Hello, and welcome to our week variat and exploration and education in anime. I'm your anime idiot, patrick dugan.
I'm an anime expert, dana hollander.
And I'm brenda mccullough, your anime referee for tonight's Boob FC match. You'll get that joke?
We're restarting this because I cannot allow you to have that be an introduction to this show. So I put my name on this.
I got some bad news for you, dugan. I got five more.
No, he came prepared.
This is my episode, and I am so happy about it. I have had the biggest shit any shit eating grin on my face since we had to watch it. And I'm so excited for you guys to watch it. It's so good. It's just so choice.
Yeah. So we're being held hostage, and Brendan, do you want to tell us what your fourth feeding is this week? Kjo.
And it's got, like, six exclamation points behind it, so you got to say.
I think it's got more than six.
It's got a lot.
Yeah, I counted it. Seven.
Okay.
Wow. They're very excited about whatever this cajo thing is.
It's it might be our first sports anime.
Uri on ice, bitch.
Oh, shit. You're right.
All right, fair enough.
You were ready.
I never forget.
Not in my house.
Hashtag never forget.
Never forget. Hot springs. Yeah. So Kjo is wonderful and got a decent amount of attention, and I believe it's only one season of the show, but I think the manga is still going, and I don't know.
There are only twelve episodes.
Yeah. I don't want to say too much before we watch it, but anyone who knows what it is, you know what it is.
So a cursory Google doesn't leave much to the imagination.
Well, you can spoil it. Sure.
I recognized the name and I was like, what is this again? And I was like, it's that show.
Well, if you guys already know what it is, we'll just tell the listeners. It's one of our early sports anime, and also it's our big budget titty anime, which apparently they explained it in every episode at the beginning. But cajo is the hot news sport. It's basically a dead or a live extreme beach volleyball. The anime. It's the sport where women stand on a floating platform in a pool and try to knock each other off of it, like sumo style, but only using their boobs or their butt.
I hate it.
Yeah, I figured that would happen.
You know me as a person. What in what did I do?
You know me as a give you.
The impression that this is something I would enjoy.
You know me as a pervert. What did you think I wouldn't have brought this eventually so soon?
The show is still an infant and you're corrupting it.
No, we hit the 20 episode mark. It's an adult now. And we watched scum's Wish, which is a sex anime. So I figured that that broke the barrel.
Good sex anime.
Yeah. And now here's how fast.
You got to just immediately dunk us back down into the depth of anime.
Hell, bring it back down to my level. I've already discussed this. I agree on shows I feel like you deserve to watch. I'm not saying they're good. I'm just saying for the full anime experience, here it is.
All right.
Shall we?
No catchy transition. We're just slinking away.
We're watching the first three episodes.
Let's go get ready for some Mmbay, some mixed martial ass stop. Some pretzeling stop. It. Brazilian chew tizzu.
Well, what can I say? I honestly need you to inform me. What can I say, Brendan?
I need help grace the blessings of an angel.
You cannot say the word art for the rest of this episode only Roger eber. We cannot bring the concept of art down to this.
Picasso saw this anime. No.
He wrote no.
He went no at the beauty that is Kjo.
There once was a little boy that watched Kjo, and he was so inspired to become an artist, and that artist was rembrandt.
Oh, my God, I love anyway, that was bad.
Wow.
Wow. He didn't even get to the lipsticks yet.
Okay, I will give brendan, this is not as bad as I thought it would be.
The mccullough family motto is, it could always be a lot worse.
Well, shall we less?
Yeah.
Okay. So we open up in a sports arena where we get introduced to the sport of K joe, which is the aforementioned boob and butt destabilization game.
The opening line is, the battle between boobs and butt continues. And I was like, goddamn. But that doesn't just sum up the whole show right away.
I immediately paused and had to send Brendan an angry message on that first line.
Oh, my God. I got a big grin on my face like the cheshire cat. I'm so happy right now.
So we are introduced to our main character, who is in this arena watching the sport. And this is kaminashi nizomi.
Sure.
And yeah, nizomi will call her.
Yeah.
But we're introduced to her because she wants to be the next big celebrity Kjo athlete.
Yeah, she wants that money, honey.
She wants to get rich.
The very distressing line of, as soon as I graduate high school, I want to get into this, I'm like, oh, no, please.
Once again, it could be worse. She could still be in high school during this whole series.
So fair. I'm sure that works.
I think it's funny that they made a point to be like, I'm 18, and as soon as I graduate high school, I want to do the boobs and butt thing.
We need to establish right at the top that everything is legal here.
I'm an adult, and I'm choosing to do this.
Tune in for season two of Kjo when we introduce Kjo Jr. No, this bit ends.
Here we go down we are then brought to the opening, which is just.
It'S a lot soft core.
This is my note for the opening. So this was just made to do gratuitous tits and ass shots?
That's the theory.
Yeah, that's the whole thing.
That's what I'm saying. Yeah, it's fan service turned into a shonen Sports anime. So it's like the Prince of tennis, but with more tna.
Also, the song actually reminds me of a song that I really liked in middle school. So I was kind of rocking out to the song, but also hating my life.
And it also kind of taints that memory.
Yeah, a little bit.
No, it's just boosting butts. No taints in this show.
I will give this show one thing. They do know exactly what they are. So in this opening, we get someone do like a hip check and then an animated dragon comes out of her ass and it's like, okay, you know what's going on here? You aren't trying to make fine art.
Yeah, it's jokey enough, but at the same time still upsetting.
Yeah, there's something about shows and just series that just know what they are and lean full force into it, like jojo and stuff. I respect that at just a base level, whether it's good or not debatable. But I respect what they did.
Yeah. You got to commit even if you shouldn't.
Even if you should be committed.
Ha ha.
It's not going to get better.
Too many puns this time.
This is my episode. This is my playground. This is my time to shine.
