Theater of the Mind is for adults. Ears only. Listener discretion is advised.
Hey, listener.
This is Future Mike cutting in for.
Just a quick second.
For some reason, this is part. This was the third episode we recorded.
In a row, and my voice is shot.
So I apologize in advance for the.
Just wonderful tone that my voice has throughout this episode, but I appreciate you sticking with us. Anyway, here is the episode. Welcome to Theater of the Mind presents Retribution, episode 42. I'm Mike. I'm your dungeon master. And this week's question from the ultimate RPG campfire card deck is what was the worst job you ever had? What made it so awful? What did it teach you?
My name is Amanda and I am playing Mel Kelly. So one summer in high school, after having spent all this time with her dad and getting away with basically everything, when Mel went back over to her mom, she decided that Mel was spoiled, needed to get her own job. So Mal, mistakenly thinking it would be all fun and games, got a job at a daycare. It was not all fun and games. It was sticky and smelly and weepy and screamy. And Mel learned that she does not like children all that much, especially not children under the age of five. And she hates sticky. And don't even talk to her about diapers. So that was her little education lesson there.
I'm Jeremy. I'm playing La Brandy Bain. And the worst job that Elliot, Randy Bane ever had was loading railroad ties into railroad cars at 25 cents. A railroad tie.
That sucks.
It was terrible. Jesus. His mom had to make him a leather set of shoulder pads so that he. He quit bleeding, carrying them up the planks and down. And so that was the. That was the worst job Elliot ever had. It was terrible. He decided that going into the army was a better idea.
Fair.
I am Brunel. I am playing Ulnock Varga Johnson. And Ulnock's most hated job that he's ever had. He's only had, like, four because he's been in the Navy for 20 years. But the one he hated the most was, in fact, in the Navy. And we've talked about it before. It's recruiting high schoolers to join the Navy in any capacity, because other than you guys, he basically hates people. So talking to other people and be like, it's gonna be great. It's not gonna be great. I'm not gonna. He was never one of those recruiters, like, there's a McDonald's on the carrier. No, there isn't.
Right.
Like. Or you could join the hockey team if you go to the midshipman College. Sure, that's a possibility, but not for your average recruit. You have to be accepted into officer school first. Anyway, those are lies that were told to me anyway. But yeah, that's. That's the one he hated the most. But after that, it was working fast food in the mall for the same reason.
Eight people.
Hello, I'm Downs and I'm playing James o' Brien. And James, worst job that he's ever done before is saving the world.
You don't get pay is shit.
The pay is garbage. I have to cook food for a bunch of people all the time, breakfast, lunch, and dinner, when we're constantly being attacked and we haven't even done it yet. So, yeah, that's James's worst job.
He. He could let us cook, he just won't.
I'm Casey. I play Emory Lee. And Emory, for a short period of time, was a pizza delivery driver.
I enjoyed that job personally and you.
Know, she just did not like it. And there's something really vulnerable about going to people's houses and knocking on their doors, especially day in and day out in sometimes remote areas of town that are not necessarily a place you want to be as a young woman on your own.
Fair.
Lord of Moritar's worst job was when he was a squire. The knight that he was squiring for was a piece of shit.
At least it wasn't sticky.
Yeah. You know what? When a Moritar says they're a piece of shit, there's a high probability you're an absolute piece of.
Yeah. And on that note, let's go ahead and roll for recap.
What's the. What's the roll?
Let's go high. Let's go basic.
2.
13, 7, 15.
All right.
I got lucky cuz I was like, now I got to try to remember what we just did.
It's not hard.
It should not, but it was it me up.
We fought Lord Ash Raphael. We made it a astonishing 13 rounds with him and all of his goons, with Emery going down twice and still making it back onto her feet. Thanks to her friends, Sadie is now free and with the group. And at the end of the fight, Lord Ashraphael summoned his last bit of energy, opened a portion of portal to the zombie side of the zombie wall in Fort Morgan, and lightning blasted the wall to hopefully for him release the zombies into town. So we are trying to make it to Jacob before his goons do and try and find a way out of this weird cathedral dimension that we found ourselves in.
I don't remember that Plane of existence. The cathedral plane.
We don't know where we are. We just know.
We have no idea.
Incidentally, Emory and Mel are still deaf.
Still deaf for another 28 minutes. 28 and a half minutes.
Olnock was in the other plane for a little bit.
Yep. It's weird, isn't it?
It is odd, huh? Very straight.
I started getting old.
Why would you talk to me?
I can't.
What?
It's speaking to a brick wall that can talk to you.
Asking questions and then. Huh.
You know what? That's in character right there.
So we are currently staring at the hole that Ashraphael disappeared through at these sideways zombies.
So Mel goes over to Elliot and starts fishing around in his quiver.
Hey, what are you doing in there?
And pulls out the broom.
God damn it. He slaps her hand.
Stop. She pulls out the broom. And then she mimes at Emory and Elliot to get on the broom with her. And then she's like. And then she realizes she's deaf, but she can still talk. And then stops miming and goes, get on the broom. Fly the broom through the hole.
What?
I think you're crazy.
James is gonna start translating again. Mel wants to go in a whirlwind adventure with you and Elliot.
He's gotta climb on the broom. He thinks you're nuts.
That's fine.
He does have. He does have his sword and his.
Emery watches Elliot do it and just kind of shrugs like, all right, I guess.
Oh, and when he sits on the broom, when he. He reaches up and taps Mel on the shoulder. Casts cure wounds at second level, you're going to get 12 hit points from that.
If we're out of initiative, can I burn one of the uses of the medkit and heal Ulnock?
How long does it take? Just an action. Just an action and yeah, go for it.
Cool.
As much fun as it's been being at one hit point for the last seven rounds.
Rounds.
Yeah. How much are you healing? Olok for.
Stam. But I'm trying to remember how much.
Wasn'T that 13?
It's a D6 plus 4, so not 1309. Yeah, you get nine hit points back.
You feel a little better. Ulnok.
You know what? That makes potentially a lot of difference depending on what we run into.
The band aids that you're able to see are very, very manly looking. Band aids. You know, some Power Rangers, but I ran out halfway through. So on your back there's a couple unicorns.
I'm okay with it.
You're in the Navy. It totally works.
The wrong Plan. But he's gonna look at Emory and go. You look just as bad. He's gonna use his last spell slot. He's gonna give you 12 hit points.
All right.
I'm grateful Elliot is completely tapped at this point.
Well, while you were standing there. James. Don't hit me.
Hit me.
Heal me. Help. Help me.
I do. I use up another charge off the med kit to heal Mel some more as well.
