Hello, and welcome to our weeb there yet in exploration and education and anime. I'm your anime idiot, patrick Dugan.
I'm an anime expert, dana hollander.
And I'm brenda mccullough, your anime swords to lend. I'm just I'm trying to stay out of this. I don't want to I'm backing out.
Just trying to keep the peace.
Just don't worry. I'll do my thing, you guys do yours. We just we're good.
Just I didn't see nothing. I didn't see nothing. Just take the money and go.
I got an Xbox and a TV in my bedroom. You guys can have family dinner without me. I'm good. I don't need the fighting.
And a special guest joining us, someone who's often here for all the recordings, just in a different room, my partner, Sam Miller.
Hello. I am Sam, your anime box of tomatoes fairy.
Hi, Sam.
Hello.
Hi, I'm Brendan.
You suffer through all the anime with Dugan, but you have none of the acknowledgment on the podcast until now.
It's true. I often find myself on the other side of the wall wondering what that cackling was, and it'll find out, like, the following week when it's posted, and I'll be like, oh, that's what you were laughing at while I was playing pokemon.
Then also just listening to me yell and yell at Brendan curse.
Well, that could be anything.
I'm a good noodle, dugan doesn't yell at me.
I direct all the hate.
Well, I think there was one show you brought that I was mad at, because I do remember saying, brendan usually makes me mad. Forget what show it was.
Stalking.
Yeah, there we go.
That's right.
That is the only episode that I haven't listened to because Patrick told me not to.
Yeah, it's just not good.
Panty and stalking is not good. So it just drained us.
It was the most upset I've been since seeing the movie Cats.
Wow.
I mean, that's a tall order.
It was a bad show.
I was pretty happy after Cats. It was exactly what I thought it would be.
Yeah, it was just such an experience.
Well, speaking of a gaggle of horny people thrown together for no reason, let's talk about this show.
Okay. I'm confused.
So, yeah, this week we have a real throwback, at least for Sam and I. We're watching italia. Access powers.
Data. We got data. Oh, no.
Are they okay? All right.
Who.
Every time I hear that word, I'm just reminded of being 14, and I.
Hey, the worst immersion therapy.
So yeah. What is your history with italia, Dana?
That's funny.
What's your baggage with italia?
I was obsessed when I was 13 ish. 14 ish, like, going into my freshman year of high school, so I cosplayed from it. It reminds me of a really dark time, honestly. cosplay. Sorry, who did you cosplay? Canada. I was, like, kin with Canada. You could not separate me. But yeah, it reminds me of a time where I just as a person was, like, nasty as hell. So it just brings up, like, really icky memories. But who knows? Maybe it's better than I remember. I don't know. Maybe it's just as good as I remember.
What? You at the 14 was an icky person.
What?
Never.
I was also an icky 13 year old watching this because this was the one true middle school anime experience I had where my quote unquote girlfriend at that time showed it to me and was also obsessed and made me watch it on release day.
Were you kin with anyone?
No, I was scrambling to figure out what was going on. She was so obsessed. We would watch for, like, the episode would go up in Japan, and then a half hour later the fan sub would be up and then we would watch that.
Wow.
That's how I used to watch sherlock in high school.
So yeah, I also have those very middle schooly weebly memories.
Wow. I know.
Yeah. Literally not very similar for me, although I was older and probably should have known better. I was best friends, super into this girl when I was a sophomore in high school, and she was into anime. And so she made me watch or on High School Host Club and hitler fine. I got, like, a very into both in my attempts to impress her and apparently now she's a Trump supporter. So that turned out great.
Oh, no, good. That's good.
I'm cool and I like or on high school.
So Dana, whose pants were you trying to get into for watching the show?
Probably America's.
America is very cute.
Brendan, do you have any experience with this show?
No, I'm the dugan this week. I got nothing. I've heard of it, but I think it's about war, like history and stuff. And I just don't give a shit. So I just never got into it.
This was perfect for me because I was a giant history nerd at this point watching it.
So I was like, hell yeah.
I can relate to anime for once.
Got you. I had a buddy give me a game on Steam called valkyrie chronicles, which is like anime War One style stuff. So I'm guessing it's something like that, but less turn based. Nothing less turn based, but otherwise I'm going and blind.
Great.
I'm so excited for you.
I'm scared.
So, yeah, since these episodes are about five minutes each, we're watching more this week just to give us more fodder to talk about. So we're watching episodes one and two, five and six and 17 and 18.
A nice concise story. lark.
What's that sound? Is that pasta boiling? Is that sweet tomatoes on the horizon?
Here we go.
This is fast. Did you catch all that anime? Did you catch all that anime?
Ha ha.
Yo. Yeah, like real talk.
The enthusiasm is contagious.
I'm having flashbacks.
I don't want to judge middle schoolers because we're all dumb in middle school, we've all made bad decisions. I'm not the only one here.
But like, yo, this was the anime.
For weird World War II boys. You know what I mean?
I guess.
Do you know those kids?
I guess. But like, wow, this is not what I thought it was.
And then it's also for girls or anybody who likes cute boys because they're all just cute boys.
Yeah. In my experience, it has mostly been that.
Okay, Brendan, what did you think it was?
I thought it was like valkyrie chronicles where it's just like it's just World War II or World War I or whatever, but as anime. And it's like all those old World War I documentaries that our dads love to watch and then fall asleep while watching on Thanksgiving.