So moving on, they open up on the kaijo Academy that nizomi got into with her good friend Miata, who we learn is a judo champion who made a career change to become a Kjo athlete. I don't know. What fighter? Peter I don't know. Competitor, athlete?
What?
Something I like Fighter. Yeah, let's go fighter. Because ass fighting is objectively hilarious.
But the Triple B, as we said before, boobs and butt battle.
There we go.
So there are lots of paparazzi surrounding this. Basically butt battle college. Because these are all the rookies, these are all the minor league people who are going to be the champions of the future. So they're trying to get everyone on camera.
And make no doubt about it, kjo is the single biggest sport in this world. It is massive. So anyone who's even associated with any regard is already, like, warranting attention.
Yeah, it's like soccer for pervert. Or as I call it, soccer. So we get introduced to a bunch of different girls who are around, or we have the elite class that are going in. These are like the best of the best of the amateurs that are starting out at the academy. And nizomi is sort of brushed off as like a nobody, an underdog.
Yeah.
So we get introduced to a bunch of characters that don't really factor in now. So I'll skip over that. And Miata and nizomi go and check out the pool while everyone's going to their dorms, they're itching to see the battleground, and while they're there, they reflect on their training. And we get a flashback to six months ago for the final test before their academy assignments.
Oh, no. I wonder if they get in.
Oh, gee, I'm so nervous.
So much tension.
This pool did really make me want to go swimming.
Yeah, they do have some sick pools, just like two Olympic size pools put together with, for this challenge, a bunch of different floating platforms and bridges going in between. Basically setting up an all out free for all battle between all the competitors because their final score in this fight factors into if they get put in the elite class or not.
Yeah.
So we have a big but fight. Normally, we have some play by plays of how the fights go of he jumps up and knocks the sword out of her hand and they open up a wormhole to hell or whatever.
Right, right.
They just slap each other with butts.
It is a skill that takes a lot of practicing and honing of their abilities, and I would thank you to not dismiss it so easily anyway, but.
Yeah, I think yeah, the anatomy in this show gets a little weird sometimes.
You think?
Yeah, it really bothers me. There are certain angles where I'm just like, how's your waist?
It's like an owl's neck.
Yeah.
I mean, the opening had a girl with a giant ghost cerberus coming out of her ass. Things are going to get weird.
They already have.
I will say, these combat scenes, they were a lot of fun. Hey, I'll give it that.
There we go.
That's something I'll take because it's the full intensity. You have to like a regular life or death anime battle, but with oh, no, she's charging up to whip my jaw with her ass.
That's my nightmare.
Just the old ass jaw whip.
That's what some people love so much about sports. Anime is like, it's every single action in it is life and death, when in reality, it's just a sports game. And, you know, one episode takes the course of like, 15 seconds, but it gets dragged out. And everyone's like, so hyper exaggerated, focused, and just, like blowing up proportions, but so dramatic. And this one's about tits and ass. Yeah.
We get introduced in this battle. Nizomi's nemesis, basically a highly skilled she's the quickest ass in the west.
The east.
Forgive me.
Technically, that's a different character we meet later.
True.
So she is just like laser precision, knocking people in the jaw so they lose balance and fall easier. And they have this big old one on one duel, and she gets knocked out at the last second, which I have some qualms with because she is the second one. She was number two in this fight, and she still wasn't included in the elite class even though she was the second best in this final test.
I mean, maybe it's based on the skill they show and not necessarily the placement. Did they say it was specifically the placement?
Wait, they mentioned their overall score. There are other tests and trials that we have not seen up until this point, but they do mention that this is the final battle and that the points count to their placement in score overall.
Okay. Because wait, nizomi was, I believe, like, the fourth one left out of the twelve original fighters.
Oh, that's true. Is that this is just a group of twelve out of 40 dudes.
Oh, that's right.
It's just free for all of twelve fighters. And then I think there's like, four matches of those. And then yeah, nozomi was facing off against pinker girl with big sparkly eyes, so you know she's going to be a prominent character later. She actually ends up being ranked third in the entire class, so she's good. And nozomi is kind of out of nowhere rookie, so everyone was amazed she actually was able to hold her own in the fight at all, let alone to do as well as she did.
Got you. I forgot they broke it up into groups. I thought it was a battle royale fortnite. Everyone ass attack each other.
Yeah.
Now here we're talking about it like it's a legitimate sport.
It is.
You need to consider the league rankings and the different divisions and how the ass politics play into it. Excuse me. posterior politics.
There it is.
That's a good one. I also don't know if this was in reference to the purple hair girl. Her name is hanabi, but someone said something about a Butt Guillotine.
That was her signature move.
Yeah, that's her signature move, which is a choice name.
Yeah, there are a couple weapons special move names. There's, butt cannon. There's butt guillotine and bust to bust attack.
That one hurts. Like, the thought of it, I was just like, ow.
It's where nazomi put her chest to the other girl's chest so she didn't have as much mobility around her, so she could always keep an eye on her ass so she didn't get knocked out when she got hit in the jaw. And the way nizomi countered that is, when she saw the butt was coming up to knock her out in the jaw, she smashed her face into the other girl's ass to stop it.
I was like, Is she just eating her ass right now?
2019, get with it.
I said I didn't want to get too deep. anyways, moving on.
It's 2019. We all eat ass.
So we're back out of the flashback, and she's motivated more than ever to actually be a champion after that humiliating defeat. And Miata just wants a cute swimsuit and vague other reasons, quote unquote, that I assume will be uncovered later unless I didn't get to it.
I was happy enough with she just.
Wants to wear cute swimsuits, personalized swimsuits.
She was like, Why did you quit judo? You were so good. And she's just like, I just I like I like swimsuits.
I want my own designer.
I want my own cute swimsuit.
I want to look fresh as fuck.
So they fight with my tits and ass.
Moving on. So we watch them go back to the dorms and they find out that they are assigned to the cursed room, room 309, which is known as the empty room because it's where all the recruits who are likely to quit and drop out early are. So it's often left empty. And we go meet the other two rumi's. We are introduced to nan and I forget the pronunciation of the second one.
