We're the Shadow Guard. When we hit you hard, you'll endure such grief and gloom. Hello, and welcome to our week variate in exploration and education and anime. I'm your anime idiot, patrick dugan.
I'm an anime expert, dana hollander.
And I'm brenna mccullough, your anime loafi synth wave submissive ooh.
Will this be a chill beat I can study to?
No, it won't. Not at all. The exact opposite. It's rave master.
What?
Get your pacifier ready. Get ready to grind some teeth. We're going to a rave.
I can feel the ecstasy kicking in already.
Let's go get that highlighter.
No description. This is it.
Go.
Let's go.
Just no being around the bush. We're in. Let's go.
So, yeah, this was your pick this week, Brendan. Any reason you went with this one?
I know very little about this. I remember it being on tsunami in early mid. Two thousand s. I remember a bunch of garbage about it. Good. I'll preface that.
Yeah, you gave us the overwhelmingly positive review when you teased it last week, so I'm scared.
I don't remember. It funly, but I also don't know if I've ever watched a full episode, so, like, I really don't have a ton to go off with. And there's only two reasons I picked it. Both I will reveal after we watch it.
That interesting. You're making us watch an hour of content for two things.
Where to god, two bits that are just real specific to us. It's my disclaimer of saying I'm not saying it's good. I'm distancing myself from it.
I love when we go into shows with that.
Just the lowest of expectations.
We've had a good run the last few times. I figure we got to bring that bar back down. We got to get that average medium.
Hey, we're two weeks into the new year. Let's just make me regret signing up for another full year.
Once again, you renewed your contract.
It's too late.
It's too late. You're locked in.
They always have me renew it around Christmas time when I'm feeling jovial.
You're going to kill off your character halfway through.
I got to remember to read the fine print.
Section two, article A. Brendan will give you bullshit immediately.
You knew that when you invited me on.
And subsection C, and you will love it.
Or else it's basically just stockholm syndrome at this point.
All right, well, shall we get into it?
Let's get into some nonsense.
All right. We're going to watch episodes one, two and nine.
Let's rape.
He's deflating.
You son of a bitch.
I got you with the scar. Got you a scar again.
You can barely call this scar.
I'm sorry.
The opening theme song is played by real big fish. I don't know what you else you want from an anime.
Must next become a master digging episode with a carrot nose dog. Three heroes at once on a mission fell in danger. Three, two, one.
Top of revolution.
Yeah. And they got paid $10 for 30 minutes of studio time. And they're like, yeah, let's shit something out.
Dana. You know, good content. Anime is a contradiction.
Not always.
Oh, this is what I'm picking. It yeah, that's true.
Boy, is that the truth.
I I think I just fell down like a wormhole of just weird anime openings. And I stumbled across this one. I was like, oh, yeah, this one. I was like, what a weird opening. I was like, it sounds like real big fish. And it was. I was like, well, now it's on the list. That's the only it has to be. That's one of the reasons I picked this show, because it's the only thing I knew about. Right.
So that's one and now we have to talk that's one.
Yeah. We haven't even introduced the first episode and we're already halfway through the good reasons.
And good is a relative term.
Yeah. The valid reasons I picked it.
Oh, my goodness.
Oh, boy. Yeah. Let's get into episode one.
Okay, so we start out, and there's a narrator, and he's like, 50 years ago.
Info dump check.
Yeah. Honestly, I didn't process any of this show the period, end of sentence.
I should say I got a bingo in the first episode.
Really?
We can talk about that once we get there.
You might have been using a different card than me because I didn't get one.
Yeah, I'm going to just keep the one I had last time. So these are like our personal cards.
I need to remember to use mine.
I always forget I should stick with one. Then I jump around. Anyway. Yes.
50 years ago, essentially what happened was the dark was threatening the light. Classic matchup dark.
Oh, boy, I love Star Wars.
Oh, man. topical for the time of recording. So some rocks. The shadow stones started a war. And the thing that can stop them are the raves stones. And this guy comes in with a sword and a shitty accent, and he's ready to destroy the final shadow stone, him and his friends. At this point, I did not understand what this man said. So I was like, is that name Blue? Like blue. The puppy from blue's clues. It's blue with a P. If we could just watch blue's clues.
Boy.
A much better anime.
A much better anime. So this man does it. He slices up the stone with his sword and he's like, I can't place this accent. British. I don't know.
I was thinking Australian. Kind of mean Australian vibe to me.
Yeah, there were some strong four kids vibes here.
Yeah, big bad beetleborg. Four kids vibes.
So he's like, oh, we did it. Yeah.
Baby.
The shadow stone lights up again. And then we are told by the narrator that there was an explosion from this that destroyed the majority of the planet.
Like a 10th of the planet.
Yeah.
Oh, God.
Say 10th. I thought you said, like, 90%. I wasn't paying any attention.
It does not matter.
This is all garbage. Let's get through it.
But we're not leaving out any information. This is just what they're saying in the first minute of the show. And it's just like, fucking mine as well. Does mine as well.