I thought it was pretty boys talking about it.
I thought it was a documentary. Peter Jackson remade and funded himself about those who do not come back. But with anime, I thought it was that where it's just like here's.
I thought it was a one shot movie that's better in theory than it was an execution.
I mean, that's partially true.
Yeah.
Now I'm just imagining brendan's video game remade as the chibi talias.
I can't I thought it was like.
Trench warfare, but with big anime eyes. I thought it was a legitimate story and not five minute episodes where half of them are cheapy bullshit about gross caricatures of countries. I was not expecting this upfront racism.
I'm sorry, did you not see the five minute episode thing and go, oh, yes, we're getting into some deep storylines with these.
I clicked on it and then it ended. I was like, Wait, what? And I saw those five minutes. I was like, oh, no, I didn't know they were five minutes fast.
To be fair, there are storylines they just jump around so much that it was impossible within six episodes to finish.
Any of them nearly incoherent.
Yeah, I think the most complete storyline we got was the island. Yeah, that's pretty much the whole island. Because the island is also nothing.
It's also the one scene they just reuse over and over again and with very minute changes because you can tell there's no money in this show.
So, yeah, let's get into it because it won't take long. So we have plenty of time to.
Discuss elbow room to just bullshit for a while.
Yeah. So we start off episode one. Also, I should say, I watched all of these dubbed, which I had not done when I was a youth.
Oh, man.
But I don't remember that much because it was almost a decade ago.
I think I may have started watching it subbed, but then once I found out there was a dub boy, that's all I want.
Well, the girl I liked had the subs on dvd because she was invested.
Yeah, I had the funimation dvds when they came out. I still have them.
You don't need them.
They're just watching, waiting.
Yeah, one day I tried watching sub in dub, and then I saw how fast the dialogue was moving and how useless the dialogue was, and I just switched the dub.
Yeah, that's probably a smart move.
Yeah.
Also, it helps when it's not just a lot of Japanese people with Japanese accents doing all of the countries. I do like that they at least try to put accents on as bad as they are.
Fun fact. Are you ready for this?
Oh, boy, here we go.
I'm sorry. I just remembered this. So I have to say it the guy that plays Russia in the English dub, right? He plays Victor Nakivarov and uri on Ice doesn't match at all. But because they knew he could already do a Russian accent, I guess they.
Were like, hey, did for anyone?
I'm just always tight cast as Russian anime.
Boy.
They should have gotten anyone else.
Literally anyone.
So we start off episode one with America is trying to run a world conference.
Sounds right.
Yeah. So basically, we sort of talked about it, but haven't explicitly said each person is a representation of their country. So just broad general country stereotypes are basically all the characterizations you get in this show.
But they're still anime, so they all kind of look the same. Just different hair.
Yeah, hair and clothing is slightly different.
Just enough of color.
Yeah, they have different eyes. Britain's got the eyebrows.
Big eyebrows. Big eyebrows.
And italy's got the little hair curly thing.
He's gotten a hoge, which is not a hay gal.
I was thinking a hoagie because I ate one earlier.
Just like an American yo.
Hey, I'm from the East Coast. Here, I'm eating.
Here, I get a cheese steak. Philadelphia, I'm Brendan. So, yeah, America is trying to run a world conference.
This show is about as respectful to other cultures as we are a guy.
So just defaulting to a New York accent for any city we go to.
Is not the funniest one. It's just fun.
Hey, I'm from Pittsburgh.
America didn't have, like, a more specific accent.
Yeah, I'm surprised it wasn't very generic.
He should have been, like, Southern or, like, generic.
Yeah.
Generic was that mid Atlantic is.
Like, the old timey accent. They called in, like, old movies.
Anyway, yeah, America is trying to run a world conference, but everyone's just chipping in and being like, hey, I'm China. China stuff. Hey, I'm Italy. Italy stuff. Switzerland. Here switz stuff. And I wrote it down just as a shotgun blast of country stereotypes because it was just so rapid fire of, like, hey, this is the show. Do you get it yet? Hey, this is the show. Do you get it yet?
Yeah, like, America is talking about building a giant superhero to save the world, and grease is asleep.
Okay, that shit is, like, funny, though. America, he says that, and then he says and I will not be accepting criticism, essentially.
So good, so accurate.
But yeah, as this chaos unfolds, germany finally stands up and is like, all right, this is some nonsense. I'm here. I'm going to establish some order. We're all going to do this where everyone gets like, eight minutes of speaking time. We're going to have uniform discussions. All right, let's do this. So just taking charge, being highly aggressive, like Germany.
Sure.
And first person he calls on is little old Italy. And the first contribution we get is pasta.
Oh, God. Oh, my God.
But yeah, and then we go to credits, which is just a little bumper, but yeah, then we go out. We get into actual, like, show plot. This jumps around so much. There's just disjointed things like this world conference. I don't think we see again in the show, at least for a long, long time. So, yes, we see Germany out in the field talking about he heard the legends of this great mighty warrior that conquered most of the world called Roman.
Empire, who is a babe.
And he heard that there is a descendant of this Roman Empire fellow. And in World War I, we see that Germany is in this area on the lookout for this very mighty warrior descendant and stumbles upon a box that just says tomatoes.
He's walking through the woods and he's talking to a stick.
