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Welcome to Theater of the mind, episode number 28. I'm Mike and I'm your dungeon master for this evening. Tonight's question from the ultimate RPG Campfire card deck by James D'Amato. What monster would you love to keep as an unconventional pet and why?
My name's Amanda and I am playing Mel Kelly. So when we were talking to the elves back at Elliot Smell heard about this creature called a homunculus. It's like a cross between an Ewok and one of those little things from Gremlins before they got all evil and everything. And they're really freaking cute and she wants one as a pet.
I'm Jeremy. I'm playing Elliot Brandybane. And I was gonna pick a muonculus 2.
I beat you up.
Because they're that you can communicate with them without talking, and they're telepathic and that's really cool.
They're cute. Most importantly, they're cute.
Hi, I'm Brunel. I'm playing Olnack Vaga Johnson. And there's only one answer, honestly, in my opinion, and I want a dragon. I don't really care that it's gonna get massive. I don't care. I want a cute baby dragon. And then when it gets all big and scary, I want it to eat my enemies.
We're just riding on coattails.
And hopefully not me.
Yeah, you can't have that answer too. That's my answer. Stop it. I go last.
There's only two monsters worth having, apparently.
Homunculus and dragons.
I'll change my answer, but that's the one I want the most. And that was the question.
You know, Mel would settle for a fairy dragon.
There you go.
It's the best of both worlds. It's cute and it's a dragon fair.
Oh, yes, I'm downes. I'm playing James O'Brien. And my personal downs answer is a dragon. Because can you imagine that in the middle of winter you have this baby dragon as a lap dog. You just petting a dragon, just nice and warm. James, answer probably out of the things we've seen so far would probably be one of the hands.
Oh, you want to think you wearing, like, the thing.
Yep. Because that would just be so much fun, you know, like surprise pocket hand.
Right.
That's what mage hand is for, right?
That's true. No, no. You have a magic hand.
Have you guys ever seen those cartoons with like the hands are dancing with each other. I can do that with mage hand and the hand.
See.
Yeah.
Seeing in Aladdin with the genie.
Yeah. Spy Kid shit.
Yeah.
I'm Casey and I play Emery Lee. And both in character and out of character, the answer is dragon. It's useful for someone who does metal sculpture to have a thing that makes fire. And I have always been a dragon person. I fucking love dragons and I have always wanted one. There's nothing cooler than a dragon riding book. Nothing.
I also want to ride my dragon. Yeah, 100%.
But would you train your.
I would try.
How would you?
Really hard. Like the movie. I'd give him a fish and then he'd be my bestie forever.
So you're going to treat him like a cat?
Yes.
Good luck with that. It worked in the movie.
Yes.
Therefore it's true.
Everything that happens in the movies works.
It does all the time.
Because in the movie's dream works.
I think a follow up goddamn damn follow up answer would be blink dog.
Ooh, that'd be.
You think you have problems keeping your dog in the yard?
Yeah. Just imagine.
Now listen, no one can keep it from me, but.
No, but just imagine like you go to the bathroom and you're like, I just need five minutes. And all of a sudden the dog's in the bathroom.
You take a shower. Blink dog.
I want my dog to be a blink dog.
There you go.
I don't know what that means.
Dog that teleports.
Oh, cool. That's cool.
And I just love dogs.
So my fallback answer, because it's the only other creature I know would be an owlbear. Just because I think that would be badass as fuck. Except for it would probably almost certainly kill me. Dead.
Dead.
Super dead.
But fun until I'm dead.
I did consider flumphs.
Yeah, that's UBM's answer is a flump. Hold on. I want a flump.
I need to read more Dungeons and Dragons books.
You gotta play more games under dark.
That's really what it is.
Air jellyfish. Oh.
That speaks to you in an image.
Your brains.
What are the ones that like in the movie, that feed off of like intellectual intellect? Yeah.
Oh, the brain dogs.
Those guys. Yeah, those guys are.
We fought those and they're not fun.
Now that we've been thoroughly derailed. I'm sorry.
Let's go ahead and roll. For recap, we'll go closest to 10. Where's my D20?
Where are you?
15.
It's on your dinosaur.
I know, but I Don't want to roll the dinosaur one right now.
I don't want to roll the dinosaur.