Be it's the music apocalypse. Okay, we could start.
Yeah. So the ravestones and the shadowstones are scattered. And then we get the theme song, to which my note was, wow, this theme song sure is sca. And I was like, that's reason. I knew that's reason one.
That's one reason I listen to it every episode, and I hated it every episode.
And then we're, like, on a ship with a guy and his crew, and he's like, I feel it. We're close to the rave stones. They're ready to rave. His beaded bracelets are quaking. And then they arrive in Hip Hop City.
Hell, yeah.
This is the place to be, baby.
Good stuff.
Good popping moodoons in the city.
And then God, there's someone, like, sawing something outside. I don't know what.
Oh, yeah, I just heard that, dog. Yeah, my brain is I was like, rocco, how did you get over there?
I have no idea what's happening right now. I'm in a liminal space currently because of this show.
Reality is dissolving around you.
Yeah. So we see a girl, which I continue to call Girl with a capital G in my notes throughout the entire episode.
No. Yeah. I didn't get her name until episode nine. And it is ellie. But girl, that's fine. She fills girl role. It's anime. She checks the girl box.
Exactly. So Girl is playing roulette at a casino, and there is Boy crawling around on the floor looking for plu. And I was a little confused because I was like, this isn't the guy we saw before, but that guy must have died in the explosion. But also, how did plu survive?
And it's 50 years later?
Indestructible, eternal immortal god immortal westin plug. So he's, like, crawling on the floor looking for it, and then he goes under the table and comes up to the girl. And I just know that in the Japanese version, this must be she must get mad at him for looking up her skirt. But because of the caliber that this dub is, they couldn't do that.
This quality dub.
Oh, yeah. There's some great censorship we have here. They're clearly in a casino, but they keep talking about the arcade. I got to find a new arcade to hang out in.
Yeah, this is also, like, strong for kids five by. Just, like, writing the English dialogue for what you can directly see and clearly not listening to what the original Japanese was and just kind of rewriting the whole scenes or tones of the scenes to just make it work with whatever they wanted to.
Yes.
And they do a very bad job.
It's not good.
Pure horseshit.
While he's under the table. I guess he like, nudges it. So the roulette wheel like the ball moves over a space, and then she gets really mad because she wanted the grand prize and he's the one that messed it up. And then while they're having this fight ish he runs into some security guys. And they're like, you're a child. Get out of here. To which I say, how old is girl, then? Why is she allowed in the arcade casino? This David busters.
It was because he didn't pay to get in. Children are allowed in the child family friendly arcade because they're allowed in chuck E. Cheese. Yeah, they only have wholesome games. Like candy roulette.
Yeah, I like that. She also wanted to win so she could get a life sized plush tyrannosaurus Rex doll, which we don't see. We never see. It never pays off. It literally could have been, I want to win to get money. But instead they're like, giant plush trex is funnier. We're going to put that so funny. So good.
Yeah. So he gets chased out of the casino, and then this girl just fucking starts shooting and screaming. And she does it four times in this episode. And it is absolutely heinous and very difficult to listen to. Why was this the choice? I don't know.
The xena Warrior Princess, when she does that scream, yodel, what about if we did it like five times?
And also worse.
Worse.
So that sucked. And then she destroyed the casino. That's what I don't fucking know. And she was like, my anger management classes are paying off. And I was like, what is happening?
Not the case. She also has like, yeah, we can't.
Get bogged down by these details because they're all garbage.
Her tampas are guns that destroyed the casino. She just shot it to a pulp. Anyway, you're right. It wasn't important.
Nothing matters is the thing.
Nothing matters.
Whole show, every choice they made was wrong.
In these three episodes we watched, nothing happened at all.
Nothing of consequence. I finally understand nihilism.
So she's walking down the alleyway and she runs into some hoodlums. And they're like, where are we going? And this is where she's like, I'm going to find another arcade.
You can get into the city for free, but you have to pay to get out of it. Which is, in fact, New Jersey.
It checks out.
Yeah. So they tell her that either pay or challenge us, the shadow guard. So she counts her money because she's like, I need more money so I can get out of here. And then she is tapped by plu. And she just looks down at him and she's like, hello. And then everyone else is so disturbed by Plug. Like, she's kind of like, whatever about him. But everyone else was like, what the fuck? Is that.
The precursor to olaf. He is just this, like, white little snowman dog thing with a carrot nose. And it's olaf.
He's also constantly shaking. He's vibrating at a high frequency at all times, and I hate it so much.
He also doesn't look anything like a dog. She calls him an insect. He is shaped like a crude drawing of a human man. And he has a carrot nose.
Like, what is he, a human man?
They could have thought of, like, any other animal and probably gotten closer. Like he's a seal. Sure, okay, fine. I'll take it.
Or she fantasy world. He's whatever, then don't call him a dog.
Yeah, so she's like, Leave me alone. Like it's a dog heat dog world. And then she starts running, and he just books it after her. And there's just this sequence of her, like, running away, horrified from this thing. Have you guys seen Depiglio? It's going around right now. This is depiglio.
