133 – Hero Alliance No. 16 (1991)

Mon, 16 Nov 2020 17:00:19 -0000

This time on the Couch: Mike, James, and Shée slip into something more comfortable to read Hero Alliance no. 16! The Dark Age of Comic Books was in full swing in 1991, and Hero Alliance aimed to be the perfect time capsule of grim 'n' gritty funnybook excess. Innovation Publishing made sure to include all of the era's biggest hits in one amazing package: Casual brutality, juvenile insults, billowy capes, and more bared teeth than a Doberman trying to eat corn on the cob. But no encapsulation of the times would be complete without multiple gratuitous sex scenes, designed to both titillate and disgustipate. A generation of repressed proto-incel comic book nerds salutes you, Hero Alliance! That's, uh... that's not something to be proud of, by the way.

Ep.132 – Superman's Pal, Jimmy Olsen No. 134 (1970)

Mon, 09 Nov 2020 17:00:00 -0000

This time on the Couch: Mike, James, and Shée cast their judgement on Superman's Pal, Jimmy Olsen no. 134! Jack Kirby had just begun his massive Fourth World saga, kicking it off the way all great stories start: With a ginger kid leading a gang of space bikers into a secret dimension! After using his newfound authority to get Superman to stop being such a buzzkill about "safety" and "reckless endangerment," Olsen's free to take a group of children on a hyperspeed, fourth-dimensional joyride for reasons nobody bothers explaining! Dude, when you're this high, the most conspicuous thing you can do is start asking for things to make sense.

Ep.131 – Captain America No. 450 (1996)

Mon, 02 Nov 2020 17:00:01 -0000

This time on the Couch: Mike, James, and Shée cast their ballot for comic book nonsense when they read 1996's Captain America no. 450! President Clinton is feeling salty about all the treason that his BFF Steve Rogers has been committing lately and deports him to England to think about what he's done. No longer an officially-sanctioned superhero, Cap is free to do all the weird stuff he always wanted to try, like saluting a different flag and calling French fries "chips." Unfortunately, he's more concerned with tracking down the terrorists he thinks framed him, even though he kinda actually did do all that bad stuff in the first place. Dude, just enjoy your retirement. You're like 80.

Ep.130 – Detective Comics Nos. 514-517 (1982)

Mon, 26 Oct 2020 16:00:43 -0000

This time on the Couch: Mike, James, and Shée slither their way through Detective Comics issues 514-517! Vigilante crime fighter Batgirl has a problem: Her pants keep getting destroyed when she transforms into an unholy half-snake abomination. Well, technically that's two problems. It's a race against time as Batgirl tries to find a way to reverse the horrible curse that's slowly eating away at her humanity, but also giving her a pretty sweet Halloween costume. Plus, Batman turns into a vampire! Again! At a certain point you have to start wondering why he hasn't bothered cooking up a cure for that yet. It's just getting suspicious, is all.

Ep.129 – Child's Play No. 4 (1991)

Mon, 19 Oct 2020 16:00:19 -0000

This time on the Couch: Mike, James, and Shée are still slashing their way through a month of allegedly spooky comics! In Child's Play no. 4, murderous doll Chucky has to fight his way through a department store full of more sentient, non-copyright-infringing toys! How did they come to life? Why are they so angry? How come a book based on a horror movie franchise isn't even attempting to be scary? And why couldn't Innovation Publishing innovate themselves a business model that would last longer than five years? There won't be any answers, but at least there'll be plenty of goofy puns. Hey, Halloween 2020 was going to be a disappointment anyway, you might as well start getting used to it now.

Ep.128 – Ghost Rider No. 31 (1992)

Mon, 12 Oct 2020 16:00:17 -0000

This time on the Couch: Mike, James, and Shée go looking for scares in all the wrong places when they trudge through Ghost Rider no. 31! Doctor Strange has brought together the finest nine heroes who didn't have anything else to do tonight and mashed them together to form the gothiest new superteam of 1992, the Midnight Sons! Wait, nine members? Boy, they're gonna be the Early Afternoon Sons by the time this roll call is done, right!? You've got Ghost Rider! Morbius, the Wealthy Vampire! Blade, the Morbius Hunter! Blade's Friend! The Other Ghost Rider! Man in Coat! Gun Guy! Sunglasses Lady! Backup Gun Guy! Faced with insurmountable odds, they'll put aside their differences and work together for the greater good: Bringing us a spooky Halloween comic! Did they succeed? It's shocking that you would even ask.

Ep.127 – The Twilight Zone No. 88 (1978)

Mon, 05 Oct 2020 16:00:47 -0000

This time on the Couch: Mike, James, and Shée begin a month of spooky comic book tales with The Twilight Zone no. 88! An adaptation of the iconic television show, The Twilight Zone comic might not have the show's signature eerie charm and social relevance, but it makes up for it in topless drawings of a pretty buff Rod Serling! In the cover story, a dork receives a mysterious barbell that makes him instantly jacked, but when his ego gets out of control he learns the greatest lesson of all: Too much cardio will really burn up your gains. Oh, and be kind to others or whatever. Then, two other stories that weren't good enough to be on the cover! Those are probably so good people didn't even think they needed to be advertised!

Ep.126 – Marvel Two-In-One No. 65 (1980)

Mon, 28 Sep 2020 16:00:30 -0000

This time on Stingray's Cove: Mike, James, and Shée look for shelter from 1980's Marvel Two-In-One no. 65! Everyone's favorite superhero finally gets his chance to shine when Stingray singlehandedly takes down a gang of snake-themed terrorists! Well, technically he gets his aquatic ass handed to him immediately after stumbling unto an undersea heist, but he probably only let them win so that The Thing could look like a hero. That guy's life is a horror show, he deserves a win. Then, Triton the Inhuman makes flimsy excuses for why he didn't help despite being the only one with actual water-based superpowers. Bro, if you didn't want to hang out with Stingray just say so, nobody's gonna blame you.

Ep.125 – Aquaman No. 16 (1964)

Mon, 21 Sep 2020 16:00:31 -0000

This time on the Couch: Mike, James, and Shée get sucked into a whirlpool of aquatic nonsense with 1964's Aquaman no. 16! It's a tale of lust on the high seas when the King of Atlantis appears to have fallen in love with a mysterious alien lady! Sirene does things his girlfriend Mera never would, like shapeshift and pilot a flying saucer. In a surprise twist, it turns out to have all been a ruse perpetrated by another alien who's on the run from some space toughs for squealing to the space cops about their space crimes, and only the Aquafamily can help! Sensing an opportunity to both uphold justice and manipulate Mera's emotions for his own benefit, Aquaman pits his two suitors against each other, with the Crown of Atlantis as the prize! ("The Crown of Atlantis" is how Aquaman refers to his weird fish genitals.) Meanwhile, Aquaman's ward Aqualad looks around vacantly for something to do. You might have to sit this one out, little buddy: Things might get a little PG-13!

Ep.124 – Namor the Sub-Mariner No. 35 (1993)

Mon, 14 Sep 2020 03:09:49 -0000

This time on the Couch: Mike, James, and Shée dive into a month of water-themed comics, starting with Namor, the Sub-Mariner no. 35! Marvel's first mutant returns home to Atlantis to show off his radical 90s makeover, only to find that a woman claiming to be his dead mother has claimed the throne in his absence! Maybe it's all a big misunderstanding: It's super dark down there and nobody can hear what anyone's saying, these kinds of things probably happen all the time. But before Namor can deal with that, he'll have to clean up after an unexpected visit from Venom's stunt double, the murderous Tiger Shark! Wow, the ocean is just one hassle after another. You have to wonder if Namor wouldn't rather hang out with the X-Men instead if Xavier didn't have so many rules about wearing shirts at school.

Ep.123 – Strange Adventures No. 52 (1955)

Mon, 31 Aug 2020 16:00:47 -0000

This time on the Couch: Mike, James, and Shée take a break from the totally sensible comics they normally read and try out Strange Adventures no. 52! A decade after World War II, Strange Adventures encapsulated an America obsessed with aliens, bombs, radioactive birds, and a few more bombs, just to be on the safe side. First, a man accidentally creates a species of giant malevolent parakeets. Next, some fraudsters get clowned on by spacemen. Then, a child becomes an intergalactic menace because he has no parental guidance. Of course, nobody ever learns anything from this parade of fuck-ups, so it looks like we'll just keep living in the existential quicksand our boomer heritage has left for us until someone builds a bomb big enough to hit 'RESET' on the last few millennia. It seems that modern life was the strangest adventure of all, amirite?!

Ep.122 – Ka-Zar the Savage No. 17 (1982)

Mon, 24 Aug 2020 16:00:29 -0000

This time on the Couch: Mike, James, and Shée get out their oversized magnifying glasses to look for clues in 1982's Ka-Zar the Savage no. 17! Bored of the Savage Land, Ka-Zar decides to get turnt on some mushroom soup and read trashy noir comic books. It's the same coping mechanism that got a generation of adolescents through the 90s. Unfortunately, since Ka-Zar and his lucky bride Shanna just eat random things they find in the jungle, they become trapped in a zany detective hallucination filled with intrigue, murderous dames, and canted fedoras that never fall off your head no matter how many windows you dive through. Can Shanna find the right arbitrary jungle flora to reverse the effects and save Ka-Zar, or will she use this as an excuse to finally leave her dopey manchild of a husband? You know, maybe none of this would've happened if you bothered making dinner once in a while, Ka-Zar.