So that's another nine.
Another nine.
Right. Nine was average.
Yes.
Okay. All right.
And we have done as much healing as we can. Yep.
So while you guys are healing, you do see the undead continue to batter at the wall.
We gotta. I think we gotta.
Okay, let's go. So I look at old Hawk and James and I'm like.
I do the same thing. And then you see me like blue skidoo. And I jump into the hole and.
Then I go up and we shoot through the hole in the broom.
All right.
And currently the room only has 30ft of movement just on FYI because we are at more than 200 pound capacity at the moment.
Dexterity save. Yeah.
Can I do that advantage? Because I saw Asherophile's body go, so I know exactly which direction it's. No. Okay.
No, no.
I figured I'd track.
You've never encountered gravity pulling or a 90 degree.
It's wrong. Yeah.
Oh, that is a 16.
I say, didn't we just do that? But wrong campaign.
Wrong campaign.
Yeah.
Yes.
16 totals 16.
Okay.
You're able to do it.
You land on your feet. It's definitely disorienting as well. Yeah.
Like little shaky and like. Yeah. My equilibrium and my ears hurt.
I see that he succeeded, so I'm gonna follow in kind.
Dexterity save for me as well.
Dexterity save.
We forgot about Sadie. She's the third person and he's getting.
Oh, yeah, sorry.
Hellgate your friend as well. Damn.
Ellie got pushed off the bruise. When we send it back, she has to be part of it.
Yes, Sadie will be part of that.
I make wait here. Hand signals at Sadie as we fly off.
You get all she sees.
Everybody else leave the church.
Can't we just come in here, rescue.
Her and then forget about her?
Classic danger.
You can make your way home. We don't know where we are, but go for it.
So she does decide that she's going to disobey you because he's in a room with a bunch of dead bodies with a hole that doesn't look permanent. That's a fair assumption. Yeah.
Yeah.
Or I could leave her in the.
I did see several of these clothes behind her. So.
So she's going to go and be with Ulnock and James.
Great.
Because as you guys are moving through you do see that the portal is collapsing.
Okay.
Yeah.
So she fails however on her Dex save and eats shit. Lands right next to Asherphile's body. Didn't delete. He's still here.
But you said body.
Wait, I have one of those.
He just says bloodied now.
I don't know. He got healing somehow.
No, he did not. I reject this.
If we're out of initiative, can I go over and stab him?
Sure.
Go. I go over with my sword of wounding.
Right.
For the neck.
You stab the corpse.
Cool.
He bleeds more now stay dead.
Yeah, stay dead.
How do we fare flying through the portal?
Let's get a. It's not gonna be Dex for you guys. But I could see Khan say as being a thing for.
That's true. You're gonna be just gonna flip using.
Really fucked up motion sickness.
I got a 19.
I got 19 as well.
24 7.
You are nauseous as that's fair. This is the least fun fun roller coaster you've ridden because it's not fast but it's all the stomach effects. Yeah.
I've been on that roller coaster.
Was this doing this the entire way up? Just stuttering.
Been on that roller coaster. I was nauseous all night.
So the DM was not privy to your broom plan.
What is broom plane? Okay, so once we get on the other side, we're going to fly the broom over to to the non zombie side of the wall.
Okay.
Elliot, Emory and I are going to get off. I can actually send the broom within a mile of me.
Okay.
So I'm going to send the broom back for the other three. So revising the plan cuz we did forget Sadie exists. Sadie first, then Ulnock, then James and we can just keep ferrying the broom back and forth until everybody is on the non zombie side of the the wall.
So am I safe in assuming the rest of you are hoping to not draw the attention of this insanely large zombie horde?
Yeah, that's the idea.
I need group. Well I guess just the two of you. Because if they see you guys whatever. Right?
Yeah.
You're cuz we're flying stealth then three Sadie.
Yeah, because I'm guessing if they're beating.
On the wall my stealth is so good you guys. So good.
So good.
I thought it's amazing.
Sadie, come on.
Oh no.
Damn it.
At least also natural 20.
Yeah.
Wild yeah.
And then Sadie's like a 2, so.
That'S a 29 in total.
Yeah, I got a 22, but.
All right.
Turns out I'm really good at sneaking away from zombies.
Yeah.
Nice.
You.
It's because you hurt so much you don't want to move.
It's just leave me alone. Sadie meanwhile, rolled a six, but average she steps.
Is it a. Is it a group stealth check? Please be a group stealth check.
How are you guys flying?
Slowly. Apparently it's. How far away is the wall?
It's a three story building tall.
Yeah.
So we're just gonna come out of the hole at a minimum to the top climb.
So take. I'm gonna say it'd probably take two turns just to get high enough to clear the wall. Say a turns worth of forward motion.
Okay.
And then that same amount of turns the wall was.
The wall was wide on top, wasn't it?
No.
Oh, it wasn't. Okay, never mind.
There is one side of it where they built wall around a building. So I mean there's some like rooftop areas, but the wall itself is like pallets and shit kind of cobbled together.
So it's not like a tower.
Yeah. No.
Now on the, on the return trips, the broom can move 50ft.
Okay.
Because the only reason why it's 30ft right now is because we have more than 200 pounds on it.
Gotcha.
When it's just firing back safe single people. Although honestly, we could probably pull off Sadie and James.
Yeah, yeah.
Two trips would be better.
Yeah. If we, we. If we did Sadie and James, we'd only have to do two trips and it'll still be over £200. So it'll be slow on the return trips.
So it's gonna be five to get you over. I'll say two to get it back and then another five to get it over.
Yeah.
Turns wise rough enough. So 12 turns.
And then another two to get it back for all knock.
Yeah. Yeah. So 14 and then. Oh no. How much do you weigh?
250.
Okay. So.
Well then you said there's a building. We can just go up to the top of the building. And there's no zombies at the top of the building, right?
Not currently, I guess.
Which is closer to get to the other side of the wall or get to the top of the building. Could we save turns that way?
Yeah, absolutely. If all you do is go up, you can save turns.
Okay, let's do that. And then we can do this in less than four hours.
Yeah, perfect. So you guys are flying up Olnok and James did a fantastic job hiding, I'm going to say, when Sadie fell out of the hole, because, I mean, it's just not something you can really think well for. You know, she eats it and she sees Asherophile's body right next to her, who was just a fairly traumatic experience. She screams, yeah, Eep. Which does draw the attention of some of the horde. The whole horde doesn't turn around and.
It'S like, God, that would be so terrifying. All the zombies to stop moving and they all turn around at the same time.
