Subtle Frequencies

S1E1 - Astrology and Saintly Switches

Sat, 27 Feb 2021 04:00:31 -0000

Pan is joined by a master astrologer to explore the topic you won't stop asking about. Prepare yourselves for a rousing discussion of astrology that is certain to transpire without incident.

Content warning: mild body horror

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S1E2 - The Goblin Moon

Sat, 27 Feb 2021 04:01:00 -0000

We were as surprised as anyone when we heard that tonight would be the goblin moon. In this special emergency episode, Pan is joined by a goblin expert/ renowned goblin hunter to take your calls, address your concerns, and answer important goblin related questions like "What is a goblin?"

if you liked that song you weren't supposed to hear, check out "edelewood" by bee of the year (beeoftheyear.bandcamp.com)

theme music by pan ( yourfriendpan.bandcamp.com)

content warning: mild body horror, lots of references to cat eating

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S1E3 - "We Bought a Hospital"

Sat, 27 Feb 2021 04:02:20 -0000

Pan and Karen discuss Karen's upcoming film "We Bought a Hospital", the inspiring true story of one woman pursuing her dream to be the owner and operator of an extremely haunted hospital. Pick up a copy at Cup o' Joel, or at Karen's website weboughtahospital.com.

Content Warning: Pervasive discussion of the horrifying world of medicine, and ghosts

Somewhere in the world, Lisa Lipton played a lovely clarinet piece by Heinrich Sutermeister. It was corrupted by unknown forces before sneaking into our little broadcast.

Learn more about Lisa at lisaclarinet.com

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S1E4 - Enchanted Puzzle Boxes

Sat, 27 Feb 2021 04:05:52 -0000

Are you one of the many, many people who have recently found an enchanted puzzle box somewhere around town? Sick! We have a puzzle box expert on the show today to help take your calls and determine what dark secrets lie within your puzzle box.

Big thanks to Basso Profondo. Check out their bandcamp here

Content warning: references to kidnapping, multiple instances of unpleasant sounds

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S1E5 - Teleportation

Sat, 06 Mar 2021 03:18:20 -0000

What would you do if you had the ability to teleport? Where would you go? Would you use that power for good or for evil? This week, Pan is joined by Jasper Bos Hayes, teleportation expert and inventor of the Bod-E-Soc, to discuss the nature of teleportation and the ways he is making teleportation more accessible than ever with his miraculous invention.

A note from Pan: sorry it took us this long to have our callers state their pronouns up front. We strive to make this show welcoming for all people, and we are sorry for making such an obvious error.

CONTENT WARNING: Gunshot sounds. General destruction sounds. Brief gun violence. A murder. A robbery. Mild body horror. Implied kidnapping. Brief self mutilation

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S1E6 - Haunted Dolls and Not Astrology

Sat, 13 Mar 2021 04:19:02 -0000

Sorry this keeps happening, but we have to once again postpone our discussion of astrology due to the fact that Pan found a very cool, very haunted doll (named Charlotte) at the Steal N Deal: No Returns. Will we be able to shed some light on the mysterious circumstances that lead to Charlotte becoming a haunted doll???

If anyone out there understands 5-dimensional radio towers well enough to explain how this portal to "Don't Wait Around" by Creature to Creature keeps opening up, please get in touch.

And check out Creature to Creature at creaturetocreature.bandcamp.com

Content warning: frequent references to murder and dying in general, brief discussion of dollnapping (which is like kidnapping, but for dolls), some references to cat eating, about 30 seconds of someone drowning in paper receipts

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S1E7 - Visitors From the Grandpa Dimension

Sat, 20 Mar 2021 04:23:41 -0000

Anyone else notice the impossible amount of grandpas around here lately? Where did they come from, and now that they're all here, how will we welcome them into our community? This week, Pan and beloved community center staffer, Bev, will address any questions about the many many new grandpas, or the variety of services offered at the community center.

Also, we are once again experiencing what "scientists" call "island-time dilation", this time for roughly 5 minutes. We suspect it is due to the experiments of DrActivisionary. You can learn more about this particular phenomenon on her soundcloud (dractivisionary). And you can learn even more about her work on her bandcamp (also dractivisionary) or twitter (@dractivisionary ).

CONTENT WARNING: A horse is killed with a sword at 15:09 to 15:16, multiple references to guns, implied kidnapping, yet another reference to attempted cat eating

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S1E8 - Pam vs. The Beast

Sat, 27 Mar 2021 10:14:59 -0000

Today, Pan is joined by one Pam expert (Ann), and one The Beast expert (Beast Master (the one and only)) to discuss the epic combat that took place between those 2 parties, and the tragic outcome of that battle.

Friends, family, acquaintances, former lovers, strangers, and dogs are welcome to come up and say some last words to the dearly departed.

Content Warning: the entire episode is a memorial for someone who was killed by a large beast. So there is pervasive discussion of that subject. Also, description of severe eye and hand trauma, human vaporization, unhealthy ideas about unrequited love.

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S1E9 - Dreams

Sat, 03 Apr 2021 12:09:53 -0000

Is there a deeper meaning to a dream? Are dreams cryptic messages that need to be decoded? Could they be prophesies? If you die in a dream, do you die in real life? Pan has no idea. But, as luck would have it, our guest this week knows all about dreams, and she's ready to answer any and all questions you may have about them.

Tonight, as you drift off to sleep, don't think of all the mistakes you've made, or all the people who hurt you in the past. Think of all the fond memories you have of the song "Incinerate" by Phosphene. And, when you wake up check out their bandcamp phosphenepdx.bandcamp.com/ or maybe their instagram @phosphene_pdx.

Sweet Dreams

Content Warning: brief references to mortal danger and severe bodily harm via crushing, knives, fireworks, knives, and needles. Lots of explicit discussion of derealization, comas, and the feeling that maybe one caller is living in a dream. Some discussion of attacks/ dismemberment via large cryptids. Brief description of mugging/ assault. Absurd threats of dream based gun violence. Many references to sexuality and sexual dreams. Many references to abstinence only education. A couple references to decapitation.

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S1E10 - Frankensteins

Sun, 11 Apr 2021 09:00:00 -0000

Sometimes, you just want to talk about frankensteins. There happen to be many frankensteins and frankenstein adjacent beings here in town, and one of them is Pan's good friend Lothar (famous frankenstein, and author of Skar Tissue ). So tune in if you want to hear Pan and Lothar talk about the ins and outs of life as a reanimated being. And, as always, if you have a question, or concern, or comment, feel free to call into the station. We might pick up.

Also, if you knew how close the "Billy C" button was to the "cut to the ads " button, you wouldn't be laughing at me right now. Consider pressing some buttons to make your way to thisisbillyc on soundcloud or perhaps @billyprobably on instagram

CONTENT WARNING: pervasive references to making frankensteins (assembling a body from pieces of other bodies), and playing god. body horror, dysfunctional marriage and divorce, absurd representations of christianity, suffering and exploitation of the worker under capitalism, union busting, toxic fathers, toxic approaches to dating, angry mobs.

Also, this one has some uncensored swearing, in addition to the usual censored swearing.

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S1E11 - The Brood Awakens

Sat, 17 Apr 2021 05:50:58 -0000

Where did these creatures come from? What do they want? What did we do to deserve this torment? This week, Pan is joined by visiting scientist Victoria Campbell (aka The Visitor) to answer these questions, and many more. She is the only one who understands the dark machinations of these mysterious creatures, and she might be the only one who can save us. Stay inside, stay safe, and maybe give us a call.

One day, the cries of our invaders will fade, and a familiar voice will rise up to fill the void. So begins the legend of genesis fig. It's impossible to know what comes next, so get over to genesisfig.bandcamp.com and wait patiently for the next transmission.

CONTENT WARNING: Pervasive discussion of insects, pervasive droning insect calls, some discussion of insects eating people, some references to people eating bugs, some references to family friendly animal fighting, a workplace accident.

No bugs were harmed in the making of this episode. Furthermore, we would like to remind you that it's not nice to harm bugs, and you should avoid that whenever possible.