Yeah.
So he has his trusty hair stick. It was just his, like, weapon, I guess.
He talked about how he forgot to feed it. Mine sticky friend.
What?
Mine sticky friend. And that he forgot to feed it.
I forgot about that. I watched this one subbed for whatever reason, and he talks about how he crossed the border with just a stick, and he was just like, nobody attacked me. I just have this stick that makes more sense.
Yeah, him talking to a stick.
I think in the Dub, they just wanted to make it, like, funny.
I mean, it was yeah, I think they just aggressively leaned into it for the Dub.
They were real generous with some of these dubs when I switched episodes. And yeah, I don't know if it was a better choice to just get the balls to the wall nonsense or if they should have stuck to the plot like Japan or like the Japanese subs, but there's really no plot. So just fucking go wild.
Yeah. I can say after watching most of it subbed yeah, you don't need plot. There's no plot. There's no plot. There's no plot.
It's all just stereotype jokes.
Yeah.
So we see him stumble upon this tomato box, and then we cut to a different segment.
Chibi talia.
Yeah, we got chibi talia, which is a quick little history lesson shown with little cute little kid versions of everyone.
It is very sweet and also makes no sense.
So, yeah, we get a quick little history lesson of, like, grandpa Roman Empire takes baby Italy away from his friends of France, and I think it was Holy Roman Empire. Yeah. So takes him away, tries to train him to fight, but he just keeps drawing and all that stuff. He grows up being an artistic, little non threatening little boy. And when he reunites with France and the Holy Roman Empire, they are assholes. And they want to join him and.
His brother south Italy. South Italy, because there's northern Italy and southern Italy. They're separate entities for whatever reason.
Yeah. I'm so bad at history. I can't tell if this show is just nonsense or if this is accurate.
It uses broad strokes to tell history stuff because the gist is like, yeah, but a lot of it is like, oh, you're not actually going to pass your AP history test watching this show.
Shit. Mr. cooney is going to kill me.
Government in politics when I watch this. And it was not very helpful.
So yeah. And that's episode one.
Great.
I thought someone was going to say something.
No, I definitely thought I heard someone.
Say wait, I said great.
All right, so episode two, we're back with Germany and the box.
Right where we left off.
Yeah, right where we left off.
And the stick.
Yes.
Can't forget hairstick. So he's poking around, tries to see what's up with it, and he hears from inside.
Oh, not me.
There's no one in this box. It's just me. The box of tomatoes fairy. And of course, this is Italy being terrified and hiding from the war, which is the one joke they have besides pasta. Good stuff.
Hilarious.
So Germany opens the box, sees Italy hiding, and he pleads not to be killed. And he's just crying and whining. And Germany is unimpressed, being like, oh, this is this foe I'm here to fight, this great descendant of the Roman Empire. But then he realizes, this clever bastard, it's a trap, and he's ready for the attack to come. And it doesn't, because Italy does not plant a head.
Because it's italia axis powers. And we see him later up says Germany, Japan, and Italy hanging out. So is it about World War II?
So it begins in World War I, and then throughout it transitions into World War II. Like, this is basically okay, origin story of Italy and Germany working together, which is World War II.
Okay. Yeah.
The specific description of the show says it mostly takes place between the wars. So, like 1918 to like 1934 or about there.
So they can just hang out and have a chill time.
They're chill before they commit mass war crimes on a global scale.
What?
Hell yeah. Just guys being due.
Just guys being pals. Oh, shit. I didn't do the bingo card for this week. All right, I'll tell that in later.
Would you have gotten bingo? I don't think so.
I don't know if I would have gotten anything. Maybe the delicious food.
Yeah, that works. But yeah, we immediately leave that scene again and go back to chibi italia. And we see that now that Italy is back in the game and not just under control of Roman Empire, Holy Roman Empire and France. They're all basically bullying Italy, trying to take control. Italy breaks down into city states, so it's all a mess. And everyone just wants to beat up and bully little Italy. And he's just so sad.
Poor baby just wants to paint.
And then we leave this and go back to the original scene.
Is this what gave it us all add? Is this what did it?
I think so.
We can't pay attention for more than 10 seconds. It's just like, new scene, new scene, new scene.
Or it's just leaning into it. It's like, yeah, you're not going to follow this anyways. We're going to just keep cutting.
Four logo is about to come out in like a few years. You're going to have to get ready for it.
Yeah, we got a lot of work to do. So yeah, then we go. We see germany has captured Italy, but Italy loves it because Germany is protecting him from all the bullying from all the other countries, because no one wants to mess with big old tough Germany. And Germany is like, but you don't want freedom.
He says, even the French try to escape, which is another great, original, hilarious joke that is unlike any of the other humor in the show.
Yeah, how you need original. Germany literally opens the door and be like, oh, the door is open. Do you want to try to escape? And Italy leaves for a minute, chats up a couple girls outside, and walks right back in. So Germany is stuck, and we get confirmation that they officially become allies.
Great.
And Germany is not thrilled.
It's like, if you get a cat, it's not really my cat, but like, I fed it one time and now it just sleeps under my bed. So I guess it's mine now.
This stray followed me home because I stopped it from getting beat up by all the other cats.
Yeah, that's the plot of Cats. Oh, God.
Every tall comes back to Cats. All of us separately saw Cats. That's not a joke.