Find out more at http://darkseidscouch.com

Ep.121 – Mr. T and the T-Force No. 3 (1993)

Mon, 17 Aug 2020 16:00:43 -0000

This time on the Couch: Mike, James, and Shée discover that the T-Force was inside themselves all along when they read 1993's Mr. T and the T-Force no. 3! Fashion icon Mr. T finally gets his own comic, which mostly features him beating up children and videotaping it. You'd think he'd prefer to make himself the hero of his own comic instead of a bloodthirsty public menace, but here we are. In this issue, Mr. T prowls the streets of Chicago looking for other people's business to stick his mohawk into, eventually screaming into enough faces to infiltrate a secret chop shop and put multiple innocent lives in danger in the process. Hey, that's just the Tao of T, baby! Next time don't recruit a guy with 40 pounds of gold chains around his neck if you're hoping for subtlety.

Ep.120 – Batman No. 191 (1967)

Mon, 10 Aug 2020 04:32:15 -0000

This time on the Couch: Mike, James, and Shée pool their life savings to buy a Batarang after reading 1967's Batman no. 191! The Dark Knight is selling all of his batcrap because it might give him cancer, so it looks like we know exactly how much he actually cares about saving Gotham. Come on, Batman! There's always chemotherapy for the cancer, but the Joker ain't going into remission! Then, Alfred's famous kitchen prowess gets him abducted by some hungry mobsters, forcing him to leave the kind of tenuous clues that only an unhinged psychopath would think to put together. Luckily, Bruce Wayne is a grown man who decided a yellow oval on a grey unitard is fashion forward, so Alfred should be home by dinner.

Ep.119 – Psychoblast No. 4 (1987)

Mon, 03 Aug 2020 04:53:13 -0000

This time on the Couch: Mike, James, and Shée journey to the center of their minds with 1988's Psychoblast no. 4! Brian Burke has everything going for him: A sweet janitor gig, tight glutes, and a head full of silver, flowing hair so glorious you'd swear he scalped Kurt Russell. The only problem? There's an amoral supernatural entity locked in his psyche that could be dictating his entire perception of reality! What if his ass isn't actually that firm?! Brian will go to any lengths to get answers, even if it means taking an 18-hour nap while government agents talk about how awesome he is. But when he's asked to befriend a ginger, can even the power of the mysterious Psychoblast keep Brian from getting totally grossed out? Find out on this week's episode of Derailed Hyperliberal Comic Book Podcast!

Find out more at http://darkseidscouch.com

Ep.118 – The Three Stooges No. 1 (1953)

Mon, 27 Jul 2020 15:52:56 -0000

This time on the Couch: Mike, James, and Shée learn about friendship and eye-gouging with 1953's The Three Stooges no. 1! It's a collection of tales featuring everyone's favorite trio of careless knuckleheads who should've died a thousand times by now, Moe, Larry, and Shemp! The 1950s were a decade of economic prosperity, and Americans were eager to point and laugh at those who were struggling to generate a livable income. The Stooges were happy to oblige, trying everything from running a diner into the ground to blowing up the fireworks factory they just bought, all while the government does nothing to help these three adults with severe cognitive disabilities. But don't worry, because they're protected by the power of their love for one another. And probably a whole lot of black market painkillers. So shove a fork in a power outlet, fall out of a window, have a cinder block dropped on your head, whatever. Nothing can harm you as long as you've got your two best chums with you. It's the Darkseid's Couch Code!

Ep.117 – The New Wave No. 11 (1986)

Mon, 20 Jul 2020 03:58:02 -0000

This time on the Couch: Mike, James, and Shée jam a childhood's worth of after-school specials into 26 pages when they read The New Wave no. 11! In 1986, Eclipse Comics seemed to be making books solely to broadcast their disregard for the Comics Code Authority. Case in point: When the New Wave decides to take a day off from whatever it is they normally do to visit the circus, all of the show's dirty secrets will be exposed! From coke-snorting clowns to coke-snorting acrobats to at least one audience member who simply loves crack, the reputation of this once-proud tradition of abusing animals for human amusement may be tarnished forever! It's a dark and uncomfortable tale that will leave you with an important life lesson: The circus sucks. Seriously, the food's awful, the souvenirs are overpriced, you're just gonna leave disappointed.

Ep.116 – Miss America No. 1 (1944)

Mon, 06 Jul 2020 15:23:34 -0000

This time on the Couch: Mike, James, and Shée step in a big pile of Miss America no. 1 and spend an hour trying to wipe it off on the doormat! Travel back to 1944 and witness (or don't) the biggest comic book gimmick of them all: Miss America's inaugural issue was the first book in the industry to actively force anyone with a perfunctory sense of empathy to put it down and go find something else to do with their lives! Watch (or don't) as Miss America uses her powers of blind patriotism and ironic hypocrisy to embolden the very bigotry she's claiming to fight against! It's a book so depressing, so immoral, so offensive to basic human decency that it'll make even the most jaded listener ask, "Goddamn, when's the next Batman episode?" Soon, we promise!

Ep.115 – Sun Runners No. 1 (1984)

Mon, 29 Jun 2020 15:00:55 -0000

This time on the Couch: Mike, James, and Shée learn there's no natural resource not worth profiting off of when they read 1984's Sun Runners no. 1! In some non-specified future, Sun Runners travel the galaxy capturing solar energy to sell to needy planets. Sometimes they even fix broken stars, although all that usually involves is unplugging them and then plugging them back in again. The team's made up of a hyper-violent elephant man, a dolphin lady who wants to go back to the sea but can't resist the allure of space capitalism, a sex-starved robot, and a human who instantly incinerates himself. And he's the leader! You couldn't have less confidence in your fuel providers if the Three Stooges worked for BP.

Ep.114 – Marvel Swimsuit Special No. 2 (1993)

Sun, 21 Jun 2020 23:32:14 -0000

This time on the Couch: Mike, James, and Shée celebrate the start of a perfectly normal summer with 1992's Marvel Swimsuit Special! Whether you're into cheesecake, beefcake, or just any type of bulge, there's something for everyone when Pip the troll transports all of Marvel's biggest stars to Monster Island for a beach party! Of course, he had to use the Infinity Stones to force them to wear swimsuits and pose for photos, but in fairness most of these people get brainwashed every few days as it is. At least this time they might get some weenies out of it.

Ep.113 – The Mighty Crusaders Vol. 2, No. 9 (1984)

Mon, 15 Jun 2020 13:22:02 -0000

This time on the Couch: Mike, James, and Shée vote to defund superheroes after reading the Mighty Crusaders no. 9! Some human flagpole who calls himself the Shield has straight-up murdered a jewel thief but sees no issue with this because he's from the '40s, when that kind of thing was totally acceptable. Unfortunately, it's now the go-go '80s, and vigilantism has been criminalized. Hey pal, you wanna use excessive force with absolutely no consequences, you join the police force like an honest citizen! Luckily, the Shield has friends in high places who will stop at nothing to keep him from being held responsible for his actions. Plus, meet the Brain Emperor, a villain so proud of his brain that he makes sure it's visible at all times, which is definitely not sanitary.

Ep.112 – Mantech Robot Warriors No. 1 (1984)

Mon, 08 Jun 2020 07:05:54 -0000

This time on the Couch: Mike, James, and Shée man their posts at the All-New Mantech Battle Board Playset for the inaugural issue of 80s action figure tie-in comic Mantech Robot Warriors! Proving that there's no concept too thin for a cheap promotional cash-grab, the Mantechs are three chill dudes whose dying carcasses have been horribly mutilated to fit them into interchangeable robot bodies! And they'll need those new bodies as they battle the evil Terrortechs in an awesome struggle for... who picks the radio station, maybe? It's never made clear. Their entire society seems to consist of only these eight characters fighting one another over no stated goal. Also, the fact that they can all freely swap limbs suggests that maybe they're kinda into this. Get a room already, Techbois!

Ep.111 – The Son of Satan No. 1 (1975)

Mon, 01 Jun 2020 15:30:01 -0000

This time on the Couch: Mike, James, and Shée deal with their daddy issues while reading 1975's The Son of Satan no. 1! Daimon Hellstrom has recently found out he's the literal son of the devil, which everyone else had already assumed based on his name. Now Daimon will return to his mother's New England home to really "find himself," which means taking a spooky staircase down to Hell and telling his dad that he's his own man now and won't be following in his father's footsteps anymore! Except for, you know... using Hell-based powers, and having a pentagram chest symbol, and brandishing a pitchfork, and kinda his whole persona. If he really wants to be a good guy he should probably hire a management team, because he's digging a PR hole the superhero community is not going to respond well to. Even the Punisher would consider this bad optics.

Ep.110 – Batman No. 377 (1984)

Mon, 25 May 2020 04:19:55 -0000

This time on the Couch: Mike, James, and Shée fight over custody of 1984's Batman no. 377! Bruce Wayne has finally found a suitable new Robin in Jason Todd, aka Diet Dick Grayson. Jason is everything Batman looks for in a sidekick: He's tough, smart, and his parents are dead. It should be a match made in vigilante heaven, but there's one problem: Brooding goth supervillain Nocturna also wants adoption rights, and the legal system in Gotham is corrupt enough to entertain this bit of ludicrous comic book nonsense. Will Jason Todd get to risk his life hunting deranged killers and amassing psychological trauma that will never heal, or will he just end up getting super into Bauhaus on vinyl? Maybe living on the street isn't such a terrible option after all.

