The Up or Down Podcast | Finance | Investing | Satire

Season 1, Episode 18: Grab the Stock Market by the Pussy

Sun, 16 Oct 2016 23:38:00 -0000

On today's Show:

Are there Friends stocks? Where can i replace my holey stocks? Which candidate will grab the economy by the pussy? And do you ever think the bull and the bear have had sexual relations? Clowns: buy or sell?

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Season 1 - Episode 17: Gas, Grass, or Crash - No One Invests for Free

Tue, 13 Sep 2016 04:54:00 -0000

Tim and Allen return after an unplanned hiatus and find the stock market, and Tim, in a state of volatility.

On this Episode...

-We Answer Your Questions from Facebook:

How much time do I have before the market crashes? Bluetooth Headphones: invest or not? Should you invest in obscure psych rock? Can Beanie Bernie Babies fix the market? What is a tenured treasury note? Invest in a CD or Bluray? Are you a stock person or a bond person? What is your podcast?

-F#ck Marry Kill with Stocks - Dollar Stores and CEO Wives

-Look for the Golden Arches - We talk about things you can do with gold

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Episode 16: Rich Dad, My Bad

Tue, 02 Aug 2016 03:59:00 -0000

Get your Pokémon hunting face on because it's time to catch some stocks with Tim and Eddie! With Allen away on tour, Tim and Eddie get some alone time to talk about stocks, bonds, and Tim's upcoming nuptials with Eddie's daughter Marci. Eddie gives away his secret tool for building wealth. Tim gets closer in the search for his father. Randy the Intern stops by to help close out the show.

Episode 15: Love, Stocks, and Two Smoking Guns

Mon, 18 Jul 2016 02:10:00 -0000

Everything is up as the bulls continue charging to record highs! Meanwhile, love and tension are in the air as Up or What CEO Eddie's daughter Marci O'Reilly joins Tim and Allen in the studio.

On this episode:

-Tops and Bottoms: Which stocks this week are tops and which are bottoms? -Facebook Questions: How will pokemon Go affect the market? Reverse mortgage or forward mortgage? Are pork pasts a thing? -F#ck Marry Kill with Stocks: Breakfast Appliance Stocks -Shower or Grower: Which stocks are huge and which ones are small but have a huge potential?

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Episode 14: Let's Get Big Tanks

Mon, 20 Jun 2016 23:51:00 -0000

Fears of a Brexit has the market down. Tim learns something terrible about the woman he is dating. The new intern Randy stops by to say hi. Mort and Eddie are unhappy about an idea Tim and Allen pitched to Taco Bell.

Also on this show:

Tragedy strikes Orlando twice, how will this effect gun stocks? Facebook Questions What numbers should high schoolers learn? What's the difference between a retirement account and a regular account? How hard should you splurge on your father? Should you go for a ride in a Vanguard? Bondage Time: Craig Lou, still human garbage. F*ck/Marry Kill with Stocks: Guns and other Entertainment

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Episode 13: A New Market

Mon, 06 Jun 2016 03:27:00 -0000

The market is down, Facebook considers a future without Zuckerberg, and Tim starts dating someone eerily similar to his ex-wife. Is this a sign of a new market or is he heading towards a terrible crash? Tim and Allen deal with a technical issue caused by sound engineer Craig Lou, will this make Grandma Lou's birthday party awkward?

Also on this episode!

Facebook Questions -Buy or sell lip gloss? -How do I turn 15 cents into a billion dollars? -When should I stop investing? -Why haven't we declared bananas as the official US currency? #bananastandard -Johnny Depp or Johnny Deep? Fuck Marry Kill with stocks -Bank of America, Citigroup, Morgan Stanley -Xerox, Lexmark, Canon -Whole foods, trader Joe's, Aldi’s The Dollar is getting weak, can you help make it stronger?

*Note: in this episode Allen incorrectly states that American Apparel is going through liquidation. It is actually Sports Authority that is liquidating.

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Episode 12: Fear is Running the Market

Mon, 16 May 2016 04:45:00 -0000

After an unexpected absence last week, Tim and Allen are back in the studio and ready to take your questions!

On today's episode:

-The market is down, and so is Fogo de Chao. Will they go back up a Brazilian points?