So for the first round, the thing that does worry you guys is you can see that they are absolutely going to break out of here. This wall will not hold for very long at all. But yeah, you guys are able to get up to the roof. You send it back down. Those of you up on the roof, it is night time. Also because it was nighttime when we entered into all this. That's how the vampire was able to join you.
I think I still. No, that would have. Light would have dropped.
Oh, yeah.
I had light on my necklace that whole time and I just didn't remember it.
That's funny. So once you guys are up top, you can see that it's very obviously going to be like seconds and this wall is collapsing. What do you guys want to do about that? Or what is your. What is your plan once you get on the rift now?
What can. Oh, can we like, run downstairs from that building or something out the backside and get Emery to start mending it?
I can. Mending does take a minute to cast, so, I mean, it's gonna be. I can't. I cannot cast it fast enough.
Okay.
Yeah.
Is the reason why the wall is failing because the zombies are pushing up.
Against it after a guy hit by a lightning bolt? Yes.
Yeah. Okay.
It's. It's failing due to critical damage. Yeah.
Okay. I. I didn't know if, like, if the zombies stopped pushing up against it, it would still crumble or.
Well, I mean, no, if the zombies stop, but what do you want to do?
Did we all make it up to the roof already? No, no, no.
Okay, just then.
Yeah, we've made it up and we've sent. Where's the broom Is on its way up back.
Hold on. I'm checking to see if I'm stupid.
You are. We all know why you're rolling for that.
Yeah, I'm stupid.
You guys also have a God's corpse at your feet, too, if you want to look at that while you're there.
You should look at that.
Yeah.
I'm gonna look at the God's corpse I guess right now.
Perfect. You said we're three stories up y so we're looking 30, 40ft?
Sure.
Is that inspection from checking the.
Okay. So I can. I'll draw my bow if I see any zombies that get too close to the group.
Okay.
Take shots at me.
Sniper shot from above.
Yeah, perfect. Cuz I'm like oh, I can see that far. I wasn't sure if I could see, but I got 60 foot of dark vision so I can can see.
I'm pretty sure it's the same regardless. I just want to know what I'm rolling.
There's another natural. 20 stupid. Wasting them now. 26 total.
9.
Okay. You don't see dick.
You don't have vision.
You're looking at them and normally. So like, like I described in two episodes three episodes ago now he was shirtless. He had armor on his arms, spiky armor and like crown. Thorny kind of crown growing out of his head. Looking at him closely now, his armor is him like a character.
It is a part of him.
So you can't like take his gauntlets off. They are fused into him. And you can now see now that the magic glass always done. His possibly tattoos were absolutely deep scars. You see every. Every ounce of damage that Jeff's body had taken amplified a thousand fold on this dude's body. You do also see his flail.
I'm gonna take the flail.
Then he's got, you know, we'll say he's got some gold or something in his pouch. But yeah.
So I'm gonna grab the flail.
Perfect.
Nothing happens when I touch it, does it?
No. That's good. No. It is not a cursed weapon.
I realized that after the fact of me saying that I was gonna touch it.
I'm gonna touch it.
Yeah. James would know that.
I like touching things.
And I'm gonna send you something via Discord.
Uh oh.
Cause that's the best way I know how to get it to you.
Cool.
Can I apologize for those at home? My throat's the sight of I apparently gravelly this episode.
That episode took five years.
That chain smoked a lot last. We got those stupid fish smelling flower trees blooming out here and they fuck me up every day.
They mess you up.
Yeah. Maybe I'll send it to you on Discord if it loads.
Yeah.
Those are the white ones.
I think.
I think those are dogwood or Bradford pears. Those are blooming right now too.
Could be either.
And they smell awful.
I always thought dogwood was sweet. So it might be the pears.
Bradford pears smell terrible.
They do, yeah.
And it's a very, very common ornamental tree. Very invasive too. If you have Bradford pears, cut that down, burn it.
Don't get me started in a safe environment, please.
All right, maybe I'm not sending this to you, I guess.
All right.
Discord won't load.
Can you send it in a text and I can look it up? If it's a thing, it's on the computer.
Yeah, it's on my computer.
I didn't know if.
I'm also trying to open signal so I can send it to you there. And that's not wanting to work either. Okay. So you. That super secure thing, you don't get to have his flail, apparently.
Damn.
No, this cool humpy weapon that I made.
So that's why it's not to show up.
You know, you. You don't have time. He doesn't have time to attune to do it anyway, so it'll be irrelevant until next session.
Yeah, I'm just gonna stuff it in my back pocket until it loads.
The only part about it that's kind of noteworthy right now is the whole thing feels warm to the touch.
And you said that like the way the light was shimmering off of it, that it was like almost alive.
You do see that kind of dissipating.
Okay. Like it was almost shimmering without light hitting it.
So that's definitely fading. Elliot's got a good watch from above. 90 of the dead or undead that you guys are dealing with are just bog standard zombies.
Okay.
You do see up against the wall some truly horrific. The biggest, beefiest boys are up front trying to break this wall down.
How far from us on top of the building is that? Is it within 60ft?
You guys are like 30ish feet up.
Yeah.
I'm going to say they probably gave. It's a pretty good sized crow, so I'm going to say probably no.
Okay.
After searching dead guy, would I have time to do anything before the wall collapses?
What do you want to do?
This is gonna be the dumbest fucking thing James has ever done in his life.
Sadie's with you.
Sadie's with Olnok, which is with you. Yeah, but if I go that way, and by that way I mean like move away from the group and then.
Start making noise away from the wall too. I'm guessing.
Yes, you could sure do that.
I'm gonna do that.
All right, go ahead and idiot guess Persuasion to See how many of these things you get to pay attention to yet?
Yeah. So, yeah, I'm gonna move 90ft that way. And then I'm gonna cast minor illusion and start making noises centered on me in my general area. And what you wanted me to roll? Sorry.
Persuasion.
I guess persuasion could be a performance.
Performance would work. Yeah. Whichever one's higher. 18. You absolutely get the attention to some. You get the attention of a lot of cool. And you also rolled an incredibly high stealth. So Olnok and Sadie did not see you slip away to do this. That's way above all not's passive persuasion.
So I.
Perception.
Yeah. So I slipped off towards the right away from the group that way, trying to head away from the wall as much as possible. And I'm just spamming minor illusion, making noise centered on myself. I am more cowbell.
Tonk, tonk, tonk, tonk, tonk. Okay.
Getting as much shit away from that wall so the wall doesn't collapse.
Okay.
And I'm also, if. If I could, in between the minor illusions, maybe do a firebolt to light up the area so the zombies can see me that way too.