Ep.109 – Marvel Comics Super Special No. 1 (1977)

Sun, 17 May 2020 18:42:46 -0000

This time on the Couch: Mike, James, and Shée head down to the free clinic for a screening after reading the first comic book printed with real human blood, the KISS Marvel Comics Super Special! In 1977, trademark licensers and occasional rock band KISS decided to publish a semi-autobiographical comic based on their adventures. It's a pretty accurate depiction, except that the comic book version of KISS isn't a band, doesn't play instruments, and routinely battles supervillains and mystic demons. But they NAILED Peter Criss' feathered bangs! Plus, bestiality discos, Gypsy robots with machine guns, a sentient mountain that commits sexual assault, and the debut of horrifying trivia challenge "KISS Band Member or Convicted Serial Killer?"

Ep.108 – Doctor Strange No. 171 (1968)

Mon, 11 May 2020 03:31:01 -0000

This time on the Couch: Mike, James, and Shée microdose 1968's Doctor Strange no. 171! After joyriding around the mystic realms for a while, Strange decides it's finally time to settle down and starts thinking about Clea, the one that got away. Or, more precisely, the one he let get captured by a nefarious demon a while back. This seems to happen to every sorcerer supreme right around the time they turn 30. To right his past transgressions, he'll have to abduct an innocent woman and manipulate her feelings, probably getting her trapped in some otherworldly hellscape in the process. This is a good plan. But before the doctor can consider the possibility that maybe he's kind of a scumbag, he'll have to fight that staple villain of all bad trips: A skeleton man with fire hands! No matter who wins, one thing is certain: You've both got pretty dope costumes.

Ep.107 – Superman's Girl Friend Lois Lane No. 57 (1965)

Mon, 04 May 2020 02:39:19 -0000

This time on the Couch: Mike, James, and Shée join the babysitter's club just by reading Superman's Girl Friend Lois Lane no. 57! When a de-aged Superman unexpectedly shows up and starts trashing stuff, Lois competes with Lana Lang to see which would be the worse mother. Rather than try to understand the situation and protect Superbabe, they immediately jump to brainwashing an innocent child in the hopes that he'll propose to one of them when he grows back up. Having not yet caused enough psychological trauma, Lois then travels to another dimension to make sure the lovesick alien she jilted in a previous issue is still miserable. Sounds like someone's sense of compassion needs a diaper change.

Ep.106 – Teen Titans Spotlight No. 11 (1987)

Mon, 27 Apr 2020 06:07:57 -0000

This time on the Couch: Mike, James, and Shée give up on trying to make sense of 1987's Teen Titans Spotlight no. 11! It's another day, another dystopia when a series of almost unbelievably complex plot devices sends the Brotherhood of Evil into a war-torn alternate Earth! Don't worry, though, because this one has something no other Earth has: A jacked version of milquetoast Belgian comic strip character Tintin! Wait, what? That has to be a typo. The Brotherhood of Evil might be made up of a brain in a jar and a gorilla with a machine gun, but even they aren't gonna stoop to recruiting gingers.

Ep.105 – Captain Planet and the Planeteers No. 9 (1992)

Mon, 20 Apr 2020 16:13:08 -0000

This time on the Couch: Mike, James, and Shée celebrate what may be the last Earth Day ever with 1992's Captain Planet no. 9! Gaia's finally had just about enough of this shit and has chosen five kids to combat the world's ecological ills! If you think that sounds like child endangerment, then congratulations, you officially know more about being a parent than the spirit goddess of Earth. Luckily, the Planeteers have the ability to call upon bemulleted superbro Captain Planet to step in when things get a little too hairy, and also to fix the massive damage they accidentally cause while attempting to save the environment. Looks like you get what you pay for when you assume that a group of latchkey kids have enough education to preserve an entire planet full of countless incredibly complex ecosystems. Hey, you know who else would make great Planeteers? Adult scientists with college degrees. Take a break from your busy day of sobbing over the imminent collapse of society with the only podcast made from 100% recycled jokes!

Ep.104 – The Spirit No. 11 (1963)

Mon, 13 Apr 2020 13:45:41 -0000

This time on the Couch: Mike, James, and Shée take a rickety ghost train to the 1940s to check in on Will Eisner's classic Golden Age adventurer, the Spirit! Read along as the legendary hero snares criminals, fights birds, saves innocents, strangles a goddamn bird, solves mysteries, and refuses to confront the psychological underpinnings of his weird hatred of birds! Plus, pick up some style tips from the villainous Mr. Carrion, who's rocking kind of a fancy hobo pimp look. It's been almost a century and fashion still hasn't caught up to that level of steez. And don't worry if that all sounds like too much entertainment, because in typical 60s reprint fashion, there's also some unrelated filler trash to drag down the average. Seriously, who the hell is Honeybun? (Thanks to comicbookplus.com for hosting these old comics for free, including this very issue: https://comicbookplus.com/?dlid=62286)

Ep.103 – Judge Dredd: The Judge Child Quest No. 4 (1984)

Mon, 06 Apr 2020 08:36:56 -0000

This time, on three different Couches spaced at least six feet apart: Mike, James, and Shée practice social distancing while doing a remote read of Judge Dredd: The Judge Child Quest no. 4! Welcome to some weird backwards Dr. Seuss world where some idiot human went and got himself infected with the exotic and terrifying Jigsaw Disease! As perfectly formed pieces of his body disappear, the questions continue to mount: How long will he survive? Where are the pieces going? Are there sanitary wipes there? If so, can we get the hook up? Also, mustachioed space frogs, bumpkin gangs with cyborg parts, and pushy intergalactic salesmen. Oh, and Judge Dredd might show up as well, time permitting.

Ep.102 – JLA: Created Equal No. 1 (2000)

Mon, 30 Mar 2020 14:19:11 -0000

This time on the Couch: It's a double-sized quarantine special as Mike, James, and Shée try to find something to do to fill the long, existentially crushing days! In JLA: Created Equal, people are dying from a mysterious airborne virus, and the severity of it is denied by those in power until it's too late! That may seem oddly prescient, but it differs from our current reality in two important ways: It's only killing men, and it's totally stupid. Come along on a journey of bizarre facial expressions and disjointed storytelling as Superman has to figure out the logistics of impregnating millions of women to restart the population, all culminating in a final panel that may be the most bonkers thing ever discussed on the show. Lock the doors, wash your hands, and we'll let you know when the apocalypse is over!

Ep.101 – Batman/Aliens No. 2 (1997)

Mon, 23 Mar 2020 05:11:34 -0000

This time on the Couch: Mike, James, and Shée finish up 1997's Batman/Aliens crossover! As the page count drops, things are looking bleak: The Xenomorphs have killed half of the book's characters (don't worry, they sucked), a cave-in has left the survivors with little oxygen, Batman hasn't aired out his codpiece in like three whole days, and one guy lost his helmet. Fortunately, the Dark Knight has no regard for the weaknesses of others and forces everyone to just walk that shit off like he's a high school track coach. But can even Batman cope with a power-mad soldier and a giant crocodile/alien hybrid at the same time? Actually, those two problems will probably resolve each other if you just kinda step back a little.

Ep.100 – Batman/Aliens No. 1 (1997)

Mon, 16 Mar 2020 15:27:35 -0000

This time on the Couch: Mike, James, and Shée celebrate their 100th episode the way comic book nerds celebrate everything: Quarantined in as small a group as possible while getting overly excited about drawings of bulky dudes punching each other in the throat. In this first half of a two-part special, they'll look at the first issue of 1997's Batman/Aliens crossover! This one hits every requirement on the Darkseid's Couch Seal of 'WTF?' Checklist: Crocodile rasslin', awkward sexual tension, a crew of forgettable soldiers who are clearly just showing up to be killed, and maybe, if we're especially unlucky, a Xenomorph or two will impregnate some dudes against their will in the most grotesque way possible. Hey, Xenomorphs: I don't know what's acceptable on your planet, but #timesup on Earth!

Ep.99 – Avengers No. 319 (1990)

Mon, 02 Mar 2020 15:17:01 -0000

This time on the Couch: Mike, James, and Shée venture into international waters when they read 1990's Avengers no. 319! After a British submarine is hijacked, Captain America resorts to the "pick-up basketball game" method of team recruitment, since most of the real Avengers couldn't be bothered. Gathering whoever hasn't had their phone disconnected yet, Cap duct-tapes together a supergroup consisting of Sersi, Quasar, a Vision who's dealing with some sort of midlife crisis, and... Stingray. He's a guy who studies fish, and then decided to make a costume to go along with that. Okay, you know what, maybe just let the bad guys have this one. Sometimes defeat really is more humiliating than just not showing up.

Ep.98 – Tales From the Crypt No. 27 (1951)

Mon, 17 Feb 2020 05:14:36 -0000

This time on the Couch: Mike, James, and Shée go looking for a good spooking when they read 1951's Tales From the Crypt no. 27! While some people may say that nobody's in the mood to read a horror comic right around Valentine's Day, those people fail to realize that this book isn't scary at all. It barely even qualifies as entertainment, actually: A misandrist wants to kill all men but will settle for just the really dumb ones! A couple of putzes put on a gruesome play because that's what was hot in the 50s! A woman beds a ghost who disappears on her in the morning, proving that dying doesn't necessarily mean you'll stop being an unethical dawg! Plus, (mis)remembering Patrick Swayze's 'Ghost,' trying out a new sign-off, and why does it take three ghouls to run a crypt anyway?