Oh, what?
It's a two minute long thing. It's very funny. Again, by the time this episode comes out, people will have forgotten about it.
Have you seen gigi? The Christmas snake?
Also, no, I haven't seen it be.
On the Internet more. I didn't think I would need to.
Say that to you, but just very niche corners of the Internet. I don't get out of my internet rock much.
Also, my friend Rachel is in those videos. Sorry. quickest.
No, shout out to me.
So, yeah, she's running from him, and then we get this, like, cut and shot of the Shadow Guard boys singing a song, like barbershop quartet style. And I lost my mind. Like, what the fuck? What? And then we're back to Plug and Girl, and she runs into the Shadow Guard while this is happening. And then plu runs into a candy store and destroys it. And he starts eating candy, and all of a sudden she cares about him and she's like, don't eat off the ground. You'll get sick. Gross. And then she picks him up and starts running away.
Also flu just like, bumps into the store and demolishes the entire thing.
He is an eldrish fuck.
I guess he has a solid mass about the same as the sun.
The Shadow Guard catches up with her and they're like, hand that over to him. Hand him over to us. My brain is melted.
The show is ruined.
Hand him over to us. And she's like, no. And they're like, we want him for the dog races because that's a dog, obviously. And then she's like, no, I don't want to give him up for some reason, all of a sudden I love him now. And then they fight, and then she starts screaming and shooting again. And then in the scuffle, the leader ish Guy. Just like in this part of the show, he grabbed Plug and he enters it in the dog race. And then we're back with Boy, and he's like, Where am I going to find my dog? And I'm like, bruh, that's not a dog.
Just go onto any street and listen for the what the fuck is that.
Thing? Kill him. A fire. Oh, he must be over there.
So he talks about how on Garbage Island it was garbage garage. It might as well be garbage now.
It's garbage island. This boy is from Garbage Island.
This is a garbage animate for garbage.
Sure. So he's like, oh, on Garbage Island, it was so easy to find plu, but this city is so big. And then he looks out into the ocean and has a flashback about when he was fishing and caught plu.
Totally not a dog.
Not a dog. And then we're at the dog race, and plu is doing very poorly because I guess he's decided to not go fast now. And he just walks very slowly and then turns around back toward the starting gate and just sits down. And then Girl is mad at him again because she's like, if you do well in this race, I can sell you to a breeder. And I'm like, who wants that? Who's trying to breed this?
I got to get a dog to fuck this thing.
And then somehow the Boy comes and he sees plu on the track. And then in the race, there's like obstacles being thrown at the dogs. And one of them is just like a rain of spears. And it's at that point that Girl gets worried about plu again. And she starts this one was the most baffling. She stands up in the stands, briefly shoots and screams for no reason at all. Like there's no fight ensuing. She just does that and then goes down to the track and then hearing.
It all out loud makes it that much more crazy.
This sucks.
I'm mad at it.
Yeah. So she goes down to the track, and then a security guy comes out. And he's like, only dogs are allowed on the track. And she goes, arf, arf. And I'm like, I'm going to gouge my eyes out. And then she tries to shoot him, but she's out of ammo, so luckily we don't have to hear that again. And then Boy comes to the rescue, and they see each other and they're like, you're from the arcade. Who cares?
Oh, the dude I'm very mad at.
I still have a whole page worth of notes.
Let's just speed run this because this is all bad.
There's a fight. A guy from the Shadow Guard comes out. And he is apparently like a higher up kind of guy. And he's like, I want to put on a show for this audience because Boy beat up all of the other Shadow Guard. So now he gets to fight this guy. And then he runs to hit the Shadow Man. But the Shadow Man has launched into the sky, and Shadow Man has a shadow stone. And boy sees that. And then we get a flashback of an old man telling Boy to destroy the shadowstones. And then Shadow Man poisons the air with carbon monoxide. And they say carbon monoxide over and over again. And then we get a cartoon sun and moon teaching us not to breathe in carbon monoxide.
Hey, kids, we assume you haven't learned this in your second grade science class yet, but if you breathe carbon monoxide, you're going to die, so don't do it. Goodbye.
That was it. That was the whole thing. And then the little moon guy dies.
At this point, I usually take notes on every episode at this point, where I was like, if this show doesn't give a shit about the plot, neither do I. And I just good.
It was also you had more standards.
The longer I listened to this Shadow Man guy, the more I saw. He sounds like Bill cipher from Gravity Falls. Like a poor man Bill cipher? And he just keeps making puns about breathing and not being able to breathe and stuff.
His name is Will cider.
And then, boy, he pulls out, like, this little minis sword thing, and then the shadowman is like, Where did you get that?
He says that revolution.
He punches the ground and he yells, Revolution. And I took the note right here. This show sucks, man. Even if it's for children. It insults their intelligence. He does the fight and then all of a sudden, the carbon monoxide is affecting the Shadow Man when it wasn't before. And then he gets weak and he's like, Where did you get the sword to that thing? And he's like, Sheba gave it to me. And the shadowman that means something to him doesn't mean anything to us.