I just wrote aoba.
Aoba or Kazanne?
Yeah, I wrote Kazanine. I was like, kazan is definitely not.
It that 90s movie with shaq is the genie. kazane.
Oh, man.
But yeah, we get introduced to the two more roommates. And naan is kind of a country bumpkin, sort of. She gets excited talking about Kjo and her new roommates and her accent starts slipping out.
She is a very cute character, but in the English dub, her Southern accent is very bad.
It's just straight texan, but it's like, not good. No, it's just like as over the top. How do you all as?
You can get it's someone who saw Sandy Cheeks and was like, that's the only inspiration. So it's a bad sandy cheeks impression.
Something that kind of drove me nuts about nazomi is that she doesn't have any kind of accent, but on words ending in Ing, she would go, like, bring in, like, a card in at the end.
It was a choice. I don't know why it comes up throughout all three of these episodes, but they just really lean into accents sometimes.
Yeah, I like that it's in both because there's other shows we've seen where they point out Japanese accents and dialects, but we can't really tell because it's subbed. So it's like that's not noticeable for us. But doing what I usually did, I watched the dub, sub and dub, and I like that they kept like because the accents were probably prominent with some of these characters, they kept it in both the translations. So, yeah, if they're not the best, I can still respect that they chose to keep them in because they are somewhat plot relevant and character relevant.
Yeah, yeah. I do like it because it is nice to remember. Oh, there's not one universal, like, Japanese accent. And there are different distinctions that we don't pick up on because we don't know the city voice or the country voice because we just hear a different language sometimes.
It's like in old movies, they had like they would call it the mid Atlantic accent, which is just a generic American accent, which really didn't have any accent. So it could just be like, you could be Joe anywhere with this voice and not really distinguish yourself. So it adds a little flavor to this rich world that is very diverse and well developed.
Yeah. What a strange choice to go deep in on this very surface level animal. Anyway, so Alba is very quiet and is just reading a magazine about Kjo. And nizomi wants to be friendly and actually say hello and accidentally rips the magazine. And we get a bad first impression and she refuses to speak the wild anticipates. So yeah, we have our group of misfits.
Yeah.
And we get a little teaser of the next day where they're going to start training with their teacher known as the siren. And that's where we end.
We also get just a delicious dose of fat shaving.
Yeah.
Yum, yum, yum.
Anyway, at least the end credits, they have like a cute little narrative. It's fun.
Oh, yeah. They have to go find all the swimsuits that they accidentally let blow away in the wind.
It's fun.
Fun little jam.
Yeah. So in episode two, all of the episodes start out with the narrator, like, explaining what Kjo is. But I think this is the first one where he's like, forget race horses, bed on these girls. And I'm just like, oh, yeah.
He points out, like, it's a big gambling sport.
Yeah, but so that's just like the little intro. And then they are doing gym stuff. They're exercising and toning their booties.
Yeah. They have to do 100 meters buttwalk.
Yeah. And I don't think that's actually possible.
I hope not.
But hey, I don't think most of this show is actually possible.
Yeah, exactly. They're just like shimmying their butts across the grass.
You've never seen my ass then.
And I hope for the love of God, it stays that way.
Make sure you go by the website for this episode. there'll be a picture companion.
No.
Oh, God.
I am just dreading all the imagery. For all the promotion we have to.
Do, it's just going to be a.
Big censored bar and that's going to be our promotional image.
It's just going to be a peach.
Yeah. I'm just going to post just black.
Pictures on just black squares.
Instagram. Yeah. But Non and Alba are having trouble keeping up. Like they're consistently shown having trouble keeping up with the exercises. The gym teacher, they finish up their morning regimen and the gym teacher is like, not only are you graded based on your performance, but also on your attitude and behavior. So like, be cool and nice.
Don't be a dick.
Which is a weird requirement.
Yeah. Well, this is a weird school. Seems like all they really do is exercise and then learn for like an hour maybe.
And boy, do they learn some fun topics.
Yeah. Don't say it yet.
Not yet. But it's less of a school and more of like they're going into professional sports.
It's like a boot camp.
Yeah. So it's not like a traditional boot camp.
Booty camp. Booty camp.
Booty camp.
There's the episode title camp.
So now they're at breakfast and nozomi is really excited about the quality of the food. And it does look pretty good.
And it's free.
And it's free included in tuition.
Yeah.
But the bud but the elite class is treated even better. nozomi and Miata kind of miata is a kind of car, huh? They go and they're peeking up over the ledge to watch the elite class eat their breakfast. It is also mentioned in the first episode that the elite class pays half the tuition, which is pretty wild. But I guess it's just like getting a scholarship.
Yeah.
That's why it's a sports scholarship.
Yeah. And hanabi sees them peaking and she's like she looks at them and shows off the ice cream she's eating for breakfast.
The gelato.
The gelato fancy and knows them. He's just like, ice cream for breakfast?
Yeah. I am a little confused. They're all about being in top physical condition. And then they're like, oh, I'm going to eat rice until I puke. Let me eat ice cream for breakfast.
You need all those calories to burn off in training for 7 hours a day.
But ice cream is excessive.
I mean, have you ever had cookies for breakfast? This episode brought to you by Cookie Crisp. Cookie Crisp.
Cookie Crisp would not return our calls once this episode is released.
Good. I had a recently to cereal anyway.
Do they even make cookie Crisp anymore?
I mean yeah, let's keep going. Making loose terms. It's not really anyway.
Yeah. There's also a shot of them from behind looking up over this ledge and their asses just look so big popping. This is one of those shots where I'm just like is this really how their bodies are? Like, what perspective is this?
Everything'S done with a fisheye lens.
Yeah. So they're shown exercising some more. I did not write down the specific exercises in this particular montage butt training. But then they're shown in an academic class.
Odd.
And the teacher writes on the board, no, not thy rump. Never shalt thou triumph. Words to live by.
