Hey, guys.
I just want to put out some bonus content for you. So there's another podcast out there called Deep Fried Conspiracies. I helped my friend Trent janky start a long while ago. Trent janky and Jim colby both host this podcast as their podcast Deep Fried Conspiracy.
The idea is that it's a lot.
Of fun, it's a lot less informational. It's just a few guys sitting down, having a good time. Deep frying a conspiracy. Whether they believe it or not, they're going to have a good time is the whole goal of the podcast. I've been helping with the podcast for a long time, and there's an old episode that I did talking about eel reproduction. So I figured got his permission and figured I would showcase deep fried conspiracies on the aquarium.
Guys.
Podcast. This is a bonus episode. Again, check it out. Deep fried conspiraciespodcast.com. Subscribe if you want to get some laughs. Again, less information, more comedy, certainly give it a go. And if this is the first podcast you're listening to for the Aquarium Guys, this is in no way a representation of what's on the Aquarium Guys channel. Stop here. Go to the normal numbered episodes. Those are where you're going to get less comedy and more information on the aquarium hobby. This is purely just talking about eel reproduction and any conspiracy that may go along with that. So enjoy again, Deepfryconspiracies.com. You'll find them on every platform that the Aquarium Guys is on. Give them a go and enjoy the comedy.
We're not experts, much less competent. This podcast is friends bullshitting about conspiracies.
And also confirming absolutely nothing about it.
But we keep each other in check by deep frying each other's topic. Consider yourself warned.
Jimmy.
Yes, sir.
How are you doing tonight?
I am hornier than a two peckered all.
Are you? What happened then? What happened?
I only got one pecker, so I took care of it halfway. Never mind.
What?
I'm Jim colby.
Wait a second.
I feel like we need to insert some woody woodpecker on sound effects here.
Yeah, that editor who will take care of that later.
Excellent.
Yeah, better take care of that later. So welcome back to Deep fry Conspiracies. I'm Trent janky.
I'm Jim colby.
I don't care anymore.
Who's our special guest?
Special guest? He came out of the closet for the second time.
I came out of the closet because you people won't leave me alone.
We slid under the door and stay in there.
Us people? That's not talking with us people.
No, I'm talking you listeners. All right. We had an episode talking about subway Tuna, right? And in it, you guys talked about the beginnings of the podcast.
We were nice enough to bring up everything about what happened, and we gave the credit where credit was due.
He said nice things about me for.
What the problem is. We gave credit where credit was due.
Because now so let me explain this right? We started the podcast, right? This is Trent and jim's podcast. I'm here to facilitate getting it kicked off. After it's been thoroughly kicked off and kicked in the bucket, I go back in the closet. All right, I went back in the closet here and there, and now you guys have been bitching for me to come back, so I will come back on occasion, but you got to remember that there's other people here to do this. So I'll do one for you all, and then you leave me alone. Leave me to the closet where I can finally taste that fake subway tuna.
And the yoga matt bread.
Yoga matt bread.
Because that's what's in there.
Before we go to any emails or anything, that episode made me so just burn inside. The CEO of subway came out and said, we have made history. No major food fast food chain has changed. More menu items this go around than subway just has. I just went to subway, and I couldn't tell the difference. They added avocado. They had that before. They added pats of rubber mozzarella. Other than that, it's pretty much all the same shit. Even the subway tuna is still the same, even after all the scandal finding it's fake, the whole thing. And they didn't even change it.
Yeah, they came up with the whole thing where, oh, it's not fake.
They probably change it. They probably spit it now.
Yeah, something. I don't know if that's like one gigantic send it back to the kitchen and someone gets dandruff in it and they just did it corporate wide.
They're like, wipes it on the junk.
Yeah, we don't see any tuna in this. All right, let's double down and not change it. All right, let's go on with it. You have news.
Don't fix it.
It's kind of like when your wife says, I think you have a gambling problem, and you go, you want to bet? Just double down on it.
Subway just metaphorically grabbed their balls and said, suck it, and then eat my tuna.
All right, so suck.
At tribec, we got.
An email again from Peter the sunrise guy, who is the only one that messages from the UK.
Peter, you're my favorite.
So remember, this is the UK. They have a different language somewhat than us. So all the grammical areas in here are from Chinese. So Peter says.
He'S not Italian. Pizza. You know what? Fuck you, Peter. I like Italian Peter better.
Italian. Peter always do Italian.
Yes. Do it.
I don't know if I can hold it.
Do it.
Italian?
Yeah, I don't I can hold never mind.
Let's go places.
Evening.
Hope odd is well.
I wish everybody was here to see the hand gestures. And he's doing like this. Everybody got to listen to me now.
Everybody knows to do the hand gesture.
Italians are the one stereotype we can all get behind and make fun of without being called racists. I mean, thank you, Mario.
So my autistic isan, who loves the World of War Two, asked a few weeks ago, was it hard to dig adventure? I said, I don't know. Go outside and give a taco. Now my garden is awful. It is unlevel in.
You can do this. Finish up. This is going good. Peter will be happy. Keep going. So we got a kid doing a trench.