Are our mental and emotional scar is not visible enough that we've just seen Cats?
But yeah, those are the first two episodes.
Neat. Here we go. So in episode five, we're on a beach.
Yeah. This is not the beach episode I was promised.
It was, in fact, a beach episode. You got multiple beach episodes because we care about you, Brendan.
Yeah.
We know what you're about.
Would you want to see Italy in a speedo, Brendan?
That'D be the beach episode I would expect. Yeah. I need some crass anime on my.
Beach because all the characters in this anime well, not all, but all the ones we see are dudes, you don't get the big anime titties.
No, they're not nearly sexualized enough.
I just remembered Ukraine, I was going to say.
Yeah. Brendan, fast forward to Ukraine for the titties.
Yeah, I never won with the titties.
We'll have to watch that later.
Yeah, I don't think so.
Yeah. So they're on a beach, italy finds a crab, and he's like, I'm hungry. Can I eat it, daddy? Germany and Germany.
It really is that, though? That's the dialogue.
Yes. And Germany is like, yeah, just don't get it stuck in your hair.
Ha ha.
Fun. And then we get Japan. This is the first time we've seen Japan. And this one I did watch dubbed, and yikes. It's weird because we think, like, white people doing other white people accents is like, Ha, okay, funny. But then once white people start doing Asian accents, that's yeah, it is dicey.
It is weird because the whole premise is, like, making fun of other countries, and it's just so weird being like, yeah, this is all great, except for Japan and China, these two. Yeah, it's just weird that this divide goes up for these two because yeah, there's a lot of precedent for this being extremely racist and this being the butt of the joke, but when it's, like, specifically the country, it's supposed to hit different, but it doesn't.
I feel like I remember the subs being a little bit less skewed in that way, I assume, because they were actually Japanese involved, but I can't remember enough.
Yeah, it's okay, because we're not making fun of the people. We're making fun of the country itself. That just happens to have all the people inside of it. But that's not what we're making fun of. It's not racist, we swear.
Yeah, but just like the strong leanings into the rsr. ls and ls are ours. And just everything you hear in an extremely on the nose racist impersonation is.
Like, this isn't yeah, but he comes out, and he's like, I found fresh fruit in the forest. And they're like, oh, yeah. And then Italy is like, let's play Marco polo. And then he runs out into the ocean, and he's calling out, Marco. And Germany and Japan have stayed on the beach, and they are calling polo. And they're just, like, having to chill time, but they also want to get rescued. And then we cut away from that, and we get Italy going up to Germany and being like, I have prepared to be the best ally ever, Germany. And Germany is like, oh, great. Let me see what you got. And he's like, I have pasta, fruit, wine, pasta, and ingredients to make pasta.
Get it?
Because Italy and then he says, but don't worry, Germany, I also thought of something for the war. And then Germany is like, oh, really? And he's like, yes, and I made you one special. And Germany is like, oh, really?
Like, the screen turns pink, and he's so touched.
He's blushing. He says, it's handmade, and he stayed.
Up all night making it.
Yes. And then it turns out that he's made them two personalized surrender flags because, again, dems the joke.
We got one joke per country.
Well, two sometimes. So then Italy comes back, and he's like, Germany, I thought of something else. I can't believe I forgot this before. And he added pizza.
What up?
Which did look delicious, to be fair.
Yeah.
And then Germany is like, what the hell, man? You've got to have something that'll help us with the war. And then Italy pulls niccolo machiavelli out of his suitcase, and then Germany is like, no, never mind.
This is another problem I have with the show, where it's like we're making old historical references that have a lot of context to it, and even just something like in the first episode, I think Italy says, like, oh, you're from this place.
I know somebody from a relative there.
And that is, like, apparently a reference to something italians do. I'm not sure. But say with the Machiavellie, when it appears on screen, there's just a good two paragraphs of text that appear for maybe a second and a half, and it's just like, who is this for?
It's like, if you want to pause and read the screen rather than just googling machiavelli while the show continues.
Yeah, it's like we know. You probably need to Google this. We're going to just throw that up.
I really liked in the first episode that they did that when Germany talks about, like, a worst yeah, it's a sausage.
Cool. All right, great. Thanks.
It felt like those legal disclaimers drug commercials have to have at the bottom of the screen, where it's just this huge paragraph of text. We have to have this for a certain amount of time for a legal department to pass us see it, and they're just gone. They did it out of obligation, not because it was for anybody.
Yeah. No. We're back on the beach again. And Germany has made a flow chart of all of the Allies and their relationships to each other. And essentially, what they all are is that they don't like each other. And in the meantime, Italy has been building a beautiful sand sculpture of pasta.
Call me off guard there. I thought it'd be something different.
I get it.
It's Italy.
Got it.
And then we're back to chiv italia. And Italy works for Austria now, and he wants to draw, but all he found was ink and a big paint brush. Ha ha. So he drew a big black mustache on austria's portrait. He's just a little baby. He doesn't know any better. And then we're back on the beach again, and Italy is snoozing, and Japan is like, hey, Germany, italy and I were talking, and we think we should have a team name. And he says, they thought of axis. And then Germany says, I'm partial to Fire Death Team, but that's all right, that's fine.
Play your hand there a little bit. Germany.