I am so jealous of the person who was adapting this and had to come up with that in English. Just how is your day?
But so she's talking about how you have to know your body. And that's why they take astronomy. And it's not mentioned at this point. But also boobology. But that's not that good of a pun.
Yeah, they got late.
In fact, it's not a pun at all.
My puns were better.
Okay, what can we come up with that is a better pun instead of boobology.
Boobilistics.
Oh God, I wasn't oh godding, that I wasn't oh godding. The fact that I can't think of anything.
Tit granometry.
Perfect. I was going to say I can only think of brestern astrology breastern literature.
Woodshop.
Speaking of Western oh, there's a lesson. And I don't know if this is true and I did not look it up.
I don't think the writers of the show did either.
No, I don't think this is true. But the teacher says that Westerners have perkier butts because their pelvis is tilt differently than people in Japan or Asia, I guess. But I don't think that's true in.
This world, in this magical realm of kjo. It is.
In this magical world of Kjo, westerners have evolved different skeletons. So they have perkier butts.
You bounce a dime off my ass.
Yeah. I'm scared to Google this to find out if it's real or not because just doing the show has fucked up my Google Analytics and what it thinks. I like, you like and I'm afraid to get into like but physiology.
Hey, join our watch list. I've been there for years.
Nozzomi notices out the window that the elite class is already training in the pool on the things that are called lands. And she's just like, oh man, I want to do that. And then the teacher notices she's not paying attention, so she throws the piece of chalk in the air and smacks it with her booty and hits nose of me right in the forehead.
Get that pinpoint precision.
Yeah. And then there's shown doing more running, to which I said, yuck, I don't like running.
Who does?
No, thank you, no.
Let's see.
Yeah, this episode has a lot of training montages.
Yeah, there's a huge training montage of just a lot of butt. Lots of butt. They're not really focusing. Whoever made this is really a but man because there's not a lot of focus on the titties, which is refreshing.
This is a refreshing show, I will say.
Makes sense.
Yeah.
It would be strange if they were still given lots of boob shots in this butt anime.
And then they're doing a race, just the four of them are racing against each other and no one actually wins. Which was shocking because, again, her and Alba are not good at the exercising. And the reason she won was because they were all running with tires tied around them and she lost her, so she was running much faster. And nozomi is like, hey, Miata, what do you think about this? You're a ref, I guess. And then Miata is just like, she's disqualified. Execute her, just take her out, she's done. And then they have to roll tires with their tits and ass, which is.
Another lot of tire exercise.
This one just has a lot of exercising.
I mean, they're athletes. They're training to be professional athletes.
Yeah, I can't imagine. The friction in that. Exercise is not painful.
Just like, imagine how hot it is outside and like the smell of tires and having to like roll them with your tits and ass. All right.
The smell of tires after just 1000 asses rubbed up against them. I don't want to have to hose.
Down those tires after each workout.
Oh, don't worry. There's some guy who volunteers to do it. He loves it.
But so then the teachers are like, I think they're ready. I think they're ready for the next.
Thing, the next big thing.
And the next thing is the hip toss. This is the first thing that I feel like makes sense. I mean, kind of. So the hip toss is they have a beach ball, and in their groups of four, their roommates, they have to toss the ball to each other and they're smacking it with their booties. And they have to keep it up for 30 tosses.
And it's on the beach. So this counts as the beach episode.
It is on the beach. Is there not a normal beach episode?
Not that I recall. It's mostly focused on the sport, believe it or not.
Wow. They're also in a pool all the time. So like, we don't we don't need a beach episode because they're always wearing swimsuits anyway.
It's the pool episode. The series.
Yeah, but so there's like a dramatic shot of Alba, like, reaching toward the sky. And you don't really know why. It doesn't really make sense.
They explain it later, but we will.
And they're just like, Alba, are you coming? Yeah. And then they start trying and it doesn't go great because they all kind of chase after it instead of communicating. Sorry. And then the wind gets erratic and just tosses the ball every which direction.
Oh, no.
Jeez. Which also, again, is something like I don't think wind really works like that. kegel wind will change directions, like mid toss.
I'm not a weather person. I can't say for sure.
We're only but scientists here.
Yeah.
There's only one kind of wind that I understand and we don't want to talk about no shutting it down.
And then there's a part where nozomi runs into alba and she falls on her, like all sexy. And there's like a close up shot of just like the grossest shit. I don't even really want to say.
This is the line. This is where we're it's icky looking.
And I don't like it because I don't think these people know what the female anatomy is.
If they did, they wouldn't have made a shit like this. nazomi falls on top of an Alabama and gropes her, as is anime tradition. And she's like, hey, you're kind of stacked down here.
I was going to talk about her groping her. Like that's fine. It's the shot of their groin parts that makes me upset.
Yeah, that's fair.
I'm not going to talk about it.
Yeah.
The detail that goes into crotches in this show is too much.
Welcome to anime.
Not, though, because in scum's wish that was an anime about sex. And we didn't get anything like this.
Yeah, I bring the anime that deliver. You get the good shots here.
We need to put Brendan and Time out. After this.
Yeah. He's not allowed to pick anime for a month.
It's only going to get worse. I'm telling you now, it's only going to get worse.
I don't understand. I think, like, miata falls on her, too. So there are two just there's a few.
They're like back to back shots of two different people falling on her. And it's like, hey, why you got the shot that you needed? This is too much fan service.
It's not just for fan service. It's because ayoba alba I heard Kazanne on all my notes.
Jessica alba.
Jessica alba keeps appearing where the ball is landing and they keep bumping into everyone because they're looking at the ball. So she just always seems to be at the wrong place at the wrong time.
Yeah, but they established they keep bumping into her. They didn't need to like, oh, I fell into you and now I'm groping your breath.
Hey, dugan back to back. They had to fill 24 minutes and there's God knows, no actual story here.
So that is fair.