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S1E12 - Mascot Mayhem V LIVE!

Sat, 24 Apr 2021 07:19:45 -0000

After the tragic death of our basketball team's former mascot, Old Phillip, we are in dire need of a new mascot. As I'm sure you know, the only way to find a worthy mascot is through deadly battles. So we've constructed a bracket to pit 16 of this town's finest mascots against one another in single combat. Pan will be coming to you live with their good friends Coach Zweck, and Gritty to give you all the ringside coverage you crave. Grab some popcorn, place your bets, and get ready for an exciting evening of wholesome carnage.

Tim Merriman was not able to compete in this Mascot Mayhem, due to the fact that he isn't even kind of a mascot. Not even a little bit. But his spirit was present to bring us hope when we needed it most. If you are ever in need of a light when all other lights have gone out, consider visiting TimReallyCoolName on soundcloud

CONTENT WARNING: pervasive discussion of fighting and killing, multiple decapitations, many bugs, brief description of eating bugs, a bear attack, a goat attack, OSHA violations that lead to workplace accidents, a building collapsing, an impalement, horse destruction

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S1E13 - It's Nite Time! With Billy!

Sat, 01 May 2021 07:00:00 -0000

It's another beautiful night here in town, and that means it's time for another episode of the show we all know and love: It's Nite Time! With Billy! Danube CEO/ everyone's favorite host, Billy Crenshaw, has quite the show for you this evening! So gather the whole family around the radio and get ready for a wonderful night of comedy, conversation, music, and much much more! Brought to you by the Danube Corporation.

In the unlikely event that Creed is unable to play tonight, our bandleader requests that you go to puremothman.bandcamp.com and listen to "Beware False Prophets", which doesn't sound anything like Creed, really. Not sure what they're getting at here.

CONTENT WARNING: unreality, limb loss, a cancelled comedian, someone being dragged to hell, corporate propaganda, a car crash, a broken nose, unethical labor practices, capitalism, mind control, misuse of christian teachings.

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Mini Mall Radio Hour

Sat, 08 May 2021 11:01:35 -0000

It's 3:15 AM. You fell asleep in front of the radio again. This week's episode of Subtle Frequencies was playing in your dreams, but you can't quite remember what it was about. You're not emotionally prepared to stand up and turn off the radio, so you decide to lie there for a while and listen to whatever it is that comes on after Wind Through Trees.

Content Warning: some discussion of hypothetical sword-based violence, a mummy's curse.

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S1E14 - Justice in the Time of Swords

Sat, 15 May 2021 09:16:10 -0000

What does justice mean to you? Ever since we did away with the old ways, our town has been testing out new approaches to justice (to varying degrees of success). On top of that, we're finding more and more enchanted artifacts every single day, and people are wondering if we can use those artifacts for good. On top of that, we have more and more annoying villains wandering the streets, plotting bizarre and generally innocuous schemes. So, what's a town to do? Tune in to hear Pan dig into some of the finer points of this topic with former deputy/ current steward of the Old Gaol Museum, Barnaby Brinker.

Is your dream phone acting up? Ringing at odd hours of the night? Are you too afraid to pick it up? More and more people are reporting this phenomenon, but fear not! It's just Summer Afterdeath calling with a special message, encoded within the song "power cycle". If you forget the message when you wake up, listen to it again on their bandcamp (summerafterdeath), or check out her instagram (@sailorsun)

Content Warning: dangerous sword maneuvers, severe hand/ finger trauma, tear gas, burns, hospitalization, oppressive attempts to encourage abstinence, bizarre and unfounded assumptions about people's sexual habits, various crimes ranging from petty theft to embezzlement, some bugs

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S1E15 - Crystals

Sat, 22 May 2021 07:17:20 -0000

A lot of people have a lot to say about crystals. It's hard to know who to trust. Or it was, until recently. Due to what appears to be a thinning of the barrier between our dimension and the Crystal Dimension, piles of crystals are beginning to show up all around town. Unlike most of the crystals in our dimension, these new crystals have very potent and easily observable magical properties, and may either be very dangerous or very cool. Maybe both.

Reminder: please refrain from opening rifts to the crystal dimension during our broadcast. The crystal radiation no longer causes interference with our antenna, but Crystal Dave is somehow always on the other side of the rift, blasting Fuzz Boa by Whale People, and Pan always wants to stop the show to listen to it. If you can relate, consider visiting Whale People on bandcamp.

Content Warning: pica (specifically eating crystals), a lengthy scene of someone eating several crystals and choking and going to the hospital starting at 33:44 and lasting until 36:47, attempted abduction, body horror, guns, misrepresentation of crystal powers, negligent parenting styles, possibly unnerving stuff about eyes

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S1E16 - Cuppa Joel

Sat, 29 May 2021 09:44:44 -0000

Is your favorite place to get a hot cup of morning-time bean sauce hiding a dark secret? We literally have no idea because the mysterious group that runs Cuppa Joel refuses to talk to Pan about things that aren't related to coffee. But this week, we've managed to track down a man with who has learned about the inner working of Cuppa Joel, and lived to tell the tale. Tune in to have your whole world turned upside down. Or maybe not. We genuinely don't know what he's going to tell us here.

AND, for the first time ever, we're going to suggest that you stick around after the show to catch a bit of Wind Through Trees. Not because the show itself is good, but because some cool kids learned how to hack the radio signal and they're going to play a cool song. If you respect these wonderful tricksters, check them out on the 'gram @covenbrothersmusic or on spotify. Or most legal avenues for listening to/ buying music.

Content Warning: a group that could be described as a cult, unhealthy periods of wakefulness due to caffeine consumption, an eldritch being, broken bones, more than the average amount of fingers, fingers made of guns

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Mini Logue: Tape 3

Sat, 05 Jun 2021 07:30:23 -0000

A group of teens is camping in the woods, just outside of The Beast's territory, as teens often do. Just as they finish setting up camp, the teens see 3 strangers approaching. One of the strangers is holding a tape recorder. All of the strangers look shaken.

The strangers seem harmless enough, so the teens focus on roasting marshmallows, but they can't help but listen as the strangers speak loudly into their tape recorder.

Who are these people anyway? Where did they come from? What do they want? Will we be able to learn more about these strangers in roughly one week???

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S1E17 - Rescue Mission: Audio Logs 1-5

Sat, 12 Jun 2021 07:41:48 -0000

We received a call last week from a family that was lost and confused and not at all prepared for a discussion about butterflies. In an effort to stay on topic, we hung up on them pretty quickly, but many listeners were left wondering what became of that strange family. Well, good news! Pan managed to score a box of cassette tapes that document that family's journey into our wonderful little town! So tune in for part 1 of this family's harrowing journey.

ALSO, if anyone knows the secret for the Poacher of the Abyssal Forest boss fight in Tarzan: the Movie: the video game, please reach out to Pan.

And another thing: did y'all know that songs don't actually get trapped on mixtapes? Like you can find them in real life? For instance, that jam from Mr. Campbell's mixtape can also be found on spotify if you search Caleb & the Monsters. And they're on instagram @calebandthemonsters? Technology is amazing

Content Warning: mascot violence, mascot beheading, being chased by mysterious people, missing people, loud banging sounds, some yelling

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S1E18 - Rescue Mission pt 2: Audio Logs 6-9 (nice)

Tue, 22 Jun 2021 05:59:50 -0000

Sorry for the late episode, beloved listeners. Sometimes it just be that way.

But this week, we're back with the thrilling conclusion to the Campbell family's rescue mission. Nobody listened to these tapes ahead of time, so we're not sure how this is going to go, but we bet it's going to be delightful.

Also, if anyone finds a cassette tape on the ground with a bunch of hearts on it, please give it to Pan. That was their only physical copy of "About Flowers" by Velvet Vision. Yes, Pan knows that they can find it on Velvet Vision's bandcamp . And, of course they can always check out @__velvet.vision on instagram. It's just that sometimes it's nice to have a tape.

Content Warning: bugs, bug-people, crystal-people, bad mayors, divorce, attempted discrimination against suspected houseless individuals, violence committed by mayors, missing persons, video game violence.