Sure. Yeah. Yeah, absolutely. You can do that, buddy. Okay. I didn't actually have stats for how many monsters are in here engaging in combat with.
He didn't expect.
Trying to engage.
Oh, no, he is trying to engage.
So while he's busy trying to engage, can we get the broom back to Sadie?
Yeah. You guys can continue on with your plan.
The broom gets back there and Sadie goes to get out. He's like, wait, where'd he go?
Yeah, both Sadie and I'm not there anymore. But I guess Sadie will not get in on the broom together.
Sadie and will not get on the room.
And it's back to the. Just the 30ft.
Yeah.
So what I'm going to say is if you rolled a nat 20, I would have said that that stops all of them.
Yeah.
I'm not going to give you all of them, but we will say that it's going to give enough time for them to get out and they can get down or move on to the next step of their plan before this wall collapses. So we're going to kind of treat it as a. We're going to treat it kind of like an action. We're not really an initiative. We're not talking about about six seconds at a time, but you have enough time to do one more thing before all the zombies descend on you. And we'll give it one more round after that. Before the wall fails.
Okay.
So everybody has a chance to do one more thing. Your thing. Ulnock is traveling for this round.
Yeah, I'm on the room.
Yeah.
With Sadie.
What are the rooftoppers doing? You don't see James. He rolls fantastic.
Just disappeared again like he does.
Yeah, well, he did send off the white.
You do see a fireball go off, so I guess you could see that.
Yeah, I'm probably launching actually in this.
I feet off to the side of everything trying to draw a zombie horde to him. And you do see that this is working.
So I, I, Elliot's just going to pick off the early. I can get three shots off in the place first. The three guys that are moving the closest he's gonna.
Are you focusing on protecting him or are you focusing on protecting Sadie?
Oh, Sadie.
Okay.
I know Sadie's on. Yeah. So he should be the only one. Okay. So that's what I'm doing. The three closest ones, I'm gonna be trying to bury arrows in their faces.
All right.
Because I saw zombie TV shows too.
What are you doing, Mel?
I no longer have any ranged attacks, but I can see that the broom plan is working. Even though I'm confused because I have no idea where James went. But I'm gonna start working my way back down. I'm assuming the building has stairs to get down on the safe side.
Yeah, we'll say that. The fire escape.
Okay. Mel's gonna start hurtling down there because her worry right now is J. Jacob.
Okay, fair.
So she's going to start heading back towards the house or wherever we left Jacob. And she would totally remember that because she's a better person.
They were, I think Emery's parents were taking Jacob and they were going to the church to try to get a church group together to look for Sadie.
That sounds right.
She's going to the church then, I guess and y' all can hopefully catch up.
Are we in the pen by the cemetery or the hospital?
Closer to the hospital.
Okay, how far away from the church then?
It's like almost a mile. Cool.
Mel can run a mile, right?
I'm gonna guess Mel's probably looking at a seven minute mile.
Especially now.
I mean, I know really good is like for a girl's probably like a six minute mile and she's tired so I'm gonna give her seven, seven and a half minute mile. It'll take a bit.
That sounds reasonable.
Hopefully all will have caught up by then.
Well, honestly, he just yelled at him like 2 minutes ago though, to go.
After so yeah, it hasn't been that long.
She's worried.
That's fine.
And they gotta, they gotta find.
It's only been one round. I am 90ft down the fire escape. You can. I was gonna say you can still yell at me, but I can't hear you. You can still throw something at me.
I'm busy shooting zombies. I don't even know you're gone.
I don't have range detects. Yeah, I lost my shortbow and I threw my spear.
So I can not really see much. So I'm going to cast a light on my necklace again. Just get back, back so I can actually see what's going on again.
Okay.
So it does kind of make us a beacon up here. But that is what it is.
Fair.
I am going to add in.
I would do other things but I don't think I could see anything. So.
Valid. Concerned.
And then I yell, what the fuck is James doing? Because I couldn't hear all the noise that he was making.
Yeah, you just see like a couple of firebolts launching the sky like flares.
Which is why I cast the lights. I'm like what is happening over there? Wait, is that James? What the fuck is he doing?
So James, what the fuck are you doing?
At this point I noticed that I pulled off quite a few of the zombies away from the wall. So it probably at that point I would continue minor illusions but instead of centered on myself going off in the same direction that I was going to and then I'm a 90 degree turn and go the opposite direction. Not towards the zombies, but fresh performance check then. Yeah, that is a 17.
Quite as strong as what you had.
Also just a general reminder, when the broom goes back for James, when he comes back, he'll get the full 50ft. Unless you weigh over 200 pounds.
I weigh 150.
You're fine.
So I'm gonna say the horde makes it to James. I'm just running them as a mass so I'm not gonna add fucking 15, 20, 30 zombies. That's just silly. You do get to reduce this a little bit. I'm gonna, I'm reduce these stats a little bit because you got some of them to go away.
Okay.
But you did a better job drawing them to you than you did distracting them away from you.
Yeah. Unfortunately James was probably like, oh yeah, I got him away from the wall. That's a lot more than I thought.
I got up away from the wall and they're heading for me.
That's going to hit.
Uncanny dodge.
So Again, this is a series of creatures attacking you effectively. Y is the idea behind this horde. This is going to sound pretty catastrophic. It's not as catastrophic as it sounds. I'm gonna reduce their stats a little bit here. The original Zombie Horde did 12d6 of damage. These guys aren't gonna do quite that much because you did distract some of them away. But this was an admittedly stupid plan, so I'm not gonna feel terrible about having this do something to you.
Yeah, I was just trying to keep him from blowing up or breaking the wall.
It's 27 damage from their first attack.
Okay. Uncanny dodge.
Does What?
Half.
Okay, 27 halved is 2613.
Yep.
That'S their first attack. Who did I do that to?
Lord Asherphile.
Suddenly he's dead again.
He's deader again.
Their second attack comes at you. Can you. Can he dodge each time?
Nope.
Bummer. Okay. Sorry, buddy.
I going down.
I'm sure.
Yeah, yeah.
12D6. Yeah, yeah.
Where are you? Where are you?
I'm at the top.
It's a 15 to hit. That's a six plus nine to hit.
Yeah, that hits.
And the first one was their bite, which does 12D6. This does 12D8, which I'm going to reduce down to 8D8. Cuz you've got some of them to go away.
Roll like.
Your fate lies in good.
Cannot roll badly enough.
35.
Oh my God.
Jesus Christ, James.
You got smoke, son.
Okay, new plan.