I actually was like, ooh, is like, alba gay and she wants them to keep falling on her. Is that what this is? But no, it was just a communication issue. They just needed her to talk more. Yeah, but so they were in last place. They finished last, so they had to do 100 extra but figure eight.
Yeah, as you do.
And then they're in their room at night and miata is like, this is a teamwork exercise. And then nozomi is like, teamwork kjo is an individual sport. And then miata is like, anyway, sometimes.
You got to team up with others to get a bigger opponent off the land.
Yeah, they were talking about how people with the same agencies will bounce ideas off of each other to support each other and give each other ideas. Yeah, but so the it's next day and they are doing the hip toss again. And this time, whoever gets the highest amount of tosses to each other gets to have gelato for dessert. And then nozomi is like, what's gelato?
What's that there, Gilado?
Well, it's gelato. And then miata is like, you saw.
Hanabi eating it yesterday. Are you dumb?
We just saw this.
What's wrong?
So they're talking to each other and they decide that one person should be the one that says, like, one person should be the eyes of the team instead of everyone individually watching the ball. Which doesn't sound like an excellent idea, but then miata kind of suggests that oba should be the one to do it, and then while they're doing it, she's not, which I thought was weird.
Well, I think nozomi suggests it, but then miyada takes control and does it.
Nozomi and none are kind of like, oh, miata, you should do it because you're obviously the leader. And then miata is like, no, I think alba should do it. And then alba doesn't do it because.
She'S got like terrible not social anxiety, but she's very quiet. She doesn't like talking.
Well, yeah, but it just bothered me because there was no moment of alba being like, no, I don't want to, or like shaking her head or anything.
No, there was she goes into the trees and she's like terrified, hiding in the bushes. And they're like, okay, I guess. No, I guess I'll do it then.
Well, all right. I missed that somehow. But anyway, they're doing it.
Were you not going? Well, fully engaged in this riveting show.
If you can believe. Just a sad. So they're still doing pretty poorly. And miata is like, I'm such a bad leader. And then alba, her, like, ponytail moves weird. And I was like, is her ponytail psychic? And then I was just like, no, it's the wind. And then nozomi was like, oh, she's reading the wind with her hands. alba knows what's going on. I'm going to look at her signals to know where the ball is going to land. And I was just like, you also have a ponytail. Does it not blow in the wind?
Those got weird hair antennas that a lot of anime girls have for no reason.
Yeah, but it really does seem like her alba's ponytail is some kind of psychic.
It reacts to her, I guess, like mental state. I don't know. We see later. She's able to kind of it's kind of her tell, like her poker face like tell. So it reacts to her emotions. Yeah, it's weird.
Yeah, but anyway, so they're doing really well. They get to 35 tosses, which was the highest, so they just have to get one more to beat it. And then nozomi gives the wrong direction.
Oh, no.
So then alba finally yells about it. And then she also has an accent. What kind of accent? I don't know.
It's supposed to be a thicker accent than gnomes, but it's just higher intensity. Southern accent.
Yeah, and still not good. So they win. yay. And then they're eating gelato in their room. And they're kind of like, oh, alba, why don't you want to talk? And then she's like, well, nozomi made fun of known's accent, and I really didn't want to be made fun of, so I just decided I wouldn't talk. And I was like, dang, shit. Yeah, nozzomi doesn't do it.
I mean, she wasn't maliciously making fun of it. Just mostly like, hey, your accent is kind of funny. Yeah, but still rude.
Hi, neighbor. Let me the first things out of my mouth be, oh, you have a very silly accent.
You talk funny.
You talk funny. Yes, but so then they finally get to train in the pool. yay. And nozomi is like leaning over the pool and looking at it. And then miata is just feeling her ass. She's like, wow, it's so funny getting deep in there. And then nozomi tries to guess Alba's cup size. And she's like, are you a D? And she's like and then she's like, Are you a C? And then her ponytail moves, and she's like, oh, you are a C. Me too. And I'm like, those titties are not cups.
They're d for Dragon. Like Ms. kobiashi.
Yeah, sure. But also I hate the fact that girls might think that that's what a sea cup looks like because it's not.
Sea cups are smaller than we already addressed. This world has its own physics and reality. It's not realistic at all.
Yeah, but so the groups of four are going to fight the teachers. That's the first lesson. And then they are fighting the Siren, who has let herself go because she doesn't fight anymore, so she's fat. And nozomi, says the Siren, more like the seal. To which I was just like, cool. I hope she fucking wrecks you guys.
Good news.
I hope she destroys you.
She used to be one of the top kjo players of all time.
She used to be, and I quote, thin and beautiful. But now she's fat, so she's ugly. Am I right, folks? Anyway, I could be angrier, but I won't. So they start the fight, and she is not budging because she is strong. And she has done this before.
She doesn't need to adopt the resident expert.
Yeah, but so they're fighting, and they're not really doing that well. And then nozomi does just like a huge wind up for her butt cannon. But then something bad happens, and while she uses her butt cannon, the other three girls bathing suits just get torn to shreds, so their titties are out popping. oops.
Oh, no.
The Siren sees nizomi winding up and notices something with the way she's moving. And this is one of the first times she's actually dodged an attack. And when she dodges it, the attack hits the three other girls and that's why their suits get blown apart.
Yeah, and she's like a reverse no, not reverse, a vacuum butt cannon. And I'm like, what?
Yeah.
And then I think this is where Nosamis does it end before nosami is like, owl my hips.
Yeah, that's the next episode, but we get a little but anyway, sneak peek at the next episode.
Yeah, she's wearing like some weird robot unitard thing. That's about it. Wow. Vacuum butt cannon just sounds I wonder whatever it could mean.
Just sounds so enthused, so engaged with this show.
I love it so much.
I will say I was surprised to see that. funimation.
I love it so much. I definitely took notes on episode three.
No. Yeah, I have no notes passed when I was legally required to stop.
Hey, listeners, can you tell whether or not we're going to continue watching this show?