Yeah. Japan. He says, like, no, that's too literal. We have to confuse them with a metaphor. Italy is just like I said before, he snooze in, and he has a dream of the planet literally revolving around the three of them. And then it's the next day, and we see them through binoculars on the beach, and all of the Allies are talking over each other because they've been watching them, they've been snooping on them. That's episode five. And then on episode six in episode six, we're still on the beach. See, this is a problem, too, is that the episodes are five minutes long, and sometimes they just dedicate too much time to, like, a recap of what you just saw previously.
And it's like, Brother, sorry, a minute of this five minute thing is what you watched five minutes ago.
Yeah. Then we get Austria being mad at Germany for forming an alliance with Italy, and he's like, he's such a coward. Why would you do that? And then he shows his disgust and anger through the piano, which lasts way too long for a five minute episode.
Got a full time slam on the.
Keys, and that, like, very harsh sound. And I was like, oh, that's the joke.
Yeah, that's what I thought.
Oh, it's like, okay, yeah, all right, we get it, we get it, we get it.
We can't clear this. Stop playing the song.
And then the axis are on the beach, roasting marshmallows, bonding. I don't know.
I mean, Italy made a giant pasta bowl out of sand. Logic kind of has no place here.
There's sand everywhere, though.
Yeah. Like I know sand.
Clearly, I'm in the wrong here. I apologize.
Yeah. Shut up, barnett.
So, roasting marshmallows, and then Japan puts it between two. He says biscuits, and then America gets mad, and he's like, s'mores are supposed to have chocolate.
Sam had the same reaction.
Why is there no chocolate in there? s'mores in America's. Like, there's supposed to be chocolate. And I was like, fuck me.
I think the saddest thing is that I think, like, the things America says are the funniest, because he then says, we'll show them, and they're like, how? And he's like, we'll build a campfire, too.
I was kind of upset by how much I agreed with America on a lot of stuff. I felt called out.
I just felt like the America jokes were the most accurate.
Yeah.
Or is it we just feel most.
Comfortable laughing at those, or we fully understand them all?
True.
I mean, I feel pretty comfortable laughing at Britain.
Yeah.
Like, Brexit lol.
And then we're back to Tibetalia. Austria is scolding Italy all the time, and Italy is afraid of him, but Italy likes it best when Austria is playing the piano, and Austria lets him sit nearby and listen to a little.
Story, like, Are you pussy?
And then. We're back to the Allies and they built a fire, and I think it's England that's doing this chant. Hold on, I wrote it down. Don't worry.
I forgot about this.
He says, Bring on the fire, bring on the hell. Set everything ablaze so that no trace remains. And then he starts to do it again. And then America's like, can you stop?
Hey, knock it off.
I believe his actual words are, I feel like we're summoning the devil.
Yeah.
I mean, as a puritan based country, it's an act of fear.
There was the paragraph of text explaining what just happened.
Yeah, that's when we need it.
I remember later on there's a part where England does, like, weird witchcraft. I don't know. Yeah.
This is a reference to the popular British series Harry Potter. Wait, no, wait. There's no historical contacts.
And then we have Germany living with Austria, and he's not having a good time because Austria is really uptight and he is really stingy. So he finds Germany's old ripped underwear on the floor, and he's like, you can still wear this. And he patches it up and makes Germany wear it still.
There's a very great shot of just Germany standing there with it, like, back to the camp, turned over his shoulder, just so defeated at a very relatable moment.
That thick German.
And then there's more access. Camp fire time. And Japan. Okay, this is kind of funny, too. Japan is wondering how Austria is doing. And then Italy sits up and he's like, Why don't you ask him? He's been over there the whole time, and he's just sitting in the ocean playing the piano.
And in Germany, he's like, how did I not notice that before? Yeah, so dumb.
And then we get the ending song again.
Yes. Why are we having to put the ending song yet?
Oh, yeah, because I kept skipping over it. But why would you do this?
Moving past it?
The ending song is so good.
My anthem, baby, just high octane. As high energy as the show is.
I want to sing it so bad. Shall I?
Yes.
You fucking ready? Here we go. chicku. I'm crying. And that's a whole part of the episodes. Every single time.
This is not a visual medium, but I can assure you I was dancing that whole time.
I also was. Why are you so surprised that I know it, Brendan?
Just because it was just pure gibberish to me and I did not pay attention for a second.
It's Japanese.
I mean, not the language. What they were saying in the language was gibberish.
Yeah.
It's actually nonsense. Like talking about drinking more wine and thinking about baloney sauce you had a long time ago. But then the draw, the circle, there's the earth thing actually makes sense.
And make a toast with our boots.
Yeah. talia invented chewies.
That'S that.
I don't want to know what shoeies are.
You want to know another thing?
About me out of a shoe. Okay, that's for the punk kids out there.
God. idiot. You don't do that.
God, I've been on the Internet too long. I assumed it was something sexual.
No, no.
Okay.
I was a hoodie. I had a time last night while I was talking to Paul because I had watched the first two episodes and I was just reminiscing about Hitalia and vocaloid. And I was looking at my old YouTube videos and I was reminded that I had written a Canada version. So that's a thing that I did too.
There's a reason you're an expert on this show.
Yes. I'll try and find the lyrics, but let's keep going.
Jumping ahead. Good. Ten episodes. I'm sure we missed a lot of good, important plot. Episode 17. I don't like this show.
Damn.