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S1E19 - Chain Letters

Mon, 28 Jun 2021 05:37:19 -0000

Where do these messages come from? What sort of dark magic are they imbued with? We can say with some certainty that they can't all be real, but how many chain letters are real? Is there a way to tell the real ones from the fakers? What should you do if you fail to send a chain letter, and are subsequently cursed? These are several questions that we may or may not answer depending on how we feel, and other various circumstances.

Urgent! This is very real! You have been visited by the spirit of the song Be Together by the band Dream Date! Convince 5 friends to check out Dream Date on bandcamp or on instagram (@dream_date_band) if you want your friends to hear a nice tune :). Or, if you'd rather not do that, that's fine too :).

Content Warning: some discussion of an eye infection caused by bird poop, many people dying due to magic, chemical warfare, unlawful arrest, unreasonable demands for retaliatory justice, fear of medical care, thievery, multiple references to fictional curses and supernatural attacks caused by chain letters, arrow based attacks.

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S1E20 - Basketball Magic

Sat, 03 Jul 2021 07:26:19 -0000

The Town Criers' annual rivalry match with the Lawn Beetles is next week, and the pressure has never been higher! As you all know, the Criers have lost the last 9 matches against the Lawn Beetles, and they simply cannot afford another loss. That's where we come in. This week, we're going to investigate the intersection of magic and basketball to drum up some winning strategies for our beloved high school basketball team.

Remember, July is Space Madness Awareness Month. If you could hear the song Memory by Nocturnalites implanted in the middle of this episode you (probably) don't have Space Madness. If you are unsure weather or not you could hear it, or if you want to test your family and friends, listen to Nocturnalites on bandcamp. If you'd prefer a more visual experience, check them out on the 'gram (@nocturnalites_pdx).

Content Warning: human experimentation, human-animal hybrids, body horror, unethical sporting, mistreatment of animals for sports, possible mistreatment of animals for social media clout, death via falling, possible death via unintentional space travel, death via electrocution, the loss of a loved one, illness related to consuming dairy

Disclaimer: Never take medical advice from us for any reason

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S1E21 - Wishes

Sat, 10 Jul 2021 12:14:22 -0000

Here are some things you should never do without a lawyer present: talk to a cop, sign an important contract, make a magical wish. It has long been known that certain types of magical wish-granters find joy in misinterpreting the wishes of well-meaning wishers, but many people still rush to make wishes without taking the proper precautions. If you want to avoid having a wish turned against you with some kind of cruel twist, we highly recommend that you study the ins and outs of wish mechanics before casting your wish. Or, if that sounds boring, you can always hire a wish lawyer to help you navigate these choppy waters. This week, we have one of the best wish lawyers in town here to pass some potentially life saving information on to you. Stay tuned.

We'd also like to take a moment to apologize for our studio manager and (more importantly) his friends who keep barging into the room during broadcasts to ask for various trinkets. There is genuinely nothing we can do about it. On the bright side, the fellow who walked in this week (Dusty Dave) severely interrupted our show with a killer record. So thanks, Dave.

And thank you Universal Order of Armageddon for writing the song Close to Far Away and creating a situation where it might play in the middle of our show. Check 'em out on bandcamp. Or instagram (@universalorderofarmageddon) if that's more your thing.

Content Warning: animal bone collecting (for wishes), eye loss, children signing contracts without supervision, wounds inflicted for the purposes of signing a contract, threats of sword based violence, biased interpretations of religious texts.

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Mini Goblin Council Meeting

Sat, 17 Jul 2021 04:40:15 -0000

The Goblin King is dead. What happens now?

Somewhere deep beneath our quiet town, goblins meet in a secret location. After generations of frustration with the prophesy-based royal succession, some goblins are ready to pursue new forms of government. Factions are formed. Lines are drawn. Conflict is inevitable.

Content warning: lots of references to eating cats, general pro-violence rhetoric, bad animal handling.

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S1E22 - Save Our Swamp

Sun, 25 Jul 2021 09:51:49 -0000

Folks, these dang property developers are at it again. This time, they are trying to destroy our beautiful swamps to build some godawful townhomes. This is unacceptable. So we're going to spend this episode talking about all the wonders (and dangers) of the swamp, in an effort to remind you fine people what is so amazing about this biome, and why we need to protect it.

If you're ever wandering in the swamp and you hear a beautiful song in the trees TURN BACK IMMEDIATELY. That song is only audible when you are near a protected bit of the swamp know as Michael's Mire. Residents of the Mire are known to be very territorial! Do not go near it unless you've been invited. This message is brought to you by Genesis Fig. Learn more at genesisfig.bandcamp.com

Content Warning: guerilla warfare plots, eco-terrorism, the horrors of war, gator attacks, snake bites, corporate depersonalization, a gun, pollution, skeleton attacks, accidental animal death, intentional animal death for the purposes of cooking, continued failure to understand the new testament, body horror, haters.

p.s. sorry for the late episode. you know how it is sometimes. -pan

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Mini Dispatch From the Front Lines

Sat, 31 Jul 2021 07:10:07 -0000

As this Goblin Civil War rages on, there's only one place for a sensible goblin to turn for crucial updates on this deadly, deadly conflict.

Tune into Alliance for Lovers of Felines News for all the front line coverage you need to stay informed about our extremely successful campaign against the Royalists, and Craven Darkheart's Horde. For the record, it's going great.

Content Warning: a somewhat visceral bombing which takes up the last 30 seconds of the episode, decapitation, dismemberment, general warfare, military propaganda, trauma related to war, mourning the loss of a close friend, cat eating, immolation, the horrors of war, cold disregard for the loss of life.

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S1E23 - The Goblin Wars

Sat, 07 Aug 2021 16:08:53 -0000

It's become increasingly hard to ignore the ongoing conflict between the various goblin armies that is being hashed out in our beloved swamp. What initially seemed like a minor dispute between some silly little goblins has turned into something bigger than any of us could have imagined. A lot of people have a lot of questions, and it's our job to answer them. So, this week, Pan is joined by returning guest/ master goblin hunter, Toni Papadopoulos to figure out what's going on in this terrible war.

In the unlikely event that the goblin war makes it's way into town proper, you're going to want to have a bag packed and ready to go. Go-bag essentials include: water, non-perishable foods, phone + charger, the album Worry by Jeff Rosenstock, matches or a lighter. While you are fleeing from the destruction, pull out your walkman (also an essential) and allow Jeff's great tunes to distract you from the chaos. Festival Song is a great track to keep you energized as you make your escape. Check it out on Jeff's bandcamp (jeffrosenstock.bandcamp.com) and consider getting over to his instagram (@jeffrosenstock)

Content Warning: multiple references to attempted assassination, sword attacks, military propaganda, mind control activation phrases, more cat eating, discussion of dog murder, war profiteering, irresponsible parents.

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S1E24 - Food Saftey 101

Sat, 14 Aug 2021 08:32:33 -0000

COMING THIS SUMMER: Two Guns Glover is our town's last line of defense against the dangers of foodborne illness. Can one man stand up against the dark underbelly of our restaurant scene? Not without some help from the community. And that's where we come in. This week, Pan is sitting down with Two Guns to dig into some important questions like "What stuff is good to eat?" and "Can I eat a goblin??". Obviously, you should NOT eat a goblin, but some of the other questions are trickier. So stay tuned!

Somewhere on east Belmont, a man sold me a disc that he guaranteed was "hot fire". I thought it would be something like a Taco Castle spicy chicken quesadilla, but it turned out to be the incredibly inedible Hollow Kings by Micotropics, which isn't tasty in the literal sense, but IS a tasty jam. Listen to it several more times on spotify, and perhaps check out their 'gram (@micotropics)

Content Warning: this one's got a bad word in it, pervasive discussion of things you should not eat, discussion of cannibalism, lots of vore-related stuff, unhealthy desire to be eaten in a more visceral way, consuming toxic mushrooms, multiple animal deaths, dissection, body horror, unethical meat acquisition, attempted killing of sentient creatures, bird attacks

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S1E25 - Beefing with Booksters

Sat, 21 Aug 2021 21:27:06 -0000

This beef is getting out of control. It's bound to boil over into violence any moment now, unless we can come together and make peace. So, this week Pan is joined by mysterious wizard and owner of Belmont Books, Joe (Joseph the White), to work on building some bridges between us radio people, and the book lovers. If, by the end of this broadcast, you're still confused by/ afraid of/ angry at books, consider visiting Belmont Books. Joe will probably be happy to show you that books are just bits of paper with words and pictures on them.

