We learn:

• Grakas is finally tall, and wet.
• Elton is still dead (thank God)
• We run into Sir Bradford

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• I somehow ended up in New Jersey
• Helen Burnes makes sure to spread her disease all over Jane before the big sleep
• ‘Born to Run’ is growing on me

Go on, read it for yourself: https://bookshop.org/p/books/jane-eyre-charlotte-bronte/8f4e2a65f574e8aa?ean=9780141441146\&next=t

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nuzzlehouse.com

Your bedtime story read aloud for grown ups.

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We learn:

• We talk a goblin into starting a union
• Kobalds can have wings
• Elton is dead!

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• I got pulled over for tabs
• Jane is vindicated!
• The DMV blows

Go on, read it for yourself: https://bookshop.org/p/books/jane-eyre-charlotte-bronte/8f4e2a65f574e8aa?ean=9780141441146\&next=t

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nuzzlehouse.com

Your bedtime story read aloud for grown ups.

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We learn:

• Goblins keep fighting Kobalds
• Bogdub ALSO APPRECIATES MEEPO
• Steven-shit-eater was the best of us

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• We got drive-thru! That was fun
• Jane finally becomes the Helen. Man, this story moves slow.
• Reading books to old people sucks

Go on, read it for yourself: https://bookshop.org/p/books/jane-eyre-charlotte-bronte/8f4e2a65f574e8aa?ean=9780141441146\&next=t

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nuzzlehouse.com

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• There are random amateur matches in Iowa!
• We get more info on how school sucks
• The saddest girl in the world actually likes it

Go on, read it for yourself:

https://bookshop.org/p/books/jane-eyre-charlotte-bronte/8f4e2a65f574e8aa?ean=9780141441146\&next=t

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nuzzlehouse.com

Your bedtime story read aloud for grown ups.

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We learn:

• Giants are sometimes pacifists
• There are times when jujitsu can’t help you
• Elton made a race-war hole

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• My car makes weird sounds
• The kid gets to school and its really boring
• A party bus with hot women!

Go on, read it for yourself:

https://bookshop.org/p/books/jane-eyre-charlotte-bronte/8f4e2a65f574e8aa?ean=9780141441146\&next=t

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nuzzlehouse.com

Your bedtime story read aloud for grown ups.

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We learn:

• A Squonk is acquired
• A Troll is fought
• Meepo is actually useful

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• This kid is never going to get sent to school
• Jane finally snaps - I’m convinced she’s going to be a serial killer
• She’s been living in an actual closet?

Go on, read it for yourself: 

https://bookshop.org/p/books/jane-eyre-charlotte-bronte/8f4e2a65f574e8aa?ean=9780141441146\&next=t

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nuzzlehouse.com

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• The blood room is toxic
• The doctor-barber seems to be the only one who cares, though he still doesn’t like her
• Our hero is going to school

Go on, read it for yourself: 

https://bookshop.org/p/books/jane-eyre-charlotte-bronte/8f4e2a65f574e8aa?ean=9780141441146\&next=t

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nuzzlehouse.com

Your bedtime story read aloud for grown ups.

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• Right off the bat, our protagonist is getting the crap beat out of her
• There’s a blood room for time outs
• You can gift your spouse a miniature of yourself before you die

Go on, read it for yourself:

https://bookshop.org/p/books/jane-eyre-charlotte-bronte/8f4e2a65f574e8aa?ean=9780141441146\&next=t

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nuzzlehouse.com

Your bedtime story read aloud for grown ups.

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We learn:

• After a long rest- we all changed into really cool stuff
• Everyone can’t stop talking about how hot Davie Havok is
• The gang successfully completes their first quest

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We learn:

• Eltor knows how to stab a bug-bear’s crotch
• Figs drops his god for some guy in a band
• Meepo can actually fight!

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• Besides one Canadian, my voice sounded like a LOT of people from the east coast
• I’ve decided that NONE of these impressions are mocking me
• I’m not eating chips on the show again

Guests:

• Ben from ‘Words About Books’ Podcast:
• https://open.spotify.com/show/4slo9fWdu8rjFYkUTETVD8
• Elton from ‘Elton Reads a Book a Week’ Podcast
• https://open.spotify.com/show/1Ecm8KtpKpzD0NA6H3QEAb
• Chantelle from ‘Uncited: An English Lit’ Podcast
• https://open.spotify.com/show/2rRwRRHAoqH6uMBWUrKVXH
• Gertie from ‘being my wife’

Go on, read them for yourself:

• Quiet Moments With You by: Baroness_Blixen
• https://archiveofourown.org/works/16863379
• Merry Christmas, Doctor Who! by: Caitlin_Salem
• https://archiveofourown.org/works/62963620
• January 1st: New Year's by: PawneePorpoise
• https://archiveofourown.org/works/6310126
• Omit No Opporunity by: princetteofcats
• https://archiveofourown.org/works/5607829

—-

Listen anywhere:

nuzzlehouse.com

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We learn:

• Glen gets a new boy
• No one respects the boy
• Glen shakes his little grackas to flirt with a queen

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We learn:

• Grakas single-handedly saves everyone
• Everyone hid outside, but not Grakas
• Wounded, but proud. Grakas survives

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We learn:

• Editor Ben is a better editor than I am
• You can control a mosquito, but can you understand what it sees with it’s weird eyes
• People are keeping dream secrets from each other

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• I think I have voice cancer
• I can’t handle my wife’s birds
• I finally figured out a way to make money off people coming to my house uninvited

Go on, read it for yourself:

https://bookshop.org/p/books/ringstones-sarban/228256?ean=9781627553605\&next=t

Listen anywhere:

nuzzlehouse.com

Your bedtime story read aloud for grown ups.

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This week: The Spirit of Christmas vs. Topo Chico

We learn:

• We can still do a show without Elton
• This is the second time we have recorded this episode
• There is a lot of wrestling talk for some reason

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This week: Porn Shops vs. Hubert H. Humphrey’s Night of Ghouls

We learn:

• Glen is pretty protective of his holiday
• Elton tries to put a positive spin on porn shops
• Most porn shops have an old man in suspenders outside sweeping

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We learn:

• Deals are made with the rats.
• you CAN use Taylor Ham to take an impression of runes on a wall.
• By being idiots, we completely avoided major traps.

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• Covid Costumes are insulting
• The crows are louder than I remember
• I can’t play Pearl Jam anymore

Go on, read them for yourself:

The Ninth Skeleton  https://www.libraryofshortstories.com/onlinereader/the-ninth-skeleton

The Cats of Ulthar https://www.libraryofshortstories.com/onlinereader/the-cats-of-ulthar

Your bedtime story read aloud for grown ups.

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This week: Air Fryer vs. The Gulag

We learn:

• Glen still can't figure out his mic
• Gertie’s nipples got hard telling the ‘trowel story’
• Ben FINALLY gets to talk about KPop demon hunter

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We learn:

• Jujutsu is an actual thing you can use in D&D to win
• There are rats the size of 12 year old boys in this cleft
• the cleft became a really big deal in this episode

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We learn:

• We mess with a blacksmith
• I FINALLY gets to give people my Orson Welles knowledge
• Elton continues to know everyone’s dad

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• The author was a pervert
• I’ve finally made my basement cool for teens
• Reddit is the worst source for Eddie Vedder fun facts

Go on, read it for yourself: https://bookshop.org/p/books/ringstones-sarban/228256?ean=9781627553605&next=t

Listen anywhere: nuzzlehouse.com

Your bedtime story read aloud for grown ups.

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We learn:

• Our heroes meet blinkie's friends dad
• Sandwiches are invented
• You can plant a tree, but it sucks.

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• Gertie is a shifter wolf with IBS
• Shy is authentically ‘from the streets’… with her parents money
• Elton has been sick for kinda a while
• Glen is that annoying guy at the factory
• Ben has to put up with all of us. It was his idea, so we don’t feel bad.

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• I decided to give a character a lisp
• The ‘brown kids’ thing was weird
• I dropped the lisp. I don’t know why I was going for that.

Go on, read it for yourself: https://bookshop.org/p/books/ringstones-sarban/228256?ean=9781627553605&next=t

Listen anywhere: nuzzlehouse.com

Your bedtime story read aloud for grown ups.

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This week: Corporate Psychopaths vs. Dungeons and Dragons

We learn:

• Elton can make a connection between his pick and V.D.
• Ben makes an ‘ok host’ - but no one appreciated his hubris
• The British accents were the worst

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• I tried to get through all the boring parts, but its still pretty boring.
• They’re STILL sexualizing 15yr olds
• My text for this episode is the same as the last one, because NOTHING CHANGED

Go on, read it for yourself: https://bookshop.org/p/books/ringstones-sarban/228256?ean=9781627553605&next=t

Listen anywhere: nuzzlehouse.com

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Your bedtime story read aloud for grown ups.

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This week: Squonk Vs. Citizen Kane

We learn:

• The sound is really bad on this episode
• Glen can’t thought Citizen Kane would be a shoe-in
• Gertie hates Orson Welles

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• I tried to get through all the boring parts, but its still pretty boring.
• They’re STILL sexualizing 15yr olds
• I actually think I don’t like this book. What changed?

Go on, read it for yourself: https://bookshop.org/p/books/ringstones-sarban/228256?ean=9781627553605&next=t

Listen anywhere: nuzzlehouse.com

Your bedtime story read aloud for grown ups.

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This week: The Sibley Field Guide to Birds vs. Murder She Wrote

We learn:

• Ben Came SUPER prepared
• Gertie is able to make bird sounds conversationally
• Elton thinks that Angela Landsburry was actually committing all the murders

Check out Ben on “Words About Books” anywhere you listen to podcasts: https://podcast.wordsaboutbooks.ninja

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• The pegasus story makes nearly no sense
• Apple makes the most sense
• Glen wins legitimately!

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This week: Marcus Aurelius vs. 2001: A Space Odyssey

We learn:

• Elton is hesitant to get into swinging
• Gertie is a horrible host
• Gretchen is a new addition to the cup

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• I made a long episode to try to get through he boring parts
• I really liked this book, but I forgot, somehow, how they sexualize 15yr olds
• I promise this is a good book!

Go on, read it for yourself: https://bookshop.org/p/books/ringstones-sarban/228256?ean=9781627553605&next=t

Listen anywhere: nuzzlehouse.com

Your bedtime story read aloud for grown ups.

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This week: Taylor Ham vs. Smorgasbord

We learn:

• Hans Christian Anderson was a creep
• We learn all the parts of a pig and what they’re named
• Great arguments were made by Elton and Gertie, but Glen won

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Listen Anywhere: https://gestating-the-curious-mind.pinecast.co

Paranormal smut novels for the discerning reader.

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• Both highways and dictionaries can be sentient
• Elton coughs a lot before the act of physical love
• Glen should have won

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This week: Celery vs. English People

We learn:

• Elton made this episode with AI while Gertie and Glen were out of the country
• We get a glimpse into how Elton wished our show worked
• There are celery cults

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We learn:

• Evil can come from hubris
• Gertie’s dad has a boat
• Vampire/Frankenstein’s explode sometimes

Go on, read it for yourself: https://bookshop.org/p/books/31-horrifying-tales-from-the-dead-drac-von-stoller/12558849?ean=9781540800541&next=t

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• I’ve fixed my own knees
• This story was dumb
• I didn’t fart once this episode

Go on, read it for yourself: https://bookshop.org/p/books/scientific-and-horrific-stories-h-g-wells/18338137?ean=9781513201290&next=t

Listen anywhere: nuzzlehouse.com

Your bedtime story read aloud for grown ups.

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This week: Guinness World Records vs. Kids Smoking Cigarettes

We learn:

• Everyone on the episode LOVES smoking
• You can keep Big Mac’s in a car for days and they’re still good
• Elton won only because of a technicality

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• People used to get into wet slap-fights
• We’re going to trademark a prolapsed anus on a shirt
• You CAN make fun of mimes

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• We see the result of room temperature chili dogs
• Small-men are natural leaders
• Thank you for letting me finish in the bathroom

Go on, read it for yourself: https://bookshop.org/p/books/the-complete-short-stories-of-stephen-crane-100-tales-novellas-maggie-the-open-boat-blue-hotel-the-monster-the-little-regiment-stephen-crane/17142459?ean=9788027341771&next=t

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Your bedtime story read aloud for grown ups.