Not to us. No.
That means he's the rave master. Cool.
Great.
And he defeats the Shadow man and then plu picks the cage where all the dogs are like, he picks the lock with his nose and they let out all the dogs. And I was like, oh, that's nice. And then they use the dogs to pull a cart so they can get out of the arena. And I was like, what the hell? Just run one dog to another. And then we get more of the shadow cards singing, which is like, this is the only thing that made me feel any happiness in this whole hour and a half I had to watch.
Me.
Also, the biggest problem I had with this show is they clearly have a music theme going. They're in Hip Hop City. He's the rave master.
The only music we get is this.
Barbershop, cortez of these villains going, oh, we're the bad guys. And that's it. There's no, like, music based magic. There's no, like, music themes beyond the names of the city and him being the rave master. That's it. That's it.
I haven't heard dugan yell like that since, I guess, the digimon movie. This is crap.
Dugan, why are you friends with me?
I don't know. You make me question it every week. I have less and less excuses.
You're toxic, Brendan. So Cart runs in, like, a bowling ball. It runs into the Shadow Guard doing their little talent show, and then they introduce themselves finally, and he's like, Hi, I'm haru. And she's like, I'm ellie. And now they're friends and the journey begins, or whatever. And then we're introduced to General Shooter, and he's like, disappointed in the Shadow Man for not beating this child. And he's like the rave master is a child. This just got so much easier. And that's episode one, and I think I'm going to take a nap. You guys have fun with the rest of this.
All right.
Before we move on, I just want to discuss my bingo, because it's not like, arguable. We got Animal sidekick sitting on a rooftop when he's like, oh, where's Plug? I got to search a city. My free space of technically not incest and unrealistic expectations of a literal child, of him being the Rave master.
Very good. Okay. I had technically not incest infodemp. Maybe dead parent club. We don't know and we never find out in these episodes. Animal sidekick and I did a half mark for unlikable main character, not because he's particularly unlikable, just the show is just everyone in it is automatically unlikable.
Talk about episode two. Keep going. Let's keep a rolling.
Come on.
Yeah, we got to go. I got to be doing anything else in 15 minutes.
I got to go try and drink myself into oblivion. After watching this, I will say, I do like the opening, because it says, written by Bob buckholtz or whatever. That's the one I work with. So on Monday, I'm going to go into the office and go, bob, what the fuck?
What did you do? Finally bring him on next week and demand an explanation?
He also wrote a lot of ditchman, so maybe he could just answer for his crimes.
On this podcast, we will hold a tribunal and we will read him his charges for his crimes against children.
No, because I'm not saying this show would be better in subs, but there's clearly just so much stuff that was added in in the writing of the localization, where it's like, I'm going to be clever, like, no, you're not. This is bad. This is all just bad. Anyway, all right, sorry. Moving forward, episode two. Do a recap of the last episode because we all wanted to relive that moment. Great. Still in Hip Hop City, we get another shot of the shouter Guards singing again, because you got to reuse those assets. We're going to be cheap as possible because quality is not an option anymore. We get haru and ellie trying to escape the city, and for some reason, plugs driving because he's a sentient creature and not his hand, not a dog.
He's not.
Fully movable digits. And as you drive and they see another blockade to exit the city, so they try and turn real quick and fall down a sinkhole. Once they fall into the sinkhole, they fall into the sewers. And oh, they find, like, a minor girl, like a girl who's, like, digging around underneath the city and all this so random, so crazy. And then up above, two Shadow Guard guys find the hole. And they're like, hey, who's down there? Like, oh, I know how we can find out how deep it is. And the one guy yells, hello, down in the hole waiting for the echo. And ellie yells up because she's trying to be the echo. The show is clever, good quality, good prank. And they definitely didn't fall down a hole that's like, one story below street level, so they couldn't just see through it. Like, so good.
Yeah, they would totally just be standing with an eye shot of the people.
Like, maybe 10ft down at most. And so the miner says her name is hall, the getaway guru. And she's just good at getting away from stuff because she just digs through walls how convenient.
While they're trying to get away. Great writing.
So convenient. Meanwhile, the two guys that were looking for them are just like, weird bounty hunters. They're not in the Shadow Guard uniform. One of them just has a weird digitized voice and like, a robot eye. The other is this weird puffy face guy with his weird antenna eye on his head. And just they look disgusting. And they start looking for haru. And then they just go to random people like, hey, where's this kid with this dog? And like, oh, I don't know where he is. And they just start shaking this guy down of like, you got to tell us where he is. He doesn't know. Leave him alone. He doesn't know. And then while they're shaking him down, general Shooter shows up. He's like, I know how to track them, but doesn't say how. And then they walk away.
Great. Thank you. Thank you.
Very good.