Okay, remember, all the grammar areas are from Peter. Now my goddamn is awful. It is unlevel in love. It's just not my thing. I recently took the carpet out of the living room and I thought I would roll it up. whoa.
So he took the rug from the living room I can't look at him.
I thought I would roll it up and put it in the trench. And when I thought and when.
I you got this struggle through and when.
Do I feel it, hopefully it would be more level. Oh, God. It turns out all right, well, it's 11:12 p.m.. Over in the UK, and my bright idea was to do it. Now, however, my neighbor was having his bedtime cigar and saw me dragging a rolled up a carpet out.
Okay.
He said, hey, James. He said, hey, Peter.
Come on. You can do this. Do this for the fans.
He said, hey, Peter, what are you doing at this time of night? I said, I had enough of my wife with a bottle of beer in hand. I carried on. I think he thought I was being serious. I will let you know if any excavation team turns up. Hopefully, they'll leave my garden to me. Keep up the good to work. I love this ashiyita.
All right, so I replied back, but that had nothing to do just to clarify, that had nothing to do with us. We didn't talk about digging a trench.
In his kid, who's none of our conspiracies have talked about trench together.
All right, so he just loves us and wants to send us cool story.
How are you going to respond?
Well, I responded by Italian. No, not Italian.
Now what German in English? Do it german. Do it in German. octane.
No, dude, that's hilarious. Keep me up to date with what's going on. All right, this goes why wouldn't you want to know?
Assuming we got an update by now.
And he gave me an update that same day.
Oh, God.
He lung on my wife to make sure she was okay, then came outside and called me the Hunt. So I just laughing emojis and whatever and called Be good.
So that story was just too good not to share, even though it had nothing to do with one of our episodes. We don't care if we like that shit you're getting on the podcast.
It's just you sent me something funny and I had to put it out with the world. It's just how this works.
And I think on top of it all gay Italian Peter. Appreciate what you did tonight, Peter.
I promise, if you send us stuff, hopefully it's not a long paragraph.
It will always be, I will try.
To do it in Italian.
This almost should have required video. Honestly, I peed myself.
You have to do the hand emotions. It's how it works.
All right, you got any other news?
No, actually, I have no other news, but what I do want to do is throw it back to you to tell us what the hell we're talking about today.
Well, I think I'd like to push out more information first. So what? Trent and I sat. We got bored one night.
It sounds like you're in a toilet.
What are you pushing?
We got bored one night and Trent and I are working on a merch line.
Don't talk about this now.
No, don't talk about it now. It'll be coming out soon. Maybe by the time this comes out, even. Okay, so check the website, check the social media for merch, and above all else, go to Discord deepfried Conspiracies.com. Bottom the web page, you'll find discord and you'll find the link for the new merch. It's soon to come out. And let me tell you, we're not putting a lot of effort. This is a deep fried conspiracies.
We didn't even try hard.
We're deep frying all the art as well. I mean, we're not trying hard. I think we picked a couple from our favorite bits and some episodes, so be prepared for some really obscure, inappropriate defried art. And of course, the logo. I mean, you got to have one.
Well, the logos are yeah, that's just a given.
But 100%.
Yeah. The outlines we have right now are borderline.
Do you want to just give it out?
No.
Okay, check it out.
Go to the discord line.
Just put us this way, trent will be proud wearing them. Maybe even some fanny packs.
If we do fanny packs, can we have Gay Italian Peter on the front? Like waldo? Like this?
In honor of gay Italian. Peter. Like it is in honor of gay Italian. Peter we're going to mark down specifically just the UK purchasing. So if you're from the UK, you're going to get an absurd discount just for Gay Italian Peter. Much more than North America is getting. All right, so today's topic is eels. The slimy things that we're all not really obsessed about or even know much about at all.
I feel like this is going a different direction. What kind of eel you talking about here?
Eels. So north American and European eels specifically.
You still haven't answered my question.
What kind of eels? Not ones in my mouth.
Okay, good.
Yes. The research is it's been a long I mean, we're talking centuries old conspiracy about where eels come from. No one has a clue.
Like their mothers.
Yeah, they don't know about moms. They don't know about dads. And the problem is when they find these eels in the river systems, they have biopsied them. aristotle himself theorized that he has no clue, and they just spontaneously come out of mud. They've torn apart, and they find no genitalia. There is no reproductive system on eels. Even down to more modern times, we've only found handfuls of North American and European eels with eggs. There's no male genitalia. And the whole idea and life cycle of the eel have been a mystery for centuries. So here's what we know, gentlemen, and I need your help too.
So are they like the asexual bastards? Like freaking snails are snails.
Like, for instance, there are some snails that can be of both genders. So that's what we typically go for. The asexual nature, again, not a lot known. So we'll go to the drawing board here.
I dated the eel one time.
Did you? Anyway. No, I did, anyway.
I don't want to hear no, the.
Audience needs to hear.
I dated the eel one time.
All right.
You don't even need to bring your own lube. They supply it.
Excellent.
There it is.
Sounds good. So specifically, North American and European eels, they're very similar, right? We know that they migrate upstream, and when they get bigger, they go downstream out back to the ocean. They're able to handle both fresh and salt waters, just have no clue how they reproduce, where they reproduce. So let's go to the chart again. aristotle believed that a spontaneous generation that simply they just rub themselves in mud and they just spontaneously come out of mud. That's how the idea they reproduced.