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• This man LOVED farts
• I had to filter out the really bad ones
• His girlfriend was wild

Go on, read it for yourself: https://youtu.be/4BdV07aPE_8?si=4Wra-LIdX3IL5Mkm

Listen anywhere: nuzzlehouse.com

Your bedtime story read aloud for grown ups.

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• A.I. Does better than you’d think. But it’s still lame
• The only last name I could think of was ‘Breast’
• Maybe A.I. is good, because it threw in ‘piss colored hair’ for some reason.

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Your bedtime story read aloud for grown ups.

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• I guess barbers are annoying?
• Greatest American author
• I went to an old fashioned barber once. It wasn’t good.

Go on, read it for yourself: https://bookshop.org/p/books/the-complete-short-stories-of-mark-twain-mark-twain/192380?ean=9780553211955&next=t

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• This author doesn’t like animals having ‘agency’
• I have nothing to talk about
• This author isn’t as horrible as most I learn about

Go on, read it for yourself: https://bookshop.org/p/books/7-best-short-stories-cats-saki/20248817?ean=9786589575108&next=t

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• That the ‘shifting bear’ analogy can be used to represent a lack of a religious compass
• This work is laden with the powerful symbol of ‘the mother’
• Every sexual encounter involves confronting the ghosts of your partner’s previous sexual conquests.

Go on, read it for yourself: https://bookshop.org/p/books/shifter-daddies-a-paranormal-romance-collection-meg-ripley/13234235?ean=9781697194913&next=t&next=t

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Where we read the finest literature this modern world has to offer and discuss its impact on today’s society

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• My God, did I just find an author that isn’t human garbage?
• AGAIN with the sci-fi names!
• I wanted to keep this gentle author separate from all the others by reading in a closet.

Go on, read it for yourself: https://bookshop.org/p/books/the-empire-of-the-necromancers-and-three-others-clark-ashton-smith/11154862?ean=9781434458612&next=t&next=t

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• Another author who is a horrible person
• This story is clearly his attempt to impress Lovecraft
• Rubber gloves are ALWAYS wet

Go on, read it for yourself: https://bookshop.org/p/books/the-fearsome-touch-of-death-robert-e-howard/11655811?ean=9781304999160&next=t&next=t

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• I don’t know what a ‘farce’ is
• Ambrose Bierce can get weird
• I only drank 3 White Claws- I’m FINE

Go on, read it for yourself: https://bookshop.org/p/books/a-bottomless-grave-and-other-victorian-tales-of-terror-hugh-lamb/BbM2gCVQzFHUatzQ?ean=9780486114378&next=t&digital=t

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• When I think of how to re-vamp my show, it just becomes a seperate show
• The first story was weird
• I should get my bladder checked

Go on, read it for yourself: https://bookshop.org/p/books/beyond-lies-the-wub-philip-k-dick/U8HTQuQ7ScztMpus?ean=9781974998517&next=t&digital=t

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• America is FINE. NOTHING horrible is happening and I’m NOT WORRIED ABOUT IT
• I just skipped a whole chapter because I’m sick of this book
• In the end, the book basically had no point.

Go on, read it for yourself: https://bookshop.org/p/books/hellflower-heathen-edition-george-o-smith/19899197?ean=9781948316439

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• The Cadillac Ranch restaurant doesn’t make any sense
• I seriously don’t know how this story can end
• Elon Musk never stops being an idiot

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• A chapter can still be really boring
• My leg is FINE
• Another near-sexual-assult but not enough for me to officially stop reading this

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• A.I. can actually make a funny story
• My boss’s boss’s boss love shit like this
• The story of uprising was inspiring

Go on, read it for yourself: chatGPT.com (With my prompts)

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• Both chapters were completely useless
• My beautiful dancers knees have made me get a fat leg
• I’ve become a huge fan of heating pads lately

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• People who are into board games are really aggressive
• I WANT to like this author, but he keeps finding ways to prevent that
• My wife can’t understand why I keep reading this book

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• My dad suffers from Chicken Leg
• I nearly was able to drop this story- but nope. He’s just playing with us
• I’m trying to reimagine my basement

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• I’ve been told to stop caring and let the world see the real Glen
• I still hate reading this book
• I never knew a fight scene could be so boring.

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• FUUUUUCK

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• I guess a woman’s worth is based on if they look classy or not
• I’m just waiting for this book to go south so I can drop it and move on
• Apparently the height of a women matters- unless she’s hot.

Go on, read it for yourself: https://bookshop.org/p/books/hellflower-heathen-edition-george-o-smith/19899197?ean=9781948316439

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• I’m an artist that likes to sit around and listen to his own stuff
• I can’t wait to get rid of these sweaty pumpkins
• Thank god we don’t need poetry anymore

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• If you live somewhere with a pronunciation that is complicated- don’t live there
• I’m drinking a cursed white claw
• I guess you can create the perfect crime- that your kids can watch?

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• Don’t hike with someone who uses you as bear food
• I kinda didn’t like that I was reading some of this in a ‘funny voice’
• Nature doesn’t care if you’re in love

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• You never have to stop flirting with chicks- even if they’re dead
• My wet pumpkins are back
• Just because you shoot someone in the head, it doesn’t mean they’re dead yet.

Go on, read it for yourself: https://bookshop.org/p/books/the-ghost-stories-of-ambrose-bierce-ambrose-bierce/10656164?ean=9781515427995

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• I didn’t know you could ‘bury someone in space’ by just ejecting them into space
• I got bees in my house
• Apparently women’s legs can ‘twinkle’

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• I hate that this author doesn’t think very highly of women
• I hate that our protagonist is horny all the time
• I hate that none of the characters have an opinion on this flower beyond “It’s unfortunate about the addiction”

Go on, read it for yourself: https://bookshop.org/p/books/hellflower-heathen-edition-george-o-smith/19899197?ean=9781948316439

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• Just like a YouTuber, if you kill 33 people you can just apologize and get back to work
• Apparently a ‘spacer’ is a spaceship.
• I’m really hoping this book doesn’t normalize this sexual assault flower like Bill Cosby’s comedy routines did for the ‘Spanish fly’ in the 1970s

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• Just because something is short and punchy- doesn’t mean it’s good
• Maybe the author was only given 8 pages to write so this wasn’t their fault?
• I’m going to become a sweaty pig at the state fair tomorrow

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• My wife sings along to ‘that thing you do’ movie- which is a solid 2 hours of singing the same song over, and over.

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We read the story about a man who LOVES Garfield.

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Paranormal smut novels for the discerning reader.

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• My science fiction was horse shit
• I’m not smart enough to understand this story
• I pee a lot and it’s FINE

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• Drac and I are roughly the same age
• If you’re on a revenge spree- feel free to skip over people who aren’t as important
• Don’t be an elitist- flash fiction is FINE

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Your bedtime story read aloud for grown ups.

About Drac! Drac Von Stoller is the author of the series "31 Horrifying Tales From The Dead Volumes 1-7. Drac has over 2.6 million downloads of his short stories which are available as ebooks and audiobooks. Drac's website is included at the end of the biography for more information in greater detail.

Drac's film anthology as “Host” is titled “Drac Von Stoller Presents Horrifying Tales From The Dead," and is available on Amazon Prime to rent or buy. Also, my anthology can be streamed for "Free" on Tubi at this link below https://tubitv.com/movies/621817/drac-von-stoller-s-horrifying-tales-from-the-dead-anthology

Check out Drac Von Stoller's anthology film on Cinedigm's "New Horror Channel The Midnight Pulp" at the link below and please share with anyone. https://www.midnightpulp.com/details/1000000009206/Drac-Von-Stoller's-Horrifying-Tales-From-The-Dead

Also, streaming on Cineverse which has over 80 million monthly visitors. https://www.cineverse.com/details/1000000009206/Drac-Von-Stoller's-Horrifying-Tales-From-The-Dead

Check out Drac Von Stoller's "New Website!" at this link below. https://stollekl.wixsite.com/drac/

The Salon article that started it all for me: https://www.salon.com/2014/08/17/portrait_of_a_self_published_author_drac_von_stollers_invisible_literary_empire/

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• Anderson wasn’t a pervert- he was FINE
• Children's stories have kids suffering to the point of absurdity
• The pig was from hell

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• I’ll never see Nates (from words about books) beautiful face
• Cowboys are also called “Cow-punchers” for some reason
• Cowboy sleuths always know who did the crime, they just let the guilty simmer in their guilt.

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• Sometimes, Whiteclaws are disgusting
• Things can work out for the best- if you’re a doll
• Apparently theater kids are the most dangerous kids on earth

Go on, read it for yourself: **https://www.amazon.com/Little-Wooden-Margery-Williams-Bianco-ebook/dp/B0D13P7DZ1**

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• You can catch a robot with good ‘ol fashioned sleuthing
• Saying “I don’t care how late it is” is an American tradition
• Yes, I take breaks from reading to watch TikTok

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Paranormal smut writing for the discerning reader.

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• Pirates will always be fun-loving little scamps
• There’s a Long Johns Silver’s open by me that I will go to now
• In this story Tom Hanks will always be miserable?

Go on, read it for yourself: https://bookshop.org/p/books/treasure-island-unabridged-and-fully-illustrated-robert-louis-stevenson/14650478?ean=9781789431032

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• Long John Silver is a smooth talking jerk
• I’m SUPPOSED to be on a PLANE
• I didn’t know you could use a corpse as a compass

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• Little boys can become big boys thanks to pirates
• I JUST want to swim in my white-trash pool
• Long John Silver is back at it

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• When you’ve been cleaning up blood all day, you want something different
• I’m going to get you go like my basement someday
• I don’t know if cutting the ship free is the smartest idea ever

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• Action scenes back then were really weird
• I have no idea what holiday I’m celebrating tomorrow
• If your friend dies, just roll his body over to the corner of the room. it’s FINE.

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• It’s storming out and I’m recording with the windows open, I don’t care if it sounds bad
• Our hero doesn’t tolerate the homeless
• Silver is the master of the ‘dangerous crutch’ technique

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• I had to drive my kid back from college- that’s why I’m late
• Our hero isn’t going to be much of a pirate if he keeps snitching
• it’s totally normal to sit inside apple barrels while you eat an apple

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• I have to go to a high school play, of all goddamn things
• Our hero gets his act together
• Rich people LOVE adventure

Go on, read it for yourself: https://bookshop.org/p/books/treasure-island-unabridged-and-fully-illustrated-robert-louis-stevenson/14650478?ean=9781789431032

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• Your dad can die but man, pirates are so exciting that it almost doesn’t matter!
• I got a cat with a ‘bad back’
• Who would have thought that a doctor can master pirates to well

Go on, read it for yourself: https://bookshop.org/p/books/treasure-island-unabridged-and-fully-illustrated-robert-louis-stevenson/14650478?ean=9781789431032

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• World War 3 again?
• What a relief that the rabbit doesn’t get burned alive
• This book is about my stuffed Grover- and I’m still waiting for him to be real

Go on, read it for yourself: https://bookshop.org/p/books/the-velveteen-rabbit-margery-williams/48974?ean=9781398809314

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Your bedtime story read aloud for grown ups.

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• Sleep is for idiots
• I got a neighbor who is probably a Q-anon idiot
• I’m speed reading to try to get done before my idiot dog has to take a crap

Go on, read it for yourself: https://bookshop.org/p/books/asleep-in-armageddon-ray-d-bradbury/18347855?ean=9789355891983

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• Heathcliff FINALLY DIES
• After a whole winter in Minnesota without snow - we have a huge storm coming. Ugh.
• Was there really a time where wealthy shut-ins just wasted away and eventually married a cousin?

Go on, read it for yourself: https://bookshop.org/p/books/wuthering-heights-emily-bronte/17467979?ean=9781912714070

Read an article about it: https://www.vox.com/culture/2018/7/30/17629978/emily-bronte-200-birthday-wuthering-heights

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Your bedtime story read aloud for grown ups.