Chez, if you're reading this, I want you to know that we love PICKITUP!, but you're not allowed to hide full ska tunes in your ad spots. I'd be more disappointed if it wasn't such a banger. So thank you, Chez, for introducing me to the song Call Your Bluff by Catbite. Check them out on catbite.net or on various social medias (@catbiteband).

Content Warning: multiple threats of violence, threat of human sacrifice, blasphemy, puritanical censorship, discussion of erotica, harry potter, ska, theatrical gang violence.

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S1E26 - Farm Wisdom

Sat, 28 Aug 2021 14:29:07 -0000

There sure are a lot of plants out there. Some of them are food. Some of them are poison. Some of them have magical properties that we don't fully understand. There's really a lot to sort through here, and our friend Holly is here to help! So tune in to hear Pan and Holly talk (mostly) about stuff that grows in the dirt, and the many dangers that stuff can present to you.

Obviously we're not mad at Rogue Conjurer for stopping time to insert their song Crystal Mountain Lives into the show this week. That was pretty cool, honestly. However, we are mad that they seem to have a lot of arcane knowledge that they aren't sharing with us. Try to uncover the secrets of their magic on the gram (@rogue.conjurer) or on their bandcamp.

Content Warning: prolonged discussion of spores and mushrooms, including possible trypophobia trigger at 21:15 - 21:20, murder (via stabbing), brief reference to burning, body horror, snakes, possession, funerals, poison, burglary, ceremonial decapitation, more body horror, unreality, hearing voices, demons, evil animatronics, unfettered capitalism

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S1E27 - Caves, Dungeons, etc.

Sat, 11 Sep 2021 07:53:41 -0000

Sorry for depriving you of an episode last week y'all. You know how it is sometimes.

Have you been under ground lately? Between the caves, dungeons, tunnels, and basements, there is a truly baffling amount of space beneath our town. So, if we're ever going to find our missing friends Two Guns and Jeremy, we need to learn everything we can about subterranean spaces, immediately.

When you're exploring a cave and you come across a mysterious passage, remember to use your ears. If you can hear wind blowing and loud screeching, that's a terrible/ otherworldly horror. If you hear grunting and bones rattling, just don't go in there. Trust me. But if you hear the song WONDERING by Xiu Xiu, that's a sign you're heading in the right direction. Go to their bandcamp so you can commit that song to memory. Or follow 'em on the gram (@xiuxiuforlife), if that's your thing .

Content Warning: threats of violence, violence, burglary, murder, sword attacks, gunfire, kidnapping, lots of small animal sounds, rodent infestation, bats, rats, missing persons, satirical suggestions of vandalism, cults, lengthy but non-specific discussion of sex, eating raw flesh

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S1E28 - The Chuckle Hut part 1

Sat, 18 Sep 2021 12:13:38 -0000

Pan has been in this comedy dungeon for a week, and it's time to bust out. But how? The Chuckle Hut is dark and mysterious and full of dangers. Will they be able to make it out alive?

Back on the surface, our Town has descended into chaos. New Chuckle Hut franchises are cropping up by the hour, and the rats/ children dressed as rats threaten to overrun the townsfolk. In this time of crisis, is it possible for some kind of team to come together and save the day??

Somewhere beyond the surface, Peter McCory seeks to comfort us in this dark hour. We certainly appreciate that, but monsters recently learned to cut through blankets, and we are once again susceptible to their attacks. Oh well. It's the thought that counts. Anyways, check out his webbed site www.petermccory.com

Content Warning: semi-realistic war sounds, violence, imprisonment, brainwashing, enthrallment, abuse of power, rodent extermination, death and resurrection, nonsensical plots that only make sense to a few people, terminal illness, clowns, ghosts, hospitals, walking in memphis

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S1E29 - The Chuckle Hut part 2

Sat, 25 Sep 2021 15:34:16 -0000

Picking up roughly where we left off last week, Pan, Two Guns, and Jeremy Lolipop face off against the perplexingly unmagical Rat King. Concurrently, Pam, Crystal Person, the newly-transformed Doctor Steal and Deal, ~Mr. Dazzle~, and Patch Spook'ems face deadly obstacles as they venture into the treacherous depths of the Chuckle hut. Does that not make any sense? Make sure to listen part 1. That might not help, honestly. But it's worth a shot?

Elsewhere, Boots Riley and The Coup inspire us to push back against the Rat Kings of the world. If people can just work together and maybe utilize some technology from the French revolution, we can make our way to a world free of Rat Kings. Hear more sick ideas and great tunes on literally any album from The Coup. And maybe give Boots a follow on the 'gram (@bootsriley)

Content Warning: exactly one uncensored swear word, numerous censored swear words and tasteless jokes, brainwashing, pervasive violence, car crashing, despair over the passing of beloved comedians, burning, drunkenness, severe medical problems, medical debt, gun violence, robot murder, complete nonsense

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Mini-Horsing Around

Sat, 02 Oct 2021 06:57:08 -0000

Apologies to anyone who was expecting to tune into an episode of Subtle Frequencies this week. The Da Vinch Company has disrupted our broadcast with this PSA about their new pony-sharing service. Here's what they have to say:

"Da Vinch's new Pwn-E brand ponies are the hottest new way to get around town! They're easier than walking, cheaper than a car, and very easy to use! If you're interested in this revolutionary program, please listen to this PSA to learn some dos and don'ts for the Pwn-E brand pony.

Disclaimer: Da Vinch is in no way liable for any injuries sustained while using our product. Furthermore, you are extremely liable if any harm comes to our property. "

Content Warning: car crash, death via automobile impact, animal mistreatment/ implied death, human vaporization

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What is Subtle Frequencies?

Tue, 05 Oct 2021 01:01:12 -0000

Not ready to commit to listening to an hour of rousing discussion on topics like Saintly Switches or Dreams? Listening to this trailer is like dipping your toe into the murky waters of our show.

S1E30 - Mysteries of the Sea

Sat, 09 Oct 2021 06:33:09 -0000

Fall is here, but there is a bit of summer left in the air. And Pan certainly needs a vacation after all that nasty business with the Chuckle Hut, so their broadcasting remotely from the middle of the ocean this week. Tune in to hear their thoughts on various sea creatures, boat drinks, and cursed squid artifacts. Feel free to call in to tell us how you're making the most of the last few warm days this year.

FYI sleeping with the fishes sounds fun, but it's actually not a good thing and might be a euphemism or something

Content Warning: arachnids, specifically scorpions, death, dismemberment, blood, drowning, delusions, water based psychosis, possible inter-species romance, unreality, irresponsible parenting, poor first aid, gun shots

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S1E31 - Murder Most Foul

Sat, 16 Oct 2021 09:58:54 -0000

Most of our Town seeks shelter in the high school auditorium as a tempest blows through. Pan gets bored and decides to start an episode with the captive audience, and the school's new agriculture teacher (Brother Heathclyff) as a last minute guest. The show is starting to look like a dud when gasp there is a terrible murder! Can Pan and Heathclyff get to the bottom of this before the killer strikes again???

In the wake of tragedy, we may find comfort in music. Weather you seek a somber tune, or something spicy, Young Hound can make the tears go away (or maybe bring exciting new tears?). Check out his record Versions of Home on bandcamp or spotify or what ever sort of place you like. or scope out his instagram (@francisbaconbits)

Content Warning: murder, assault, stabbing, beheading, storms, lightning, frequent thunder sounds, coercive interrogation tactics, attempted drugging, numerous mentions of blood and gore, eye injury.

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S1E32 - Pumpkinpalooza 2k21

Sun, 24 Oct 2021 10:49:50 -0000

Sorry for the delay! I accidentally fell into a sort of a chasm.