Fuck you. This episode three recap is just going to be Brendan talking.
Yeah, because we're just done.
Wow. I mean, I watched I sat through all your guys'shows. You made us watch fucking zoids, dude.
Hey, don't now you fucking compare this show to zoe's.
Brendan, hold on.
Brendan, hold on. No, stop the podcast. Stop recording. Brendan. How fucking dairy. Compare this to zoids for your black butler.
Yeah, we love that one so much.
It was bad. I agree. And I won't take it personally. You can't have expected us to enjoy this boost.
But Battle Show, you knew what our reactions was, and that's why you were so delighted to make us sit through this. And now you sit here that we did like this. But attack show. This is a butt attack on me, Brendan.
That's what I wanted. That's what I was trying to cook. That all right, episode three.
Let's just keep going.
I will say also have everyone take.
A deep breath, have a sip of water.
Hang on. Now, even rocco's Mad, he sensed your anger.
I made a mistake. You guys are like this guy now. But this is what I wanted out of the episode.
I think he calmed down.
Good. Okay. All right. Episode three.
Episode three.
I will say I was surprised to see funimation did the dub of the show that very much surprised me. So episode three opens again with the narrator, like, giving a brief recap of what K Two is. I guess they do that every time, and then it cuts right away to nizomi blowing everyone's suits off, like, right where the last episode ended. And then when they're all covering up, she goes up to Nana and just like, oh, are you okay? And then she hunches over Oakland. It's like oh, God, my hips. And she's saying how badly she hurt her hips, I guess, pulling off that move. And then we see some EMTs kind of squirting her off out of the pool. And that's when the teacher says one of the teachers on the sideline says, like, oh, she's too new to have been able to pull that off. Kind of hinting at, which we already know is the vacuum butt cannon, which is like a highly Mary Sue.
She's good at everything.
She's just naturally good. This is the protagonist of a sports anime. They're just a god to the sport, whatever they put their mind to. And then we get the opening, and then it cuts back to all the players in the bathhouse, relaxing and washing off after the match they had. Because you got to have one bathhouse scene. You got to have it.
Yeah. There wasn't enough opportunities in this show for just tits and ass.
Yeah, you see a lot of skimpy swimsuits. You just need to make it sometimes. And we see the room 309 girls all talking about nizomi and trying to wonder, like, what happened and how she pulled that off and what's necessarily going on. And as miata and nan are getting changed, they walk in on nizomi getting a massage from Ayuba. And as they're talking, they're kind of filling in the zombie on, like what she missed in class afterwards while she was kind of at the, I guess, nurse's office getting fixed up. And they say they learned about three types of fighters in kjo the infighter, the out fighter, and the counter.
And now we're getting into the logistics.
Of the yeah, the shit nitty gritty.
There's a high skill level to each of these types. And miata talks about her speed and how she was good in judo, being quick and fast so she would make for a good outfighter, which is kind of the fast fighters that go along the outside of the lands and kind of keep their distance. And that's when we get the I forget their names. I didn't write them down because they're not really relevant in the first three episodes. But the first ranked fighter and the.
Third ranked fighter, neo and hanabi, there.
You go from earlier episodes. They show up and start talking to the room 309 girls, and they're kind of talking about the different levels of fighters and skills and what skills they'd be good at, what type of fighting. And hanabi kind of tells Nazumi about the pressure points in the body, saying that's what she was able to hit on the other fighter's chin to knock them out. So she kind of pushed Nzumi's pressure point kind of releasing a lot of tension, making her feel better after she threw out her hips.
Way better.
So good.
And that's when they also tell them about the vacuum butt cannon and how that it's an incredibly high skill level move that even some of the highest professional Kjoke players can't use. It's just a really intense move. And the fact that Nzomi was able to do it is astonishing. And that alone would make her enough to move up into the elite class because it's such a high skilled move and that it essentially shoots the air so fast. That's what ripped everyone's close off so realistic. Like I said, it's got its own physics. And right around this time, we see another fighter come in named rin. rin ropa dope. That's just what I wrote. Yeah, she's also an elite fighter in the class. I think she's ranked like four or five out of the whole class. And this is the fighter who is the fastest fighter in Japan. And miata kind of takes this as a slight thing, like, we'll see about that. And to prove it, rin tells them to count how many attacks she doesn't. She hurts throwing her ass all around the place and they can't even keep track. It's too fast. No one can count.
There's too much.
So much as and before they even realize that rin stopped throwing her ass around, she's already on the other side of the room groping non for reasons how you just grope your classmates all the time.
You just sexually assault your classmates in the locker.
Yeah, so much until she passes out. It happens.
Yeah, you can't that's not it's not okay. That's not okay. But also just like not possible.
I mean, like, you also don't get nosebleeds when you see titties, but that happens all the time in anime, I suppose. So.
This is a little off topic, but it just happens a lot in anime where a girl will like have her titties grabbed and they just find it so pleasurable. And I'm like, that's not realistic. Yeah, I mean, maybe for some people anyway.
I always took it as she was just so overwhelmed, whether good or bad, sensation that she passed out from it. Maybe it's also an easy way of just like a rip chord of just like, oh, and we're done here, and.
Transition to the next scene.
In the locker room, they talk about how things are going to get changed up a bit with the class change race coming up soon, which is what the name implies. It's a race between everyone in the class and if some students do really well, they'll move up to the elite class. But then anyone who moves up to the elite class knocks someone out of the elite class. So there's only so many elites in one class and they're saying that Nizumi could easily move up to it. And rin's kind of like talking like, don't worry about these losers you're hanging out with now. You'll be moving up with us soon enough. Don't even bother wasting your time with these nerds. As where miata is getting a little chafed, a little annoyed. Everyone's cockiness because she's just so arrogant, but also because mia is just super gay for nizomi. You don't see it in these episodes, but she is. It gets very apparent later on. And good to know. Yeah, there is some gay stuff because there's mostly no male character.
At what cost?