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• Linton has actually managed to be more of a snot than usual
• My recording room is really echoey
• Lockwood is an incel

Go on, read it for yourself: https://bookshop.org/p/books/wuthering-heights-emily-bronte/17467979?ean=9781912714070

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• Linton actually, somehow, seems to get MORE annoying
• My wife is sick and my house is burning hot
• How awkward is it to abduct someone and planning on keeping them for weeks when they’re ready to give you what you want in the first 5 minutes

Go on, read it for yourself: https://bookshop.org/p/books/wuthering-heights-emily-bronte/17467979?ean=9781912714070

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• Cathy is just as much of an entitled turd as her mom
• There was an actual bird in my basement
• Linton is at Malfoy levels of getting on my nerves.

Go on, read it for yourself: https://bookshop.org/p/books/wuthering-heights-emily-bronte/17467979?ean=9781912714070

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• People just die, and not a lot of buildup happens for it.
• Getting through 4 chapters is draining
• Now the book is all about kids, like a Nickelodeon show

Go on, read it for yourself: https://bookshop.org/p/books/wuthering-heights-emily-bronte/17467979?ean=9781912714070

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• Heathcliff is a self absorbed jerk. The kind of guy who paces around his basement listening to Attack Attack
• I’m putting dirty water into my CPAP now
• Catherine gets REALLY manipulative on her death bed

Go on, read it for yourself: https://bookshop.org/p/books/wuthering-heights-emily-bronte/17467979?ean=9781912714070

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• Catherine gets delusional, and Nelly might have a crush
• My dishwasher is leaking
• Isabella is barely introduced and we already hear she’s going to die

Go on, read it for yourself: https://bookshop.org/p/books/wuthering-heights-emily-bronte/17467979?ean=9781912714070

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• I got the WRONG CLOCK from Germany
• Guys, Heathcliff is BACK
• Does Heathcliff actually have a revenge plan? Or is he just talking a lot about it?

Go on, read it for yourself: https://bookshop.org/p/books/wuthering-heights-emily-bronte/17467979?ean=9781912714070

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• I finally conquor saying “Thrushcross Grange”
• Catherine is an affluent nanny-slapping, baby-shaking jerk
• I picked ‘phallus #5’ in Baldurs Gate

Go on, read it for yourself: https://bookshop.org/p/books/wuthering-heights-emily-bronte/17467979?ean=9781912714070

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• Want to read a book from the point of view of a man writing what he can remember someone else telling him in his journal?
• I have a European cold
• Their might have been a ghost?

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• You can make an airtight, spaceship-like capsule with just blankets
• Little boys still think about girls, even in the apocalypse
• I’m going to write a book called ‘The Power of Sitting’

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• Can Christmas be racist? Of course it can.
• You want to spend your Christmas listening to the longest short story in the world?
• You want to open presents with your family while you listen to me desperately trying not to say racist words?

Go on, read it for yourself: https://bookshop.org/p/books/beasley-s-christmas-party-booth-tarkington/20625204?ean=9781835524398

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• Another story where children are treated like adorable pets.
• There’s an open market for babies in the woods?
• I wasted my new Christmas decorating on a horrible story

Go on, read it for yourself: https://bookshop.org/p/books/christmas-eve-at-swamp-s-end-norman-duncan/6974744?ean=9781979327909

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• Grandma baby-porn from the turn of the last century was horrible
• I’m GOING to GERMANY to drink beer from a glass boot and embarrass myself
• I’ve never read a commercial before until this story.
• I’m decorating for Christmas

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• oh my god- after over two months, I finally finished the goddamn book.
• I think that Granny B is the biggest ‘7th virgin’ in this story.
• I’m GOING to GERMANY. We’re done here.

Go on, read it for yourself: https://www.amazon.com/Legend-Seventh-Virgin-Victoria-Holt/dp/0385006098/ref=sr_1_1?crid=39QY8HRHDDDMQ&keywords=The+Legend+of+the+Seventh+Virgin&qid=1695607300&sprefix=the+legend+of+the+seventh+virgin%2Caps%2C97&sr=8-1

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• Kim is back! And it’s not looking good for Karensa
• This book is TOO LONG and I’m TRYING to get to Germany
• There are some dead bodies in the mine

Go on, read it for yourself: https://www.amazon.com/Legend-Seventh-Virgin-Victoria-Holt/dp/0385006098/ref=sr_1_1?crid=39QY8HRHDDDMQ&keywords=The+Legend+of+the+Seventh+Virgin&qid=1695607300&sprefix=the+legend+of+the+seventh+virgin%2Caps%2C97&sr=8-1

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• I can’t read a holiday story without worrying about pedophiles
• I’m learning horrible German phrases so I can get people in Germany to leave me alone
• the “Do it Yourself Home school” Website loves to push stories written by people who were home schooled

Go on, read it for yourself: https://diyhomeschooler.com/wp-content/uploads/2021/08/b030f-8f374-e4369-7e7db-captain_christys_thanksgiving.pdf

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We wrote the book about a man with a werewolf for a penis. Enjoy.

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• Karensa’s idiot kid accidently murders the drunk
• For some reason there are flies in my basement, which is normally a sign that my house has a demon in it.
• Karensa’s son dissapears- but then, it’s fine. So it’s a non-event.

Go on, read it for yourself: https://www.amazon.com/Legend-Seventh-Virgin-Victoria-Holt/dp/0385006098/ref=sr_1_1?crid=39QY8HRHDDDMQ&keywords=The+Legend+of+the+Seventh+Virgin&qid=1695607300&sprefix=the+legend+of+the+seventh+virgin%2Caps%2C97&sr=8-1

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We learn:

• We bust out the Franzia for our comeback
• Turns out? 'whole body werewolves' are losers
• We're still podcastings 'first married couple'

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• Karensa gets married to Johnny for almost no reason- but to piss his family off?
• She has a baby boy, and is all smug that she can now rule the abbas with an iron fist
• Tension is finally created when she realizes that if anything happens to Judeth, Justin and Mellyora could get married and have a kid - which will make Karensa useless.

Go on, read it for yourself: https://www.amazon.com/Legend-Seventh-Virgin-Victoria-Holt/dp/0385006098/ref=sr_1_1?crid=39QY8HRHDDDMQ&keywords=The+Legend+of+the+Seventh+Virgin&qid=1695607300&sprefix=the+legend+of+the+seventh+virgin%2Caps%2C97&sr=8-1

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• The whole “it was all a dream” concept has been around forever
• I didn’t come up with ANY spooky sound effects
• How can you drill holes in a boat while you’re swimming for your life?

Go on, read it for yourself: https://bookshop.org/p/books/the-empty-house-and-other-ghost-stories-algernon-blackwood/355875?ean=9781790219377

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• Apparently the Abbas is so amazing you’ll marry anyone to get into it.
• If you want to get into the abbas, you will consider marrying a rapist
• I have a flight at 4 in the morning and I’m still putting this episode out. Someday SOMEONE will appreciate the work I do.

Go on, read it for yourself: https://www.amazon.com/Legend-Seventh-Virgin-Victoria-Holt/dp/0385006098/ref=sr_1_1?crid=39QY8HRHDDDMQ&keywords=The+Legend+of+the+Seventh+Virgin&qid=1695607300&sprefix=the+legend+of+the+seventh+virgin%2Caps%2C97&sr=8-1

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• I have to keep making the longest episodes in the world to get through this book before Christmas
• The mice in my basement are eating the peanut butter without getting caught in the traps
• Poor people feed off the misery of the rich

Go on, read it for yourself: https://www.amazon.com/Legend-Seventh-Virgin-Victoria-Holt/dp/0385006098/ref=sr_1_1?crid=39QY8HRHDDDMQ&keywords=The+Legend+of+the+Seventh+Virgin&qid=1695607300&sprefix=the+legend+of+the+seventh+virgin%2Caps%2C97&sr=8-1

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• If someone’s sibling dies and you have the same name- you’re IN
• We’re 100 pages in and the story is kinda getting started
• The Twins won against stupid Texas!

Go on, read it for yourself: https://www.amazon.com/Legend-Seventh-Virgin-Victoria-Holt/dp/0385006098/ref=sr_1_1?crid=39QY8HRHDDDMQ&keywords=The+Legend+of+the+Seventh+Virgin&qid=1695607300&sprefix=the+legend+of+the+seventh+virgin%2Caps%2C97&sr=8-1

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• Rich people used to lay down traps for the poor
• The mice in my house have begun negotiations
• Make the rich kids work for YOU

Go on, read it for yourself: https://www.amazon.com/Legend-Seventh-Virgin-Victoria-Holt/dp/0385006098/ref=sr_1_1?crid=39QY8HRHDDDMQ&keywords=The+Legend+of+the+Seventh+Virgin&qid=1695607300&sprefix=the+legend+of+the+seventh+virgin%2Caps%2C97&sr=8-1

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• Rich kids are the worst
• It’s fall, and the mice are back
• I don’t trust this “Granny Bee”

Go on, read it for yourself: https://www.amazon.com/Legend-Seventh-Virgin-Victoria-Holt/dp/0385006098/ref=sr_1_1?crid=39QY8HRHDDDMQ&keywords=The+Legend+of+the+Seventh+Virgin&qid=1695607300&sprefix=the+legend+of+the+seventh+virgin%2Caps%2C97&sr=8-1

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• This is like reading an episode of Friends
• I learned the phrase “throwing soft-boiled eggs at an electric fan”
• For some reason there is a bunch of egg references in this book

Go on, read it for yourself:

https://bookshop.org/p/books/carry-on-jeeves-warbler-classics-annotated-edition-g-k-chesterton/19970747?ean=9781959891406

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• I don’t know how this book works anymore
• Were the weasels tall, or weasel sized?
• My basement has gnats now.

Go on, read it for yourself: https://bookshop.org/p/books/the-wind-in-the-willows-the-original-1908-edition/18894925?ean=9781645941606

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• Popularity in this world is based on how many bird-friends you have
• The author wouldn’t stop writing about the sea
• This toad is seriously 6 feet tall- he rode a HORSE, and drove a HUMAN CAR

Go on, read it for yourself: https://bookshop.org/p/books/the-wind-in-the-willows-the-original-1908-edition/18894925?ean=9781645941606

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• Animals have their own gods
• Toad is still an idiot
• Apparently toad is at least 5 feet tall and can wear a human woman's clothes?

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• This Author REALLY hated sex
• Humans exist in this world, and they don’t seem to know or care about toads in small cars passing them on the road
• You can take a friend hostage, and apparently that’s legal.

Go on, read it for yourself: https://bookshop.org/p/books/the-wind-in-the-willows-the-original-1908-edition/18894925?ean=9781645941606

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• This author is just another monster writing children’s literature
• Leave it to grunge.com to tell me just how horrible this author is
• Badger is in the mob

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• This author was a jerk to his kid- because he based Toad on him.
• Mole is some unicorn that every other animal is after.
• If you can’t afford a little vest, you become a slave in this world.

Go on, read it for yourself: https://bookshop.org/p/books/the-wind-in-the-willows-the-original-1908-edition/18894925?ean=9781645941606

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• No one is concerned that Hero has married a spaz that will probably flip out again.
• Anti-Stratfordians are morons
• In the end- I guess this is a story about family?

.

Go on, read it for yourself:

https://www.gutenberg.org/ebooks/1118

.

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• The dad asks the audience for a knife so he can kill himself
• Apparently, when someone passes out, it’s normal to ask “oh, are you passing out?”
• I have an above ground pool now.

.

Go on, read it for yourself:

https://www.gutenberg.org/ebooks/1118

.

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.

.

We learn:

• Pump Corner is finally done

• We had the worst trip imaginable

• Glen farted in an airport

.

.

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• Everyone is an idiot
• They don’t take the part where you can ruin a woman’s life seriously enough to question the bastard
• Being a cop has always been awesome

.

Go on, read it for yourself:

https://www.gutenberg.org/ebooks/1118

.

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Claudio is a spaz, Don John basically wants people dead and people are tricked into liking each other. Great.

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https://www.gutenberg.org/ebooks/1118

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.

.

We learn:

• Pump Corner is still happening

• It took two tries to record this episode, because of too much meat.

• We talk about old people for a weirdly long time

.

.

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If a child-servant wants to get married to a woman he’s barely spoken to, men fall all over themselves to make that happen.

.

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https://www.gutenberg.org/ebooks/1118

.

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You can be a sensi-poo piss-baby and still be respected by alpha males?

.

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.