But this week we are coming to you live from the center of Pumpkinpalooza! Previous autumnal festivals have been plagued by various hauntings and deaths and plagues, but not this one! The ghost/ ghoul-free atmosphere is all thanks to this year's Pumpkinpalooza Prime Minister and our guest for the week, Patricia. She has deployed a number of salt-based safety measures to guarantee a safe Pumpkinpalooza. So, come see us at the booth, or call in to talk about your favorite non-scary ways to enjoy the autumn.

Once you're done with the corn labyrinth and you've had your fill of funny pancakes, make sure to stop by the "Music Zone" to catch some killer tunes from the legendary Team Dresch! And, if you like the tunes, listen to them again on bandcamp! or follow 'em on the "instagram" (@teamdresch)

Content warning: some sudden loud noises (they're not actually louder than anything else), sad animal sounds, chainsaws, death by crows and ghouls, theft

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S1E33 - Adventures in the Woods

Sat, 30 Oct 2021 21:15:33 -0000

Sorry for the delay again. I never actually left the chasm after i fell in :(

We were going to talk about Secrets this week (idk, it was producer Dave's idea) but that was boring, so Pan abandoned that topic to focus on friends of the show/ enemies of the new Goblin Kingdom, Jeremy (the goblin?) and Gritzl. Apparently they're venturing into the woods to find some kind of wizard, and that sounds pretty cool and dangerous.

Some folks will tell you the music of the forest is a good omen. Others will tell you it means certain doom. Other others will tell you it's kind of neutral. The truth is, we only know that it definitely means something... so it's best to familiarize yourself with it by listening to the new album by IKSRE. We're particularly fond of "Rapids", but you can scope the whole thing for yourself on bandcamp and maybe give 'em a follow (@iksre)

Content Warning: attempted murder, cannibalism, body horror, attempted arson, familial stress, psychotic delusions.

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S1E34 - Divintation and The Zenith Deck

Sat, 06 Nov 2021 08:28:05 -0000

Our "future" was determined at the inception of the universe. For most, it's impossible to see what's coming next without the use of some kind of divination device. Traditional devices all have their strengths and weaknesses, but the recently introduced Zenith Deck could be the most infallible divination device the world has ever seen. It's also a delightful gave for ages 13+. So sit down and listen up as Pan talks with Zenith Deck creator, Claude Gustav. Maybe give us a call if you have a cool or interesting question.

The future remains difficult to parse, even with our newest tools. In glimpses, we see dark days ahead, but, in the present, we can see a community strong enough to overcome any challenge the future holds. It is essential that we continue to look out for each other, and continue to listen to oracles like Howard, or Kowloon Walled City. If you're interested in the sickest songs and prophecies, check out Kowloon Walled City's new record "Piecework" and buy it on bandcamp. And maybe give them a follow (@kowloonwalled)

Content Warning: unreality, numerous loud and abrasive sounds, hoarding, determinism

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S1E35 - Mirrors

Sat, 13 Nov 2021 09:18:06 -0000

At a very young age, I started asking myself "who is that other kid over there?". Some time later, I learned that it was just my reflection and there was no other kid (or was there?). Mirrors have been perplexing and terrifying people (and some animals) for millennia. Fears about "that other me over there" have spawned countless folk tales and superstitions. But, sometimes there is another me other there, and today is the day that I figure out what the other me is up to.

Science fact of the day: did you know that meerkats (Suricata suricatta) can make a bunch of different noises and they're all bad to hear? But you know what isn't bad to hear? The song Thirsty Willow by Ac Sapphire. Scope out the rest of her good tunes on bandcamp and maybe give her a follow on the gram (@acsapphire)

Content Warning: unreality, gun shots, body swapping rituals, animal sounds, unsurprisingly, we talk about mirrors a lot

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S1E36 - Post-Harvest Feastival

Sun, 21 Nov 2021 12:11:30 -0000

Sorry for the delay, I am building a new life here in this chasm I fell into.

But this week, we're coming to you live from the community center, where we are cooking up some otherworldly foods, and talking to YOU about your favorite fall-time recipes. Come to the big tent to tell Pan and Chef Cougar how to cook food. Please make sure to make your suggestions good.

A good post harvest feastival is all about sharing some good times and good food with people you love. You're also going to want to put on some killer tunes to liven things up. This year, we recommend Return to Clay by Moon Debris. If you like that one, cruise over to their bandcamp and pick up the whole record. Maybe also follow them on "insta" (@moon_debris)

Content Warning: body horror, monstrous animal hybrids, sword violence, regular violence, multiple cryptozoological deaths, discussion of crawdad murder, big cat attacks, snakes

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S1E37 - Hats

Sat, 04 Dec 2021 09:31:08 -0000

We're Back! This week, we're tackling the surprisingly complex world of hats! You've seen them on wizards, sorcerers, dads, and certain fancy people, but do you know all of their fantastical qualities? Do you know which hats are magical, and which ones are just stylish? Do you know the long history of magical hats? I sure don't, so let's find out together!

We only have so much time on this earth. You never know when you may be taken out by some sort of whimsical contraption, so it's essential that you fill your life with cool stuff, like quality time with loved ones, delicious meals, and delightful tunes like The Siren by Blooming Limbo. Scope out Blooming Limbo on bandcamp to find more jams, and maybe give 'em a follow on instagram (@bloominglimbo)

Content Warning: violence, murder, blasphemy, unreality, death of a loved one, kleptomania

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S1E38 - Frosty Abominations

Sat, 11 Dec 2021 12:25:52 -0000

Last week, we learned that the hat that brought Frosty to life can bring just about anything to life, and also that it is missing. There must be some malice in that old silk hat, because it keeps making horrible creatures that cause problems for everyone. So, today we're trying to learn what we can about that dang hat and see if we can't track it down. Please call if you have any information.

If you have to get somewhere very quickly in order to stop some kind of abomination, it helps to have a kick ass soundtrack. Something like The Ride by Stringlights will get you motivated and make you feel like you're on a cool motorcycle (even if you're on foot). Listen to it on spotify or another streaming service, or follow 'em on the gram (@stringlights_music)

Content Warning: many gunshot sounds, discussion of deceased ponies, discussion of death and decay in general, underage tobacco consumption, body horror, lung cancer

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S1E39 - A Subtle Frequencies Carol

Sat, 25 Dec 2021 01:10:12 -0000

The station manager (Cornelius, aka Corny) refuses to turn on the heat, and it's beginning to cause problems at the station. Pan is suffering, Shrimp Scamp-e (our precocious little intern) is shivering. This in untenable. Someone needs to remind Corny of the true meaning of Christmas (being warm and comfortable), with some kind magical journey.

It's not Christmas without a little Bartees Strange. We've been saying this for pretty much forever. This year, we're celebrating with a little bit of Flagey God from the Album "Live Forever". Scope the whole album on bandcamp, or pretty much wherever. Also, follow them on the gram (@bartees_strange)

Content Warning: mistreatment of a child, death of a child, murder, many gun shot sounds, breaking up.

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Mini Artificers Table

Sat, 01 Jan 2022 10:19:46 -0000

It's a new year, and you might have been up too late listening to the radio last night. You missed the end of Subtle Frequencies, but you awake in time to catch an unfamiliar program about dolls? Or appraising dolls? You're not sure what the deal is with these dolls, but maybe it has something to do with the "soul thresher"?

The intro/ outro music for Artificers Table is "Acid Jazz" by Kevin MacLeod and can be found at https://freemusicarchive.org/music/Kevin_MacLeod/Jazz_Sampler/AcidJazz_1430

Content Warning: soul threshing, implied death, public displays of affection with a doll

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S1E40 - The Great Troll Migration

Sat, 08 Jan 2022 10:11:07 -0000

It's that time of year again. The trolls are migrating down from the hills and into the sort of forest-y area at the base of the hills. Like previous years, we want to take this opportunity to check in on the trolls and see what's new, what's old, etc. This year, it seems like there is a growing chasm between the major factions of trolls, so that's probably something to worry about. But definitely don't worry. Everything is fine.