I mean, you're not coming to this show for the relationships between the characters, even though some of them are good, I would say. Anyway, next day they're out in the yard.
Every time you defend this show, I feel like an angel loses their wings.
I'm fine with that. cocky angel need to be taken down a peg. So the next day I'm seeing a.
Different side of you tonight, brenda.
This is a completely godlike. How about, our other episodes are particularly.
Godlike, but there is no God in kjl, only pits.
I need to donate money to charity. So some good comes from this recording.
This show is made for. When you're watching it and someone walks in, you have to quickly try to explain and justify what this show is. Anyway, next day, all the classes outside and they're being assigned what type of fighting they are. The teachers were evaluating in the mock fights and saying like, oh, you'd be good as an infighter, you'd be good as an out fighter, you'd be good as a counter. And they're going through the whole class and they get to nizomi, and they're just like, you're weird. You're a different one. Go. See, I forget her name. But the Siren, she wants to meet with you and talk to you specifically. So that's how she's the protagonist, because she gets special treatment all the time. Wow. When she goes off to meet with her, this is when the Siren is telling her, like, dad vacuum buck cannon. That super elite, high skilled move that would help you win almost every fight you ever are in. And you would easily become a prize queen and get a ton of money for doing it. Yeah, you can't do it anymore. It's too strong. You'll, like, permanently damage your hips and ruin yourself into the sport so you'll never be able to play again. So it's banned. You're banned. Can't do it. Can't do it no more.
And nazomi gets so mad. I think she's more the teacher is more concerned about the damage that nazomi would do to her body doing this move. But nazomi is just like, oh, what? What? Why are you not allowed to do this?
How dare you?
How dare you look out for my well being, you fat.
Yeah, the teacher is definitely like, this will destroy your body. And it's kind of implied we've seen a flashback of the teacher back when she was in her prime being carried off, and it's kind of implied that that's what happened to her, is that she did it too much and ruined her hips. So, yeah, she's definitely looking out for nazomi by saying, you can't do this, it will destroy you. And the zombie is just basically saying, like, if I can be a prize queen, if I can get that bucking money, if I can get those facts stacks, I'm going to do it. I'm going to win at any cost so I can be filthy fucking rich. Because that's her only motivation.
Yeah, I was thinking about it in my hero activity.
Don't drag this in here.
No. Uber raka wants to be a hero so she can support her family. That's why she wants to do it. She wants to make money to support her family. And that's very noble, but fucking knows of me. Just wants money because she's a greedy little horse. I already said fat bitch. I feel like I have to say something else. Well, just like, you had to try and think of a different way to.
Say sex, and it comes with bump and uglies. But like, I hate this is bump and ugly.
That's what this show is.
It's the ugliest side of anime.
I'm sorry I called her a whore. That wasn't nice. But I couldn't think of anything else.
I'm getting a headache from laughing so hard. You got some egg on your face. Because that's the exact same reason the zumi wants money. Once again, single parent club, not necessarily dead dad club. We don't know for sure, but it's a single mom and younger brother.
But are we shown that? Does she say that that's her mom yet?
But if you weren't so quick to judge fair enough.
No.
So judgmental.
God. Oh, yeah. Because nothing about this show is surface level at all. They're all deep, understanding people.
Uraka is a very good girl, the best girl, I may say. And she right up, straight up says, like, yes, I want money, but I want it for my family. Knows what me is. Just like, I want money because I just want to be rich.
Let me destroy my career in college before my career starts so I can make the money, baby.
Money, please.
Is this what I sound like on the other episodes? But yes, there is a reason she wants money. I'll just get that out there. So nazomi is pleading, saying, like, I need to use this move if it's going to make me an elite fighter. Like, I got to have it. So the siren basically says, like, fine, if you're absolutely going to do it no matter what, I'm going to train your body so you don't destroy yourself by doing it. And that's why we see her break out the weird bondage swimsuit thing where she tells nizomi, you have to wear this for a month. You can't take it off. Or I guess she takes it off for when she showers and stuff. But she's sleeping in it, she's eating in it, she's practicing in it. She always has to wear it. And it's a kind of like constricting suit where if she relaxes her muscles at all her body, it'll warp her into a weird position. That way she's always fighting it. So she's kind of building her strength up for her entire body just by wearing it. It's like the weighted armor and a piccolo wears and Dragon ballsy. You guys get those references?
Absolutely. I know the rock lee one. His ankle.
Oh, there you go. Rock Lee.
I know that one.
It's like a sexier rockley. And that's impossible. We can agree on that. And so nizomi is like, trying to walk around with it and just, like, struggling, and like, she can barely walk with it. So then when she's on the land and trying to compete in mock races, she's even worse and barely getting by. And she's just really having a hard time with this. And around this time, we see miata focusing on her move. She's trying to be fast, trying to go up against ren, and just trying to speed up any way she can, but she can't quite get it.
She's got to go fast.
Got to go fast. Another sonic reference. There we go.
The Sonic guy will drag down to this.
I mean, won't you be bringing Sonic up to this level? You see enough DV in our Sonic. He's crying. True. And a few days later, we see them training still. All the training montages and the zombies getting kind of better, but still not quite. miata is also kind of the same, like not making clear progress, but they're still training all the time on their own. And then we get another bathhouse scene and aoba is kind of awkwardly trying to fill up on some ladies, see her trying to touch a girl's butt and then kind of gets paranoid and pulls back and non season, it's like, what the hell are you doing? She whispers into Nancy ear. She's like, oh, I'll help you out.
Wink.
And that's when they started like yelling on to the whole locker room and bathhouse. Like, come and get a free massage. Come on and get your massage here. And ayuba my notes all say cosmic uba is giving everyone massages. And this is when nan kind of looks back and says, don't worry, I'll help you get all the data on all the girls.
Wink.