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Nick might be gay? But still doesn't stop him from being a huge jerk. There’s a huge review of this book at the end.

This was a book recommended by my friend- go check him out:

verisimilitudino.us

Go on, read it for yourself:

https://bookshop.org/p/books/the-great-gatsby-f-scott-fitzgerald/18533627?ean=9780743273565

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You got a dead Gatsby, and a fussed Nick who pretends he didn’t like him anyway.

This was a book recommended by my friend- go check him out:

verisimilitudino.us

Go on, read it for yourself:

https://bookshop.org/p/books/the-great-gatsby-f-scott-fitzgerald/18533627?ean=9780743273565

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Have you ever got stuck at a couple’s house while they argue? Did you like it? Then you will LOVE this.

This was a book recommended by my friend- go check him out:

verisimilitudino.us

Go on, read it for yourself:

https://bookshop.org/p/books/the-great-gatsby-f-scott-fitzgerald/18533627?ean=9780743273565

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Daisy is a turd, Tom is a turd, Gatsby is a turd so I guess we like Nick?

This was a book recommended by my friend- go check him out:

verisimilitudino.us

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https://bookshop.org/p/books/the-great-gatsby-f-scott-fitzgerald/18533627?ean=9780743273565

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This author makes up words that are probably anti-semitic.

This was a book recommended by my friend- go check him out:

verisimilitudino.us

Go on, read it for yourself:

https://bookshop.org/p/books/the-great-gatsby-f-scott-fitzgerald/18533627?ean=9780743273565

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That this book is anti-semetic. Surprise, surprise.

This was a book recommended by my friend- go check him out:

verisimilitudino.us

Go on, read it for yourself:

https://bookshop.org/p/books/the-great-gatsby-f-scott-fitzgerald/18533627?ean=9780743273565

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This was a book recommended by my friend- go check him out:

verisimilitudino.us

Go on, read it for yourself:

https://bookshop.org/p/books/the-great-gatsby-f-scott-fitzgerald/18533627?ean=9780743273565

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• Gertie had to pee

• We try to make reservations at TGI Fridays

• We've created 'Pump Corner'

Listen Anywhere: https://linktr.ee/nuzzlehouse

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When it came to physical abuse in the 20s, the only concern anyone had when a man hit a woman is that they have to call it a night.

This was a book recommended by my friend- go check him out: verisimilitudino.us

.

Go on, read it for yourself:

https://bookshop.org/p/books/the-great-gatsby-f-scott-fitzgerald/18533627?ean=9780743273565

.

Visit https://linktr.ee/nuzzlehouse

Support Nuzzle House by contributing to their tip jar: https://tips.pinecast.com/jar/nuzzle-house

Learn more at: https://linktr.ee/nuzzlehouse

Support Nuzzle House by contributing to their tip jar: https://tips.pinecast.com/jar/nuzzle-house

We learn:

Its basically the first season of Vanderpump Rules.

This was a book recommended by my friend- go check him out: verisimilitudino.us

Go on, read it for yourself:

https://bookshop.org/p/books/the-great-gatsby-f-scott-fitzgerald/18533627?ean=9780743273565

Visit https://linktr.ee/nuzzlehouse

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Once you know an author is racist, it’s all you think about while you read their crap.

Go on, read it for yourself:

https://bookshop.org/p/books/the-weird-tales-of-conan-the-barbarian-robert-e-howard/11824944?ean=9780486794884

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Go on, read it for yourself:

https://bookshop.org/p/books/the-weird-tales-of-conan-the-barbarian-robert-e-howard/11824944?ean=9780486794884

Visit https://linktr.ee/nuzzlehouse

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Go on, read it for yourself:

https://bookshop.org/p/books/winnie-the-pooh-classic-gift-edition-a-a-milne/12085852?ean=9780525555315

Visit https://linktr.ee/nuzzlehouse

Support Nuzzle House by contributing to their tip jar: https://tips.pinecast.com/jar/nuzzle-house

.

Go on, read it for yourself:

https://bookshop.org/p/books/winnie-the-pooh-classic-gift-edition-a-a-milne/12085852?ean=9780525555315

.

Visit https://linktr.ee/nuzzlehouse

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• Never trust a flesh God

.

Go on, read it for yourself:

https://bookshop.org/p/books/winnie-the-pooh-classic-gift-edition-a-a-milne/12085852?ean=9780525555315

.

Visit https://linktr.ee/nuzzlehouse

Support Nuzzle House by contributing to their tip jar: https://tips.pinecast.com/jar/nuzzle-house

.

Go on, read it for yourself:

https://bookshop.org/p/books/winnie-the-pooh-classic-gift-edition-a-a-milne/12085852?ean=9780525555315

.

Visit https://linktr.ee/nuzzlehouse

Support Nuzzle House by contributing to their tip jar: https://tips.pinecast.com/jar/nuzzle-house

.

Go on, read it for yourself: https://bookshop.org/p/books/winnie-the-pooh-classic-gift-edition-a-a-milne/12085852?ean=9780525555315

.

Visit https://linktr.ee/nuzzlehouse

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Go on, read it for yourself:

https://www.tiffanyreisz.com/the-assistant

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.

Go on, read it for yourself:

https://bookshop.org/p/books/a-christmas-carol-with-original-illustrations-in-full-color-charles-dickens/15055535?ean=9781936830886

.

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.

We learn:

• James Joyce REALLY liked farts
• We let Matteo finally get laid
• Matteo has an intestinal fetish

.

.

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• I still hate rich kids
• The ghost of Christmas Future was just a prank by the other ghosts
• This book could have ended by now, but we gotta learn more about Tiny Tim. Ugh.

.

Go on, read it for yourself:

https://bookshop.org/p/books/a-christmas-carol-with-original-illustrations-in-full-color-charles-dickens/15055535?ean=9781936830886

.

Visit https://linktr.ee/nuzzlehouse

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• Charles Dickens had a rough childhood
• Dickens must have written with a thesaurus next to him to increase that word count
• My kid shows up to the sex room again

.

Go on, read it for yourself:

https://bookshop.org/p/books/a-christmas-carol-with-original-illustrations-in-full-color-charles-dickens/15055535?ean=9781936830886

.

Visit https://linktr.ee/nuzzlehouse

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• Varicose veins in someone’s legs can look like they’re ‘winking’ at you
• I’ve just started burping while I read words. It’s a new low.
• My wife says Dicken’s books are so long because he’s being paid by the word.

.

Go on, read it for yourself:

https://bookshop.org/p/books/a-christmas-carol-with-original-illustrations-in-full-color-charles-dickens/15055535?ean=9781936830886

.

Visit https://linktr.ee/nuzzlehouse

Support Nuzzle House by contributing to their tip jar: https://tips.pinecast.com/jar/nuzzle-house

.

Go on, read it for yourself:

https://bookshop.org/p/books/a-christmas-carol-with-original-illustrations-in-full-color-charles-dickens/15055535?ean=9781936830886

.

Visit https://linktr.ee/nuzzlehouse

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We learn that Derik can do tangents about cloth.

Thanks for helping us make the episode: https://twitter.com/wabpod https://twitter.com/ratchetbookclub https://twitter.com/words_ideas_pod https://twitter.com/eltonreadsalot

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• That apparently people who are into Anime LOVE legs
• I was upbeat about finishing the story, until I had to keep reading it
• I vow to never read a sci-fi book from the 60s ever again.

Go on, read it for yourself: https://www.amazon.com/s?k=judgement+on+janus&i=stripbooks&crid=3UB8DIN91FSBQ&sprefix=judgement+on+janus%2Cstripbooks%2C91&ref=nb_sb_noss_1

Visit https://linktr.ee/nuzzlehouse

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We learn:

• Being a Sporty Spice isn't possible if your dad doesn't let you play sports
• We got a big Christmas present for the world coming up

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• My 'fun fact' really killed the vibe of the episode
• This story is sapping the life out of me, I can't even get horny anymore
• I'm desperate to read Winnie the Poo now. Ugh.

Go on, read it for yourself:

https://www.amazon.com/s?k=judgement+on+janus&i=stripbooks&crid=3UB8DIN91FSBQ&sprefix=judgement+on+janus%2Cstripbooks%2C91&ref=nb_sb_noss_1

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• I Go off on a long rant about Twitter
• Desperate to finish this turd, I read 3 chapters
• Longest episode ever.

Go on, read it for yourself: https://www.amazon.com/s?k=judgement+on+janus&i=stripbooks&crid=3UB8DIN91FSBQ&sprefix=judgement+on+janus%2Cstripbooks%2C91&ref=nb_sb_noss_1

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• I really can't stand this book
• I got to tell a Charles DICKens joke thanks to grunge.com
• This book just keeps creating new sci-fi words and names.

Go on, read it for yourself: https://www.amazon.com/s?k=judgement+on+janus&i=stripbooks&crid=3UB8DIN91FSBQ&sprefix=judgement+on+janus%2Cstripbooks%2C91&ref=nb_sb_noss_1

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• I REALLY hate reading this book
• I never get used to ridiculous 1960s sci-fi names
• Both daughter and wife INTERRUPT ME

.

Go on, read it for yourself:

https://www.amazon.com/s?k=judgement+on+janus&i=stripbooks&crid=3UB8DIN91FSBQ&sprefix=judgement+on+janus%2Cstripbooks%2C91&ref=nb_sb_noss_1

.

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We learn:

Just because you say you're a nurse, you're probably not.

If you try hard enough, you can get actual Germans to be guests on your show.

And my sister does a bizarre Minnesota accent.

To hear a real episode go here and APPRECIATE how HARD I worked on this:

https://www.cbsrmt.com/episode/935-if-i-can-t-have-you.html

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• We have a new segment called ‘what did we watch and why did it suck’.
• We decide that just because you fund a heist, doesn’t mean you get to be a part of it
• Gertie has sick-voice

.

.

Visit https://linktr.ee/nuzzlehouse

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• I almost forgot to talk about seeing a satanic Do-wop band last week.
• E. Nesbit kinda sucked
• I don’t like Jerry Seinfeld

.

Go on, read it for yourself:

https://www.steve-calvert.co.uk/public-domain-texts/e-nesbit-john-charringtons-wedding.html

.

Visit https://nuzzlehouse.com for show info.

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• Apparently all the ‘fun facts’ can be found in the Wikipedia page
• My daughter is a better host than me
• My kid will bust in while I’m in my master bedroom to show off her crochet hat

.

Go on, read it for yourself:

https://www.steve-calvert.co.uk/public-domain-texts/ambrose-bierce-the-spook-house.html

.

Visit https://nuzzlehouse.com for show info.

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.

.

We learn:

• Gertie is officially a “Nuzzles” now.
• Gertrude decided to make this book about her
• Glen didn’t like emo kids in the 00’s

.

.

Listen anywhere: https://nuzzlehouse.start.page

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We learn:

• I’m married! Just like the people in this story.
• My 26 year old cat is dying. So that puts a damper on things.
• This story doesn’t really have a ‘specter bride’ like it promised.

.

Go on, read it for yourself:

https://www.steve-calvert.co.uk/online-text-spectre-bride-william-harrison-ainsworth/

.

Visit https://nuzzlehouse.com for show info.

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We learn:

• Thanks to the Canadian Spirit Podcast (@spirit_canadian on twitter) we learned what “Gentlehomo—” means "Gentle Homo sapiens"
• I have a cat that kills mice, but I won’t touch him. He’s gross
• This is the second book in my ‘career’ that I’ve considered dropping before I finish it. Thank GOD FOR OCTOBER SCARY STORIES MONTH

.

Go on, read it for yourself:

https://www.amazon.com/s?k=judgement+on+janus&i=stripbooks&crid=3UB8DIN91FSBQ&sprefix=judgement+on+janus%2Cstripbooks%2C91&ref=nb_sb_noss_1

.

Visit https://nuzzlehouse.com for show info.

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We learn:

• Gertrude LOVES ‘Spice World’
• Gertrude’s cat sneezes boogers all over Glen’s computer
• They have BIG plans that involve horrible music

.

.

Listen anywhere: https://nuzzlehouse.start.page

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We learn:

• Apparently “Gentlehomo—” is a term that was made up for this book
• I start playing old commercials from the ‘80s because I’ve run out of ideas
• Apparently “Gentlehomo—” wasn’t supposed to be hilarious

.