Ep.97 – Swordquest (1984)

Mon, 03 Feb 2020 03:05:17 -0000

This time on the Couch: Mike, James, and Shée jump into the deep end of bizarre cross-promotional comic books with Swordquest: Waterworld! In the mid-80s, Atari put out a series of video games and corresponding comic books that, together, created a puzzle-solving real world contest. It appealed to everyone from children to tech nerds to that kid in high school who drew swords on all of his folders. Unfortunately Atari folded before the series could be completed, leaving several jewel-encrusted prizes unclaimed and a comic about the misadventures of a couple of creepy teenage siblings unfinished. We'll just assume everyone died, as is the Darkseid's Couch tradition.

Ep.96 – Black Goliath No. 1 (1976)

Mon, 20 Jan 2020 17:13:35 -0000

This time on the Couch: Mike, James, and Shée are inspired to cut abdominal holes in their shirts after reading comic book/70s fashion magazine Black Goliath no. 1! That's right; Black Goliath, the size-altering character you might've heard of once although you were probably just thinking of Giant Man, finally has the solo series someone must've been clamoring for! What a lucky day it was for that guy! Hopefully BG's biggest fan wasn't hoping for anything socially relevant, though, because this book pretty much just features our hero flaunting his wealth and superpowers in the decaying urban neighborhood he grew up in and then retiring to his fabulous condo. Sounds like perfect Avengers material.

Ep.95 – The Uncanny X-Men Vol. 1, No. 229 (1988)

Mon, 06 Jan 2020 05:34:09 -0000

This time on the Couch: Mike, James, and Shée head to the Outback for Uncanny X-Men no. 229! The year was 1988. The X-Men were on the run after being presumed dead and America was experiencing a brief yet bizarre obsession with Australian culture, so Marvel went ahead and smashed those things together with all the grace of a direct to VHS Crocodile Dundee sequel. Plus, meet the Reavers, a gang of meth-mouthed half-robots who still managed to figure out teleportation. So why can't you manage to get a car loan? It's starting to get embarrassing, bro.

Ep.94 – Alf Super-Size Holiday Special (1989)

Mon, 23 Dec 2019 06:55:03 -0000

This time on the Couch: Mike, James, and Shée get an early Christmas present with the Alf Super-Size Holiday Special! By 1988, the fuzzy little alien demon had successfully dominated all of American culture. Alf had a hit tv show, a Saturday morning cartoon, a line of comics, and an adoptive human family with whom he shared a complex psychosexual power dynamic. Maybe it's reading between the lines, but try coming up with another reason why an alien who has mastered space travel and weather manipulation would be slumming it with a gang of suburbanites who desperately needed some excitement in their meaningless lives. Plus, a Darkseid's Couch first, as someone finally walks off the show in protest, presumably to go find their lost holiday cheer.

Ep.93 – Kamandi: The Last Boy on Earth!, No. 3 (1973)

Mon, 09 Dec 2019 04:21:21 -0000

This time on the Couch: Mike, James, and Shée develop Stockholm Syndrome reading Kamandi: The Last Boy on Earth no. 3! Well, maybe not Shée, who starts this episode with prepared remarks in re: primates and how much they suck. For the rest of us, it's Planet of the Apes meets golden-haired twinks when warring apes battle over who gets to make Kamandi their smooth-legged slave. What starts as a good old-fashioned dystopian interspecies brawl becomes a poignant meditation on toxic relationships after Kamandi starts to sympathize with the raging gorilla who was literally trying to cave his skull in, like, four minutes earlier. Gotta learn to love yourself first, Kamandi. Plus, Joe Rogan finally sits on the Couch, more Kirby praise, and a request for new sign-off suggestions. Oh, and start exercising. That's not a joke, just get yourself together. You want your heart to hold old long enough to see a Kamandi movie, work those lats.

Ep.92 – The Sensational She-Hulk Vol. 1, No. 18 (1990)

Mon, 25 Nov 2019 17:29:37 -0000

This time on the Couch: Mike, James, and Shée meet the Jade Giantess herself in 1990's Sensational She-Hulk no. 18! Created as a copyright-protecting security measure, Shulkie outgrew her modest origins to eventually... fight a dentist. It's a canon-irrelevant fill-in issue where She-Hulk has to put up with the whining of Dr. Doom's fifth cousin Bob, a successful dentist who won't be satisfied til he has his own country as well. Honestly, that's just a really naive thing to want: Think of the maintenance costs, the zoning laws, the periodic purgings... Everybody knows you don't want to own a country, you just want to be friends with the guy who owns a country. Also, remember that time Dr. Doom cried about 9/11? Don't let the mainstream media tell you it didn't happen.

Ep.91 – The Cougar No. 1 (1975)

Mon, 11 Nov 2019 15:54:02 -0000

This time on the Couch: Mike, James, and Shée read the first issue of 1975's The Cougar live while recording! Sure, it's a confusing reading experience, but this is an industry where radiation exposure gives you superpowers instead of plain old Leukemia, so logical storytelling was already on the backburner. Anyway, stuntman Jeff Rand is a reasonably in-shape guy who mooonlights as the Cougar, an adventurer who gets backhanded by monsters and probably kinda likes it. That's about it. Plus, vampire finger fetishes, the unwokeness of Three's Company, and R-rated plans for the Darkseid's Couch Instagram account.

Ep.90 – Batman & Dracula (1991)

Mon, 14 Oct 2019 14:04:11 -0000

This time on the Couch: Mike, James, and Shée celebrate their 90th episodes with the spookiest Batman of all, as the Dark Knight meets Dracula in 1991's Red Rain graphic novel! It's an era of giant ears and bulbous double-chins as deranged artist Kelley Jones creepifies this tale of two creatures of the night clashing over the best way to not help the homeless of Gotham City! Dracula wants to turn them into his villainous army of the undead, while Batman prefers to just ignore them entirely. As if that wasn't enough, some vampire lady has been sneaking into Bruce Wayne's bed at night and fondling him while he's asleep, which is definitely going to be a major topic in therapy after he suffers from the total psychological collapse we all know is coming any day now. Plus, was Red Rain always a Peter Gabriel song? It used to be Sting, right? It definitely used to be Sting. Must be the Mandela Effect.

Ep.89 – The Golden Age Girls (1940-1941)

Mon, 30 Sep 2019 13:59:27 -0000

This time on the Couch: It's a very special episode of America's only comic book podcast [verification needed] as Mike, James, and Shée spotlight five forgotten pre-Wonder Wonder female superheroes! Meet Amazona, who will systematically ruin your existence if you call her 'babe'! Wildfire, who taught kids everywhere that fire can't hurt you if you're not afraid of it! Mother Hubbard, with the power of being an old haggy witch who can still afford to own a house somehow! Fantomah, who uses skeleton powers to turn people into godless abominations! And Margot the Magician, who hypnotizes Nazis and just kinda leaves them there to deal with that shit! Sure, the stories may've been crude and racist, and the morals ethically questionable, and maybe their best features were stripped from them and injected into male power fantasies that warped the worldviews of generations to come, but... there's not really a great way to end that sentence. Plus, keep up to date on the latest "Reagan shutting down mental institutions" news by following Shée at @reaganshutmdown, and James forgets to thank comicbookplus.com for housing all this public domain goodness in the first place! Oops!

Ep.88 – The Inhumans No. 3 (1976)

Mon, 16 Sep 2019 14:56:38 -0000

This time on the Couch: Not a repost! Not a typo! Not an imaginary episode! Mike, James, and Shée are still reading the Inhumans! In 1976's Inhumans no. 3 the group decides to go all Muppets Take Manahattan and head to the big city to beg some real superheroes to help them figure out why their town sucks so bad. Unfortunately for the Inhumans, hot on their trail is Kree supersoldier Shatterstar, who had a perfectly good costume going until he decided to paint the spinning Apple colorwheel on his chest like he was having trouble loading up Keynote. All that plus the return of lovable giant bulldog Lockjaw, and James tells the world the things he had to Judo chop to survive the mean streets of Detroit.

Ep.87 – The Inhumans No. 2 (1975)

Mon, 02 Sep 2019 16:27:12 -0000

This time on the Couch: Mike, James, and Shée discover the mystery of the Inhumans, the Kree-modified, easily forgettable, incestuous (probably) gang of not-technically-mutant superfreaks! In 1975's Inhumans no. 2, the Kree decide it's finally time to cash out and send goofy mongoloid Blastaar to retrieve the Inhumans. There's only one catch: He has to make his mission as convoluted as possible. The result is a team of giant Ed Wood robots literally scooping people into their ribcages. Can Black Bolt, the ever-silent king of the Inhumans, spare his people this ridiculous indignity? And can he do it without talking? No, probably not. The mouth on that guy. Plus, speaking of unexpected vocalizations, Demo the studio cat is finally allowed on mic. What will he add to the podcast? An in-depth analysis of the socio-economic implications of the Inhumans royal family? Or maybe 'meow'? There's only one way to find out!