So we don't get to it in these episodes, but because I've already watched and read ahead and love the series so much, all the shots we've seen with a hand kind of glowing and just being weird. Her hand is kind of like a mimic. And when she feels up the other girls, she kind of gets all of their information. So we see later when they're actually in kjo matches. She can kind of copy other people's styles by doing that.
She's the hind reader.
Why does this show have to have any supernatural thing?
Because it's just throwing it's a sport.
I don't know. The main girl has a butt cannon vacuum.
It's what happens in sports anime where it's like they're at supernatural levels just because it always has to escalate in danger or the stakes. So at a certain point it's going to have to get supernatural. So they're kind of just planting those seeds now because let me tell you, I mean, the sugar gets real wacky, just real dang old silly with some of the buzz.
Yeah, we aren't there yet.
No, we won't get there because I can tell you guys won't continue. But yeah, there's one character that walked around in a spacesuit the whole time because her gravity ass too powerful. So yeah, she's giving everyone massages and at that time Nzomi comes in and she's giving her a massage. It's like, you're too tense, you got to relax. Relax your muscles. That way you're more fluid and easier to work with. And then it cuts to later. naomi is like still working with her suit and she remembers that advice. So she takes a deep breath and relaxes. And when she actually relaxes, she's able to move freely in the suit and she figures out how to work it, how to work the gimmick. And at the same time, miata is out training by herself and comes up with the idea of the W formation, which is kind of hinting at that's a secret form she'll take that'll make her go faster to rival rin. So she's also kind of broken through her mental block and figure out a new way to be better fighter. And a few days later, it's the class change race. So this is where they fight off against the elites. And I think a few different groups are all fighting. And there's four girls in each group and there's one elite class member in each of those groups. So it's kind of like the normal class paring off against the elite. And if they can beat them, they'll be able to move up and the elites move down. So it's intense. And right away, the first race is miata versus rin and two other girls, which don't matter. And it's on a seesaw style land, so we don't quite see it, but it's implied. It's like a seesaw. It moves when the weight gets shifted. And as they're warming up, we see miata, or rather, we see Nizumi apologizing to miata, saying like, hey, remember back in the locker room when the police were like, coming to us and bragging, saying like, I was hot shit and you weren't? Sorry about that. I got to go up. And I should have defended you too, because you're also better than me, or as good as me, if not better.
You too are hot.
Yeah, you got that sweet ass and I should have bragged about your sweet ass to other people. And she's like, oh, don't worry about it. And then it cuts to the beginning of her race. And as soon as the race starts, miata flies to rin, who has her back to her because she's so cocky. And she immediately covers ground and she gets right up on rin and then it ends. And then the preview of the next episode, we see or we hear miata talking about the W formation, which you will say, we ain't going to watch it. She basically gives herself a wedgie. She just yanks up on the bomb of her swimsuit and that makes her go faster.
Yeah, nothing like a wedgie to give you mobility.
I mean, hey, I move a lot faster when I got my underwear out my ass too.
All right, well, that's cage. Yeah, that's it.
So are we tired? You're not even going to pretend? You're not even going to play?
Thanks for joining us.
I will not play with you in this.
You created a hostile environment.
I tell you, Dugan comes back from vacation and this is the first thing he has to do?
I got to bounce him out.
You're really putting me through the fucking ringer on this one.
Yeah, I sometimes will try to be on your side, but I will not even give this a chance.
You know what?
I want you to think about what you've done.
Oh, I know damn well what. I've watched the whole series and I've all caught up on the manga. I thoroughly enjoy this series and I will. Not apologize for that.
You know what? Stand by your belief. Someone's got it.
I will confirm that I still respect anyone's opinion that they can like anything, but so for drug God, you make it hard sometimes.
That's why I'm here.
Yeah, I didn't think this was going to be one that you actually liked. Just one of those ones that you were like, I got to show you this one.
No. I will unabatchely admit, yeah, I enjoy the series. You get a lot.
So this is the episode where Brendan has admitted that he's a full pervert.
Oh, don't actually try.
It has been implied throughout the series, but this is the one where we get confirmation.
I was the one who suggested on our cover offer to podcast, I should have a body pillow, but you guys said no because it'd be too preferred.
Did I? I feel like I would have said yes.
I don't know. We didn't go through with it, so I felt like that was the reason.
But it was introduced.
I will say we get a lot of interesting characters with this series. We get a lot of great quotes. One of my favorites is, quote, god forgive my sinful assign. I got that on my phone. I love that quote.
I branded that into my toilet.
It's written on all the toilet papers.
I feel like if you wanted to watch a good version of this, you really could just watch my hero.
Oh, God. There's a lot less body horror in this one. Well, no, actually, never mind. Just a different kind. Never mind.
We see someone break people's jaws with her ass with.
Yeah, I was very viscerally upset at that.
I will say, though, I do enjoy the relationship that's built between nazomi and miata as the series progresses. It is very enjoyable. But I'm not talking to YouTube right now. I'm talking to the listeners who will have my back and defend me on what a great show this is. Right, listeners? Yeah.
So what are we watching next week?
Yeah, let's move past this and talk about the future.
Oh, God. Aren't we watching Revolutionary Girl?
Oh, yeah. fucking my pick.
Oh, God, I'm sorry.
Duke is just in some kind of.
War position in a huge state.
Yeah. I'm also sick, and I'm in a nightmare healthcape recording this right now.
I don't know. Watching this always makes me feel better, so I thought it would help.
So next week we will be watching a show that I found that is hopefully more wholesome. We're watching Revolutionary Girl. utena yay. We're watching the first three episodes.
I can't imagine a show that's more inappropriate than this one, so it can only get better until it's my choice again.
I look forward to that. Hey, it gets better.
It gets better.
All right, well, thank you to camille rowley for our artwork. And thank you to Louisong for our theme music approach. Two stories off of the album Beats. You can find all of Louis music at Louisong bandcamp.com. Thank you. We hope you'll join us next week as we learn to live with anime.
This one was truly difficult. May God be with you.
God has a band in this timeline?
Wrestling. fuck me.