Go on, read it for yourself:

https://www.amazon.com/s?k=judgement+on+janus&i=stripbooks&crid=3UB8DIN91FSBQ&sprefix=judgement+on+janus%2Cstripbooks%2C91&ref=nb_sb_noss_1

.

Visit https://nuzzlehouse.com for show info.

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We roll for a new story and drank too much . . We learn:

• Gertrude had a tough time in the bathroom
• Glen learns the allure behind the Spice Girls

. . Listen anywhere: https://nuzzlehouse.start.page

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We learn:

• Kids always get in the way
• Sci-Fi novels always have the worst names
• Gertie decides to turn my smoking room into a sewing room

.

Go on, read it for yourself:

https://www.amazon.com/s?k=judgement+on+janus&i=stripbooks&crid=3UB8DIN91FSBQ&sprefix=judgement+on+janus%2Cstripbooks%2C91&ref=nb_sb_noss_1

.

Visit https://nuzzlehouse.com for show info.

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We learn:

The author is a horrible pedophile who ruined the lives of the kids he abducted. So I’m giving up on this book.

• My girlfriend gave me permission to officially drop this book
• The fairies had a orgy… that’s in the book. A book for kids.

. . Go on, read it for yourself: https://bookshop.org/books/peter-pan-9781840227895/9781840227895 . . Visit https://nuzzlehouse.com for show info.

Support Nuzzle House by contributing to their tip jar: https://tips.pinecast.com/jar/nuzzle-house

We learn:

That you can just steal food out of a birds mouth and everyone is friends in the end.

• Everything is racist all the time
• The lost boys apparently need 7 doors for their house. Because they’re morons
• I’m thinking about inception-ing my commercials with a 3rd layer of ads
• The author is a pedo

. . Go on, read it for yourself: https://bookshop.org/books/peter-pan-9781840227895/9781840227895 . . Visit https://nuzzlehouse.com for show info.

Support Nuzzle House by contributing to their tip jar: https://tips.pinecast.com/jar/nuzzle-house

We learn: That you can just steal food out of a birds mouth and everyone is friends in the end.

• I had to work fast- the bachelorette is on
• Tinkerbell actually wants to kill Wendy
• Everyone flying is a dick

. . Go on, read it for yourself: https://bookshop.org/books/peter-pan-9781840227895/9781840227895 . . Visit https://nuzzlehouse.com for show info.

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We learn:

• I went back to the mansion
• Nothing STILL makes any sense
• If a fairy pees in your hand… you can use it.

. . Go on, read it for yourself: https://bookshop.org/books/peter-pan-9781840227895/9781840227895 . . Visit https://nuzzlehouse.com for show info.

Support Nuzzle House by contributing to their tip jar: https://tips.pinecast.com/jar/nuzzle-house

We learn:

• Learn more about how to fight against the Supreme Court's decision by visiting https://www.podvoices.help/get-help
• I went back to the cabin for the 4th holiday
• Nothing STILL makes any sense
• The author added pixie dust to keep kids from killing themselves

. .

Go on, read it for yourself: https://bookshop.org/books/peter-pan-9781840227895/9781840227895

. .

Visit https://nuzzlehouse.com for show info.

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Where we think of a name and read the finished story .

.

We learn:

• Gertrude got drunk while getting sushi
• It took a while, but we finally thought of a name
• Glen has to actually read this turd

.

.

Listen anywhere: https://nuzzlehouse.start.page

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We learn:

• Nothing makes sense in this chapter
• This author might actually NOT be a dick
• Disney was a dick, and his company didn’t get better until 2008

. . Go on, read it for yourself: https://bookshop.org/books/peter-pan-9781840227895/9781840227895 . . Visit https://nuzzlehouse.com for show info.

Support Nuzzle House by contributing to their tip jar: https://tips.pinecast.com/jar/nuzzle-house

Where John finally gets a pool built, and proposes to the ghost. . .

We learn:

• Gertrude is able to ruin even the most beautiful of songs
• Sex with a bat can be a kink
• Glen gets easily distracted by cats

. .

Listen anywhere: https://nuzzlehouse.start.page

Support Nuzzle House by contributing to their tip jar: https://tips.pinecast.com/jar/nuzzle-house

We learn:

• Lama’s CAN be racist
• Snipers can be anywhere at any time
• Sometimes you just gotta go where the waters take you

. . Go on, read it for yourself: https://www.reddit.com/r/funnystories/comments/sv8zbd/the_preposterously_unlikely_plight_of_lucious_the/ . . You can find out more about spookybookiwrite: https://www.reddit.com/user/spookybookiwrite/ https://twitter.com/scarybookiwrite https://www.wattpad.com/user/tylermire . . Visit https://nuzzlehouse.com for show info.

Support Nuzzle House by contributing to their tip jar: https://tips.pinecast.com/jar/nuzzle-house

Where John takes the ghost out, and Gertie says potatoes can be sexual.

. . Listen anywhere: https://nuzzlehouse.start.page

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The final chapter was only TWO PAGES . .

We learn:

• Two pages can STILL count as a chapter
• Most authors are racist, apparently
• I’m running out of bits for dorglass.com

. . Go on, read it for yourself: https://www.amazon.com/Castle-Terror-Caroline-Farr/dp/0451066537 . . Visit https://nuzzlehouse.com for show info.

Support Nuzzle House by contributing to their tip jar: https://tips.pinecast.com/jar/nuzzle-house

Where John gets to tell the guys ALL about a hot chick who works at the hot dog stand . .

We learn:

• Gertrude admits going to colonial Williamsburg for spring break
• You don't have to actually listen to someone to fall in love with them
• Glen has 'get-away-sticks'

. . Listen anywhere: https://nuzzlehouse.start.page

Support Nuzzle House by contributing to their tip jar: https://tips.pinecast.com/jar/nuzzle-house

Who says you can't have your story arc at the second to last chapter of a book.

. .

We learn:

• East coast people can't handle a tornado
• My Dad was wrong about J.D. Salinger
• They didn't make the secret sensor open the painting in the most obvious spot

. . Go on, read it for yourself:

https://www.amazon.com/Castle-Terror-Caroline-Farr/dp/0451066537

. . . Visit https://nuzzlehouse.com for show info.

Support Nuzzle House by contributing to their tip jar: https://tips.pinecast.com/jar/nuzzle-house

Where we try to decide what makes a ghost sexy... it's hot dogs. . . We learn:

• Gertrude looks at dirty comics
• People in 1708 can be hot dog vendors
• Glen reads nextdoor.com posts to scare Gertie

. . Listen anywhere: https://nuzzlehouse.start.page

Support Nuzzle House by contributing to their tip jar: https://tips.pinecast.com/jar/nuzzle-house

A whole chapter dedicated to a woman trying to prove that she's not just 'having a bad dream' when being almost murdered.

. .

We learn:

• I'm sick of the mansion 'bit' so I go for a cabin theme
• There are flies on the 'forest track' I got for free
• My oldest brought home a vest made of white animal tails

. . Go on, read it for yourself:

https://www.amazon.com/Castle-Terror-Caroline-Farr/dp/0451066537

. . . Visit https://nuzzlehouse.com for show info.

Support Nuzzle House by contributing to their tip jar: https://tips.pinecast.com/jar/nuzzle-house

Where we think up what makes John Stith Pemberton so sexy

. .

We learn:

• It's a mammal if it has a mouth and a butthole
• That a chest can be too wet
• Guinea pigs can be sexually dangerous

. .

Listen anywhere: https://nuzzlehouse.start.page

Support Nuzzle House by contributing to their tip jar: https://tips.pinecast.com/jar/nuzzle-house

It's the '70s. If a woman has something to say they're 'hysterical' and probably get slapped.

. .

We learn:

• That Bram Stoker was a Q-anon weirdo
• That having 5 cats is too many
• Snooping is worse than torturing people

. . Go on, read it for yourself:

https://www.amazon.com/Castle-Terror-Caroline-Farr/dp/0451066537

. . . Visit https://nuzzlehouse.com for show info.

Support Nuzzle House by contributing to their tip jar: https://tips.pinecast.com/jar/nuzzle-house

Where we decide to write a story about sex with water ghosts, and the birth of Cocca Cola. . .

We learn: .

• That the concept of Capitalism can be an antagonist
• My butt isn't as hairy as it was when I was in high school
• Someone's personal fault can just be "bats".

. . Visit to learn more: https://gestating-the-curious-mind.pinecast.co

Support Nuzzle House by contributing to their tip jar: https://tips.pinecast.com/jar/nuzzle-house

Where we learn that a man can 'be known' for 'appreciating women' and you can commission a portrait of someone without their consent.

. .

We learn:

• I've got gas
• I once watched a movie about sex where everyone wore puppet heads
• A woman can use her sexuality to sell horses.

. . Go on, read it for yourself:

https://www.amazon.com/Castle-Terror-Caroline-Farr/dp/0451066537

. . . Visit https://nuzzlehouse.com for show info.

Support Nuzzle House by contributing to their tip jar: https://tips.pinecast.com/jar/nuzzle-house

Where my daughter interrupts AGAIN- and nearly nothing happens in the story.

. .

We learn:

• Italy was FINE.
• My daughter learns the horrible secret about 'New York Times best selling authors"
• The French are the worst.

. . Go on, read it for yourself:

https://www.amazon.com/Castle-Terror-Caroline-Farr/dp/0451066537

. . . Visit https://nuzzlehouse.com for show info.

Support Nuzzle House by contributing to their tip jar: https://tips.pinecast.com/jar/nuzzle-house

They FINALLY take a tour of the torture chamber and a woman may, or may not, have consented to the hosts kink.

Plus both my kids interrupt again. . .

We learn:

• That my kids don't know how to run an oven.
• Some book reviews can be so short- they can't even qualify as a "New York Times Best Selling Author"
• Never sleep over at someones house when they have a kink they want to force on you.

. . Go on, read it for yourself:

https://www.amazon.com/Castle-Terror-Caroline-Farr/dp/0451066537

. . . Visit https://nuzzlehouse.com for show info.

Support Nuzzle House by contributing to their tip jar: https://tips.pinecast.com/jar/nuzzle-house

We witness the 'help' having secret sex nights. Plus my daughter makes another appearance in the MIDDLE of my SHOW to talk about what she's reading.

. .

We learn:

• My daughter is a turd
• People actually get dressed up just to see a torture chamber
• I'm going to Italy and I'm never coming back

. .

Go on, read it for yourself:

https://www.amazon.com/Castle-Terror-Caroline-Farr/dp/0451066537

. . .

Visit https://nuzzlehouse.com for show info.

Support Nuzzle House by contributing to their tip jar: https://tips.pinecast.com/jar/nuzzle-house

I read the first two chapters of a gothic horror which is all about a woman getting hit on by some guy she met at horse camp.

We learn:

• You can make up anything about an author if there's no information on them
• Moving furniture really sucks
• I'm NOT talking about my cats.

. . Go on, read it for yourself:

https://www.amazon.com/Castle-Terror-Caroline-Farr/dp/0451066537

. . . Visit https://nuzzlehouse.com for show info.

Support Nuzzle House by contributing to their tip jar: https://tips.pinecast.com/jar/nuzzle-house

We learn:

• I'm going to Italy and still don't have much to say about it.
• It's impossible to get 'fun facts' about authors lately.
• something

. . Go on, read it for yourself:

https://www.reddit.com/r/nosleep/comments/syty7g/the_dinner_guest/

. .

Learn more about the author and their work here:

Website: https://verastahl.com/

Reddit: https://www.reddit.com/r/Verastahl/

Amazon:  https://www.amazon.com/Brandon-Faircloth/e/B07GNWSC77?ref=sr_ntt_srch_lnk_2&qid=1647741853&sr=8-2

Youtube: https://www.youtube.com/channel/UC73PScmymsggAJ26f_ZPmvQ/featured

. .

Visit https://nuzzlehouse.com for show info.

Support Nuzzle House by contributing to their tip jar: https://tips.pinecast.com/jar/nuzzle-house

Go on, read it for yourself:

https://bookshop.org/books/31-horrifying-tales-from-the-dead/9781540800541\

.

Watch some of Drac's movies!

https://www.amazon.com/s?k=drac+von+stoller&i=instant-video

.