So, Elliot and Emery, you see the horde. Ow. I don't like this. This doesn't feel good.
They're gonna fucking eat you alive, man.
You see the horde?
I was hoping that they would go that way.
Well, you can hope all you want.
To, but you knew it wasn't gonna.
This sucks.
Is it done yet?
Doesn't matter for you, buddy. So, unfortunately, a zombie horde has a trait called a feral rage.
Oh.
Feral rage. Creatures that are reduced to zero hit points by a zombie horde are torn.
Limb from limb and devoured by the ravenous.
Okay, so I'm dead.
Wow.
I did not see that coming.
I did.
Well, I just.
It's a zombie war.
Killed a demigod. I didn't expect James to die. I was at one hit point for five rounds. Emory went down twice and James just.
That went a hell of a lot better in my head.
Hey there, listener. That kind of came out of nowhere there, didn't it? I'll keep this ad break short so.
You can dive back in and see what comes next.
First off, thank you to the listeners that sent in questions for our Q and A episode. That will be episode 45.
So.
So you'll be hearing that in the near future. Also, if you like what we're doing here, consider joining our patreon. For only $5 a month, you get access to our Side Quest content, which follows some of this cast and a less familiar voice on a separate adventure that takes place in the same world as Retribution. Unlike Retribution, that content is a fair bit looser and enjoyably chaotic. As always, if you like what we're doing, consider following us on social media. Our producer and current social media guru Gale is putting out some dank memes.
As the youths say.
And odds are, if you enjoy this show, you'll enjoy that content as well. Anyway, I promise to keep this brief, so let's get back to the show.
I. Elliot's.
What?
He's pouring fire down one arrow after another, trying to keep him off. And he's. He's like, I. I don't know what to do. I can't get you.
So, James.
Yeah.
Describe your final stand.
I don't know. Probably stab as many as I can when I go down.
Yeah, probably.
God, Elliot, what are you doing while you see this happening?
Elliot's watching it. And in every contingency that he has got in his head, there's not a damn thing he can do. Sees nothing for it. I can't help because Ulnar's last on the broom. He's coming up right now. So I'm just screaming with rage, just one arrow after another after another. And that's what Oloc sees when he comes up and he's gonna look at Allnok. He says, I don't know what the hell to do. He ran the hell over there. I got nothing. We can't go in there.
There's fucking way too many of them for us to go in there.
Olnock, give me a reception check for while you were traveling.
That's a 20, which is still a minus one, so 19.
I'm going to say. You see the horde descending on him.
Okay.
While you're in transit, there's anything you want to try to do, you can. He is completely ripped asunder.
Is there fucking anything I can do?
You can steer the broom and try to pull him out.
What's the max capacity?
£400. You guys could both fly on it.
Sadie's still on it with me, right?
Oh, shit, I forgot about Sadie.
Sadie way.
I mean, she's a 17 year old girl. So what?
Not a ton.
116 there.
Okay.
Hold on, let me max.
Cuz I would never know this. What? 16 +250 puts us at 366. So unless James went on a critical diet.
Oh damn.
We're too heavy.
I would just trade places with him. That's all I would do.
Don't. He's all.
Oh hell no.
That was. That was my own stupidity. Don't do that.
The only thing. It's not going to do it. It's not going to do it. But all. All Elliot could possibly do is grab that bag of beans that he has in the deal.
Because we eat them and hope for.
The best and just yeet it right into the middle of them to try to take. Hang on. I'll give you the numbers. It's not a lot. It's not going to fix it. It's.
I don't have any magical item that can help. I have no way of helping James.
It's even knowing 5v4 fire damage for the bag of beans. If you dump. If you throw the bag of beans it explodes into a ten foot man.
That would have made a hell of a chili.
Let's see here. It's a DC15 save. It's here 10 foot radius. So it would take a bunch of them out. But it's still not going to save him. So 5d4 go.
Well, hold on, hold on. Roll luck.
Nat 20.
Holy crap. It pulled a nat 20 on my luck roll.
Nat 20.
That's legit.
Does anybody remember how many beans I said were in that bag?
Seven, I think.
According to this anti radiance magic beans it would be 12 fire damage in a 10.
14.
Yeah.
You rolled a nat 20 on your luck roll me. This is a cool thing too. If we're gonna use it, we're gonna use it.
And I can say too like Emery's doing. Similar to Elliot where she is. She only has cantrips left but she is dumping as much magic as she can down there. It's a little arranged but like she is pushing exhaust. So like there is wild energy magic around her. She's already exploded once. This fight I cannot mechanically like do anything, but I'm stirring up the magic.
Roll D100.
100. Incoming.
60.
Okay, that's the first bean. Roll me a D100.
Oh my God.
You can't see what happened to this bean. It's too small of a thing. Some pink smoke.
76.
A tree grows from the ground.
Where where I threw the bag of beans.
Which was in your general vicinity. So we'll say that it separates some of them. Roll me a D100.
NAT1.
You can't see four more.
Roll me a D182. Weird.
Okay, so so far, in the general vicinity of James, one D4 plus eight bright pink tones crawl forth. Roll a luck James.
That'S cocked between 8 and 2015, a couple of them.
Get touched by the zombies that are coming to try to rip you asunder. Once they're touched, it transforms into a large creature.
Fricking what?
A zombie. Transform.
Oh, the frog. The zombie making contact with the frog turns the frog into a large creature. Okay, Roll me a D4, Jeremy.
3.
Roll me a D10, James.
8.
Eight giant creatures get to create it in your vicinity. And then a tree grows filled with fruit.
Just what you always needed.
And then I need 5D 5, 4 rolled.
What the is going on?
4 and 4. You need a total. Let's see, 8, 19, 11, 15.
Total 15 toad stools sprout from the ground.
These were not helpful me so far.
I will say you have an opportunity to eat one if you want to.
Oh, definitely. Because who doesn't want to eat shrooms before they get killed?
A guaranteed good thing. But you can if you would like to.
Well, I mean, I fucked up enough.
Go out one way or the other when you're doing it.
Roll anything? Any.
I got a four, but a four.
On an even roll, the eater gains five D6 temporary hit points.
For how long?
One hour.
I mean, it won't hurt, but it probably won't hurt.
Give me 5D6.
Do you want average?
You should take average.
Average is 25.
Yeah, do that.
Is it 25? No, it's 16. No, 20. It's 20.
What?
Sorry. I'm so bad at 20. Why am I doing this?
Yeah, average 20.
Average is 20. I'm like 20.
16.
32. Ike.
Roll me a D100. Jerry me.