Jump to episode 17. Opens up with someone helping America clean up a mansion. I don't know who this country is. And the person runs off to make coffee while America goes into like, a little closet or like, storage area. And he's like, oh, man, I've been pushing this off for so long. I hate trying to clean up this closet, looking at the past and then getting distracted and not doing it. It's probably been locked up for like a century or so. And I wasn't sure if this is supposed to be a commentary of America reflecting on its past and getting sad by what it did or not. Or it's just like, I'm easily distracted by toys.
Could be both.
Could be both. And then as America gets in there, starts looking around the stuffsy closet, we cut away to another country saying America is going to kill himself by eating so much and gaining all this weight. And America's like, nah, I'm good. I eat a bunch of processed gmo chemically raised beef. Like, I'm fine. I know what I'm doing. They stand. Not that.
The other country is Britain.
Britain, okay. They're all anime boys. And I really just check the fuck out. At this point, I feel like I.
Do kind of need to give a disclaimer because we are picking these episodes. I forgot that this storyline is a two parter. Yeah, so you didn't get the good stuff that I thought was going to.
Be so we get a picture or we get a shot of America on a scale, freaking out, realizing how much weight he gained. He's like, I'll go ask the other countries for some tips. So he runs up to France. He's like, hey, France, you're always skinny after you eat so much crap. How do you say thin? France was like, oh, I don't sit around all the time like you do. It's like, ah, touche. barren. I say someone watching anime in my pajamas for two days in a row. And then it cuts to just a white screen. And it says, like, for educational purposes, we cut out what France said as like, a weight loss tip, and then he jumps up at the very bottom. And I believe it was screamed to me very quickly in a bad French accent. So I don't know if I heard it, but I think he said, sex is a valid workout. So that's what I heard.
And once again, I didn't watch this one in English.
Yeah, I don't know if this is the actual dialogue or if this is the dubbed dialogue that they changed to fuck. I mean, it is a valid workout. Yeah, it's not wrong if you're doing it.
I think in the Japanese, he says, like, that's not fair. Like, just something like that.
Yeah. Instead, the translators were like, let's take another shot at France and got to.
Squeeze another one in.
Except for shot at France. The sick bird is that France sucks.
Over here.
He's getting late all the goddamn time. What a fucking idiot.
The worst.
So then America is like, oh, I'll go ask China. They're always so thin, and runs up to China and he's like, hey, China, how do you lose weight? Do you stay thin because you're so poor all the time? And China turns around. I was like, yep, you can't gain weight in a famine. You can't eat food that's not there. And it's like, oh, no, that was bad rough. And he's like, we also have this tea, and America drinks it and he's like, It tastes like ink. I was like, I don't know if this is a specific joke or if this is just like a gross tea joke. I don't know.
China says it makes her colon slippery.
Yeah, I wasn't sure about that.
Yeah, the dumb is way different than the stuff. Yeah, because he just says, oh, with every meal we drink tea, and then America tastes the tea and he's like, oh, I don't like that. And that's it.
It feels like in the sub, it's like, hey, this is a fast paced show and it's about different countries. And that's it. America is like, with rave Master where it's like I feel like the localizers and translators got the show, got no context for it, and we're just like, I'm writing what I see on screen, and they're just, like, filling in the blanks themselves.
Yeah, I wouldn't I mean, I don't know. Maybe in Japan, maybe the stereotypes are just, like, easier to read or something. And then in America, they just like, turn it up to eleven because Americans are racist.
I don't know. I don't even know if this is an official dub. Like, this could be a fan dub, and I would fully believe it.
No, it's funimation, baby.
Yeah, this is funimation.
J michael tatum plays France.
Is he ida? Yeah, that sounds like an ida name.
He's a very talented man.
Well, that france is the EDA character in this chicken.
And then in the dub, America is like, oh, I'll go ask Japan. He always looks like a girl from behind. It's like, okay, weird commentary. He runs up to Japan. It's like, Japan, how do you say so thin. And I couldn't actually understand them because the dub is so bad. So I was like, Let me switch to the sub for this episode. The sub was just like, I eat, like, three square meals a day, and we have rice with it and, like, drink some tea or something. Like, it was just informative. There wasn't a joke here. It's just like, this is what Japanese traditionally eat for their meals. And I was like, okay, that's clearly not the joke they were making in the dub, because in the dub, America reacts of like, Wait, that's offensive or something. I was just like, But I don't know what he said.
He also just says in the Japanese, instead of saying he looks like a girl from behind yo. He says, Japan is the skinniest guy I know.
Yeah.
Why does it have to be a change that was made?
When I switched to the dub and sub on this one, I was like, oh, it's very different. Okay? So I don't know actually what Japan says in the dub, because it's just.
I think it was something like, well, I don't eat all that bullshit. You eat America. Something like that. Which is why America is like, hey, that's offensive, okay? It's sort of a theme of, like, yeah, clean eating is the answer, not all your processed bullshit.
Can we also talk about for a quick SEC that America is still equally as skinny as all of the characters on the show? Like, physically doesn't look any different.
Yeah, they didn't feel like changing character models. That's expensive.
Yeah.