Read the Salon article:

https://www.salon.com/2014/08/17/portrait_of_a_self_published_author_drac_von_stollers_invisible_literary_empire/

.

And keep up with what he's up to:

https://dracvonstoller.wixsite.com/drac

.

Visit https://nuzzlehouse.com for show info.

Support Nuzzle House by contributing to their tip jar: https://tips.pinecast.com/jar/nuzzle-house

We learn:

• I have nothing intelligent to add when it comes to Russia’s war with Ukraine
• If the author decides to sue me for reading this public story, I’m going to send a strongly worded email.
• The parakeet has got to go.

.

Go on, read it for yourself:

https://www.tiffanyreisz.com/tying-the-knot

.

Visit https://nuzzlehouse.com for show info.

Support Nuzzle House by contributing to their tip jar: https://tips.pinecast.com/jar/nuzzle-house

We learn:

• The author won’t give out his name
• I haven’t seen this guys face in 20 years
• He threw big words at me like a JERK

.

Go on, read it for yourself:

https://verisimilitudino.us/piggly_wiggly.php

.

Learn more:

Website: https://verisimilitudino.us

.

Visit https://nuzzlehouse.com for show info.

Support Nuzzle House by contributing to their tip jar: https://tips.pinecast.com/jar/nuzzle-house

We learn:

• Tom Holland is America’s favorite British actor
• Mysterious, living authors are making my show intro awkward
• If I could go back in the past and tell my younger self that I put more vents in my basement, it would just piss me off

.

Go on, read it for yourself:

https://www.reddit.com/r/nosleep/comments/soro9l/anything_i_want_i_can_pull_from_a_hole_in_the/

And read more of their work here:

https://www.reddit.com/user/AliasForWhom/

.

Visit https://nuzzlehouse.com for show info.

Support Nuzzle House by contributing to their tip jar: https://tips.pinecast.com/jar/nuzzle-house

We learn:

• The only things going on in my life lately are NONE of your BUSINESS
• Besides that, my life is really, really boring lately
• I have to resort to stories about my dog because I literally have nothing else to say

.

Go on, read it for yourself:

https://www.reddit.com/r/scarystories/comments/slukmk/misunderstanding/

.

Check out ‘Haven Creek: and Other Horror Tales’ by Evelyn Michaels on Amazon:

https://www.amazon.ca/dp/B09NPNK2KR/ref=docs-os-doi_0

.

Learn more about the author:

Reddit: https://www.reddit.com/user/eloquentursula/

Twitter: https://twitter.com/eloquent_ursula

Deviant Art: https://www.deviantart.com/writtenursula

Instagram: https://www.instagram.com/eloquentursula/

.

Visit https://nuzzlehouse.com for show info.

Support Nuzzle House by contributing to their tip jar: https://tips.pinecast.com/jar/nuzzle-house

We learn:

• I got the booster shot, and I’m waiting for those sweet, sweet fever naps.
• Starving a dog isn't enough, you need to put fire in it's mouth
• I FINISHED the BOOK!

.

Go on, read it for yourself:

https://bookshop.org/books/the-hound-of-the-baskervilles-9780451528018/9780451528018

.

Visit https://nuzzlehouse.com for show info.

Support Nuzzle House by contributing to their tip jar: https://tips.pinecast.com/jar/nuzzle-house

We learn:

• Someone decided that Holmes has a 190 IQ
• Stapleton’s sister is actually his wife
• Circumstantial evidence is ‘good enough’

.

Go on, read it for yourself: https://bookshop.org/books/the-hound-of-the-baskervilles-9780451528018/9780451528018

.

Visit https://nuzzlehouse.com for show info.

Support Nuzzle House by contributing to their tip jar: https://tips.pinecast.com/jar/nuzzle-house

This week, we have the hosts of the Uncited English Lit Podcast join us to review one of John Green’s more problematic works. We learn:

• Ben tried to train a cat to ring a bell? I lost interest
• Glen got Covid
• Our guests came up with the phrase “girl hump”
• Apparently Shindlers List is something you can watch to unwind after a long day

.

Follow Uncited on:

Twitter: https://twitter.com/UncitedPod

Instagram: https://www.instagram.com/uncitedpod/

Everywhere else: https://linktr.ee/UncitedPodcast

.

Go read it yourself: https://bookshop.org/books/an-abundance-of-katherines/9780142410707

Visit https://nuzzlehouse.com for show info.

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When a felon dies in the woods, apparently everyone is happy about it. .

Go on, read it for yourself:

https://bookshop.org/books/the-hound-of-the-baskervilles-9780451528018/9780451528018

.

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More literary crutches like ‘diary entries’ and a pervert on a roof watching kids through a telescope

.

Go on, read it for yourself: https://bookshop.org/books/the-hound-of-the-baskervilles-9780451528018/9780451528018

.

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Ben and I review a couple horny Christmas stories and one weird one about anti-pirates.

.

We learn:

• Glen didn't get COVID
• Gretchen does deer blasts
• Glen gets upset that Gretchen has FAR too many knock-knock jokes
• Ben hates spiderman

.

Go read them for yourself:

'Snowman With Benefits' by Marshall Thornton: https://www.amazon.com/Snowman-Benefits-Marshall-Thornton-ebook/dp/B00PEVL1J4/ref=sr_1_1

'Outlaw Pizza' by Steve Bartholomew: https://www.amazon.com/Outlaw-Pizza-Christmas-Steve-Bartholomew-ebook/dp/B006GWZQM8/ref=sr_1_1

'Jingle Bell Growl' by Misha Carver: https://www.amazon.com/Jingle-Bell-Growl-Billionaire-Christmas-ebook/dp/B019I0FHBY/ref=sr_1_1

Visit https://nuzzlehouse.com for show info.

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If you have a secret, and someone asks you what it is- Just lie! Don't say, "I don't want to tell you." Just reference some porn you watched recently and that will throw people off your tracks... Moron.

. Go on, read it for yourself:

https://bookshop.org/books/the-hound-of-the-baskervilles-9780451528018/9780451528018

. Visit https://nuzzlehouse.com for show info.

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Nothing happens. Watson writes a letter to Holmes basically making a 'clip show' of the last chapter.

.

Go on, read it for yourself: https://bookshop.org/books/the-hound-of-the-baskervilles-9780451528018/9780451528018

.

Visit https://nuzzlehouse.com for show info.

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We had @LadiesFrightPod on again as guests and we were less horrified this time. But it still requires a trigger warning. The book was so bad, that we donated to the Rape, Abuse & Incest National Network (Rainn).

Enjoy? . We learn:

• Ben brags about having covid
• Ladies fright STILL only listen to the show for Gretchen
• Gretchen tells the guests about Jersey birds
• Glen gets the pleasure of reading the worst story

. Go read it yourself (please don't): https://bookshop.org/books/fussy-littles-an-abdl-mm-romance-anthology/9798508564889 . Donate to the Rape, Abuse & Incest National Network (Rainn): https://donate.rainn.org/donate . Go listen and follow Ladies Fright, or donate to their Patreon here: https://linktr.ee/ladiesfright . Visit https://nuzzlehouse.com for show info.

Support Nuzzle House by contributing to their tip jar: https://tips.pinecast.com/jar/nuzzle-house

The Story of one chipmunks terrible witness to the kinks of apple pickers. We learn: .

• Ben still likes his new job
• Gretchen hits us with some clever woodpecker jokes
• Glen got a dryer
• People do yoga in sale

. Go read it yourself: https://www.amazon.com/Scrumping-erotic-short-consequences-thievery-ebook/dp/B0867Z9GSX .

Visit https://nuzzlehouse.com for show info.

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Stapleton is a monster who LOVES watching horses drown in the bog while he chases after moths. What a dick. Also, my daughter interrupts the show to talk about her own goddamn book.

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A story about what happens when you let kids play with knives and openly talk about killing adults. Happy Halloween people. .

Go on, read it for yourself: https://bookshop.org/books/zero-hour-and-other-stories/9781606997048 .

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We had The Ladies Fright Podcast on as guests and we were supposed to have FUN. Instead we accidentally read a problematic collection of short stories that requires a trigger warning. The book was so bad, that we're all donating to the Rape, Abuse & Incest National Network (Rainn). And this is only part 1. .

We learn:

• Ben may or may not have a television that gives him vitamin D
• Ladies fright only listen to the show for Gretchen
• Gretchen schools us on bats
• Glen gets the pleasure of reading the worst story

.

Go read it yourself (please don't): https://bookshop.org/books/fussy-littles-an-abdl-mm-romance-anthology/9798508564889 .

Donate to the Rape, Abuse & Incest National Network (Rainn): https://donate.rainn.org/donate .

Go listen and follow Ladies Fright, or donate to their Patreon here: https://linktr.ee/ladiesfright .

Visit https://nuzzlehouse.com for show info.

Support Nuzzle House by contributing to their tip jar: https://tips.pinecast.com/jar/nuzzle-house

We are introduced to a world where kids have horrible nicknames like "Frog", and just "Fat" - and adults have questionable motivations for a grotesque Halloween party they decide to throw them.

.

Go on, read it for yourself:

https://bookshop.org/books/hallowe-en-at-merryvale-illustrated-edition-dodo-press/9781409949473

.

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Starting my spooky October stories with the master of horror- Drac Von Stoller.

One story about an army of vampires to take over the world that actually turns out pretty good for them. And another story about just dying in general?

Go on, read it for yourself:

https://bookshop.org/books/31-horrifying-tales-from-the-dead/9781540800541

Watch some of Drac's movies!

https://www.amazon.com/s?k=drac+von+stoller&i=instant-video

The Salon article:

https://www.salon.com/2014/08/17/portrait_of_a_self_published_author_drac_von_stollers_invisible_literary_empire/

.

Visit https://nuzzlehouse.com for show info.

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One would think that it isn't possible to jam-pack a book with racism, homophobia, sexism and general bigotry and STILL be meandering and nonsensical. But this author didn't win a 'palm award' for nothing.

We learn:

• Ben's got COVID
• Gretchen gets lazy and Glen finally guesses the punchline to one of her jokes
• Glen's got no car, and no teeth
• Glen REFUSES to homestead his place.

Go read it yourself: https://bookshop.org/books/the-naked-face-warner-books/9780446341912

Visit https://nuzzlehouse.com for show info.

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Ben's got Covid. So we didn't record the Book Boys, and I had to poop out this emergency episode. Lets review what happens:

Chapter 5? Nothing. Holmes is an unlikable turd and he sucks at his job. Chapter 6? Ooooh, you get a classic, creepy mansion story. You'll like that one. But Holmes still sucks.

Go on, read it for yourself: https://bookshop.org/books/the-hound-of-the-baskervilles-9780451528018/9780451528018

Visit https://nuzzlehouse.com for show info.

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Just looking worse, we find out that Sherlock Holmes is a fan of Phrenology. And he's constantly trying to be better than everyone else. The first four chapters are CRAP so far.

Go on, read it for yourself: https://bookshop.org/books/the-hound-of-the-baskervilles-9780451528018/9780451528018

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Where Sherlock Holmes is a jerk to everyone he talks to. Books like this make me fussed.

We also learn that my new dog won't stop secreting away turds in my house.

Go on, read it for yourself: https://bookshop.org/books/the-hound-of-the-baskervilles-9780451528018/9780451528018

Visit https://nuzzlehouse.com for show info.

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The story of a gruff, hard-nosed, racist gumshoe trying to solve the mysterious murders that surround a homophobic therapist. Everything is terrible.

We learn:

• Ben's got a new job!
• Gretchen likes the color purple more than red and blue combined
• Glen's got nothing important
• The bar/restaurant have waiters with the BEST names

Go read it yourself: https://bookshop.org/books/the-naked-face-warner-books/9780446341912

Visit https://nuzzlehouse.com for show info.

Support Nuzzle House by contributing to their tip jar: https://tips.pinecast.com/jar/nuzzle-house

The story of a group of weirdos that are just looking to get killed. I mean, seriously, they all have sing-alongs with someone playing a guitar. Come on...