MUSIC OF THE FOREST UPDATE: Okay it changed again. You're risking your life any time you enter the forest (or do pretty much anything at all. Anywhere. At any time) but if you're wandering off the path, and you hear the song Around by Prism Bitch, that's your sign to make peace with whatever god or devil you're hitched to. Good luck. If you want to memorize this song so that you can recognize it in your final moments, you can scope the whole album on bandcamp . Also, why not follow Prism Bitch on instagram dot com (@prismbitchband)

Content Warning: attempted murder, implied past murders, troll hunting, a moment of violence, unwanted transformations, decapitation, infatuation, paranoia

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S1E41 - Kingdom Shirts II

Sat, 15 Jan 2022 11:35:19 -0000

This isn't our usual subject matter, but there seems to be something unusual about this game. Everyone is playing obsessively, despite the fact that you don't even get to be a cool bard with a quarterstaff. So, this week, Pan will talk "video games" with an allegedly popular Twitch streamer. Maybe something interesting will come up. Who knows.

Imagine this: you're cruising along on your motorized roller skates. Wind in your hair, a trail of concerned people in your wake. How is it possible for skates to reach 40 mph? It doesn't matter. It's just you and the open road. You're free. The only thing that could make this better is a fresh tune. You press play on your Zune and your ears are delighted by the sound of Stocks by Via Mardot. When you get home, you should really check out the rest of her stuff on her bandcamp, and maybe follow her on instagram (@viamardot)

Content Warning: death via possible heart attack, lengthy discussion of sword death, decapitation, gaming addiction, hoarding, neglect, nfts, irresponsible roller skating, unhealthy attachment, some light stalking, kidnapping

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S1E42 - The Goblin Moon Returns

Sat, 22 Jan 2022 10:58:21 -0000

You already know what it is. The Goblin Moon is here, and something isn't right. It's hard to define "regular" behavior for a goblin, but their behavior tonight is especially strange. No mischief, no shenanigans, just a lot of marching and targeted attacks. On top of that, Gritzl (the heir to the goblin throne, according to prophecy) seems to have been taken. Maybe we should have addressed that after we got the news last week, but we were busy and forgot. So tune in to see what the deal is there.

How do you distinguish the drums of war from your more musical, cool drums? We're not really sure, and we're honestly too busy to worry about that right now. One data point we have is that any drumming you heard in this episode was not the drums of war. It was REQUIEM 2021 by Colin Seven. Consider scoping out the rest of Colin's catalogue at colinseven.bandcamp.com

Content Warning: violence, references to cat eating, explosions, combat, child endangerment, kidnapping, imprisonment, reference to the death of a beloved fantasy character

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S1E43 - Haunted House

Sat, 29 Jan 2022 23:41:51 -0000

Sorry for the delay.

But this week, we're coming to you from this very spooky house. Some kids dared Pan to spend the night there, and, for some reason, Pan is doing it. So tune in to learn about this creepy place and maybe meet some of the various ghosties and ghoulies. Also, if you know anything about this place or ghosts in general, give Pan a call.

If dogs could talk, they would probably say a lot of complete nonsense. But, in their moments of lucidity, they would probably ask to listen to WILD POWWERS. Specifically the song Real Deal Phil. You can enjoy it too if you check out their bandcamp. Also maybe follow them on instagram (@wildpowwers)

Content Warning: accidental death via electrocution, spooky sounds, brief discussion of trauma related to accidental death, terrible eating sounds, spoilers for the movie "the sixth sense", several reverences to sexual intercourse.

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S1E44 - Memories of the Clock Tower

Sun, 06 Feb 2022 01:50:37 -0000

Sorry for the delay once again. But this week Pan might be losing their mind again. We all know the Tower. We love the Tower. It's the best place to learn what time it is. But Pan wants to talk about it and how it "wasn't there" last "week". Not sure what that's supposed to mean. Some of my fondest memories a in front of that tower. But Pan's gonna do what Pan's gonna do. Tune in.

As we all know, the Tower has been playing "For Whom the Bell Tolls" every hour since at least 1890. But lately, people have been asking if we could get it to play a song from a good band instead. Please sign my petition to get the Tower song changed to "Simon!" by Free Black!. It's very good. I promise. If you need a refresher, check out Free Black! on bandcamp, and maybe follow them on IG (@freeblackacron) . . .

Content Warning: unreality, memory distortion, possible murder, temporary insanity, Mandela effect, mob behavior, possible interdimensional stalking

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S1E45 - Barding and Magical Music

Sun, 13 Feb 2022 11:08:25 -0000

Sorry for the continued lateness.

But this week we've got a real banger for you. We're talking bards, we're talking magic music, we're talking regular music. It's going to be a load of fun. Maybe we'll figure out what kind of dark magics make songs get stuck in your head. Who knows?

These days, true bards are hard to come by. Who can we turn to when we need a song written to commemorate a special occasion, or to put a dragon to sleep? Please direct your attention to Tiny Anthems, a modern bard, weaver of tales, and number one requested artist in Subtle Frequencies history. Next time you're in need of some barding, get on over to tinyanthems.com. And since you've already heard Chapter 1 of Amethyst Inn by Tiny Anthems in the middle of this episode, you might as well listen to the rest on spotify. Also pt 2: @tinyanthems on instagram is what the pros call a "premium follow"

Content Warning: exactly 1 uncensored curse word, vehicular manslaughter, probably too much talk about buttholes, completely unserious parody mention of the death of an elected official, sword murder

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S1E46 - Beams

Sat, 19 Feb 2022 11:32:32 -0000

On a daily basis, you are probably being hit by beams and feeling their effects. Sometimes it's good, sometimes it's bad, somehow it's never neutral. The worlds leading scientists still don't know exactly what constitutes a "beam". But what if you could harness the power of the beams? Would you use them for beam healing? Or to take vengeance on those who have wronged you? Give us a call to weigh in.

Okay, before you send us angry emails, I already know that we should have talked a lot about Goku. Yes, his signature Kamehameha attack is a beam. Yes, we all miss him. Yes, he could save us from all of our woes. But we've got the next best thing! It's a fresh track by Oh, Rose called "Easy". Hear the track many people are calling "as good as Goku" on their bandcamp, and go ahead and follow them on ig (@ohroseh)

Content Warning: severe allergic reaction, multiple deaths via vaporization, something resembling a cult, irresponsible black market dealings, pseudoscience, migraines, nosebleeds, slight body horror

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S1E47 - The Beginning of the End

Sun, 27 Feb 2022 12:44:33 -0000

I expect god to stop punishing me soon, at which point I will be able to release this show on time. Sorry for the delay

Well, the Sleeping One has broken through the mountain, destroyed the community center, and somehow knocked out the internet. Luckily, the Joels have managed to subdue him with a song that isn't quite as effective as that old one, but it won't last forever. Things are looking bad. Packs of bandits are everywhere, the skeletons have risen, and folks are just generally going wild out there. So we're going to figure out this new world and we'll try not to die while we're at it.

When you're dueling your nemesis, you gotta have a good tune on so you don't get bored and lose focus. This week's top pick is Honey, Have I Lost It All? by MAITA from her new record I just Want To Be Wild For You. Find it on her bandcamp, or the streaming service of your choice.

Content Warning: apocalypse, general death and destruction, possible murder, arm loss, dog growling sounds, some being attacked by coyotes and fighting them, decapitation, gun shot sounds, pig sounds, marauding, loss of touch with reality, glass breaking, temporary paralysis, bad parenting, imprisonment

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S1E48 - Strange Beasts

Sat, 12 Mar 2022 19:05:40 -0000

Sorry to keep keeping you waiting. Life's a little funny sometimes So the Sleeping One continues to rampage through Town. No one is really loving that, but it got me thinking about the other big strange beasts that have come around in the past. Maybe if we can understand those creatures, we can understand the Sleeping One. So if you know anything about strange beasts, or have any experience getting really big to fight them, give us a call.