It's four of seven coming up.
That's only three. It's the four. This will be four. This is four? Yeah.
13. 1 3.
Jesus.
You have to throw a roller.
Huh?
Roll anything, roll anything. I like that one. That's a tool.
A treant sprouts from the ground. There was a 50% chance that the treant is chaotic, evil, and attacks you. Odds were evil, evens were good. You have a friendly treant.
He's got a gun.
Get your feet.
Talk about wrecking chaos.
Get the fucking. Roll a D1 then.
Six. Wow.
Roll a D6.
Got it.
Yeah, that's a three.
Roll a D12. Come back.
You got another D12.
11.
The geyser erupts from the ground, jettisoning berry juice into the.
Does it get you above the Zombies?
Roll a D100.
You're just floating on like 87.
Guys.
How?
Old Faithful.
6. A nest filled with what appear to be chocolate foiled eggs. Here's at your feet. Roll a D4.3. There's a total of six eggs at your feet. They appear to be chocolate foil wrapped eggs.
Cadburys. Hell yeah.
Am I able to eat one?
Do you want to?
Sure.
Okay.
What a random series of events.
Well, it distracted things.
Roll con. Save.
Oh, no.
That's a 17.
Okay. Ouch. DC 20. Constitution. Save. Oh.
Did you use your inspiration already?
No, I didn't.
Please do that.
It's a natural. 20.
Thank you.
22. Fuck.
On a fail, the creature takes 10D6 force damage. Jesus. From internal magical explosion.
Oh, my God.
Chuck an egg. Chuck an egg at the zombies.
On a success, you permanently increase your lowest ability score by one. All right.
Okay. So either my strength or my wisdom go up by one.
You don't get to raise your wisdom.
Up bad enough. Yeah.
So your strength goes up by one. Cool. Please roll me one more D100.
Yeah, I think my wisdom is permanently stuck.
34.
You will never gain.
Fantastic. You didn't roll the same thing twice. That's great. A campfire with blue flames springs forth and burns for 24 hours.
What the was in that?
Goddamn.
I saw a lot of happen.
I don't know what the frick any of that was.
You have a fruit tree nearby?
I have a what?
The fruit tree.
Oh, right, the fruit tree.
Can I have you roll a D10, please?
Me?
Yes.
Did any of this distract the zombies?
8.
The zombies are perplexed. So there are 28 fruit upon this tree.
I don't want to know if I should eat that or not.
Roll me a D8, please.
Clawing your way across the ground, eating random things.
Five temporary hit points helped.
I don't know.
The zombie horde is still like coming at you. You haven't gotten like, get out of jail free card? There is a tree.
Can I climb the tree?
Climb the tree?
I climbed the tree.
In the tree down there.
Fighting.
Yep. The treant's helping.
Yeah.
Tree ant's helping a fair bit.
And then the giant creatures that the toads turned into.
Yep, they're helping a fair bit. You have access to 28 fruit, if you would like to gather them.
I'll gather them, but I will not eat them.
Okay.
Right now is probably not the best time.
You got a bag? We'll say that you can pull fruit in.
That took a turn.
Yeah, it did.
But you didn't die.
The idea of getting that bag of beans in play is fun.
So are you gonna edit the bit about the bit out where we killed James?
No, no, no.
I earned that stupidity.
But you're not dead yet anymore.
We'll say it being bouncing of his mouth. The luckiest he's ever been.
The bean with the NAT20 on the pretty influential.
Yeah.
It's only because Elliot's so good at ranged attacks.
That toadstool grew into your mouth before it could rip you asunder.
And then the treant stomps a couple of the guys that were actively tearing you to sh.
So in that time, Ulnock and Sadie make it back to.
They're done. Broom's on its way to you.
In the love of God, can I get the broom?
And you know what? With the weird amalgamation of random large creatures, you've got a little bit more time before that wall. The zombies have got other priorities temporarily.
So what I'm hearing is mission accomplished.
You do that again and I'm going to leave you.
What the fuck?
This is your own fault.
Wait till I get there before you yell at me, please.
Oh, God, no.
I'm not waiting. I'm standing on top of that freaking building, you fucking moron.
Dumb son of a bitch.
I can't hear you. The spell hit me too. I can't hear any of this.
So I've determined though Mel cannot hear what's been going on. I feel like at some point there's like some of the flashes of random weird lights maybe. And I was like, holy fuck.
The ground is making.
Yes. And then starts running back up the stairs. What the hell?
You just see. You see Emery and Elliot just screaming. And I'm looking over like yelling angrily. I'm also absolutely. That's terrifying. That was terrifying. That was.
How do you think I fucking feel?
I thought you were done. I'm like, well, and I'm over here.
I'm like, I didn't expect backpack.
I had no idea how all the.
Of all the people I know, I was not expecting.
I've got a hammer I can throw in there twice. Technically, that's it.
So did we get everybody to safety?
You guys are all rooftops.
You're lucky if I ever speak to you. If we had. God damn it. Let's go find Jacob. And he is going to stomp off in an absolute rage.
James, there's the brim. Okay.
I love you, but you've ever do that again.
Yeah, noted.
Trust me, don't do that again. If you're in a sacrifice plague, you fucking tell me. So we can change places.
Can he use the medicine kit on himself? Because I'm worried. What happens if he temporary? No, what happens when they wear off is he's just going to heal over dead.
He might.
I'm held together with fungus.
Stabilize him when that comes through.
Okay.
I'm going to start patching myself up. Well, you're now at the.
Sorry.
Do you want to stop for a second, get a drink?
He does have that voice.
He does. You're now at the point where you can take time to heal yourself.
Yeah.
Okay. Or you can start making progress towards the kid that you know two magic people are hunting down.
I'm gonna do that one.
I'll use my movement for the running and the action for the patching. No, one or the other.
She's dashing. She's the fastest son of a gun alive.
Yeah, she's way faster.
We gotta push hard.
So this is a choice. If you stop to heal yourself, the party's separating apart.
Okay.
You're not dying.
I can't even pretend to be upset. You got the world's luckiest get out of trouble.
Yeah, I'm just worried about temporary.
You've got an hour.
Oh, yeah, it's an hour.
It's a long time.
Okay, well, we're going to full speed.
Say no. You have to make some choice.
I've got fucking mushrooms going up my ass.
Plus side is that Mel doesn't know this town very well and doesn't know how to get to the church from here.
And she can't see or hear.
You were kind of running blindly and deftly down the street.
I totally am.
That was the other reason why you turned around.
Like you can hear if he calls back.
Yes, probably.
Which is the only reason why we know where you are.