Eggs are in their skin or something, and then the mud is like the baby gravy that just pops up like.
There'S some sort of spore off of their bot. Their slime coat mixes with mud, and then they spontaneously appear. That was his thought. Okay, right. Other theories down the centuries have been they go to a place, they die, and their decomposing matter falls off in chunks, much like starfish. People always thought old sailors and wooden ships thought that starfish were a nuisance getting in their net, so they chop them up. So they kill them throwing overboard. Well, every piece would turn into a new starfish. Stupid ass people, right, made it the problem even worse. So they thought that, hey, maybe eels cut a chunk off Neil, throw it back in. Maybe that spontaneously turns into another eel. People had literally no idea. So let's go to the chart on what we've learned up to this point. So in front of us, we have a picture of the researched morphs, kind of like a caterpillar to a cocoon to a butterfly, the morphs of an eel. So originally they just thought that there was two stages. They go from small eel that was hatched from somewhere. They have no idea where it came from. Somewhere called an elver. Right, a baby eel. And then it goes into a couple of different what they thought originally were species of eels. So they have the yellow eel and they have a silver eel, which, let me tell you, not only size differences, color differences, fin adaptations, you would swear to different species, following them and tracking them show that that's just another stage. So they go from elvers the small eels to yellow eel, adolescence to adult eels, silver eels. That's what they've mapped for years. Now, as far back as they can find documentation, no one really knew what was going on, but they found what they call glass eels. They're these tiny, inch to two inch like ink pen, about the size of the ink inside a pen. That straw. And they're tiny. ittybitty glass eels going up North American streams from the ocean. So, like, hey, we see them go out when they're big, we see tiny just fry. Basically called glass eels. Come in when they're small. No clue what's going on. So going down, I think it was a gentleman in the 18 hundreds, he was doing ocean research, had nothing to do with the eels, and he was keeping himself petri dishes. He goes out, collects all these different types of species. Now, I'm not going to pronounce this word here, I'm going to see if I can play a Google Eyes word, just so I can get that pronounced. It is called laptophilise.
Laptophylace.
Laptophilisphilus. I can't make this shit up.
What laptophilip?
Can't you get a shot for that?
Leptophallus, leptophilius.
Leptophallus. It's really difficult.
This brought to you by laptophilius.
That was perfect timing. I tried to tie it brought to.
You by whatever phall it's called laptophilis.
Laptophilis.
Right. So that's a mouthful. Thank you, people. But it's a tiny little jimmy. It's a tiny little larvae style creature, right, that they commonly find all over the ocean in different size variations. So he got these and they essentially look like a flat piece of ribbon or tape. I mean, they don't even look like an eel at all. In no way. They resemble an eel. So they get these little, for lack of a better word, ocean bugs. And he had them in containers that he was watching, doing other research for other things he was scooping. But they happen to be in there. And then as he's watching them feed, eat and grow, he watches his samples morph into glass eels, accidentally discovering the next stage of the missing links for the eels.
Interesting.
So, moving on, in the future, scientists are looking for these laptops. If you lose looking for these bugs, right? And they started looking all over the Atlantic Ocean, and they find them in different sizes, so they know that it's a part of the eels morph cycle, right? So the idea is, if you find them smaller, you're closer to where they come from. And as they travel across the ocean, getting to the rivers, you will find them bigger. Right? That's the logical cycle of things, right? So they kept sampling these from different inch sizes. And over the years of doing this research, they finally pinpointed the smallest known samples right in the epicenter of the Bermuda Triangle in the Cirgasso Sea.
Gold figure.
Now, for those of you that don't know about the Cirgasso Sea, if you ever see those videos talking about how much trash we throw in the ocean and that we're killing the planet, it's basically a bunch of filmmakers going to the center of the Cirgasso Sea. Because if you take the Atlantic Ocean.
Is that next to your enos?
I'm saying it's of the ocean.
That's right.
If you take the Atlantic Sea and watch the currents that go through the sea, there's a giant it's like a toilet flushing. There's a giant swirl going right in the center of the sargasso Sea into.
A black hole, right?
So the trash all accumulates mainly in one place and goes to outer space. It can't float off the flow, keeps it right in the center of the sargasso Sea. So there's projects that's trying to clean up the ocean. But let me tell you, there's not a lot of dollars going to clean up the ocean. So we're talking about in the epicenter of the bureaucratic Triangle, the garbage pit of the world seas, right. And in the center of that, somewhere in this mayhem, you'll find what was this mysterious Holy grail of how eels come?
To be sure, it's just not like a big greasy condom, many of them.
So, again, conspiracy theorists believe that plastics, seeds are embedded inside our plastics, and as the plastics degrade in the sea, eels suddenly appear. But of course, that doesn't hold up because eels have been around for centuries.
A lot longer than plastic, a lot.
Longer than we've been doing modern plastic. So then, not a lot of thought processes going into those weirdos. But still, no one has yet to find a single area where they spawn. It's very rare to find any adults even close to the sargasso Sea. They have found them in the ocean, but not anywhere near where the most dense, smallest laptophylus are. Keep that shit tab.