It's common knowledge that any mysterious tape you find on the ground or in the sewer or whatever will either be Marc Cohn's hit song "Walking In Memphis" or, if you're lucky, it'll be Truck Stop Lover by The Little Tulips. We highly recommend scoping out the rest of their EP on bandcamp. Also, give em a follow on "the" "instagram" (@the.littletulips)

Content Warning: car crashing, subsequent hospitalization, brief violence, a lot of weird crying, marriage problems, completely fair-use application of trademarked materials, attempted people-eating, gators

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S1E49 - Parenting

Sat, 19 Mar 2022 10:38:37 -0000

If you downloaded this very very early, there was a mistake that has since been corrected. Sorry

Well, the Sleeping One's giant parents are on their way to town. Not sure when they'll get here, but it has us thinking about parenting. Mostly because we feel like we need to do a little parenting so the Sleeping One's parents don't get mad at us and destroy stuff. None of us are ready for this, but we have to do something.

Ever since we discussed barding, more songs with magical qualities have been coming to our attention. The latest addition to the list is "the least" by Alexis Mahler. We're not sure exactly what kind of magic it has going on, but there's definitely some in there. Listen to it some more on her bandcamp and give her a follow on instagram @alexismahler

Content Warning: numerous sounds that kind of sound like distant bombs, irresponsible parenting, kidnapping plots, captivity, skeletons, implied murder

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S1E50 - Battlegeddon

Sat, 02 Apr 2022 08:40:30 -0000

After a few days of fighting off the armies of hell, we decided we'd rather not, so we opted to settle this the only way we know how: with a series of fights to the death. Pan is flying high above Town with the Satyr, who is representing the forces of good, and Jimmy (the rancid), who is the 8 year old king of hell and is obviously representing the forces of evil. He brought his weird golden bodyguard/ chair (?) Sebastian with him, which is uncomfortable for everyone. So we're pitting our champions against theirs to decide the fate of our little Town and maybe the entire world. Tune in if you care about the future.

When you're about to enter a battle to the death, a great walk out song is an absolute must. If you want to get properly amped for you next battle, we highly recommend "Panic, Mania" by moon kissed. Absolute banger. And in the event that you survive the fight, they have a ton of jams for various different moods, so you should go ahead and scope the whole record on their bandcamp and check out their website (moonkissedmusic.com) for social media links and info about upcoming shows.

Programming note: we're moving to a demiweekly release schedule, which means we're releasing episodes every other week from now on, but we're hoping it'll free up time for bonus episodes and other stuff in the off weeks. For instance, next week we have a fun little bonus ep for you.

Content Warning: pervasive descriptions of absurd violence, limb loss, decapitation, references to gore, explosions, death, vore, parody police violence (abolish the police), total body destruction, fair use parody depiction of a licensed character.

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S1E51 - End of Season Q&A

Sat, 09 Apr 2022 06:01:03 -0000

Well, we wrapped up season 1 of the show. Before we get into the wild world of season 2, we wanted to take a breather and jump out of character to answer some questions from listeners. So that's what's happening here. We'll read questions. We'll answer questions. We'll go off topic for a while. It'll be a blast.

Content Warning: description of an absurd but deadly fictional car crash

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S2E1 - Tapes From the Tourism Board

Sat, 16 Apr 2022 12:11:40 -0000

Looks like we made it. Season 2, baybee! We're kicking this one off with the tale of a visitor who came to town lost and afraid, and was subsequently saved by the power of our newly established tourism board (and sponsored by Carney Asada: A Carnival of Flavor). Tune in to better understand where you are.

When you're traveling from town to town in search of a target that is always just out of your reach, you need a killer soundtrack to keep you going. On those days when your quarry eludes you once again, it can help to kick back and put on a nice tune. This week's #1 recommendation is "Saintly" by Small Million. They have many other cool songs on bandcamp. And maybe give em a follow on soc med (that's cool kid talk for "social media")

Content Warning: pica, violence, only 1 murder, realistic raccoon sounds that could attract raccoons to your location

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S2E2 - The Internet

Sat, 30 Apr 2022 07:32:48 -0000

As we all know, people be on their damn phones, computers, palm pilots, etc. We spend so much time on this "world wide web", but I for one don't understand the dark forces that allow such a miraculous thing to exist. Was it really invented by Al Gore (sounds fake) or is there something else going on? Tune in and we might get to the bottom of it.

When you need to drown out the sound of many people singing "Make Him Understand", where do you turn? Look no further than the song Wilder by Slang off of their upcoming debut Cockroach In a Ghost Town. And while your at it, head over to their bandcamp to preorder the record, and maybe follow them on social media and stuff.

Content Warning: stalking, blood sacrifice, severe blood loss, weird kids youtube, thinly veiled threats, attempted arranged marriage, arguably abusive pranks, guns, probable murder, explicit threats of violence

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S2E3 - Bones

Sat, 14 May 2022 10:18:33 -0000

I assume most of y'all listening have some bones. Either in a drawer, or under your skin. They're good for all kinds of stuff: divination, money, xylophone, etc. Some folks out there (in the necropolis) are made of bones and nothing else, and it turns out the right term for those folks is "skellington". Tune in to learn more cool bone related facts.

If you ever get tired of the soothing tones of a rib cage being played like some kind of marimba, first of all what's wrong with you? But, second, you're gonna need some other fresh sounds. We highly recommend Dissolve by Basement Revolver. Find more of their sweet tunes and learn other stuff about them on basementrevolver.com.

Note for the dweebs: Pan refers to calcium as "volatile" when the correct term is "reactive". whoops

Content Warning: severe injury, broken bones, death, body horror, stabbing, car jacking, reference to a skateboard colliding with a small dog, bugs, severe illness, bone marrow donation

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S2E4 - Angels

Mon, 30 May 2022 06:50:35 -0000

Sorry about the delay. God didn't want us to release this episode, but they'll have to come down from their crystal tower and face me like an adult if they want to stop this show.

Anyways, this one is about angels. You could argue that it's more about an abandoned K Mart, but then I would ask why you're arguing with me? We do talk about angels, after all. The "biblically accurate" kind, the precious moments kind, the kind that confess their love for Dean only moments before being dragged away to some kind of super-hell. Tune in.

Big thanks to friend of the us, Tim! His visions of the dark underbelly of the retail world were invaluable in the development of this episode. If you liked his portrayal of Benny, yell your review into a seashell.

Belinda Carlisle said heaven is a place on earth. I'm pretty sure the opposite is true, but if you want to feel, even for a moment, that you're in some kind of heaven, grab your walkman or zune or whatever and fire up Tanking for Zion by Trouble Books. And then listen to many of their other songs on their bandcamp or many other places where you would find music.

Content Warning: persistent (but very quiet) fly buzzing sound from 33:54 to 39:17, insect infestation, discussion of the real world death of an animal (bird) via baseball, kidnapping, murder via explosion, continued misrepresentation of christianity, death via severe allergic reaction

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S2E5 - Lightning

Sat, 18 Jun 2022 10:44:48 -0000

Sorry this is a week late. The issue was my anguish and various agonies.

But this week we're talking about lightning, which seems like it shouldn't be real, but apparently it can be explained by "science". Our expert this week (Joe (he/ him (sorry we forgot to say that out loud on the show))) was struck by lightning once, which really doesn't give him any expertise, but he was the only one who could come in... So we're taking your calls to talk about lightning, lightning rods, and the elaborate conspiracy being executed by members of the Utilities Regulations Board (URB) who are dead set on taking away your rights. Someone should really "fire" them. If you're interested in helping people whose rights are under attack, head over to abortionfunds.org and drop a donation if possible.

If the steady erosion of various rights is getting you down, you can always listen to a rad tune to bring you back up. Our recommendation this week is July's People by Djunah. That whole album (Ex Voto) is the raddest thing I've heard in a while. Check it out on their bandcamp and follow em' on the gram so you can get psyched for their next record ( @djunahband)

Content Warning: kind of a lot of talking about someone pissing their pants, references to being struck by lightning, threats of physical violence, discussion of politically motivated arson and murder, an allegory for real life attacks on reproductive rights, discussion of death via car explosion, sword murder

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S2E6 - Summer Time Fun

Sat, 02 Jul 2022 08:02:23 -0000

** goofed up the first upload and forgot to make the intro music less loud. it should be fixed, but it's possible that you'll hear that version and say "owwy too loud" and i don't know how to avoid that

Life is a nightmare, but it's summer time, and we all deserve to have a little fun. So this week, we're talking about camping, drinking on boats, swimming in safe locales, violence, etc. Some of these things are surprisingly controversial. Tune in.