Honestly, him saving us from any more dialogue, I'm appreciative. Then we cut back to hall, and I'm just going to call her minor. She says she's used to getting people out of the city because the Shadow Guard got everything locked up and people got to get out. So she does this all the time, and she brings it back to her, like, hole in the wall. And she's like, all right, come on. Have a seat. Have a seat. Sit down. Oh, wait, I don't have any seats. So you can just sit where you are, which is clearly a line that are just like it's clearly something else in Japanese. And they were just writing. Like, there's no seats in the shot that we see. I'm going to make a joke about her not owning chairs.
Nick.
And then while they're sitting, they'd all talk about their back stories. And Harris says, I'm from Garbage Island. And he's like, we were just, like, hanging out one day. And then we got attacked, and it's like, cool. And then when they get attacked, sheba like, the old man shiba like, the dog gets hurt and falls over because he's old and dying. And he's like, we were attacked by the Shadow Guard. They're looking for the ravestones. We got to stop them. It's a cool thanks old man. That I guess is plot relevant. And then kenma, some other older guy, but not that old, is also dying. He's like, hey, haaru, your dad left to find the ravestones. He didn't abandon you. And then how returns to his sister and goes, wait, sis, did dad not abandon us? And she doesn't say anything because why father I got any mysterious and then he turns back and he's like, I got to go find my dad in the gravestones. And she was like, yeah, here, take this small sword. It's going to pay off somehow.
It's a novelty cocktail sword.
Then I got it in a little piece of lime. When I got placard at the bar.
Earlier, chiles was having one dollars margaritas, so I had to get down there.
Oh, you know how I like chilies. I got the little punch card, and I got nine. I'm one away, hero. I'm one away. I love me some fajitas, some picassas. haru's got the little she says, it's a key to the gravestones. And we cut back to them. And ellie says, like, I'm looking for something too. And we never get real. Follow up on that right away. She's trying to be mysterious and Minor is like, Cool, whatever. Look out for Shooter. He's a dick. They're like, got it. Right around this time we cut back to shoota in the guards at the Shadow Guard base. And he's just typing on the computer. He's like, God, I know their location. Track the system. Thank you. Oh, I've ruined my notes cuss with that.
I mean were ruined by being about.
This shit about raven to begin with. So yeah, shared it. Just like, looks them up. He's like, I can track them somehow. And they're like, oh, how can you do that, boss? He's like, we already found them. Let's go. It's like, convenient. Good, thanks.
Could you teach us for next time? Just say it out loud.
No, I got to go. We're in a hurry.
I just need to hear that you actually know.
Right now. We're all crunch time chilies. I got to get there in time. We got to go.
They got that too for get down to hip hop.
Chilies, we got to go. They're about to escape from the city and other sonic soundtrack songs. And so they just run out and try and hunt down haru. And this is where the Shadow Guards start invading the sewers. And despite just like so many guards and they can't find like, the one door anyway in fucking Rave Master. The worst thing about this show, it doesn't matter that's. Why I'm mad at myself for getting mad at minor pulls out a fucking periscope from her ceiling that can see into the sewer system, which they're on the same level as. So it doesn't make sense that there would be a periscope there. Anyway, she's like, the shadow guards are invading. Let's go. And it rips her stove out of the floor and there's a tunnel underneath. They just climb down that secret tunnel and she starts digging because she's got a big old drill and starts digging through more tunnels through the walls, and she's like, oh, I started digging this tunnel earlier, but then my soaps came on and I got distracted.
Wow, she's a woman. She loves to watch her soaps.
And so they're digging through tunnels and then they get to another wall and they do the same bit again that they just did a minute ago. Hilarious. So she's like, you guys go through here. If you keep following this tunnel, you'll get up top. And then I'll go distract the shadow guards, and I got it. And the gang find another smaller tunnel they have to crawl through, and they reuse the same assets from ten minutes ago in the episode because quality. Oh, no.
This is reused. Asset city. It's not city.
It's reused assets. So they're crawling through the tunnel, and then the shadow girls are still looking for them. And when they get out of the tunnel, they're in this, like, dock warehouse area, and surprise, surprise, shoot is there because he knew how to track them somehow. And also the miners captured somehow, so they're already up there. hairu pulls out his deco for Sword, which just sounds like a Final Fantasy weapon.
It looks like one too.
It might as well be. This whole thing is just a shitty Final Fantasy Eight anime because you made.
It like a glow stick to at least be rave related. Oh, no. Okay, cool, fine. I'll just take my good ideas and sit back here in the year 2020.
You'd be quiet. I mean, it does change shape and turn bright orange for some goddamn reason.
See, that could easily be a glow stick. Anyway, I'm sorry. Let's get through this.