Ep.86 – Action Comics No. 593 (1987)

Mon, 19 Aug 2019 14:45:48 -0000

This time: Mike, James, and Shée make room on the casting couch for Big Barda with 1987's Action Comics no. 593! Barda and Mister Miracle's marriage is put to the test when they receive a mysterious VHS tape from stone-faced God demon/podcast inspiration Darkseid. Turns out the morally despicable villain Sleez has hypnotized Barda and is forcing her to act in pornos that her husband may or may not be into! The only problem (okay, there are actually a great many problems here) is that Barda is simply too strong for human co-stars! The solution? Why not mind-control Superman as well and get him in here? There's really no way that could blow up in your face! I guess those New Gods like to live dangerously.

Ep.85 – Journey Into Mystery No. 1 (1952)

Mon, 05 Aug 2019 15:00:31 -0000

This time on the Couch: Mike, James, and Shée just barely tolerate 1952's Journey Into Mystery no. 1! It's another low-effort anthology of horror tales that prove kids in the 50s were embarrassingly easy to scare. An unsuccessful florist pays hobos to steal flowers from graves for him! A dumbass farmer opts for a voodoo curse instead of admitting he's just not very good at agriculture! A mediocre author resorts to murder instead of taking a writing class or something! Basically, the lesson in all these stories is that if you're bad at your job just keep your head down and try not to draw attention to yourself, otherwise a bunch of ghosts will destroy you in the most ironic way possible. Also, find out which states are still hanging people in 2019... and then avoid them. What the hell were you gonna do in Delaware, anyway?

Ep.84 – The Daring New Adventures of Supergirl No. 3 (1983)

Mon, 08 Jul 2019 15:57:40 -0000

This time on the Couch: Mike, James, and Shée head into the toiletverse with 1983's The Daring New Adventures of Supergirl no. 3! There's no other way to say this so let's just get right to it: Supergirl has to fight a poo monster. Where did he come from? Can he talk? What does he think of Supergirl's weird 80s costume redesign? We may never find out, but one thing's for certain: He must smell goddawful. Luckily Supergirl's relocated to Chicago so nobody really notices all that much. And then, in an exciting backup feature, Lois Lane struggles to appear in her own story. Well, it's about a dad fetishizing her 14-year-old fashion model daughter, so maybe you're better off walking away from this one anyway, Lois. Maybe go see if Supergirl needs any help with that poop man?

Ep.83 – The Mighty Thor No. 140 (1967)

Mon, 24 Jun 2019 15:53:57 -0000

This time on the Couch: Mike, James, and Shée once again visit the terrifying imagination of Jack "King" Kirby with 1967's The Mighty Thor no. 140! Returning to Asgard after killing a bunch of trolls, Thor asks his dad to turn him back into enfeebled doctor Donald Blake and let him go protect the morons of Earth again, because someone has to be the dumbest Avenger. It's a good thing Odin agrees, because Kang the inter-dimensional warlord has left a challenge that only a jock God who solves all his problems by smashing them with a hammer can deal with: A purple-helmeted guy that gets bigger the more you hit him! ...Huh. How about that? Also, is Thor getting sexually involved with a human the equivalent of bestiality, and why doesn't that seem to bother him even a little bit?

Ep.82 – All-Star Comics No. 3 (1940)

Mon, 10 Jun 2019 15:52:13 -0000

This time on the Couch: Mike, James, and Shée sit around a table, just like on the cover of All-Star Comics no. 3! It's the first meeting of the first ever superhero team, the Justice Society of America, and only one thing could bring all of their dazzling abilities together for this historic moment: Lunch. That's right, it's 60 pages of a bunch of gods among men going into drunk uncle mode to brag about the various ways they've punched people, only pausing momentarily to eat big cartoon turkey legs. Who's YOUR favorite JSA member? Is it the guy who's only effective when he's on drugs? The scrawny guy who won't stop mentioning that he's slightly less scrawny now? One of the TWO guys who destroy souls and really shouldn't be on this team in the first place? Or is it the one who finds an excuse to leave early? It's probably that last one.

Ep.81 – Nth Man: The Ultimate Ninja No. 1 (1989)

Mon, 29 Apr 2019 15:47:17 -0000

This time on the Couch: Mike, James, and Shée head to the mythical comic book land of Russia for 1989's Nth Man: The Ultimate Ninja no. 1! Set against a landscape of sultry accents and soldiers who match their socks to their underwear just in case, World War III is ravaging the globe. Unfortunately Nth Man wouldn't know anything about that because he's been locked up in an underground cell working on his beach bod for years. But the time for shirtless, high-stakes escapes has come, as a team of American (yeah!) soldiers (hell yeah!) and an aged martial arts guru (OH HOLY SHIT YEAH!) must break Nth out so that... something else... can happen. Maybe? Okay, the long-term plan is kinda vague at this point, but just look at those glistening abs! More like "Ultimate Nin-JACKED", right!?! Also, Mike and James explain cucking porn tropes to Shée, which may go a long way towards explaining why two straight guys are so cavalier about complimenting men's physiques all the time.

Ep.80 – Batman No. 80 (1953)

Mon, 15 Apr 2019 15:43:40 -0000

This time on the Couch: Mike, James, and Shée celebrate their 80th episode AND Batman's 80th anniversary with Batman no. 80! The 1950s were a more innocent time, when the Joker could call up the Gotham Gazette and advertise his crimes like he's selling a used Honda, kid sidekicks could bounce between staying at multiple eccentric millionaires' homes without arousing suspicion, and scientists easily got the zoning permits needed to build islands full of dangerous robots. It's the kind of simple, old-fashioned fun that warped your grandparents into the barely-functioning embarrassments they are today. Plus, Casey the Cop can't be trusted to help anyone, we discover where that lady who said the dingo ate her baby probably got the idea, and tips from the FBI on how to avoid swindlers in the 1950s. Just Google them, stupid!

Ep.79 – The Doom Patrol No. 90 (1964)

Mon, 01 Apr 2019 15:40:14 -0000

This time on the Couch: Mike, James, and Shée check out the early adventures of streaming's newest niche IP, The Doom Patrol! Robotman! Negative Man! Elasti-Girl! The Chief! What they lack in clever codenames they make up for in torturous existential ennui! In 1964's Doom Patrol no. 90, the team have to figure out who's the spy among their ranks, begging the question: What kind of psychopath volunteers to hang out with a gang of clearly miserable freaks and their unstable parental figure? The answer is Madame Rouge, of the nefarious Brotherhood of Evil! Actually, for a bunch of villains that includes a gorilla with a machine gun and a super pissed-off brain in an aquarium, they really have the healthier group dynamic. Because why bother dedicating your life to evil if you're not going to build lifelong friendships along the way?

Ep.78 – Starfire No. 1 (1976)

Mon, 18 Mar 2019 15:35:37 -0000

This time on the Couch: Mike, James, and Shée visit yet another goddamn dystopian future when they read 1976's Starfire no. 1! Don't get too excited, though; It's not the Starfire you've heard of, but instead some lady you've never seen before who's trapped in a confusing world of lizard monsters, child brides, and "unfamiliar rods"! Her only friend is eternal good-guy Dagan, to whom Starfire is unwaveringly devoted. Dagan stays virtuous through all temptation, even though you have to assume he's wishing he would've left a little more space in the crotch when he was sewing his pantaloons. Dagan dies on the rack having never gotten even a little and Starfire devotes the rest of her life to blowing off her frustration by killing tyrant space lizards. It just goes to show that, when aimed correctly, sexual repression is like an unstoppable canon of justice, which is why Darkseid's Couch officially endorses raising the age of consent to 30.

Ep.77 – Star Wars No. 48 (1981)

Mon, 04 Mar 2019 16:32:49 -0000

This time on the Couch: Mike, James, and Shée wage war on fun with 1981's Star Wars no. 48! Somewhere in the loose, foggy continuity that comes with cheap tie-ins, Princess Leia has to travel to a distant planet to acquire an exciting weapon that could bring the Empire to its knees! Just kidding, she actually needs a bank loan. Some dumb kids in the '80s ponied up $.50 expecting a grand space adventure and instead got a crash course in filling out FAFSA paperwork. Next, Darth Vader shows up and you think things are about to get real, but then they all have to go hang out at a butterfly ceremony and sip space tea together. Did Leia just pull out a phaser? Nope, it's a toy from the gift shop. Are those jets scrambling for a dogfight? Not a chance, just showing off their yaw control. This kind of bait-and-switch bullshit goes on for 22 torturous pages like the comic book equivalent of edging. More like Star BORES, amirite!? But for real, this isn't a good book.

Ep.76 – Star Trek No. 7 (1980)

Mon, 18 Feb 2019 16:29:53 -0000

This time on the Couch: Mike, James, and Shée accept their 37-minute mission to explore 1980's Star Trek no. 7! Kirk, Spock, and the gang discover a race of freakish french fry people who are about to die from radiation poisoning and decide to stick their phasers where they don't belong by ignoring the Prime Directive and rescuing the adorable schmucks. And schmucks they do indeed be, as they refuse to leave for reasons they don't feel like explaining. Supposedly it has something to do with a time paradox, but probably they're just lazy. Plus, Scotty burns his hands hotwiring the transporter, James doesn't know when someone's wearing a wig, and Marvel Comics implies that Spider-Woman is aroused by word puzzles intended for children. (Credit to The Sihd for outro music.)

