When one of the nurses - sorry, let me start again. When Radar gets jilted by his girlfriend, Hawkeye and Trapper play matchmaker to lift his spirits. Hawkeye invents a fictional officer, "Captain Tuttle," to justify smuggling supplies to an orphanage, only for Tuttle to become a beloved member of the 4077. Hawkeye and Trapper gaslight a racist, bloodthirsty officer in the hopes of getting him discharged. Lastly, Hawkeye gets cockblocked by an assortment of patients, including his old friend Tommy Gillis, a racist and bloodthirsty child, Frank, and two guys who got in a fight over some salami.

Zach and Maxie complain about the heat; this is just episode 13 again?; Transgender MAS*H Quotes; Mike Huckabee's really bad Twitter jokes; Henry Blake is definitely an alcoholic; Frank and Houlihan get to be human beings for like two minutes; Zach and Maxie, Script Doctors

Hawkeye writes a letter home to his father, telling him what all the folks at the 4077 get up to around Christmastime. One of the nurses labors under a curse so terrible, it causes the unthinkable... nobody wants to fuck her.

Okay we're pretty sure they've officially given up on Oliver, Ho-Jon and Ugly John at this point; Klinger's most daring Section 8 ploy; Hawkeye says femboy rights; we ask why there was a Spanish march in an episode that has nothing whatsoever to do with Spain.

When people's belongings start going missing, everyone blames Hawkeye, which is maybe an overreaction but still kind of understandable honestly. Hawkeye and Trapper suspect Frank may have hepatitis, so they try to keep him from performing surgery(?) or fucking until they know for sure.

Ho-Jon and Oliver are still here and the writers still don't know what to do with them; we discuss Robert Altman's thoughts on the series; either Hawkeye and Trapper don't know how diseases spread or we don't.

A cowboy helicopter pilot attempts to murder Henry via Agent 47-style schemes. He then fucks off to Tokyo to hang out in a soapland and Frank does his best to ruin everything, as usual.

Maxie explains what a "Dear John" letter is; boy this show sure is weird about Asian people huh; our first trip to the Slashy Mash Quotes archive.

CW For discussion of sexual assault starting at around 30:40

Did you know this show almost got canceled after Season 1? Can't imagine why.

Season 1 is not impressing with its casual attitude towards human trafficking, but at least Klinger showed up.

Like the first episode of a long-running sitcom, we haven't quite found our footing yet. Please excuse a tired Zach and echo-y Maxie as they step foot off the helicopter into the 4077th.