Hair attack. Shooter. Shooter jumps out of the way and teleport behind, and they said it was a nice try, kid. And hits them and sets them on fire. And the fire is living, and Haru can't get rid of it because it's fire produced by the shadowstone that apparently every goddamn person in this Shadow Guard has. So I don't imagine why they're so rare. So Haru is on fire continuously, but it's not that big of a deal. And ellie screams, but she's out of ammo, so she just screams and throws plu at but misses. So then pluto gets pluto, plue gets stuck in like a big sign behind him, and his nose gets stuck in it because it's a carrot. haha pointy. And the whole time they're talking. plumes trying to get his nose out, but he's having trouble. But then when he finally does, the whole sign breaks and falls on top of everybody. This distracts Shooter who dodges out of the way. And this is all Haru needed to attack him while still on fire. But I guess that's not an issue anymore. And shuda blocks with his bracelet, which has the shadowstone in it. And Haru breaks it and dispels the fire and also falls in the water. And he says, it's a good thing the snorkeling lessons paid off. snorkel, it's a fun word. And then we get flashbacks about as much. You're trying as much as the show is.
Yeah, I had to just rethink some thoughts real quick.
Just sent you, so shoot a laugh. And he's like, ha ha. This rave master might actually have some gumption and some fight left in him. And it just has weird flashbacks of howard's dad. And he's like, just like, gail. Howard is like, gail, that's my dad. He's like, that's your dad? It's like, yeah, that's my dad. It's a compelling dialogue. And then Shooter is like, all right, boys, let's get out of here. And one of the guards is like, what are you talking about? We grossly outnumbered them. There's two. And then there's like, 20 of us. And he's like, let's get out of here. Okay, that makes perfect sense. And then while Haru and ellie are celebrating their victory, haru sort breaks in half for some fucking reason. And ellie's like, I got it. We can go to punk Street and visit musica. Who will fix it? See, it's all these, like, music related words. But there's no pay off.
Yeah, absolutely nothing.
It's garbage. Yeah, there's no point to it. And Harris says like, well, you help me find what I'm looking for, I'll help you find what you're looking for. And then you get this really serious music where I was like, no, you can't help me. No one can help me. What I'm trying to find is unfindable. It's my own quest. I'm trying to find my lost memories. It's like, you're going to try and take this serious, traumatic moment right now? You're going to try and be serious goddamn right now. Now is the time. You're going to try and be dramatic. You got to be shitting me goddamn right now. There's no side. You're just dumb. It's just a dumb show. And Haru says, I'll help you find your memories. She's like, okay, cool. Despite her monologue just now saying that no one can help her. And that's episode two.
Also, I just came to a very bad realization. This is basically the trolls cinematic world set up of all the different music tribes, but then they just don't do fucking shit with it.
So what you're saying is that trolls is far superior to this.
What I'm saying is that trolls is a direct rip off of raven rave master whoa.
What you're saying is the mcelroy brothers are in Rave Master?
Yes. I mean, we are introduced to Griffin in episode nine. So yeah, real quick, here's the recap of episode nine, the Tom Kenny filler episode.
Why is he in this show?
Tom Kenny is in anime.
So yeah, this is oh, boy. The only redeeming thing about this show for me right now is Tom Kenny being a character.
Yeah.
Like this episode, I am genuinely confused because this came out in 2003, like, four years after spongebob took off. Why is he still working on stuff like this? You have that spongebob money, dude, I.
Genuinely think someone called in a favor. It's like, yo, Tom, it's time. I need you.
I have this great project. Tommy boy. You're going to love it.
You're going to love it. So good.
Hey, Tommy, you want to make $100 on the outside of your spongebob money? Sure thing.
We're going New York again. We can't do it every episode. Oh, God. Steve bloom is also the giant monster at the end of this episode. There's no fucking reason he needs to be there's some big name power in this garbage. athena.
Why?
I play.
Okay episode nine Episode shake it off. In the last seven episodes, apparently nothing. They were looking for a ravestone. That's all you need to know. So, yeah. Shooting star, fell. This music. A guy that was introduced was like, oh, yeah, that's raised on go fucking get it. And it apparently took seven episodes to get there. So they're trying to cross a desert. They hire a horse and carriage, which is the horse is this weird pink dinosaur thing that's just constantly shaking its head.
It's like a kangaroo rabbit spinning his head back.
It's horrifying.
Yeah, it looks like in horror movies when they show the monster twitch chasing at you and it just, like, twitches its head back and forth. I think that's literally stuff that we see in it, like this shaking head monster. And they're like, yeah, this is a fun thing to make this dinosaur silly.
But it's purple like a bone.
And the carriage driver is named griff, or the long version, Griffin, but that's too long.
Just call him Griffin.
Yeah, but it's Tom Kenny being Tom Kenny Kenny. Yeah, it's good. So, yeah, they say we're just heading north. We don't know where we're heading. And just the greatest thing is just Tom Kenny saying, oh, it sounds like you're going to ska Village. Yeah, once I heard this, I was like, okay, I'm not going to cancel this episode. I'm not going to tell Brendan to go to hell and just say, hey, we can't do this. We can't do this to ourselves. We can't do this to our audience.
This is the one redeeming line that's what you hear right before you die. duggan. You hear Tom Kenny say, hey, Patrick, we're going to Sky Village.
Tell me in those dolphin tones.
So.
Yeah, apparently plu is also sick, I guess. Sure. Fine. So they stop. Take a break.
Yeah, for a bit.