So then we go back to America, cleaning up the closet and picking up some, like, toy soldiers, and you get some fond flashbacks of Great Britain giving them the toy soldiers and Britain's talking about, like, oh, yeah, all the faces are different because I painted them. Each face is unique. I painted them all by hand, and it's like, Cool. Then it flashes back to American, the present. And he's like, well, don't need this anymore. I guess I'll just throw it away. And I was like, Are we supposed to feel bad for print? Are we trying to have a plot now?
The part I forgot was the whole diet thing. I forgot that existed. I scrubbed it from my brain because it was terrible. And I thought when I was writing the description of this episode that it went into what happened in the second part of the episode, which short spoiler, is they talk about the relationship between America and Britain, and then they talk about the Revolutionary War. So you see them used to be brothers, and then they come to war, which is why America picks up the gun with a scratch on it at the end.
Got you. Okay. Yeah.
This part is like, hey actually a plot?
Yeah. Weird.
This is like the hey, I fought hard. I gave you soldiers in the French and Indian war. We're setting you up for a good country. Here's your toy box. So we're getting like, the hey, they're still on good terms at this point. And then we miss the actual conflict that comes.
And it's also the part where I.
Started singing, you'll be back.
You'll be back soon, you'll see.
Okay.
I'm glad I didn't watch this in school because I know middle school. And you would have tried to pull this off on some history paper and be like, you know, it's historically accurate and just fucking flunked out of history.
You bet your fucking ass. I was like, I'm learning more from Italian than I am in my history classes. Shut up, 13 year old dana.
I tried pulling that shit with the assassin's creed and the crusades. Does it get historically accurate? God. Luckily, my teacher was a pushover and a bad teacher and let me do it.
I got away with it. I never said those things to a teacher. Thank God I had my limits, I guess.
I did not. So, yeah, America is still cleaning up the closet and finds, like, a bridge or something. And same thing. Get a flashback of Britain giving it to him and then back to current day America going like, whoa, guess I'll throw it out now. And then America finds a bayonet. He's like, oh, shit. This saved my life a few times. This is a good shit. I'm going to hold on to this. And we see a scratch on it. And then America gets like, the flashbacks of, like and then it cuts right.
At the very end of spence about the Revolutionary War.
You'll never believe what happens. So yeah, it's incredible that a show tries to have plot within three minutes of show that isn't recap or end song or opening song. So yeah, but they try and then we cut we get to episode 18 and it opens up with Germany talking about the Roman Empire again, because it's what they do. They love they're hot and heavy for the Roman Empire, frankly.
I mean, how could you not?
Who isn't?
Can you blame them?
Yeah.
The Roman Empire.
And I think it was actually the same opening we get from like, episode one or two, I think, talking about the Roman Empire.
Yeah, it's the same.
Yeah.
Got to save that this whole episode.
Is just reused animation.
That song was the only part that was really new.
Yeah.
So then after the intro, we cut to the axis sitting on the beach, having a grand all the time, just pounding around. And that's when they noticed the Allies are up on the cliff side surrounding them. And America calls out like, go, China, I choose you. Which is like, great, because pokemon at this time is like, that's not popular. No, it's not. But this localization is garbage. So China jumps out and starts attacking Germany and Japan with a ladle and a walk because waka waka jokes that joke is not any worse than this show.
Complain about the joke telling and then.
Say, waka waka, waka waka. Listen, I'm like one degree from fozzie Bear at all times. I this I know this is no news to anyone. So, yeah, China knocks out Germany and Japan, and then he goes to knock out Italy, who's surrendering as he does. And then as he's surrendering, the Allies approach the Axis, and all of a sudden, the Roman Empire comes out of the ocean, and he's fucking gigantic and.
Just starts he big, man.
He's a big himbo.
Oh, big old himbo.
Big hinbo energy. And he just starts singing. And it's not an analogy, but like a joke. I guess it is, but I've definitely heard this before where it's about, like, if you're going to have like, the French are going to be the police officers, the German are going to be the chefs, the Swiss are going to be the soldiers, and the Americans are.
Going to be stereotype from the song.
Well, that's the thing.
It's still the generic thing of, like, in hell. All these countries are bad at what.
They do, maybe that's they're doing the.
Wrong things in hell.
Yeah, I definitely heard this before, where it's supposed to be it's all these countries who are known for stereotypical things doing the wrong ones, or it's like the French are engineers, but it should be germans. So it's all that I don't know what it is, but I've definitely heard it before. So it's just Rome, the Roman Empire, singing the song in, like, an operatic tone, and then that's it. And then it cuts back to just the ally. Like, America laughs at it, and then all the Allies feel like, oh, fuck, and then run. So it's like, okay.
You know that if yeet was a thing when they dubbed this, america would have laughed and said, yeet. And they would have left.
Oh, you're so right.
God, yeah. If their hip feels millennial italia, let's do it. Let's redub it all. You can't get any worse. Oh, God, my skin is crawling just at the words. So then it cuts to the same scene again, because why not? Why not?
It goes back to the Axis on the beach, and then Japan says, what was that?
Yeah, it's the same scene again. Japan is saying, like, what just happened in Germany is like, I don't really know. And then the Allies appear again. America tells China to attack again. China attacks again. Italy surrenders again. It's all the same stuff again. But this time, instead of the Roman Empire rising out from the ocean and singing, the Roman Empire comes sailing across on a boat with a bunch of women and singing the same song, but this time, all the countries are to their stereotypical jobs. So, like, the germans engineer, the French police, the Swiss or banks and all this stuff, and then the Allies run away again, and I take a sigh of relief because my torture is over and the show is done.