-Tim had Taco Tuesday at Janet Yellen's house, how authentic were her Mexicans?

-Will Montgomery Wards rise from the dead or will Allen's friends stop asking stupid Facebook questions?

-We help a listener balance his pride against his celebrity cat's earnings.

-Beatnik poetry about the stock market

-Smock's Stocks: How to accidentally diversify your portfolio

-Bull or Bear: Bull Products vs Bear Products

-Eddie stops by to cheer Tim up and tell us about our exciting new sponsor, and we taco bout it!

-Ending Rant: Fear is running the market, how can you protect yourself against the bears and also your bosses?

Today's episode is brought to you by Steve's Discount Armored Truck Rentals in Corktown. Armored trucks can transport more than just money, and it's just as hard getting out of them as it is getting in. So call Steve. He ain't asking no questions.

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Episode 11: How to Make a Billion Dollars

Mon, 02 May 2016 04:09:00 -0000

Tim and Allen are having issues with a truck so Up or What CEOs Mort and Eddie are filling in and ready to teach you how to make a billion dollars. It doesn't sound as hard as it is, so make sure to listen so you can learn

an easy, fool proof way to make a billion dollars!

Also in this episode,

Alternative places to hide your gold. Bull vs. Bear: What other animals are in the market? F#ck/Marry/Kill with Stocks: Wal Mart, Amazon, Netflix We call CEO suicide expert Xavier to talk about the suicide of a natural gas CEO and ask what other CEOs might commit suicide this year. Mort tells a harrowing story about saving the kids from his fourth marriage from a house fire. Smock's Stocks: Eddie hacks into Allen's trading account. Is Under Armour going under? Should Allen have invested in Over Armour? This episode is brought to you by Rex's Scuba Diving down on Beaubian: "Scuba Diving Mask. No Questions Asked."

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Episode 10: Mergers and Purgers

Mon, 25 Apr 2016 13:35:00 -0000

Tim is back in the studio and ready to answer your money questions! The Prince Price wasn't right, should you buy or sell your Prince collection? Is the CEO of Milton Bradley's jail time worthy of the board's no confidence vote? Who gives a sh!t about Alexander Hamilton? What is a stock market, and how do you properly negotiate the price of a gefilte fish? What happened in the 1930's that made everyone so sad?

Also in this episode!

Can Tim and Allen handle a podcast name change, and who is King of the Market, brought to you by Burger King? F$ck/Marry/Kill with Stocks: Coffee edition Bondage Time: Chuck Reynolds, PI tails Allen's girlfriend to test the bonds of love. Does he find Herb Ilzarhigh? Bull or Bear: Ditka vs Jordan, Allen vs. Craig Lou, Bullshit vs Bearshit. Tops and Bottoms: Wacky morning DJs on top, Allen buys Under Armor by accident, Equestrian Equity Ending Rant: It's not opposite day on the market. There's no New Market, we're still in Market Classic.

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Up or Down Episode 009: Pork Barrel Spending

Mon, 18 Apr 2016 18:11:03 -0000

The market falls flat after a week of gains and Tim is mysteriously AWOL, so friend of the show Brett Mercer stops by the studio to fill in for him. Brett is a founder and co-CEO of Chuckie Finster Inc, member of political punk band Pork Barrel Spending, and creator of a new currency, the Chuck Buck.

On Today's show:

Is the Bats IPO bats shit crazy?
Is time ticking down for the Apple watch, would you buy an Apple car, and what music does Siri listen to?
Will Bernie Sanders trip to the Vatican bring the bulls to the collection plate?
Is there a bubble in the market, and does Ted Cruz even understand how juicers work?
Brett explains how Chuck Bucks work and where you can go to print one for yourself.
Tops and Bottoms: American Farmland and Acorn are on top, but somehow Super Micro Computer and China Distance Education Holding are the ones pulling out.
Facebook questions:

Is there a future in expired groceries?
What is the proper sin tax syntax?
Can you get out of paying on a 1099-Div?
Is there a future in your frontin?

F#ck/Marry/Kill with stocks: Shell, BP, Marathon
Bulls Vs. Bears: Which are better, stories about bulls or stories about bears?
Where is the market going? Where is the market playbook?

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