Go on, read it for yourself: https://bookshop.org/books/31-horrifying-tales-from-the-dead/9781540800541 . Watch some of Drac's movies!: https://www.amazon.com/s?k=drac+von+stoller&i=instant-video . The Salon article: https://www.salon.com/2014/08/17/portrait_of_a_self_published_author_drac_von_stollers_invisible_literary_empire/ . . Visit https://nuzzlehouse.com for show info.

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We thought it would be 'fun' if we got drunk while we reviewed the last Twilight book we'll ever read- but in the end it's just two hours of witnessing the decline of two grown men. We learn:

• Glen got a dog
• Ben was once trapped in a Lyft with a bee
• Gretchen gave us tongue-twisters to test how drunk we were
• The spirit of an angry drunk woman haunted our episode

=

Go read it yourself: https://bookshop.org/books/midnight-sun-9780316707046/9780316707046

=

Visit https://nuzzlehouse.com for show info.

=

Special thanks to Uncited podcast for making our awesome cover art!

And thanks to Ladies Fright podcast for giving us ideas for the 'fun facts' section for our final Twilight episode ever.

Support Nuzzle House by contributing to their tip jar: https://tips.pinecast.com/jar/nuzzle-house

An octopus finds new purpose in life by forcing a human to be it's baby.

Go on, read it for yourself:

https://www.amazon.com/Wont-You-Neighbor-Otherworldly-Collection-ebook/dp/B08W25PVYQ

And visit the Authors site to learn more:

https://sarinadorie.com/

Visit https://nuzzlehouse.com for show info.

Support Nuzzle House by contributing to their tip jar: https://tips.pinecast.com/jar/nuzzle-house

The story of a spider who wants love, but in the end has to settle for 'good enough'.

Go on, read it for yourself: https://www.amazon.com/Wont-You-Neighbor-Otherworldly-Collection-ebook/dp/B08W25PVYQ

And visit the Authors site to learn more: https://sarinadorie.com/

Visit https://nuzzlehouse.com for show info.

Support Nuzzle House by contributing to their tip jar: https://tips.pinecast.com/jar/nuzzle-house

10 more chapters where, honestly, nothing happens. Isn't there anyone in Stephanie Meyer's life to tell her when to stop re-writing this thing?

Promos: Uncited Podcast From Words to Ideas

We learn:

• Glen has a real bedroom
• Ben spent his weekend killing dragonflies like a psychopath
• Gretchen has found the most adorable bird
• We learn the origin of Glen's nickname

Go read it yourself: https://bookshop.org/books/midnight-sun-9780316707046/9780316707046

Visit https://nuzzlehouse.com for show info.

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The story of a space hornet that just wanted to mate, and sorta gets what he wants.

Go on, read it for yourself: https://www.amazon.com/Wont-You-Neighbor-Otherworldly-Collection-ebook/dp/B08W25PVYQ

And visit the Authors site to learn more: https://sarinadorie.com/

Visit https://nuzzlehouse.com for show info.

Support Nuzzle House by contributing to their tip jar: https://tips.pinecast.com/jar/nuzzle-house

We decided to make 'Midnight Sun' the last Twilight book we read, and it is just as deflating as all the others. I don't know why we expected a copy/paste rewrite of the first book from Edwards perspective to be any better.

We learn:

• Glen's neighbors hang out in his yard while his trees get taken down
• Ben doesn't have much to say about the last two weeks
• Gretchen DOESN'T have a knock-knock joke
• Glen's dryer finally works

Go read it yourself: https://bookshop.org/books/midnight-sun-9780316707046/9780316707046

Visit https://nuzzlehouse.com for show info.

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The story of a simple man carrying on the tradition of taking on the role of becoming the new Guy Fieri. And there's a giant Burrito that rotates in the sky spewing flavor on the inhabitants of 'flavor town'.

We learn:

• The turds at Ladies Fright Podcast do an impression of me. It's both flattering... and enraging.
• I have to work tomorrow.

Go on, read it for yourself: https://www.reddit.com/r/LPOTL/comments/ce788y/guy_fieri_creepypasta/

Visit https://nuzzlehouse.com for show info.

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Would you think that preventing a woman from knowing that she has a fatal illness is a sign of a loving relationship? Apparently everyone in 1970 thought so. And everyone agreed that Harvard is the most important place on earth.

Also? referring to women as 'cheese' was acceptable too.

We learn:

• Ben met the ACTUAL George Washington over the weekend
• Gretchen comes up with a joke that is perfect for ol' Glen
• Glen sat inside with the kids during the fireworks
• Drunk women who won't let their mothers speak can surprise you by offering you job opportunities when you least expect it

Go read it yourself: https://bookshop.org/books/love-story-50th-anniversary-edition/9780062979476

Visit https://nuzzlehouse.com for show info.

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A hypocritical Nora decides that they need to kill themselves. And after being called a chicken, Joe is all in. Then they don't when it's inconvenient. The story has almost nothing to do with cocaine.

We learn:

• It's finally raining, which is great for my lawn, but blows for a guy without a working dryer.
• New cats pee EVERYWHERE
• Ladies Fright podcast is releasing their episode where Jackie does an impression of me. DON'T listen to it!

Go on, read it for yourself: http://one-act-plays.com/dramas/cocaine.html

Visit https://nuzzlehouse.com for show info.

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Misunderstood and whiny, a man decides he'd rather kill himself than find a new line of work or get his kids to like him for who he is.

• My cat likes me
• It's fathers day, and I made my kids watch Ponyo with me
• My dryer is still broken
• My oldest wants their own segment on my show where they make fun of me

Promos: Drunk Theory Let Me Tell You Somethin' Bitch

Go on, read it for yourself: https://bookshop.org/books/august-strindberg-plays-collection/9781545080108

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We read what is basically grandma porn for the idea of being trapped on an island with other peoples babies. It's disturbing and shines a light on the fantasies of a very lonely author. We learn:

• Ben doesn't get the joke when Glen plays the Ratchet Book Club promo
• Glen can't have the "Summer of '89" with his friend while they're both unemployed
• Trench-mouth is considered a 'bums disease' by dentists in the '90s
• Gretchen barely pulls her act together because of her drug addiction

Go read it yourself: https://bookshop.org/books/baby-island/9780689717512

Visit https://nuzzlehouse.com for show info.

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This week I check in with an author I've read before by reading about greedy teens who search for a haunted ouija board, and a greedy family who battle aliens to keep an anal probe. We learn:

• Drac has fallen off the map, and I'm worried about him
• I've coined the phrase "Glenergy" to describe what makes my show so successful
• My kid likes the 'Let Me Tell You Somethin' Bitch' podcast
• I should have had you dress like George Clooney for the romance portion
• The 'Ladies Fright' podcast still keeps pissing me off
• I'm going to become financially destitute because of the trees in my yard

Go on, read it for yourself: https://bookshop.org/books/31-horrifying-tales-from-the-dead/9781540800541

Visit https://nuzzlehouse.com for show info.

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What starts out as a boring date for Jada at a minor league baseball game, turns into the most graphic MLM Jada has ever peeped on. Just in time for Pride month!

This turned out to be REALLY descriptive. So, consider this your warning for adult content.

Go on, read it for yourself: https://www.tiffanyreisz.com/bringing-the-heat

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Our man is tricked into thinking he had a successful escape, then he fights his nemesis, and decides that rain is key to his conquering the desert. Oh, and there's no romance. The warrior-maid is hardly a factor in this story.

Go on, read it for yourself: https://bookshop.org/books/warrior-maid-of-mars/9798731661713

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We wrap up the last half of a really depressing, highly inspiring and emotionally draining book. We learn:

• Glen might go back to the company that laid him off
• Ben knows which foot he favors
• Gretchen teaches us that some birds sleep while they fly
• Glen seems to enjoy making young people feel uncomfortable

Go read it yourself: https://bookshop.org/books/speak-9780739336724/9780312674397

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I decide to declare war against the Ladies Fright Podcast, because I TALK NORMAL. Then the 'short story' I'm reading is the longest thing on earth. I play the Ladies Fright Podcast promo and go to bed.

Go on, read it for yourself: https://bookshop.org/books/warrior-maid-of-mars/9798731661713 Visit https://nuzzlehouse.com for show info.

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Ben and I read the first half of 'Speak' and we are dreading the second half. We learn:

• Glen's broken dryer is almost a non-issue at this point.
• Ben's wears glasses just to be able to see Glen better.
• Gretchen gives us fun feather facts that blow our mind.
• Glen chose NOT to flirt with women at a bar because it's been a long day and he just. wanted. to. eat. his. burger.

Go read it yourself: https://bookshop.org/books/speak-9780739336724/9780312674397

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Well, I'm back on this book again. We learn that David gets a new job. He gets a sweet pad in London. And Mr. Dick was right, there's more to the the creeper hanging around Miss Betsey.

Go on, read it for yourself: https://bookshop.org/a/12554/9780486436654

Visit https://nuzzlehouse.com for show info.

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A heart-warming story about how working hard can make all your dreams come true.

About the Author

Sarina Dorie has sold over 170 short stories to markets like Analog, Daily Science Fiction, Magazine of Fantasy and Science Fiction, Orson Scott Card’s IGMS, Cosmos, and Abyss and Apex. Her stories and published novels have won humor contests and Romance Writer of America awards. She has over fifty novels published, including her bestselling series, Womby’s School for Wayward Witches. A few of her favorite things include: gluten-free brownies (not necessarily glutton-free), Star Trek, steampunk aesthetics, fairies, Severus Snape, Captain Jack Sparrow and Mr. Darcy.

By day, Sarina is a public school art teacher, artist, belly dance performer and instructor, copy editor, fashion designer, event organizer and probably a few other things. By night, she writes. As you might imagine, this leaves little time for sleep. You can find info about her short stories and novels on her website: http://www.sarinadorie.com

The best way to stay in contact with Sarina Dorie, hear about what she is writing, know when she has a new release, or books offered for free on Amazon is by signing up for her newsletter. Learn more about Sarina Dorie at these sites:

• Website
• Amazon Author Page
• Twitter

Support this author by downloading 'Fairies, Robots and Unicorns?--Oh My!: Humorous Fantasy and Science Fiction' for yourself: https://www.amazon.com/Fairies-Robots-Unicorns-Oh-My-Collection-ebook/dp/B01F06DFDW

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What do you do when wanda over at the 'From Words to Ideas" podcast gives you a story that is impossibly sad, and the turds at the 'Ladies Fright' Podcast make fun of the way you talk?

You hold back the tears. You never show them your feelings.

Go on, read it for yourself: https://bookshop.org/books?affiliate=12554&keywords=the+little+prince

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What do you do when your plane crashes and you're trying to get home and some kid starts talking about a fussy flower on his planet? You listen, damnit. You LISTEN.

Go on, read it for yourself: https://bookshop.org/books?affiliate=12554&keywords=the+little+prince

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Who would have thought that the first Y.A. book would involve fights and hair grease? We didn't, but we know all about it now. We learn:

• Glen gets hit on by a nurse, but is too stupid to realize it.
• Ben's boss quit her job! But she's still working there part-time... Ugh.
• Gretchen's bird this week salivates. It salivates and ungulates in the sky. It's gross.
• Ben really doesn't like the new direction Glen tries to take the show.
• 'Smooth My Balls' was a bust, but someone gave us a donation!

Go read it yourself: https://bookshop.org/a/12554/9780142407332

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What would you give up to finally be popular? Would you give up your pony? You’ll learn what sacrifice means in this episode.

Go on, read it for yourself: https://www.tor.com/2010/11/17/ponies/

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David STILL can't get over his man-crush, and Dickens clearly doesn't like small people. All this and a neighbor with a vague sexual issue make for a really long chapter.

Go on, read it for yourself: https://bookshop.org/a/12554/9780486436654

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The story of a man who dies and realizes he's god.. and you. And me? I don't like him being me.