This is such a wonderful role reversal to be a part of.
Yeah.
You're on a very special episode.
Are we there yet?
No, believe it or not, we're not. Before we even started recording, I went into the Google doc and put no on italia, on the not happening. I can't tell them how there's so much of this show and in so many spin offs, and it just keeps going, and it makes me wonder, why are good shows canceled when garbage like this exists, perpetually existing, and just cumulatively gathers together on the Internet and forms the trash island that is anime?
Yeah, see?
Yeah, this was rough for me.
I think this is just something where they're like, yeah, we can milk this premise. This premise is simple enough. We haven't seen anyone else do it. We'll just milk it. We have all of history. We have the entire global history to pull cheap jokes from and dip into for small storylines. So it's sort of that it's not good, but we can just do this for forever. And that's their motivation.
Yeah, I could see the writers and creators doing that, but I'm just thinking of the people who animated it. Animation is hard. Even bad animation takes time.
Reuse so much of it, I get.
But I don't know if I was an Amber on this, I'd just like, stop and be like, what are we doing here, guys? This clearly can't be paying the bills. What are we doing?
I heard you sound so sad. After reviewing experience, I went with you to see Cats.
Cats was wild. This was just disappointing.
It's so weird to think about because I used to really like this, and I knew a lot of people that used to really like this. I went to Anime Expo in 2011, and there was a panel that was just all about the history stuff that they actually talk about in italia and explaining it, and there were a lot of people at that panel, and he.
Was very popular amongst the tweens and the young teens. I feel like after all the Cat jokes, I should also mention that the girl that got me into Hitalia in high school was also into Cats.
That makes sense. Wow, that makes sense. I mean, I guess you got a point, though, because I've heard so much about italia, and I know a lot of people who've enjoyed italia, but I've never heard anyone talk about it outside of early high school. I've never heard adults talk about it fondly. They're always just like, oh, God, I remember italia. And that's italia.
Oc, I was in deep, baby.
Wow. Really changing my opinion on you here, dana, and it's going to be real for you.
I'm a different person now, my dude.
Who were you when you were 14 years old?
It's me. I haven't changed. I still love ditch him on. I haven't grown much. I fully know.
Am I better than you? No.
But maybe.
Who knows? I wasn't going to be the one to say, I know it.
You weren't fishing, but you liked what you caught. Oh, God. Yeah.
They answered that question before they even asked.
Let's be real.
We all knew that answer because I can look back on it and just be like, holy fuck, what a mess out. And that was before I was into homestuck. Like, I was in the homestuck fandom. And I consider this a worse time for me as a person.
Really?
I was insufferable when I started high school, and then I cut my hair and everything got better. And then in my senior year, I got plastic surgery and damn, everything just looking up.
Oh, God. I feel like it's different for me because I'm the only one here who doesn't have history with it versus, like.
Who doesn't have history versus podcast.
Versus, like, a panty and stocking where we all went in blind and we all came out as beaten up as each other. Like, this one is just like it's rare for me to be the only one being blindsided.
Yeah. And realistically, it pained me to admit that while you guys dugan and Sam, you guys got into it for people. You were I just watched it.
It was all for me, baby. Either hey, well, for going this trip down memory lane with us, for better or for worse. What do we have going on next week?
Oh, God. Something better? I mean, I think so. It's not probably not. Wow.
Listened to all the episodes.
Sam coming in with the hits.
Sam knows. Can't sneak them past that. I did rave, master. So I'm apologizing for that. And I'm picking a show I actually enjoy. And it's not like an ironic, like, ha ha. This is trash. I love it. Monster massume I enjoy. Like, this is equality. I don't know if you'll like it because I don't understand anything.
You're really hyping this up right now, my dude.
I'm putting a disclaimer. I'm just like I like it. I'm not promising anything, though, but I'm not picking it ironically. That's the only thing I'm trying to get by it's. Like, I do genuinely enjoy it, but also there's a lot of stuff I genuinely enjoy that's trash.
So same.
The next show.
Cat.
Yeah. Do you want to leave the name of this show?
No.
The movie Cats ruined the animal cats for me. Anyway, the next anime we're watching is darker than black, and we're watching episodes one, two, and five. neat two exhausted.
Now you know how we feel.
Yeah.
This is my almost weekly existence. If there's a show you would like us to watch. You can send your recommendations to us at our email arreveriet@gmail.com, or you can reach out to us are we verriet on Twitter and Instagram? You can find me on Twitter and Instagram at Mr. Patrick Dugan.
You can find me on Instagram at queen. Period weebu and on twitter at queen underscore weebu and queen underscore weebu art.
You can find me on Twitter at brandon. It stands for Almost Better Than Silence, which is a video game podcast where we don't talk about italia.
And that's a plus.
That's a bonus.
And, Sam, where can people find you?
You can find me on Twitter and Instagram at mix. Sam Miller, mx sam Miller. Everything else is like it sounds. Or by volunteering at the La lgbt center where I work.
Yeah, baby.
Hell you.
Yeah.
Thank you to camille ruley for our artwork, and thank you to Louisong for our theme song stories off the album Beats. You can find all of louie's music at Louisong bandcamp.com. Thank you, and we hope you'll join us next week as we learn to live with anime, pasta, and whatever.