Ep.75 – My Love No. 10 (1971)

Mon, 21 Jan 2019 16:19:57 -0000

This time on the Couch: Mike, James, and Shée pretty much fix every problem with relationships when they read 1971's My Love no. 10! Marvel's reprint cash-in delivers a mixed bag of mixed messages about feminism as poorly-developed female characters try to figure out which is more important: Giving up your personal agency to have a man in your life or giving up your self-respect to have a man in your life. It's all rounded out by an advice column that's almost certainly ghostwritten by Stan Lee, so if you were a teenage girl in the 70s who desperately needed a middle-aged man to answer your questions about becoming a woman, help was only 15 cents away. Also, you probably have some pretty bad psychological scars now. Sorry about that, True Believer.

Ep.74 – X-O Manowar No. 13 (1992)

Mon, 07 Jan 2019 16:16:36 -0000

This time on the Couch: Mike, James, and Shée ride a light ray all the way over to the Valiant Universe for the very first time! In X-O Manowar no. 13, the flagship hero of the fifth or sixth most popular superhero universe must team up with Solar to take down a super pissed-off batch of The Vine in order to rightfully earn the Shanhara armor! Don't know what any of that means? Dude, it doesn't matter at all. Basically, if you wanna see a beefcake in purple briefs wrestle a space tigerman, your very specific wish has been granted. And if by some chance that's not what you listen to comic book podcasts for, stay tuned for an eye-opening discussion about the phenomenon of post-sex male guilt. It's called post-coital tristesse, and now you've been tricked into learning something, sucker!

Ep.73 – The Incredible Hulk Versus Quasimodo (1983)

Mon, 24 Dec 2018 16:12:05 -0000

This time on the Couch: Mike, James, and Shée learn the true meaning of Christmas when they read the Incredible Hulk Versus Quasimodo! In 1983 somebody realized these two guys had a lot in common, namely that they're both freaks who can't seem to stop complaining about their not-so-terrible lives, and decided that was reason enough to throw them together. Bruce Banner heads to France to find a miracle cure for Hulkington's Disease but runs afoul of the Hunchback of Notre Dame and his giant bat friend. Quasimodo steals the cure and turns back into a man and the Hulk decides to just let that slide considering he just gruesomely murdered Quasi's pet bat. Things end with both guys deciding to maybe stop being such whiny little bitches about everything, although this story isn't part of official Marvel continuity, so don't expect that lesson to stick. It's a Non-Canonical Christmas Miracle!

Ep.72 – Fantastic Four No. 371 (1992)

Mon, 12 Nov 2018 16:08:53 -0000

This time on the Couch: Mike, James, and Shée get caught ogling 1992's Fantastic Four no. 371! Sue Storm has a smokin' new outfit for the 90s that offers dramatically reduced protection but makes up for it with trashy sex appeal. Unfortunately Mr. Fantastic isn't biting because he's an unrelatable supergenius who's evolved beyond the concept of lust. Meanwhile Johnny Storm's unsolicited advances on a fellow student attract the wrath of Paibok and Devos! That's right: Two D-list villains have teamed up! That's the comic book equivalent of one Mysterio! Plus, Mike reveals his shocking real-life connection with disgraced Speaker of the House/pervert Dennis Hastert. It's what made him the man he is today!

Ep.71 – The Atom No. 16 (1965)

Mon, 29 Oct 2018 15:05:01 -0000

This time on the Couch: The fun is so small you'd swear it's not even there when Mike, James, and Shée read 1965's The Atom no. 16! In this novel-length adventure, kids in the 60s finally got what they were clamoring for in their comic books: A superhero who complains about being sleepy all the time and then loses a fight to an old man. While trying to get some rest on a local tree branch (sure!), the Atom is confronted by an elderly creep who wants his sweet lactic acid (sure!!). The minuscule mite seems to forget that he can change his size to deal with things like this and ends up flattened out by a science iron. Flat, prone, and alone, the tiny titan has to sit around thinking about his poor life decisions while his geriatric superior hits the casino. Also, the Atom kills a bird. It's messed up, man.

Ep.70 – Punisher/Batman (1994)

Mon, 15 Oct 2018 14:26:27 -0000

This time on the Couch: Mike, James, and Shée celebrate 70 episodes with Batman and the Punisher, the two cheeriest guys in comicdom! In Deadly Knights, it's been less than a year since the characters last crossed over, but this time it's Bruce Wayne back in the weirdly-shaped cowl instead of crazed cultist Azrael. Bruce isn't taking too kindly to a vigilante with a skull on his chest killing mooks and humps in Gotham, but considering this is the same guy who picked a crazed cultist to replace him in the first place, maybe he could stand to pull back on the moral high grounding a little. Things pretty much shake out how you'd expect from there, with the Joker and Jigsaw combining their powers of being really unpleasant to look at while Robin and Microchip get into a 90s internet fight over who gets the last bag of Cool Ranch Doritos or something. Goddamn nerds, man.

Ep.69 – Transformers No. 20 (1986)

Mon, 10 Sep 2018 14:24:48 -0000

This time on the Couch: Mike, James, and Shée finally reach their tolerance limit with 1986's Transformers no. 20! When a damaged Autobot named Skids lands in some trailer trash Wyoming nothing town, things get straight up Twin Peaks. Except instead of a murder mystery there are bizarre human/robot cucking rituals, local mechanics who clearly should be working for NASA, and insane alpha males who will gladly rack up multiple criminal charges just to run you off the road if they suspect you might've cut them off the other day. The town's delicate ecosystem is disrupted by the presence of bloodthirsty Decepticon panther Ravage, but even that won't keep Skids from finding time to seal the deal with popular local short-shorts enthusiast Charlene while her beta coworker Wendell watches and sobs. In an age of political and social divisiveness, it's one thing we can all finally agree on: This is absolutely an abomination.

Ep.68 – Masters of the Universe No. 9 (1987)

Mon, 27 Aug 2018 14:21:02 -0000

This time on the Couch: Mike, James, and Shée have the power of Greyskull, and they'll need it to get through 1987's Masters of the Universe no. 9! It's tough being a weird legless elf wizard when all of your friends are super buff he-men with names like Man-at-Arms and... well, He-Man. Inadequacy finally gets the best of Orko when his girlfriend sacrifices herself to save him during one of the infiltrations of evil sects that happen in Eternia all day every day. For a civilization of Godlike warriors you'd think their planet wouldn't be such a shithole. Anyway, old Orks gets his wiry blue fingers on the mystical Hate Stones and proceeds to drop 'bows all over evil's ass, doing a way better job than He-Man and his super-jacked workout squad ever did. Really not seeing a problem here; At this rate Eternia might get indoor plumbing eventually. All that plus the hot new podcast craze of 2018, pigeonholing James' musical interests!

Ep.67 – Havok & Wolverine: Meltdown No. 1 (1988)

Mon, 13 Aug 2018 14:17:15 -0000

This time on the Couch: Mike, James, and Shée try to avoid using their mutant powers while reading the first installment of Havok & Wolverine's Meltdown miniseries! On bro-cation in Mexico, the two buds are having a great time challenging each other not to use their powers in their routine unprovoked brawls with innocent civilians, because that's just how mutant superfreaks get their jollies. But things get complicated when they have to steal an innocent woman's car to escape dealing with the consequences of their own criminal actions, which somehow makes them the good guys of this story. Also, a supervillain is revealed to have caused the Chernobyl meltdown, because when you're dealing with assholes as amoral as Wolverine that's the kind of stakes you need to have to make your villain look like the bad guy here.

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Ep.66 – Revengers Starring Armor and The Silver Streak No. 4 (1988)

Mon, 30 Jul 2018 14:14:45 -0000

This time on the Couch: Mike, James, and Shée have heard your pleas and are taking yet another trip to the Continuity Comics Continuniverse! It's time to get acquainted with Continuity's crown jewel, Megalith the Ultimate Man, as he joins fellow under-aged superheroes Armor and the Silver Streak to form the Revengers for some reason! In 1988's Revengers no. 4, Megalith acquires a plot of land and tricks his new superpowered friends into building a house on it for him instead of fighting crime. But they won't even get the foundation set before they're attacked by a crazed group of backwoods mutant hillbilly zombie freaks who don't take kindly to no poorly-written supertypes 'round here. Plus, learn the baffling origin of Megalith and find out exactly how tall he is, and then find it out again like eight more times!

Ep.65 – Atari Force No. 1 (1982)

Mon, 16 Jul 2018 14:11:32 -0000

This time on the Couch: Mike, James, and Shée explore the wild world of corporate synergy with Atari Force no. 1! In 1982 DC decided to put actual talent on a video game tie-in comic that never actually mentions video games in any way. It was a bold advertising strategy, and ensured that Atari would remain on the bleeding edge of video game technology to this very day. Plus, ideas for podcasts people might actually listen to, a deep dive into the benefits of VR sexual exploration, and James gets apoplectic over his co-hosts' flagrant disregard for his timers.

Ep.64 – Ghost Rider No. 48 (1980)

Mon, 02 Jul 2018 14:07:07 -0000

This time on the Couch: Mike, James, and Shée celebrate the Fourth of July with a special Halloween episode about everyone's favorite skull-on-fire demon guy, Ghost Rider! In issue 48, Ghost Rider's human host Johnny Blaze is attacked by vampire bats and proceeds to mercilessly sic his hellspawn alter-ego on them, begging the question: Do demons just kinda wait around until someone needs vengeance over something? Plus, compelling evidence that one of the Avengers is a big Ayn Rand fan, and what AC/DC song do angry yokels use to hype themselves up for mob violence?