It's a process just to get back.
Yeah, I'm going to keep that shit. tad.
R. Is that theory kind of like around where flies? Because if you just leave something somewhere, obviously you open the door a few times, but I swear to God, you leave something somewhere for a day or so, flies just randomly kind of like.
Coconuts grow out of it?
No, we're not talking about coconuts.
Coconuts.
Maybe that's a theory. Maybe someone Jesus in some coconuts.
That's probably just like the whole fly, I think, because I swear to God, flies just come out of nowhere.
Maybe they're from uranus.
Trying to push this uranus thing, aren't you?
What kind of eel hits your eye like a big pizza pie? That's a mori. Mori eel. Get it?
No.
God damn it. You got me. You got me.
What kind of eagle hits your eye like a big pizza pie? That's the motorie. You should have Gay Peter sing that. Yeah, why not?
What?
That's a beautiful song.
What is?
What kind of eel hits your eye? It's like a big pizza pie that's.
A mori trent would do it better, but we'll save that for another one.
It's a moray eel.
They'll have to see that on your future patreon page. Oh, what?
God.
What?
To sing that song.
Sing what song? Exactly. F bombs going like crazy.
So the Bermuda Triangle has always been centered in a million conspiracy theories. compasses don't work in certain spots. They even as of recent, like modern day, they've seen things that they've never documented correctly. In the Bermuda Triangle, for instance, there's all types of manta rays and kites, skates and different rays that conglomerate in the Bermuda Triangle in thousands of numbers and never seen it before. They found these giant migratory paths of different crab species in just walls. Suddenly that's never been documented. And this is stuff that's happened within the last few years. The Bermuda Triangle is just surrounded in modern mystery. There's storms that brew generally. Every one of our hurricanes begin somewhere in the center of the boomerang triangle spin up and then shit on our New Orleans like every well, that's their.
Fault for being like what some under.
The freaking sea level people didn't think like, could we get washed up making a city here? No, it's just a port. Terrifying hood at nation doesn't stay dry often.
Explain to me why you would want to stay at a place where you I mean, yeah, hurricanes happen once every so often, but you're going to build a house once every five years.
Going in Florida, seeing some of these special contractors do these cement houses and whatnot. It's pretty aggressive if you could do it right, I'd be fine.
There's a whole sort of flip my house or something like that.
Yeah, you take a trailer house and then basically just cement it to the.
World that's some bitch down tornadoes hate trailer houses.
Yes, it's a proven fact.
I've seen T shirts.
Excuse me. They don't hate. Tornadoes are horny for trailer house.
That's what it is right there.
Right?
Trailer houses make tornadoes horny.
But yeah, I mean, chick a boring boy. Magnetic north.
Sorry, that was loud. Holy when an eagle bites your thigh, you're just swimming by. That's the more what? I don't know.
Yeah, I know you don't know.
Please tell me you're googling these as we're sitting here. He's obviously fantastic.
That's why he brought his computer.
You save all of them when you're.
Down by the sea and an eagle bites to your knee. That's the motor. What?
Anyway, these are sponsored by dad jokes.com. Long name, amazing results, but yeah, again, Magnetic North has been talked about how randomly doesn't work in the bermuda triangular intermediately.
That's a whole nother podcast, right? I watched a thing on Nationally Geographic just recently, who, by the way, they don't sponsor us.
They should. I think a lot of people should.
Sponsor yeah, you know what?
You don't even have to sponsor us to send us big checks with ten figures.
But anyway all zeros.
Yeah, that's zero, zero, zero. But anyway, in the what did you just call it? The Bermuda Triangle. There are so many different currents coming into that. Like Robbie said, it's a big toilet.
Just swirling around it is, honestly, the giant, epicenter toilet. Is that where it drains into the Earth?
Yeah, probably into a black hole out in Daughter space.
Honestly, is this like a shoot where.
All the stuff we do goes to a black hole, which fires it into space?
But that means it makes total sense. You got all these different currents in there, and that's what a lot of this crap happens out the Bermuda.
So is that why we can't see inside black holes, because it just goes back into the Earth one big loop?
Absolutely.
Yeah, that's fair. Okay.
But yeah, there's all different types of stuff saying how eel numbers are down because our waste is all essentially swirling this toilet bowl called the sargasso Sea and killing eels and different species, but still, no one knows how they reproduce. The slimy, sex creature that represents a penis, it's bothered society.
It feels like it could be just like a snake would just wrap around each other 25, 25,000 times until someone pops.
Can you imagine the slime balls I choose?
Not?
How would you know when the eagle came? Let's have this conversation.
The European eels have a ribbon, according to our episode two or three or whatever.
Episode three, four.
All right, we won't talk about it.
Remember, we do have a question from one of my friends. They said, which eels have the worst teeth? And clearly the European ones.
Wow.
That was a good one. Sure.
High five. Out of my face.
So I'm going to pick on a TikTok. This TikTok actually went absolutely viral for.
I love those tic tacs.
Tic tacs.
The little orange ones are my favorite.