At some point I still stop at a cross street going, I have never been here before. And that's what everybody else catches me. And Emery taps me on the shoulder and is like, yeah, other way.
So we're slowed slightly by the fact that I'm leading roll.
I don't like that.
I don't like that either. 12.
Okay, you're going in more or less the right direction.
Okay. Oh, from the hospital, there's like two directions you can go. And they both basically head towards the middle of town.
So thankfully you're making progress. What are the Rest of you doing, let's run this like a skill challenge. You know, toss out some things to help you get there quicky.
I'm just following because I have no idea. I don't think I. Oh, wait, you would. I would, yeah.
So I'm going to just. I don't know what the best skill is for this, but I know this town. I grew up here. The high school is right next to the hospital. Like I've been. I mean, this. It's not a hard town to navigate, but if you've never, never been there before, you don't know where you're going.
Right, Right.
But so I'm just guiding the others, basically. I've got my light and we are.
Running, but I could see history or survival. That makes sense. Finding the most efficient route through town.
Yeah, my history is better. So I'm gonna roll. I rolled badly. I rolled a nine. It's dark and I'm fucking beat to shit and absolutely stressed to hell I'm getting us there. But it's not the most efficient route.
Absolutely.
Elliot is gonna just be trying to keep up. He's old, but his athletics are pretty good. So he's just doing his best to run.
11.
Not great. But I bet he's not. He's like 60.
You're not. You're definitely not like impressing anybody, but you're not slow and slowing the party down. So I apologize. This is just how my voice is going to sound, apparently for the rest of this episode. So, James, recap the last, like three minutes of your life. Jump through a hole.
Yep.
Into a zombie pit.
Yep.
You made the incredibly dumb but heroic decision to lead the zombies away from Sadie's failed stealth.
Yep.
Cuz that horde was coming towards Satan. You distracted it away from her.
Yep.
It fucked you up.
Yes. And then from your perspective, all hell happened. Everything happened all at once.
You woke up with a toadstool in your mouth.
Yes.
Yep.
One minute I'm being eaten, the next thing I know I'm made of fungus.
A giant tree man.
Yeah, There's a giant tree man fighting valiantly. There's a bunch of gigantic toads.
Frogs.
There was some.
What was the first thing I ate?
The toadstool.
Oh, okay. It was the toadstool. Yeah. Like a bunch of Cadbury eggs kind of just appeared.
And you ate one on a funky and it almost killed you.
But then it helped somehow. You felt slightly better with a bunch.
Of fruit that I've collected. That's gonna be fun later.
And then you got on the Broom and flew to the building where.
Where you got screamed at. Elliot is very, very pissed.
Yes. And the rest of the party basically said hey dumbass. Turned on their heel and bounced trying to get catch back up with Mel. Yep. I'm going to say that you guys have been able to successfully make it to the church.
Cool.
Running through a small town is not interesting.
No. And while the zombie horde it is night time. There's nothing happening yet. At our pace it probably takes us almost like 10 minutes or so to get to the other side of town where the church is.
I hope so.
Okay.
If we pass anybody pass just if there's anybody out, we're going to give them a warning that the zombies are breaking out.
Oh yeah.
Everybody in town needs to go.
Are there like, are there patrols near the wall at night?
Because I thought they were doing sentry at the wall but I could be wrong. I may have missed.
They did mention that they do patrols. Go ahead and roll. Let's roll another. Let's keep the luck rolls going.
Oh God.
Everybody, don't have me do it. I used up all my luck for the next five years.
Let's have Elliot. He asked the question. Elliot can roll the luck.
All right, here we go.
Nope, we don't come across any.
I rolled a 15. Is it possible I literally run into somebody?
We'll say that. Not too far from the church we finally come across.
Cuz they've got a search party out now for, for Sadie.
Yes.
Mel runs it like literally runs into them and stops and then says zombies getting out wall run really fast. And then just keeps going like. Does not give them time to ask questions. Does not give them like Nothing.
And about 90ft later the rest of the group shows up.
Yep.
She's so fast.
When did she get so fast?
Somehow that person rolled well enough. They understand the message from what you just yelled at them.
Perfect.
They must have kids.
They can see Sadie coming. So they regroup from a hunt search party to they zone in on the, on the wall. So you see, we'll say yeah, they.
Take off the other direction. Yeah.
Towards the wall. You get to the church, doors are left open because people have been coming in and out. You do see Jacob is with your folks.
Okay, Mel, you get there first.
Mel gets there first.
I give you big.
You're okay. Have you, have you seen any, any, any, any bad guys yet?
You have 16 minutes left of deafness.
And Jacob, start talking. Oh shit, I forgot I can't hear. Do you know sign language? Why am I asking? I Don't know sign language. That's a stupid question. Mal babbles at Jacob until somebody you can't hear shows up.
I like to think that all of that's happening very quickly. Like, do you know a sign language? I don't know why I'm asking you. I don't know sign language.
Well, no. And I feel confident that Emery's the person who shows up after. So then we're like, oh, good. Every. Oh, wait, that is so not helpful right now.
I lean over and pant for a minute because I am not the ass.
And Jacob's talking, and I'm like, oh, and I'm deaf. I hope it wears off.
Probably going to come in behind him.
Go ahead and roll a round of perception checks.
Oh. NAT 20 again. 15, 22.
Passive 9, 17.
NAT 20. Sees some people that you don't recognize from the church service.
In the church outside hanging up.
Kind of looking like they're trying to talk with each other. They look like they're trying to blend in.
Okay, Elliot's gonna grab Jacob and he's gonna whisper to him. He says, jacob, some of the cultists are here. Get behind me. Have you seen Jeff? I couldn't remember.
Jeff was doing church.
He was helping Emery's dad with water.
Yeah, we'll see. Yeah, Jeff went around back helping, but it's wholesome stuff.
Jacob, he's here at the church, though.
Yeah.
All right, we're on the backside.
Stay with me. I'm gonna tap ulnock especially, and I'm gonna nod towards the two. Like, I don't recognize those guys. They look kind of suspicious.
Okay. All right.
Should we leave them be for now?
Can we see Pastor Eric?
No, he is helping. Or Jeff was helping him around back.
Of course. I guess at the moment we gotta choose our battles. The zombies are about to come through.
Yeah.
And we got three dudes that are trying to take a kid. Right. Three. You said three.
Two.
Okay, sorry, I heard three.
I'm not exactly the most audible right now. Yeah, yeah.
So, like, says, Elliot's gonna rain down. He's gonna give Jacob a hug. Like, are you doing all right, bud?