Ep.63 – Crazyman No. 1 (1992)

Mon, 18 Jun 2018 14:05:15 -0000

This time on the Couch: Mike, James, and Shée dive back into the Continuity Comics Continuniverse and fish out 1992's Crazyman no. 1! That's right, Crazyman: A character so unpredictable that the fact that he never really does anything all that crazy just makes him all the crazier... or something. Anyway, Danny Brody is a man with a rare mental disorder that causes him to react to any stimuli by rolling around on the floor and throwing a hissy fit, making him the hero the Ritalin generation deserved. In a book filled with geopolitical tension, eye-gougings, and multiple secret organizations, Crazyman has something for everyone, assuming what you wanted was in no way entertaining. Come take a ride back to the 90s, when shoving nuanced mental illnesses under the reductive umbrella of "crazy" was not only acceptable, but actively encouraged in the arts!

Ep.62 – The New Mutants No. 4 (1983)

Mon, 04 Jun 2018 14:03:32 -0000

This time on the Couch: Mike, James, and Shée learn a valuable after-school lesson when they read 1983's New Mutants no. 4! Fearing that the X-Men may be too old to keep manipulating into impossibly dangerous situations for his own gain, Professor Xavier has formed a group of New Mutants who are younger, more unstable, and quite a bit dumber. It's the crowning achievement of an insane career. This issue, what starts as a simple adventure involving good old-fashioned death threats over the phone turns into a bizarre PSA about the psychological effects of child abuse. So... buckle up for boffo laffs!

Ep.61 – G.I. Joe No. 47 (1986)

Mon, 21 May 2018 13:58:10 -0000

This time on the Couch: Mike, James, and Shée read the only comic book that functions as propaganda for both the military industrial complex AND out of control consumerism, G.I. Joe! In issue 47 a bunch of colorful soldiers with deeply-repressed PTSD take to the seas in an act of unprovoked aggression. Cobra may be an international squad of snake-themed super-terrorists, but at least they respect the rules of wartime engagement. Meanwhile Snake Eyes finally loses all of his shit on a group of sharks while Storm Shadow swings a sword underwater with tremendous accuracy, and both organizations take turns seeing who can hire the more useless medical professional.

Ep.60 – Batman/Punisher (1994)

Mon, 09 Apr 2018 13:50:33 -0000

This time on the Couch: It's time for the sixth Batman special episode as Mike, James, and Shée read about the Dark Knight teaming up with the Punisher in 1994's Lake of Fire crossover! Oh, but it's not just any Batman: This here is Bruce's Xtreme 90s stand-in, Jean Paul Valley, aka Azrael, aka Azbats, aka Bigcape McClawfingers. Azzy and Punny are hot on the trail of Jigsaw as he's working a bizarre plan to set Gotham's water on fire and then sell them a new filtration plant... or something. But all of that takes a backseat to watching our two heroes bro out, admiring each other's style but lamenting what can never be. Seriously, these two psychos are right on the verge of busting into a duet of 'Strangers in the Night,' it's weird. Plus, an uncomfortable fight in a Russian bathhouse, male underarm grooming tips, and did Dick Cheney get his plan for the Middle East from a villain in a 90s comic book? Yes, he absolutely did.

Ep.59 – Bucky O'Hare No. 3 (1991)

Mon, 26 Mar 2018 13:48:58 -0000

This time on the Couch: Mike, James, and Shée blast off into S.P.A.C.E. with the surprisingly woke adventures of green rabbit explorer Bucky O'Hare! That's right; For once the anti-consumerism rantings of the show are actually completely intentional and not just the errant spurts of one of Mike's Bernie Sanders wet dreams. In issue 3 of the original graphic novel's reissue, Bucky recruits a helpless little boy to be his warp drive mechanic in his war against capitalist space toads, which really kinda muddies the waters of morality here, but just go with it. Also, what the hell is Continuity Comics anyway, and do they have good drawererings? Oh, you better believe they do!!

Ep.58 – The Joker No. 3 (1975)

Mon, 12 Mar 2018 13:46:32 -0000

This time on the Couch: Mike, James, and Shée learn all about the Creeper with 1975's The Joker no. 3! Shortly after the Joker was allowed to return to his murderous roots he got his own short-lived solo series... where he didn't murder anyone. Instead, the Creeper is framed for Joker's crimes on the basis that the two kinda sorta seem like one another as long as you're colorblind and aren't aware of the fact that the Joker has already committed like a billion crimes. Plus, guess which member of the show figures Charles Schulz was a Nazi, which is abnormally interested in how phallic the Joker's nose is, and which is tired of Mark Millar's bullshit. Honestly, most of that is pretty interchangeable.

Ep.57 – Kickers, Inc. No. 7 (1986)

Mon, 26 Feb 2018 14:45:13 -0000

This time on the Couch: Mike, James, and Shée prove that research is for suckers when they read 1986's Kickers, Inc. no. 7 live while recording! For the first time, the gang goes into a book totally blind, with no knowledge of what to expect beyond the cover and the concept. That concept? The fictional NY Smashers football team is moonlighting as vigilante crimefighters, because apparently both of those jobs are really just kinda side hustles. It was part of Marvel's 'New Universe' initiative, which heralded an era of new characters you would see about four times and then never again. Who says comic books are a waste of money? All that, plus coach Kirby motivates his team by throwing shit at them (presumably because his marriage is falling apart), and does this Brick guy have jaundice or does Marvel just not know how to color black people?

Ep.56 – Phoenix No. 1 (1975)

Mon, 12 Feb 2018 14:43:05 -0000

This time on the Couch: Mike, James, and Shée put on their finest long-sleeved polos to read 1975's Phoenix no. 1! In the 1970s, Marvel Comics founder Martin Goodman decided to start up a new comics company, but this time populate it with boring, generic nobodies to see if that would work. The old Goodman Charm couldn't keep Atlas/Seaboard Comics afloat and it folded in about a year. What went wrong? Editorial mismanagement? External economic factors? Or was it that books like Phoenix were so dull kids fell asleep just from touching them? Meanwhile Shée receives no quarter for her complaints about primates, and how did a bunch of aliens end up with Jon Arbuckle's wardrobe anyway?

Ep.55 – Plastic Man No. 10 (1968)

Mon, 29 Jan 2018 14:37:07 -0000

This time on the Couch: Mike, James, and Shée try to untangle the mysteries of the world's most pliable superhero when they read 1968's Plastic Man no. 10! When sidekick Gordy gets a transfusion of Plas' weird freak blood he becomes a copycat superhero, only to discover that helping people has more to do with not being a moron than it does with having actual superpowers. Then the Dollmaker shows up with an army of shrunken thieves that he uses to commit petty crimes, suggesting he's more interested in the thrill of breaking the law than actually having money because that is some next-level technology he's wasting. How can the real Plastic Man deal with all of these clueless dolts that surround him and still find time to give it to his hot rich girlfriend? Plus a Kenny Roger's update and James ratchets up his campaign to get the Sybian to sponsor the show.

Ep.54 – The Warlord No. 1 (1976)

Mon, 15 Jan 2018 14:34:25 -0000

This time on the Couch: Mike, James, and Shée take a trip to the center of the world or whatever with The Warlord no. 1! By 1976 we were mostly sure the Earth wasn't shaped like a bowl, but that didn't stop Mike Grell from putting Green Arrow's stunt double into some kind of leather evening gown and sending him out to defend the secret world beneath our feet as the Warlord! In his solo debut, the Warlord and his platonic training buddy Tara neglect to stop some slavers and get bitten in the ass when those same slavers infiltrate their non-sexual training cave! Plus, checking in with the Flat-Earthers, and did you guys know Kenny Rogers used to have a psychedelic band?

Ep.53 – The Amazing Spider-Man No. 400 (1995)

Mon, 01 Jan 2018 14:28:31 -0000

This time on the Couch: Mike, James, and Shée finish up their deep dive into the Spider-Clone saga with 1995's Amazing Spider-Man no. 400! Spider-Poseur Ben Reilly swings by the Parker household to remind Peter that he's only gonna visit him another three or four times and then he's totally leaving and never coming back, and everyone's gonna be super sad and miss him, for real this time. Then Aunt May dies, but not before using her last day as one big "Gotcha!" to let her nephew know that she knew he was Spider-Man all along. Between that and her death Peter's pretty shook up but still finds time to show off how much he's been beasting those pecs lately, so it's not all bad. Also, the Traveller shows up with a device he figures is what iPads will look like (he's wrong), and James finds pictures of spider vaginas. Put a gimmicky tombstone cover on 2017 and welcome the new year with a 22-year-old comic that's been retconned into irrelevance!

Ep.52 – The Amazing Spider-Man No. 149 (1975)

Mon, 18 Dec 2017 14:26:14 -0000

This time on the Couch: Mike, James, and Shée revisit the Spider-Clone saga with 1975's Amazing Spider-Man no. 149! The Jackal's war with ol' Webpits finally reaches its conclusion when the villain unleashes his secret weapon: A clone of Spider-Man's hot dead girlfriend! Oh, and also a clone of Spider-Man himself, who is summarily forgotten about pretty much instantly. And just for good measure, the Jackal has also kidnapped Ned Leeds, who will eventually become the Hobgoblin, because everyone in Peter Parker's life becomes a supervillain who hates him. Also, how does Spidey make his web fluid? You'll wanna clone yourself so you can listen twice as often!