Let's breathe friendly together.
Yes.
Here we go.
That's psychobid friendly.
Threes that have tortured scientists. Of all of the mysteries that have tortured scientists for centuries, the one that is by far the most bizarre to me is that to this day, we still don't know where eels come from, or more accurately, how eels make. There be more eels. You heard me correctly. We have been to the moon, and yet we still do not know how eels sexually reproduce. And even weirder than that, what little we know about the reproductive cycle involves the Bermuda Triangle, and I couldn't even make that up. Okay, so freshwater eels or angula? Angula are really weird creatures. First of all, if you dissect one and you look inside, you will not find sexual organs. There are not eggs. There is not sperm or testicles. There are no sexual reproductive organs that have ever been observed inside of an eel while it's being dissected. Secondly, if you take eels and you put them together, even if you put on marvin Gay, they will not have sex with each other. We have never observed eels mating in captivity.
That's wild.
What we do know, and this is where it gets really weird, is that old eels will go from freshwater rivers out into the saltwater ocean, which we'll talk about how crazy that is in a second. Then they will go to the Bermuda Triangle, and then new eels will come back. I swear to God, I'm not making that up. You can Google this. This is the mystery, by the way, that has plagued humans for a very, very long time. aristotle, like the famous philosopher, thought that eels spontaneously emerged from mud out of some magical force or something. Also, the transition that an eel undergoes between its earliest stage that we know about the larva stage and the full grown adult stage involves so many different metamorphical changes to its body, including its shape and its color and its physical abilities that for a very long time, people on Earth, like European naturalists, thought that the different stages of eel development were completely different animals. And they didn't put that together for a really long time. Now, of course, we know they're all stages of development of the same angula angula freshwater eel, but still super weird. Also, let's just take a second to talk about how weird it is that eels can go from freshwater to saltwater and back. Basically, no other sea bearing animal can do that. If you take a normal freshwater fish and throw it in the ocean, it is definitely going to die. This this tortures me. I lie awake at night thinking about this. I wake up in the morning. First thing I think about before I even open my eyes, where the fuck the eels come from. Okay, so now you have to live with this information too. Thank you.
Bye bye. Have you guys speaking of that, have you guys seen that? I saw a video or TikTok or whatever it was. This people like, we're going to go save fish. So they go out, go like a walmart or something, buy a bunch of goldfish, and then go toss them in the ocean.
Oh, yeah. Stupid shit I've ever seen in my life.
Oh, my God.
We just did a bunch of fish. Yeah, it just doesn't make any sense. So let's review, right, the things that we haven't mentioned for absolutely weird shit, because this whole story is like, honestly sci-fi at this point. We're talking about a European eel traveling, what, a third away across the world? It's going from the Bermuda Triangle, swimming across the entire Atlantic Ocean, making it to Europe, going not. Just upstream, but all the way. We're talking across Europe, some places. Even dipping into Russia just blows my mind. That, by far, is one of the longest migratory cycles of any creature on the planet. There's only, like, a couple of birds that get close. Maybe whales. Thinking whales. Yeah, whales can go from, like, one to another. But we're talking some of the biggest creatures besides jimmy's Dick. No.
Biggest creatures.
Yeah, biggest creatures. He got an enlargement surgery.
That's right.
Both inches. Both inches. So, yeah, that migration path for tiny larvae, creatures turning into eels and then going into what can only be described as completely separate species of eels, but finding out that they're same. So what, do they just grow 13 penises like it's another morph stage? They just suddenly become a tentacle monster when they arrive at the bermuda Triangle? Don't know. But again, people have come with this whole thing, and mysteries take money, and they only put in money to what they think they're going to get something back out of or some conglomerate risk. The reason we went to the moon, gentleman, which maybe we didn't, that's a theory is because we were afraid the communists were going to get there first, make a base, and then put pressure and control across the world of communism. Right. There was a motivation to take our dollars and do the research and get up to the moon. People are like, oh, eels are gross people. When they catch them, they don't want them. Well, I'm here to tell you differently. In Japan and other Asian countries, the eel is treated much like the American hotdog. They're literally a mad delicacy. Everybody eats them as a staple, and they particularly peak to outrageous numbers in summertime when they have things like eel dogs.
Are we talking like the whole 4 July hot dog eating contest where they slurp down eels?
Yes. Oh, my God. There's videos of, like, children being, like, ooh, eel dogs. It's sold in hot dog carts for some of the lower class citizens. But because it's become so expensive and there's such a history of how they eat eels, that these chefs take 30 plus years to master their craft on how they cook eels. I should you not, because some of.
The eels have poison in them.
You can have wagu beef.
Yes.
You have to be a michelin star restaurant to probably cook that. But shit, eels, they take 30 plus years, some people say your entire life to master on how to cook them.
Did you see the guy on TikTok that went and had a wagyu beef at this place, and it was, like, 1299, and he said, there's no way it's wago beef. And the guy assured him it was wago beef, and so he ordered the 16 ounce or whatever it was. It was 1299 ounce.
Oh, my God. Holy shit.
Whenever it was, it was about $200 for the steak.
Jesus. Holy shit.