Yeah.
He says, okay, stick really close. There's some stuff going on. Let's go see if we can find Jeff and Pastor Eric.
All right. Yeah. They want to round out back, so we should be able to find out.
Okay. So I'm gonna grab Mel and Emery and say, come with them. And I'm gonna basically, thank you. Grab their shoulder, shake. Like, come this way.
Okay.
Like, Emory's parents have probably been, like, all over her, like, covered in blood, and I look terrible.
I don't know if James is paying attention, but I'm gonna tap his dumb ass and be like, follow me.
Everybody's like, I gotta deal with you guys. Stay inside. This wall's coming down by the hospital.
Oh, that's right.
We all know you guys need to forgotten start. I can't hear you. I cannot hear you right now. No, no, I can't just f. Figure. So do something. Figure it out. I got to go. I got to we dealing stuff.
Do something. Figure it out. I got to go.
Place and I. And I brush her arm off and follow Elliot.
So we're going to go outside and try to find Jeff, but also Pastor Eric.
All right, so you guys go around the back. We'll say there's like a. A lane, two, tool shed.
And. Okay.
And you see, first thing you see is Pastor Eric slaying on the ground. Appears to be unconscious. And you see two robed figures holding Jeff to the wall.
Oh, that's enough for me. I'm gonna draw on fire. I'm gonna draw on fire.
Fuck him up.
We're gonna go ahead and roll initiative, and that'll be the end of this episode.
Okay.
I'm gonna tie it on to the fight.
Okay.
Oh, sorry.
God damn it.
I don't know what the hell's happening.
Clearly not functional.
Did you want to get our initiative down now before end of episode?
Yeah. Metal. What'd you roll?
I would like to re roll, if I may.
7.
I have one inspiration left.
Will our inspiration fucking work Another episode. Okay.
To be fair, I guess I should have raged before we decided to go attack anything.
All right.
You didn't know that we were coming off.
I only got 22. He rolled poorly.
Yeah.
So, okay, does inspiration work?
Like advantage or. No, you.
If you use inspiration, you take.
You take the whatever I rolled. So that was a five plus two. That'd be seven a. James can't.
James got a 23. Sorry. No 22. Sorry. My dex is also three.
Roll off.
Dude, I am at way too 19 again.
You beat Elliot.
Wow, Elliot really did roll bad.
You're gonna be written down as a 23 when we put it in the system.
Well, two 19s in a row.
30.23020Best I've rolled on initiative in a while.
I used every single multi shaped dice that I have.
So what didn't happen? You could have summoned an animate, immobile stone statue in your likeness.
The giant statue Of Jesus.
That would be his mausoleum.
Here lies the biggest dumbass of all.
That was the dumbest shit of you.
Being torn to shreds. But dying on the ground.
Verbal threats against you if you leave it and others come near. It describes you as the most heinous of villains Newcomers to find and attack vacuum.
If you see the same plan of.
Existence, it knows where you are.
Jesus Christ.
Wow.
Is a bizarre bag.
You could have had one D6 plus six shriekers, which is a monster sprout. You could have summoned a hungry bullet.
Oh my God.
What's that?
Oh, that would. It's a land shark. Giant land shark.
Yeah, giant land shark. Kind of a rhinoceros.
We got eaten by one before she got eaten by one before.
I made an ocarina out of it.
I had a couple different violette incidences as.
As a listener I was going through.
All of the feels. A pyramid with a 60 foot square base bursts upward. Yeah. Inside is a sarcophagus containing a mummy lord. The pyramid.
We don't have enough hit points right now at all.
The pyramid is treated as the mummy lord's lair and its sarcophagus contains treasure of the DMs choice. Or if you roll a 100 a giant beanstalk sprouts growing to a height of the DMs choice.
That one could have saved you.
The top leaves where the DM chooses such as to a great view, a cloud, giant's castle or a different plane of existence.
James almost got sent to a different plane of existence. There's a good chance that when he has that talking to with Elliot, he's gonna wish he was in a different plane of existence.
Oh, Elliot's gonna review a new one.
Once this is all and and me from Downs's perspective, totally deserved.
I know that I'm the one here going, James, that was really stupid. Why did you do this?
Trying to help Sadie.
Theater of the Mind presents Retribution is Amanda Arsten as Mel Kelly Jeremy Arfston as Elliot Brandybane Michael Burnell as Ulnock Vargar Johnson Michael Downes as James o' Brien Casey Weingarten as Emory Lee and myself, Mike Schock as your dungeon master. Thank you for hanging with us on this allergy riddled episode. Springtime in Grand Junction is no joke. We release episodes once per fortnight. So our next episode will drop on June 22. If you want to follow us, our social media and website can be found in our link tree which can be found in the podcast description. Also in the podcast description you can Find a link to Pinecast, as well as our referral code to get you 40% off your first four months of a paid membership, as well as our referral link to Epidemic Sound, which gets you a one week trial period to their excellent platform. The music this week was sourced from Epidemic Sounds, who we are not sponsored by under the Creative Commons license. The songs used in order who's at the Window by Lennon Hutton, Funeral Pyre by John Allgar, Mystical Tension by Dream Cave and Tension by Blue Saga. The Theatre of the Mind theme ad break and outro were written by Mike Schock. This is a work of fiction. Names, characters, places and incidences either are products of our collective imagination or. Or are used in a fictitious manner. Any resemblance to actual events, places or people, living or dead, is entirely coincidental.
Yes.
You're still alive.
James.
That was close, I thought.
Jesus Christ.
That was welcome.
Thank you.
Jesus Christ. James is never gonna do that. I, as a player, is never gonna do something that stupid ever again.
Yeah. Next time you try to roll for wisdom, the answer is no. You don't do things.
No. Yeah. Hey, remember when I said at some point that my mantra is generally, it's only a stupid plan if it doesn't work? That was a stupid plan.
That didn't work.
Yeah, that didn't work. It never got very well for you. That did not work.
You had a series of the luckiest to ever happen in DND history. Maybe that's how you're alive.
Rolling to make sure that toadstool healed you. Because I'm assuming one of the other options was death.
Yeah.
Yeah. It was that much poison.
And then serious poison too.
Yeah.
To have the end be good.
Yeah. That was a straight 50. 50.
Luckily, you had inspiration for the Cadbury.
Egg and you're dead.
Anyway.
Yeah, love.
Thank you.
Lot important to note, one of those options is that a pyramid sprouts at your feet and someone's a mummy. Lord.
That would have been bad. Jesus. Is that. Is that. What is that? Like the Magic Bean table? It has a specific table for that.