Ep.51 – Action Comics No. 457 (1976)

Mon, 04 Dec 2017 14:22:52 -0000

This time on the Couch: Mike, James, and Shée go on meme patrol as they investigate Action Comics no. 457, which is absolutely not about child molestation, so you can all stop posting that cover now. Instead be offended by the story within, where Superman must reveal his identity to a dying kid and the little turd won't believe him despite it being really obvious that he's Clark Kent. Meanwhile baffling new villain Whirlicane builds a giant flying cordoba hat for some reason. Plus, a non-update on trying to nail down the Sybian as a sponsor, a plug for Happy! on SyFy, way too many ads for Slim Jims and scam workout routines, and James goes nuclear defending Michael Jackson.

Ep.50 – Super Powers No. 5 (1986)

Mon, 20 Nov 2017 22:46:13 -0000

This time on the Couch: Darkseid's Couch reaches its landmark 50th episode, making it the internet's longest-running podcast (citation needed)! Mike, James, and Shée celebrate by finally remembering to explain the name of the podcast and then reading issue 5 of the forgotten 1986 Super Powers miniseries! The closest Jack Kirby ever came to drawing the Justice League is a toy line tie-in featuring decidedly Silver Age versions of Batman, Robin, and the Flash trapped in a nightmarish future world ruled by granite-faced tyrant Darkseid. The only way out? A cage match with a Hulk lookalike wearing elf ears for some reason. At least the parademons are adorable. Here's to another 50 episodes, but probably not because this shit is a lot of work!

Ep.49 – X-Force No. 11 (1992)

Mon, 06 Nov 2017 22:43:55 -0000

This time on the Couch: After an unexpected hiatus, Mike, James, and Shée try to remember how to do a podcast by discussing 1992's X-Force no. 11! In the decade of X-cess this may just have been ground zero for the most X-treme trends of the time: It's all tree trunk thighs and scratchy faces as Cable harasses a bunch of poor sewer-dwellers and Deadpool punches a woman in the face for like eight consecutive pages. It's enough poorly-drawn mayhem to turn your Hypercolor tee from blue to turquoise! The only thing higher than the body count is the ennui you'll feel when you realize how many stupid 90s kids sacrificed their time and money to buy Rob Liefeld another pair of gold-dipped Levi's.

Ep.48 – The Adventures of Rex the Wonder Dog No. 10 (1953)

Mon, 11 Sep 2017 21:41:13 -0000

This time on the Couch: Mike, James, and Shée travel back to the uncomfortably segregated 1950s with The Adventures of Rex the Wonder Dog no. 10! Young Danny Dennis is a teenage dunderhead who has only managed to stay alive this long because of his secret weapon: An insane pet dog with a firm grasp of grammar, an encyclopedic knowledge of physics, and no sense of self-preservation. From springing traps for circus animals to viciously murdering manbats, there's no problem too big for a superintelligent dog to brazenly jump onto the back of with no regard for his own safety. It all begs the question: Is Rex brave or just psychopathic? It's the same question Mike asks himself every day. Plus, Detective Chimp solves crimes while giving everyone monkeypox, three pages of text about picking out a hunting dog, and lots of ads for shit you can put on your stupid bike. Kids in the 50s were really into speedometers, apparently.

Ep.47 – Darkhawk No. 50 (1995)

Mon, 28 Aug 2017 21:37:14 -0000

This time on the Couch: It's a fitting send-off for C-lister Darkhawk as Mike, James, and Shee read 1995's Darkhawk no. 50! It's the Hawk's final issue, but it seems nobody told him because he's still got way too much shit left to do. Between stopping an alien invasion, getting rid of Overhawk (ugh), getting his dad off the hook for trumped up murder charges, saving his brothers from getting shot at by a coked-up 311 fan, and reconnecting with his loser high school chums, how will DH find time to convince his hot short-haired girlfriend that it's not at all weird that he's now merged with his own sentient android double? The stakes may be high, but don't worry: You won't care what happens. Plus Spider-Man swings by for a useless cameo, and if you're the kind of person who would get all excited about a quick glimpse of 90s never-was Nova, then you're 1.) in luck, and 2.) being mocked by your peers behind your back a lot more than you probably realize.

Ep.46 – Superboy No. 216 (1976)

Mon, 14 Aug 2017 21:35:21 -0000

This time on the Couch: It's three white people teaching the world about racial tolerance when Mike, James, and Shée lightly tread through Superboy no. 216, starring the Legion of Super-Heroes! It's a thousand years in the future and bigotry still exists in the form of Black Panther ripoff Tyroc hating on whitey (and greeny, in the case of Brainiac 5) for failing to help his people. Is what follows a thoughtful lesson in bridge-building and understanding, or just the catalyst for three podcasters verbally squirming for 30 minutes? Plus, in a backup tale nobody asked for, pudgy ex-Legion member Bouncing Boy won't stop bragging about how his wife can split into two women. Dude, you're already way out of your league, just keep your mouth shut and try not to ruin this for yourself.

Ep.45 – Guardians of the Galaxy No. 1 (1990)

Mon, 31 Jul 2017 21:31:40 -0000

This time on the Couch: Come along with Mike and James on a baffling and under-researched space adventure in 1990's Guardians of the Galaxy no. 1! Didn't see the latest GotG movie? Don't worry, because neither did the hosts of a comic book podcast that's doing an episode about them and it didn't hurt their enjoyment/tolerance. Listen in as all of your favorite obscure nobodies trash a dog planet for no reason, run a massive fire risk in their own ship, have unsanctioned inter-team sexual relations, and generally try to avoid doing anything heroic or even legal. Then F-lister Taserface shows up to face taser them for their crimes and it's the least dumb moment in the book. If you're into characters shooting poorly-explained energy blasts out of different parts of their bodies then you better strap yourself in for excitement because you just might be shooting energy blasts out of your pants after this one!

Ep.44 – Warlock No. 9 (1975)

Mon, 17 Jul 2017 21:30:15 -0000

This time on the Couch: The guys try to wrap their heads around 1975's Warlock no. 9, but falter when Shee's explanations involve pop culture references Mike is oblivious to. In the book, Adam Warlock confronts his own future self, the villainous Magus, who turned evil after being imprisoned in a giant rack of ribs floating in space, then emerged with a giant perm and a truckload of finger-waggling sass, upon which he built a galaxy-spanning empire of worshippers before heading back in time to dick over his own past self. Or future self? Whatever. Also, Gamora and a space troll take turns seeing who's more useless. Marvel insists it all makes sense, but they're not setting a good precedent by calling issue 9 a 'premiere.' Also, is Mike actually the future evil version of James, or the other way around? Look for the clues and mail your best guess to the Cosmic Insanity Cocoon, Care of Pip the God-Basher, for a chance to win a bottle of Magus' Detangling Spray!

Ep.43 – Brother Power the Geek No. 1 (1968)

Mon, 03 Jul 2017 21:28:02 -0000

This time on the Couch: Mike, James, and Shée reach into the deepest, most patchouli-scented recesses of hippiedom and fish out 1968's Brother Power the Geek no. 1. The incense and peppermint crowd briefly get their own superhero when lightning strikes a mannequin, but he quickly realizes that being an inanimate lump of fabric is only slightly worse than being a shiftless hippie. It's a concept so exciting it managed two whole issues before conservative rage demanded Brother Power be cancelled and buried in a landfill along with all of those goddamn Donovan records. But was Pow a forgotten counter-counterculture masterpiece, or just an awkward paycheck for a hungry Joe Simon? Hopefully the answer can be found by three people yelling at each other for 40 minutes, because that's pretty much all this is.

Ep.42 – Wonder Woman No. 189 (1970)

Mon, 19 Jun 2017 21:24:45 -0000

This time on the Couch: Mike and James (with special guest Shee) complete their Wonderful (?) exploration of Wonder Woman's controversial I-Ching era with 1970's issue no. 189! The dawn of the disco era meant the time for civil progress was over, so Diana and new sidekick Patrick waste no time celebrating the return to offensive stereotypes by literally painting their faces yellow and infiltrating a Chinese village. Then, in a twist that only seems to bother James, the princess of peace grabs a machine gun and mows down dozens of people without a second thought before the whole adventure concludes with... uh, non-consensual polyamory... for some reason. Plus, from an ethical standpoint, exactly how many assault rifles should a mother have on hand with which to defend her children? No, it's not an ancient Chinese mind-clearing proverb; it's just the topic of another shouting match on podcasting's most unsettling Couch!

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Ep.41 – Wonder Woman No. 179 (1968)

Mon, 05 Jun 2017 21:22:11 -0000

This time on the Couch: Mike and James are joined by their own resident Wonder Woman Shée for the first of two Amazomazing episodes! In Wonder Woman no. 179, Steve Trevor's blind patriotism leads to Diana giving up her powers and agreeing to stay stranded in man's bullshit world until the sun explodes or whatever. Luckily, she's aided by I-Ching, a blind Chinese martial arts wizard who may or may not be a racist caricature, the jury's still out. Now armed with a cursory knowledge of largely useless karate moves, she'll punch a Frankenstein in the face and pick up a stylish go-go outfit as they track down the villainous Dr. Cyber. Plus, a Darkseid's Couch Retraction, and James' soundboard is reduced to rubble in the wake of a Sherwin-Williams paintsplosion. Donate now to buy him a new keyboard and help make podcasting great again!