Okay, so to wrap your head around this, the demand, because in America, we just slaughter more cows. We have farms, we know how cows breed. We artificially inseminate cows, and we have factory out cows so we can have pigs in the same way we can have hot dogs for 4 July. We can have our accommodations for our selected favorite foods. In the Asian country, specifically Japan, they have eaten so many eels that there isn't native species. There's low numbers of native species to capture, and there's still no Wayne in popularity of eels. So to accommodate this for a fish that they do not know how procreates, they instead reach out to other countries. Because, again, there's nobody farming out eels since they go out to other countries and pay absorbent amounts of money for glass eels as they come into the headwaters of rivers just to eat them. Much more complicated process than just eating glass eels.
It's like spaghetti.
So, for instance, there's only a few places in North America that you can do this because it's illegal to take that population.
Illegal?
Illegal.
I don't get it.
Illegal.
Illegal joke. It's a gay Peter joke.
Come in eel joke, bulls joke.
So anyway, there's a couple of places, like in Maine whatnot, different rivers and people that got grandfathered in, maybe their let's pick an excuse because I don't know off the top of my head, some of these I'm only doing some research on this. Let's pretend, like in Minnesota, for instance, we're not allowed to collect wild rice, but the Native Americans are allowed to collect wild rice. We're not allowed to put up casinos, but the Native Americans are allowed to put up casinos, aren't they, Jimmy?
Same specifically poking out you.
That's because I drive, Jimmy.
I deliver up there.
You deliver to the nations. He delivers bread specifically, not just strippers. So people that have grandfathered rights or Native American rights or maybe they talk to their local dnr into it to have a small season on these things, collect glass eels. And as of I'm looking up some more modern dates, one kilo of glass eels. Just a kilo with a little water in it. So it might not be 100% glass eels in there. Now, mind you, extremely slimy, which adds a lot of weight. One kilo of glass eels is about $35 to $40,000.
I'd rather snort cocaine.
For glass eels.
No, it's like an American dollars.
Yes, that's American dollars. $35 to $40,000 for glass heels.
Why aren't you raising these things in your basement?
Well, I mean, if you look at ivory prices for rhinos, I mean, they're getting a ridiculous amount for one horn. There is no reason for new rhino.
I'm pretty sure you should raise rhinos instead.
Rhinos. Some of the rhinos are gone now just because of that, right? Eels are soon to follow, and we don't even know how they screw and make more eels. We are ravishing rivers across the United States, across other countries and systems for just enormous amounts of money to have people to have, essentially, Asian hot dogs. So they take these glassfields, like you were saying, trench. Wow. Asian hot dogs.
So you've pissed off the American natives so far, right. And now the asians I've also pissed.
Off constitutional pissed off the Italian patriots from peanut butter episode. Yeah. African Americans, because the peanut butter episode and Italians. Gay italians specifically.
Just gay Italians.
Yes.
And you're giving me shit about dad jokes.
100%.
Wow.
Okay. In this sense, looking at your image here, right, the whole lifespan of an eel going from different colors and whatever, the ones that I have in my tank at my house, the fire eels, where does that land?
Yours is not the traditional freshwater eel. It's a different species of eel. And that doesn't leave the water system. But there's still a bunch of mysteries on electric eels. You have what they call fire eels in the aquatic trade. We know how they breed. Those can be farmed. It's harder, but it can be done.
So you're saying we could breed these, sell them to the Chinese ton of money.
Oh, no. So yours can't be filet nicely, and they grow slow. These grow wicked fast. And, oh, fun facts about these mysterious alien fucking creatures. They are 100% omnivores. They will eat shit off the bottom of rivers. You give them anything with anything at all, and they'll eat it. Plant life, rotting material, fresh meat.
No, I don't.
They particularly like decaying things. If you see well, Jimmy is decaying.
Just stop. Take the loss.
He just gritted the hell on that one.
You can see the mouth open up.
But you don't want to.
There you go. We got it out. All right, so I've had questions. Why don't you grab them at the larvae stage? Well, they're scattered across the ocean.
Where is the larvae stage?
Right. They can't get large numbers of them, but when they're glass heels, they can essentially close off a river mouth and net them up.
The glass heels grow like crazy.
I mean, they all grow fast. The whole creature does.
Jimmy and I just came back from the state fair.
Yes, we did.
We weren't together.
No, but do they jesus footlong corn dogs out there?
I don't know. I was pretty drunk when I was there.
They deep fry everything. They deep fry the eels, and they have a barbecue thing. They take the eel, they slice it up, and they have four skewers. So you have four pieces of eel on these four skewers, and again, it's like, parallel to each other. And then they have to flip them, touch them a lot. Apparently, eels are very finicky meat, so it's very hard to cook properly, which is why it takes a lifetime to figure out how to cook these things.
That's why at the Minnesota State Fair, they have eel on a stick.
On a stick?
On a stick.
So they take these glass eels. You're asking if they just eat those directly? No, they're way too valuable at the glass stage. And what they do is they take these eels again, one kilo. Remind you again, one kilo. 35,000, $40,000 on up. They take these to farms in Asian countries, and they grow them out. And again, eels are supposed to be hardy, but when you have them in enclosed areas by the thousands and you're farming them out jimmy and I both know being on the aquarium guys podcast not sponsored. Not sponsored. We've seen farmers, they get one disease, and it wipes out the whole crop. When you're talking about one, the farmer.