Go on, read it for yourself: http://www.galactanet.com/oneoff/theegg_mod.html

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Book Info:

The romance corner book this week is 'Kingdom of Shadow and Light' by Karen Marie Moning

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https://bookshop.org/a/12554/9780486436654

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The romance corner book this week is 'The Velocity of Revolution' by Marshall Ryan Maresca

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https://bookshop.org/a/12554/9780486436654

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We learn:

• Glen hurt his coccyx
• Ben's bonsai tree isn't doing very well
• Gretchen has a lot of 'sheeps in love' jokes this week
• Ben can't complain about his job anymore... legally
• Glen can't find any 'anal' in this book

Go read it yourself:
https://bookshop.org/a/12554/9780553510744

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The romance corner book this week is 'Say No More' by Karen Rose

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https://bookshop.org/a/12554/9780486436654

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The romance corner book this week is 'Smoke Bitten' by Patricia Briggs

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https://bookshop.org/a/12554/9780486436654

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https://bookshop.org/a/12554/9780486436654

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Go on, read it for yourself:

https://bookshop.org/a/12554/9780486436654

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https://bookshop.org/a/12554/9780486436654

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We learn:

• Glen scruffs the good times at work by reminding people that he's being laid off in a few weeks
• Ben got a bonzai tree
• Gretchen teaches us that turkey vultures sound like my dad
• Ben can't get a date

Go read it yourself:
https://bookshop.org/a/12554/9780316228527

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https://bookshop.org/a/12554/9780486436654

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Go on, read it for yourself:
https://bookshop.org/a/12554/9780486436654

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Go on, read it for yourself:
https://bookshop.org/a/12554/9780486436654

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Go on, read it for yourself:
https://bookshop.org/a/12554/9780486436654

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We learn:

• Glen did almost nothing with his kids over Christmas
• Ben spent his doing video calls
• Gretchen provides some christmas jokes
• Glen broke up with a religious friend

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Go on, read it for yourself:
https://bookshop.org/a/12554/9780762463138

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• Glen's new nickname is 'Glen coldwalker'
• Ben's is just now realizing that things are depressing because of Covid
• Gretchen provides some christmas cheer
• Glen and Ben realize that New Years is going to be really depressing this year

Go read it yourself:
https://bookshop.org/a/12554/9781517103156

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https://bookshop.org/a/12554/9780762463138

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We learn:

• Glen's stupidity costs him 3K
• Ben's boss had a moment of clarity on life- but went back to normal.
• Gretchen changes it up this week with a birthday-themed squirrel segment
• Glen thinks that one of the characters in this story is a boy... when that character is actually a girl.

Go read it yourself:
https://bookshop.org/a/12554/9780448095448

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https://bookshop.org/a/12554/9780762463138

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Go on, read it for yourself:
https://bookshop.org/a/12554/9780762463138

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Go on, read it for yourself:
https://bookshop.org/a/12554/9780762463138

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Go read it yourself:
https://bookshop.org/books/the-truth-about-stacey-the-baby-sitters-club-3-volume-3-9781338642223/9781338642223

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Go on, read it for yourself:
https://bookshop.org/books/the-blue-fairy-book-annotated-9781099638268/9781099638268

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We learn:

• Ben’s boss had all her family over for the holiday, even though she just got over Covid.
• Glen made a turkey for the first time in his life, and it was so disgusting that he's decided to be a vegitarian.
• There's no bird blurb segment from Gretchen, but we played her music anyway.
• Ben's not going to get any break-up closure.
• Ben does an amazing reading from 'The Thanksgiving Feast Twilight Fanfic' by EdwardHisTopazEyes

Go read it yourself: https://www.fanfiction.net/s/7573298/2/The-Thanksgiving-Feast-Twilight-Fanfic

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https://bookshop.org/books/the-children-s-book-of-thanksgiving-stories-9781497322141/9781497322141

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We learn:

• Ben’s SINGLE!
• Glen has to convince a friend, who might have COVID that he should be more careful
• Gretchen has a thanksgiving segment!
• Ben's breakup is the best thing that's ever happened to the podcast.
• We find out that Sean Penn ISN'T dating Mercedes, Val Kilmer's daughter.

Go read it yourself: https://bookshop.org/a/12554/9780316067935

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Go on, read it for yourself:
https://bookshop.org/books/the-blue-fairy-book-annotated-9781099638268/9781099638268

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Go on, read it for yourself:
https://bookshop.org/books/the-blue-fairy-book-annotated-9781099638268/9781099638268

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Go on, read it for yourself:
https://bookshop.org/books/the-blue-fairy-book-annotated-9781099638268/9781099638268

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Go on, read it for yourself:
https://bookshop.org/books/the-blue-fairy-book-annotated-9781099638268/9781099638268

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https://bookshop.org/books/the-blue-fairy-book-annotated-9781099638268/9781099638268

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• Ben’s Manager STILL has Covid, and he’s STILL glad
• Glen spent Saturday night in a bar where a friend breathed all over him
• Gretchen’s segment has Glen thinking she should have her own podcast
• Ben had an actual date with an actual person.
• Glen and Ben talk at length about the benefits of bookshop.org and nuzzlehouse.com

Go read it yourself: https://bookshop.org/a/12554/9780316067935

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https://bookshop.org/books/the-blue-fairy-book-annotated-9781099638268/9781099638268

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https://bookshop.org/books/the-blue-fairy-book-annotated-9781099638268/9781099638268

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https://bookshop.org/books/the-blue-fairy-book-annotated-9781099638268/9781099638268

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Go on, read it for yourself:
https://bookshop.org/books/the-haunted-looking-glass/9780940322684?aid=12554&listref=leaves-of-glen

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https://bookshop.org/books/the-haunted-looking-glass/9780940322684?aid=12554&listref=leaves-of-glen

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https://bookshop.org/books/the-haunted-looking-glass/9780940322684?aid=12554&listref=leaves-of-glen

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https://bookshop.org/books/the-haunted-looking-glass/9780940322684?aid=12554&listref=leaves-of-glen

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• Ben’s Manager has Covid, and he’s glad
• Glen can’t stop thinking of hepatitis
• Gretchen’s segment is Halloween themed
• Ben had a video date, that actually went well!
• Glen is prepared to teach Ben ‘the secret’ when he’s finally done with all this dating crap

Go read it yourself: https://bookshop.org/a/12554/9780316067935

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https://bookshop.org/books/the-haunted-looking-glass/9780940322684?aid=12554&listref=leaves-of-glen

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https://bookshop.org/books/the-haunted-looking-glass/9780940322684?aid=12554&listref=leaves-of-glen

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https://bookshop.org/books/the-haunted-looking-glass/9780940322684?aid=12554&listref=leaves-of-glen

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Go on, read it for yourself:

https://bookshop.org/books/the-haunted-looking-glass/9780940322684

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Go on, read it for yourself:

https://bookshop.org/books/the-haunted-looking-glass/9780940322684

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Go on, read it for yourself:

https://bookshop.org/books/the-haunted-looking-glass/9780940322684

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https://bookshop.org/books/the-haunted-looking-glass/9780940322684

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https://bookshop.org/books/the-legend-of-sleepy-hollow-9780812504750/9780812504750

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• Ben’s employer hosted a fundraising event for Donald Trump... For a president who knowingly put all his supporters at risk.
• Glen got laid off
• Gretchen gets new music for her segment
• Glen got laid off

Go read it yourself:
https://bookshop.org/a/12554/9780316067935

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https://bookshop.org/books/the-legend-of-sleepy-hollow-9780812504750/9780812504750

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Go on, read it yourself:
https://bookshop.org/books/the-haunted-and-the-haunters-9781511915489/9781511915489

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https://bookshop.org/books/the-haunted-and-the-haunters-9781511915489/9781511915489

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https://bookshop.org/books/the-haunted-and-the-haunters-9781511915489/9781511915489

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https://bookshop.org/books/the-haunted-and-the-haunters-9781511915489/9781511915489

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We learn:

• Ben is inching closer to a romantic relationship with is physical therapist
• Gretchen explains how a tufted tit-mouse will eat your hair
• Glen tries not to crack up during a funeral
• Gretchen gets Ben to make bird noises

Go watch it with us:
https://www.hulu.com/movie/twilight-0984bd81-c037-49b1-a42a-1cbe93a1a4e9

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Go on, read it yourself:
https://bookshop.org/books/best-russian-short-stories-9798645523077/9798645523077

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Go on, read it yourself: https://bookshop.org/books/best-russian-short-stories-9798645523077/9798645523077

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We learn:

• Ben’s employer won’t let him work from home even when he has a bum leg
• Gretchen explains how birds can have secret families… Like a salesman
• Glen gets ripped off by a racist tree guy

Go read it yourself:

https://bookshop.org/a/12554/9780807506455

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Go on, read it yourself: https://bookshop.org/books/best-russian-short-stories-9798645523077/9798645523077

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Go on, read it yourself: https://bookshop.org/books/best-russian-short-stories-9798645523077/9798645523077

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Go on, read it yourself: https://bookshop.org/books/best-russian-short-stories-9798645523077/9798645523077

Be sure to check out "Besties with Katie & Emily" podcast:

https://twitter.com/bwkepod

https://podcasts.apple.com/us/podcast/besties-with-katie-emily/id1430595555

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We learn:

• The word "grins" shows up 124 times in this book
• Gretchen actually got Ben to make a bird sound with his mouth
• There is actually a fur glove used during a sex scene
• Ben’s whole leg is getting disgusting
• There 124 "frowns” in the book

Go read it yourself:
https://bookshop.org/books/fifty-shades-of-grey-book-one-of-the-fifty-shades-trilogy/9780345803481

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Go on, read it yourself:https://bookshop.org/books/best-russian-short-stories-9798645523077/9798645523077

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Go on, read it yourself: https://bookshop.org/books/best-russian-short-stories-9798645523077/9798645523077

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We learn:

• It’s Ben’s birthday! And he blows my surprise by telling everyone before I can.
• Glen's birdhouse kills birds
• Gretchen has a backyard ‘Ben’s Birthday’ blast for us
• Ben’s knee looks disgusting
• Glen knows someone who believes in Q-anon crap.

Go read it yourself:
https://bookshop.org/books/fifty-shades-of-grey-book-one-of-the-fifty-shades-trilogy/9780345803481

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Go on, read it yourself: https://bookshop.org/books/lazarus-9780343434168/9780343434168

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Go on, read it yourself: https://bookshop.org/books/the-adventures-of-tom-sawyer-original-and-uncensored/9781074561192

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We learn:

• Gretchen has a backyard butterfly blast for us
• Ben realizes that being single sucks when you need a ride to knee surgery
• Glen has built a reading nook in his house

Go read it yourself:
https://bookshop.org/books/fifty-shades-of-grey-book-one-of-the-fifty-shades-trilogy/9780345803481

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Go on, read it yourself: https://bookshop.org/books/the-adventures-of-tom-sawyer-original-and-uncensored/9781074561192

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Go on, read it yourself: https://bookshop.org/books/the-adventures-of-tom-sawyer-original-and-uncensored/9781074561192

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We learn:

• Gretchen has been sitting on a mountain of material while we were out
• Ben is ‘free now’, whatever that means
• Glen is trying to get crows to eat his bacon
• Also- this is what Glen thinks Christian Grey’s hands look like:
  • https://pbs.twimg.com/media/BM61H0TCAAAuK24.jpg

Go read it yourself:
https://bookshop.org/books/fifty-shades-of-grey-book-one-of-the-fifty-shades-trilogy/9780345803481

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Go on, read it yourself: https://bookshop.org/books/the-adventures-of-tom-sawyer-original-and-uncensored/9781074561192

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Go on, read it yourself: https://bookshop.org/books/the-adventures-of-tom-sawyer-original-and-uncensored/9781074561192

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Go on, read it yourself: https://bookshop.org/books/the-adventures-of-tom-sawyer-original-and-uncensored/9781074561192

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Go on, read it yourself: https://bookshop.org/books/the-adventures-of-tom-sawyer-original-and-uncensored/9781074561192

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• People are finally wearing masks at Ben’s work!
• Inspired by Gretchen, Glen has purchased a bird bath.
• Gretchen has a bird blurb- but Glen ruins it by yelling at his cat
• Ben reads a passage of the book and it’s wonderful

Go read it yourself:
https://bookshop.org/books/hardy-boys-04-the-missing-chums/9780448089041

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Go on, read it yourself: https://bookshop.org/books/the-adventures-of-tom-sawyer-original-and-uncensored/9781074561192

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Go on, read it yourself: https://bookshop.org/books/the-adventures-of-tom-sawyer-original-and-uncensored/9781074561192

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Go on, read it yourself: https://bookshop.org/books/the-adventures-of-tom-sawyer-original-and-uncensored/9781074561192

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