Sorry. This episode is so filler. I'm just trying to skim through for the actual plot line because I could sum it up in two sentences.
They can.
Yeah. But for the sake of the show, I'm going to allow you.
Dan is on the floor now laying down.
Okay. We hit full digimon. This is our digimon scale.
I wonder when I'll hit the floor.
Yeah, fuck it. I'm zooming through this. Fuck you. Okay, so Plue is sick.
He gets deflated.
Yeah.
He gets to play it like a balloon. Yeah.
Ellie takes him to a hot spring to make him feel better. But oh, no, he deflates.
Oh, boy.
So Haru and ellie are like, it's your fault. No, it's your fault. I'm fighting you. I'm fighting you. We're hiding that. We're going to have romantic tension later on. Apparently griff knows that there's these, like, magic strawberries that are a known cure all somewhere out in a ravine. And you got to go get them. Sure, why not? So she leaves. She needs to fix her mistake. So she goes to get these strawberries and doesn't put on shoes for this multi hour journey.
For some goddamn reason, she had to.
Leave right at that minute.
Yeah.
Like literally 4 hours later, night has fallen. She's like, crawling over the ground and she was like, fuck. Putting on shoes would have taken 2 seconds. I had to show my anime girl feet, apparently. No, like, every shot of ellie is a, like, butt level shot. So yes, that's probably absolutely why this happened.
Oh, I'm sure it's why it happened. But also, it's one of those lines that clearly there was a reason for it in the Japanese that they just clearly rode out for the dub and didn't feel like explaining it.
Yeah, she was probably like, oh, I can't give up on my mission now. I have to keep going. But America was like, yeah, my tootsies is so I'm dumb.
Blip. But what about Pete?
So yeah, also as she goes on this walking montage, we get some prime early 2000s anime girl power rock.
Yeah, like, so bad.
We've only seen two actual instances of music being used in this show. And it's a barbershop quartet of the villains going, DA, we're the bad guys. And also just this note context, unneeded montage music of I'm going the distance. Got to get some strawberries. It's garbage.
Okay.
Where is the scar?
It's in the title, unfortunately.
That's it.
So she gets to this ravine. There's strawberries there. She's like, oh, great. Cool. Get these fucking things. She gets down there. A monster shows up and was like, oh, I could go for some strawberries. I'm Steve bloom, apparently.
Legendary voice actor, guinness world record holder for most prolific video game voice actor with having 261 video game voiceover credits is voicing this goddamn mosque.
Hey, this went to the record, I guess. Sure. But yeah, monsters like, oh, those strawberries were so good. I got to wash them down with some anime girl. Let me eat you up.
Hold on, I got a few things. So we got her walking there with the girl power rock music cuts away to hyrule for a bit. Whatever. Music stops, cuts back to her. Music is still playing. Just anytime it's her alone. If the music is playing, which I loved.
Yeah, she gets her ipod on shuffle.
But then when she's getting the strawberries and the monster sneaks up behind her, she's like, hello. How come I didn't hear a giant monster sneak up behind me? He says, I was walking on my tippy toes.
Data has left the room.
Data is just, fuck this, I'm out.
Data is trying to meditate into a new plane of existence.
Just trying to get out of here.
So, yeah, of course. Harry arrives, beats up the monster. They go back, apparently plug deflated by going into the hot spring. So the thing that tried to fix through it, it was a misunderstanding. And we're back where we fucking started with no plot advancement. Goodbye.
That's it. So, dugan ask, are we there yet?
Yeah, I love it. This is a good one. I really appreciate your choices.
Fuck you, 2020. Just we're done. Why bother going any further? We've peaked already. No.
Hey, listener at home, don't watch this show. There's so many more better uses of your time.
Like just hammering a nail into your hand. anything's better than this?
Yeah, pick up. Like smoking drywall.
Smoking dry wall, let me tell you. I texted Paul and I said, I have to watch this terrible show. And he said, what show? And I said, rave master. And he said, I liked Rave Master.
Oh, no.
When was the last time false off?
I have to watch it in English.
I mean, that might make it slightly.
Might make it a little better. And I don't know. That's a good question.
The only possibilities I could see are watching it in the original Japanese, where they didn't just dumb it down to absurd levels or watching it on tunami as a kid. When you are the target demographic and you don't really know much better.
Yeah. And do we even know, though? Is the Japanese even better?
There's only so much that can change. The only thing that can change is maybe the music and the dialogue. And even if those are as best as they can get, they're still the rest of the show, so it can't redeem it that much. No matter how good the Japanese is looking at the episodes and listening to the music, real Big Fish is not the original opening song. Surprise, surprise.
Oh, really? Are you quite sure about that chance?
Pretty positive. But even, like, licking that stuff up, I saw so many people being like, god, I love Rave Master. This show was great. I was like, no, buddy, you got to rewatch this because it's not good. It's not good in any sense.
Are we slipping into the penny and stalking continuum again where this won, like, awards and as, like, a prime example of anime?