Gets syphilis and their whole crop goes out.
Yeah. Gone to Rio. They get one disease.
One more, Jimmy. One more purpose, one more something else.
What was that word earlier?
Oh, yeah, I got you. Hold on.
What's that word? Laptop. You loose that, I bet your wiener falls off. I bet your wiener just snaps off in your hand when you pee him. You hear chink and you go, he's.
Glad I got screwed back on.
That ain't working. Thank God for gorilla glue, right? Yeah.
Talking to these farmers.
You've not talked to any farmers?
No. There's message boards people have done documentaries on there about the mystery of eels.
How do eels reproduce?
They have to deal with a lot of seizures issues, and they have to be fed so often because their growth rate is so abnormally fast compared to other creatures that they have to be fed, like, five, six times a day in mass.
So did your mom help them up with this after she raised you?
I'm not going to touch that one.
Do it.
No.
Touch it.
No, I refuse to touch that. No.
At least my mom doesn't have laptophylus anymore.
That's one more. That's right.
Anymore.
Got that shot. Clear it right up.
Got rid of that after you moved out.
So the fun thing, you watch some of these documentaries, you can Google this, right? Eel farming, they make this it's like a fish paste. They mix it with meal and all kinds of stuff, and it's like nutella. You know that snot you get as a kid in those little containers? It's like that gooey, sticky, weird snot that you played with.
Slime.
Yeah, it's like that. Which is slightly more consistent.
Sponsored to you by nickelodeon and Giant.
Sponsored they put these giant bales of this, like, marshmallowy goo shit and just watch thousands of eels grab a bite, spin, and they just consume these giant, goo piles. So do you think it would be.
Sexy if you just lowered your body down into these eels and they just suckled off your nipples and chewed on your buttocks and just you float around your big toe?
I love your entrepreneurial spirit, Jimmy.
Think about it. We don't need no hookers. There's no horse.
What are those? Fish that does the pedicure or whatever. Just dip your body and it gets rid of all the shit off your stomach.
Pedicure fish.
Pedicure fish. I think it's called liposuction for you.
Liposuction.
Gora roofer. For those that are signs.
Gorada roofa.
Roofer.
Colorado roof. Hey, say that in an Italian.
I refuse.
We are limiting your booze before the podcast, gentlemen. At least when I come out of.
The call did you say gentlemen?
You're right.
What did I do?
How dare I? What did I do? I didn't do shit. It gave me you know what?
I'm going to go to your bathroom and I'm going to come out after I have a ribbon.
After you've. A ribbon.
I'm leaving it right on your kitchen sink.
Ribbon.
All right, so the moral of the story is, be that to the eels, motherfucker. To get a dish of eels in Japan or Asian countries it's not out of the question or not uncommon for $100, $100 bill. Boom. There's your meal of eels.
Can I help you? I'd like a bowl of eels, please. And can you supersize that? And Diet coke.
Right. The demand is insane. The process is insane. And that proves that there's enough dollars behind this that the entire industry is something as popular as we call hot dogs. There's enough millions of dollars, potentially billions of dollars, or trillion, market trillions, that you figure someone would put mass amounts of research to find. Like, let's put on a million dollar reward to find where these creatures spawn so we can figure out how to reproduce it or how to preserve the species. So we can still have eel dogs.
Artificial inseminate it, right?
I've been reading a couple of things on here and they think they don't know. They think that maybe that the females just release their eggs and the males release their spermazoa. Just loosen the water.
But there's no genitalia.
I don't know.
There's no balazoas.
Maybe it comes out of their bodily zoas.
Maybe it comes out maybe it comes.
Out of their analysis as, I don't.
Know anal source is what?
I don't know.
What did you just say?
Could have come out your anal soris.
Anal soris.
The anal. soris rex.
I mean, it's kind of like having sex on the bus. It's just all over.
I'm just saying, as long as they.
Don'T get on, the city must be nice.
So that's the crazy thing that I bring to you knowledgeable people, is where would our deep fires go with this? What do you think is happening?
I am so mesmerized by this whole nonsense of eels.
Meteors that we see falling out of the sky. You know, the ufos that go shooting into the sea. You're just releasing more eels?
Yes.
Possible.
It could be eels just releasing yes.
That's the aliens. We're harboring aliens in our city.
Well, think about it.
Release them.
They went up to the like we talked about. They went in the black hole, and we shot all the garbage in outer space. Eels in the garbage in outer space, and then the eels come back in the ufos, full loop solved.
But that would be cool.
That would require Eels to have some kind of an intelligence beyond well, I mean, it's not hard for things to have intelligence beyond our intelligence, but we have to have a lot of intelligence to build the ships. Unless something else collecting the eels and sending them back into our atmosphere to shoot them into the sea.
I think the eels are so smart to have sex without genitalia, they probably can figure out how to run a ufo. You know what I'm saying?
You have a lever and just fire.