In other news, the fine folks from Jeremy's Red Cola asked Pan to make an ad. The job was done and payment was rendered, but apparently the ad was "not that good" and Pan could expect to "hear from our lawyers". Whatever. If you like minimalist ambient music, find Pan in the street and ask them about it.

Content Warning: lots of discussion of hypothetical drowning, somewhat graphic description of severe bodily harm from 3:36 - 3:55, recommendations of imaginary violence, caves, discussion of getting stuck in a cave, mentions of lobster murder, 1 murder with a lobster

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S2E7 - Redemption

Sat, 16 Jul 2022 08:16:15 -0000

I'm going to put it to you plainly: stuff sucks, and many of us need to fight every day just to survive. People who I'll never meet hate my guts. There is so much suffering. In the face of all this, I can't blame anyone who turns cold, or embraces anger. I often do both of those things. However, we can't forget that there is no such thing as a lost cause. Even the worst person can be redeemed. We've recommended physical resistance very recently, and, sometimes, that is the only functional solution. Other times, it can be a beautiful thing to help someone overcome whatever it is in their heart that makes them want to hurt others.

If you're going to stay strong in the face of... everything, sometimes it helps to have a nice tune to keep you centered. This week, we're recommending "Narcissus In Exile" by Minmo Music. It's good. Check out the whole record and preorder their upcoming EP on their bandcamp . Also follow them on instagram or twitter. They'll be the ones called Minmo Music

Content Warning: possible murder, threat of murder, discussion of broken bones, questionable morality, death via fire, discussion of decay and its value for new life, references to brainwashing

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Mini Apps and Deals

Sat, 30 Jul 2022 07:56:10 -0000

So you fell asleep in front of the radio again, only to wake up to an infomercial for an app you've never heard of. Might as well listen

Thanks to Kevin MacLeod and Gregor Quendel for making the music that you can kind of hear at some points during this mini-sode.

Content Warning: prolonged mosquito sounds, John Mayer, murder via app, the devil

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S2E8 - Heat Wave

Wed, 17 Aug 2022 03:00:00 -0000

Sorry about the delay folks. I think we got too close to the truth on this one so god had to punish us. But this week, we're talking about how dang hot it is. I really despise the heat, even though I'm not one to go outside too often. But something about this weather feels unnatural. Perhaps some wicked force is trying to heat us all up in an effort to weaken us? Could it be global warming? Beats me, but we're going to talk about it anyway.

As we are faced with tribulations completely out of our control, sometimes it helps to put on some really loud music and let your emotions pour out. Our loud music recommendation of the week is the album "Killers Like Us" by the band BUÑUEL. "Hornets" is arguably the only song from the record that we can play on this show, but scope the whole thing on bandcamp if you want to hear some even gnarlier tunes. Also, find them on social media and stuff.

Content Warning: references to the various tortures one might endure in hell (freezing in ice, burning, flaying, stuff with needles, affliction with boils), absurd degrees of sacrilege, climate disaster

Corrections: Greg Kinear was not in the film "God's Not Dead", however he was in the motion picture "Heaven Is for Real". Both movies are stupid garbage. Also, according to Dante, it is Judas, Brutus, and Gaius Cassius Longinus who are in the 3 mouths of Lucifer. Pontius Pilate might be on a different level of Inferno, but that is just a theory.

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S2E9 - Duality of Pan pt 1

Mon, 29 Aug 2022 04:45:59 -0000

Sorry about the delay, friends! When you hear the episode, I hope you'll understand that it was an absurd thing to put together.

But this week, Pan takes a break from the show to wade into the murky waters of The Other Side of Town, a place where it's always raining, always dark, and somehow devoid of color. What should have been a simple courier job ends up exposing a web of lies, mystery, and murder. Someone has to get to the bottom of this...

When you need a tune to bump on a rainy night, or maybe something cool to play while you're monologuing, direct your attention to the band Ghost Feet. I'm partial to the song "Eclipse". Check that out on their bandcamp and follow em on social media if you're into that!

Content Warning: a loud banging on door sound that scared Pan multiple times while they were editing the show (at roughly 6:12), murder, description of dead bodies, dismemberment, alcohol, divorce, infidelity, breaking and entering, mobs, organized crime?

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S2E10 - Duality of Pan pt 2

Mon, 12 Sep 2022 01:28:19 -0000

Sorry once again for the lateness. And sorry for the below sub-standard audio quality. Recent recording challenges have caused some problems on many levels. But it's a fun ep and I think you'll like it.

Tonight, Pan is going to get to the bottom of this. Murders will be solved, double-crosses will take place, twists and turns will abound. Hold on to your butts.

It seems like I'm walking into more confrontations or otherwise tense situations and my need for cool songs is on the rise. The latest addition to that playlist is Somewhere In Between by Sunbathe. Real fun stuff. Listen to the rest of the record on their bandcamp or wherever you like to stream music? And maybe follow em on social media

Slight correction: it turns out it is something of a myth that Scottish claymores were relatively blunt. They weren't like katana-sharp, but they had the edge you'd expect on a sword of that era. Or so I'm told.

Content warning: dismemberment, animal cruelty, loss of an eye, loss of 2 hands, grievous hand injury, murder, gun violence, attempted murder, aircraft crash, car crash, smoking

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S2E11 - Intergalactic Council

Sat, 08 Oct 2022 11:52:37 -0000

Hello everyone. Finally have an episode for you. Only one more after this before we take a break for a while. We already miss you.

But this one is a fun little trip to Earth's Moon, which is the location of the latest Intergalactic Council meeting. Earth has finally been invited, and for some reason they decided to send Pan up there to moderate it. What could go wrong?

This week's sponsor is Sea Moss. "Sea Moss: It's like land moss but wetter". Hold on. I've been handed a card that says Sea Moss is actually a super unique band from Portland. If you like music that doesn't feel out of place on the moon, give 'em a listen and pre-order their upcoming record via bandcamp. Maybe follow them on some type of social media.

Content Warning: mentions of the death of a real guy via cancer, car crash, other unspecified means, troubling breeding-centric ideology, derision of the people of France, weird aliens, discussion of keeping humans in captivity

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S2E12 - One's for You

Sun, 23 Oct 2022 09:07:00 -0000

Hey friends. This is our last episode for a while, and we wanted to have a fun one to go out on. Pan's talking to whoever, about whatever. Let's see what shakes out. Hope you like it, and we miss you already <3

If you're going to have a party to mark the beginning of a podcast hiatus, you have to have some sick tunes. Our party jam for the week is ''To The Top" from the very rad Grace Vonderkuhn. Listen to the rest of the record on bandcamp or wherever. And scope out the social media

Also, thank you Hinder and Shania Twain for writing the songs that I used bad midi versions of. And thank you to teeho x VYVCH for the use of the song "Soma" which is in there too.

Content Warning: many gunshots, cartoonish gun violence, death, catastrophic power failure, abandonment, big stomping, unreality, coma, teeth falling out, stupid conspiracy theory, being chased, nightmares

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S420E666 - THE HIATUS CONTINUES. FEED DROP: Pac-Man's Search for Meaning

Thu, 09 Feb 2023 13:34:25 -0000

Hey friends. Pan here. Just dropping this new show into the feed in case any of y'all are interested.

It's a new show with me and Hanna. It's almost nothing like Subtle Frequencies...

On this one, we try our best to dig deep into various video games and try to answer the question of "what's the deal with video games??"

This is episode 5, which is the first episode that we manage to keep the conversation contained within the confines of a reasonable episode length.

Also, it contains major spoilers for the video game Celste

Anyways, if you like this sort of thing, consider listening to more of the show, which can be found most places where podcasts are found