I don't think so. But it got 50 some episodes again. And I know the creator of this went on to make fairytale, which is like, a pretty long running series. I'm going to say it's definitely better than this, but I'm definitely not going to say fairy Tale is good either.
Yeah, I've watched a couple episodes of fairytale, and I get the same vibes. So yeah, that checks out close.
Yeah. plu actually carries over to Fairly tailor fairytale for no reason.
Griffin'S in the opening in the Japanese version.
Oh, wow.
And you deprived us of Griffin, too. These dubbers punch Bob in the face for me on Monday, will you?
Punch Bob face pants.
Well, michael ended there. We're not doing better.
What's happening? Oh, no. Oh, no.
Uhoh, you're watching another episode.
I'm trying to watch it in Japan. I'm trying to watch the Japanese to see what the differences are. I don't need to do this here. This can be over.
Not now.
I got time. We cut too much.
This might be one of our shorter episodes. dude, it is. We got a flow sounds.
Dana, you got that prime content?
Yeah. Okay, so there's this drawn out there's a drawn out sequence of, like, the casino stuff and like, lots of like we get a shot of what's his name looking for plu outside. Do you have context for that?
We're missing that.
Okay. His face was fully between her thighs in this one.
Got you.
What she says to that. Did you see it? Did you see it? Is what she says.
Did you see it?
And then his head and then his head hit the table. And then it got messed up.
50 episodes and nearly 300 chapters of a manga. Jesus. There's, like, no story. How does that happen?
Now she's mad and he got pushed into the guards and he didn't play with the entrance fee.
I'm going to send a very relevant thing in the chat. Brendan, I need your opinions on that. This is going to be our bonus content to get us over the hour.
Mark, just to fill it.
Just you in real time watching Depiglio.
Oh, no, I don't like that. Where would you guys rank the rave masters in bad shows? We've watched pretty slow.
I mean, the basement is definitely the Nonexistent Christmas episode that doesn't exist.
Oh, that's the worst.
Yeah, I think that's when I, as a person, hit rock bottom, so I don't think I could say it's worse than that.
Okay, I do wish we definitely got a third episode of that Nonexistent show with the nonexistent robot reindeer.
I cannot fathom what you're talking about.
I need to hear what her must be a different sounds like in the Japanese. Hold on. Oh, no. I went back too far. Shit.
God. I don't like this topic. I'm still watching it.
They said shit in this. They said shit in bastard.
They got them cusses. That's how you know they definitely censored. It weight. That's clearly who their demographic was when they're censoring. It's not a casino. Oh, God. What about pany and Stocking? Better or worse?
I feel like it's worse. Like, painting and stocking is, like, unwatchable.
It's worse than stalking. And I can't watch panty and stalking.
No, panty and stalking is worse is what I'm saying.
Oh, panic. Stocking is worse.
Yeah. I would say in terms of if put a gun to my head, I have to choose one of the two. I have to watch another episode of I'll watch another episode of Rave Master because you could not pay me fucking money to watch more Panty and Stocking.
Hey, folks.
Hey. We're starting a patreon. If you donate $10,000 a month, I will fly out to your home and act out all parts of a panty and Stocking episode.
Can we all go? I want to be panty.
I want to be garter belt. We'll watch Panty and Stocking with you and your parents because you're forcing us to watch it. We're making you uncomfortable and watching it with your parents.
Yes. And I will make dead eye contact with your dad the entire time.
You like that joke, dad? That's a come joke.
Update on the screaming. It does not last nearly as long, nor is it as grading. So it would definitely be the case of them seeing her with her mouth open and being like, just scream.
Just fill it. Fill that time. Just anything to fill that noise.
I mean, hey, that's what we're doing right now, baby.
I blocked out, like, ten minutes ago, and I just came back. I feel like I haven't said anything for, like, half an hour.
Well, you're on the floor. That's the quiet time. Actually, my bed, which is elevated.
It's cozy.
I mean, speaking of the floor, was this worse than Digimon, which drove duggy to the floor last time? Go on, say it. Let me hear you say it. This is something that was I know.
You're sick, gay mother fucker. This was all a poi to get me to say that I preferred Digimon.
Is that it?
Is that your sick joke?
Is that your sick game?
You sick fastened you just wanted me to say I like did you mind more than that? If you have a show you would.
Like us to watch.
You can reach out to us rivariat@gmail.com or Twitter and Instagram. Are we there yet? Yet? I'm both. You can find me on Twitter and Instagram. Mr. Patrick dugan.
You can find me on Instagram at queen. Period weibo and on twitter at queen underscore wiyabu and queen underscore Wyaboo. Art.
You can find me Happy at the clam over at abts. Brendan on Twitter stands for almost Better Than Silence was a video game podcast. And if you want to do your own Rave Master podcast, sign up for Pinecast.
For artwork. Thank you, Louis song for theme song stories off the album beats, you'd find all Louis music at Louisong Vancamp.com. Thank you. I don't know if we'll be back next week with anime.
We're going to niagara. We got to take a sabbatical.
I got to take a nap.