All right, so some of the more hilarious deep fried conspiracies is that David attenborough has been reincarnated multiple times throughout the centuries and that he himself takes annual trips to the bermuda Triangle and has some sort of seance with the eels, and that's what's produced in all these years. I think that more people just don't want to lose his documentaries at this point. But good deep fry.
I feel like you would be that kind of person where they'll carry a cowardly dog episode, where they go down to freaking Australia and door into a reverse tornado just so she goes back in time.
Jimmy, what do you have for conspiracies about Eels? How do you think they come about? We know where what are they doing? Is it just coming out of the center of the universe? What's that old movie? Journey to the center of the universe. Center of the Earth, yeah, they just put it there. That wasn't very nice.
It's what he just did.
They put it there.
So journey center of the Earth. Was that the one Rock was in?
No, I'm talking the old one or the old one? This was one that was black and white, and I think they colored. Later. You've never seen the movie?
No, I've not. Oh, don't make me watch it.
He's too late. He's going to play it.
Hold on.
The second you say no, robbie's like, okay, I got to find it. Don't stop believing the first thing that comes up when you put in Journey.
I got to see if there's 1959 trailer. Oh, my gosh, there is. It's old enough where? We're not going to get copy written, boys, it's 1959.
Yeah, suck it. We're going to play it from the world's most four months. Creator of amazing adventures, jules verne.
Who gave you Jules verne 2012?
Weeks out of the scene.
Isn't that the guy who wrote the book?
Yep.
Oh.
He also wrote around the World in 80 Days.
I'm loving this as his Tech that technicolor movie, by the way. Pretty, pretty happy with it. So now it is this one. Jimmy, don't worry. We'll we'll get here it is no.
Human being had ever set foot alone, went into the interior of the Earth.
That doctor.
Ladies and gentlemen, this is James Mason. Come along with Pat boone. Pat boone, arlene dole, diane Baker and gertrude the Duck.
Gertrude. The duck.
Sounds and wonders no living man has ever witnessed before. Filmed in the incomparable magic of cinemascope. We'll take our leave of civilization on the bleak, barren wastes of iceland. Peer in awe at the bottomless crater of an uncharted volcano. Make the perilous descent into the unknown. You'll pioneer with us through countless miles of trackless labyrinths. Discover huge subterranean caverns never beheld by human eye, become lost in the weird underground maze. You'll find yourself engulfed in grotesque petrified jungles. Marvel at the fantastically beautiful quartz grotto tumble into cascading saltbed, escape from hissing steam caves. behold the staggering underground ocean you'll encounter, breathing dangerous shall belief here at the center of the Earth. Stop. They are warning you'll. Never find your companions or your way out. You need me as much as I need you. Stop and come back.
If that's just guns echoing through the maze of the Earth, mushroom cheap trees, a crater full of snake. Snake eels. Is that what that said? Snake eels? It was. Hey, I don't know.
They talked about an underground ocean.
Oh, yeah. This. The eruption of a live volcano underground. The lost city of atlantis. Oh, yeah. So you're going to have to watch that movie. But the idea is there's a whole new world underneath the world, right? And eels are there. That's where they reproduce from.
They just said underground ocean.
Why didn't you just start with that? We could just avoid it. This whole 50 minutes thing.
Yeah, they come from underground ocean. All right.
Check the box. Have a good day. 1959 movie. Got to check it out.
What's it called?
Return to the center of the earth.
Wow. That was deep.
Really?
At the center of the Earth.
I got to look it up now.
All right. Anything else you want to talk about?
I have no idea. If you look at, like, we're in Minnesota, we have the common loon. loon is protected in Minnesota. It's a state bird. It's beautiful. When it gets here, it is black with white speckles across it, blaring red eyes, a bandit on its neck. It's a beautiful creature in Minnesota, jimmy's wife. But as soon as it migrates, right, it turns into this gray, ugly looking duck species that people actually shoot and think of pests because it takes their fish out of their pond.
I'm not going to say it. No, not going to say it.
My wife has never stolen anything out of your pond, if you know what I mean.
All right, well, ladies and gentlemen, we tried. We want to hear your deep fries on this. It is a mystery that there's millions of dollars that could be pushed into it. People are devouring eels into the countries as popular food item. It costs absorbing amounts of money just to get tiny, fine glass eels. There's no reason why we can't figure this out.
But do you hit us up with what you think is what it could be, how they could reproduce, where they come from, we don't know.
Food companies in Asia should be putting out bounties and rewards to figure this out. But here at Katie frack Conspiracies, we like to pitch in. If you can give us video footage of eel spawning, we'll give you $10. If it can be proven real eels.
Don'T send us some spanker vision stuff.
Spanker vision?
You don't want that.
$10. $10.
So Journey to the center of the Earth was in 1954. They did a remake with our national treasure, Brandon Fraser.
There you go.
All right.
If you want to watch that anyway.
That'S probably more exciting.
Thank you so much for listening to Deep pry conspiracies. We'll be back again as always. Good night and big balls.
Big balls? Is that what this came to? Good night and big ball.
I love you a long time.
Good night. bye bye.
Bye.
Bye bye.
And that's the bottom line.
Just don't go sit so.