Closest to what?
10. 10 that we rolled? No, I rolled a 2.
I get a 16.
12.
12 takes it.
Because I had a 15 and a 1. I got 15. Yep.
One.
I don't remember what happened at all. So I heard briefly that we.
We.
We. We were with this farmer guy in Kremling, right? No, it was a lady.
No. Okay, you know what, I'll just roll. This hurts. Okay. So we arrived in Kremling and it's.
Been two months and if only I posted those episodes so everybody could listen to them.
Brian mastered the other ones.
Anyway, so we arrived in Kremling and basically they've kind of got a border guard who we chatted with and fortunately for us, they are familiar with the undead and they've been working on fighting off the undead.
And we didn't kill him this time.
No, we're not.
Immediately.
Yeah, we did some bartering for favors basically. And currently Emery and James are working in a blacksmith shop whilst keeping one eye on Jeff and Jacob and Olnock. Elliot and Mel have gone to the blacksmith's ranch farm in order to get him some supplies that he left behind. And we just heard something and he.
Saw a dark fast thing in the window.
Yes, we heard something and saw a dark fast thing in the window. And now we are investigating with impunity.
And we rolled initiative and I rolled well. And I'm still last.
You look confused. Am I wrong?
Nope. You guys are great. You guys are doing awesome.
Uh oh.
Is your map all fucked up? What's going on?
Did I have the wrong episode?
I lost the map. I don't know where you're at.
How much is that picture?
Okay, there you are. Go.
It looks like this probably.
Is there a door right here? Yep, there it is. Go.
The map is procedurally generated.
Right.
Procedure by the procedure is whatever is needed.
Next.
That's.
It's the Matrix kinda picture.
A door. I know.
KU I know.
K restored everything back to a tree.
Oh. If you want to know exactly, Mel heard a door slam in the house. And I think she drew her sword and said, guys, I heard a thing.
That would be my response to is draw a sword, then alert everyone else.
Pretty much, yeah.
Yes. No, you guys were all up at the door. Everybody. Elliot's the one who saw the thing. So a little tiny bit of retconning because I now have a map that I did not have when this started.
Okay.
The windows are all boarded up. You Guys were looking through the cracked open door.
What side of the house is the door on?
South.
Why would he have boarded up the windows on his house before he went to town?
It looks like the door might have been broken open also.
I'm just saying. Does anybody else think that's, that's weird.
The first thing you do in a zombie apocalypse is board up your window?
No. You leave town, Remember, you run a lot.
Because that's the first rule of zombie life, is to have good cardio.
Sorry, I thought it was to be faster than cardio.
Yes, that's rule number one. And then rule number two, I think was always double tap.
Yep.
And I think double tap came up more than once.
And also obliterate every bathroom that you see.
Yes.
Yep. You guys are following that.
Blow things up with fire. Yeah.
Oh, I miss killing things with fire.
Yeah, you don't get to do that anymore.
So what we're going to need to do is just be lighter and hairspray.
So to help paint the picture because again, I didn't have anything pulled up last time.
That works too.
Says the voice of experience.
I one time came, walked across my farm and found some people with bug spray and a lighter torching pallets. I was like, what the hell are you guys doing? They're like, we're killing some spiders. I'm like, all right, carry on.
All right, work is valid. Carry on.
You look like you know what you're doing. Don't burn anything down. Bye.
So to paint a picture of the property that you guys, the trio has been on, this particular ranch has a total of six buildings. The two most southerly buildings are large garages running north south. They're longer than they are wide. They clearly have tractors, implements, things of that nature in here. Directly north of that, you see a building about half the size of the garages. It is running east west and you're not really sure what's in it. No real good windows, just a vaguely storage shed type thing. Pretty good size still. But directly north of that is a small garage that's running north south with a 45 degree bend at the halfway mark. Due east of all of this is a barn. Due west is the house that you guys are standing in front of. The house is pretty good sized. It's a two story tall building with very, very worn wooden siding on the outside. Like I said, all of the windows have been boarded up on the ground floor. The door is standing cracked open. It's not open, but it's ajar. And Elliot seems like you were the one who was looking in. What you see is that basically the only light is coming in from the front door being cracked open. In that light you're able to see, you know, it's dusty, there's a lot of motes of dust floating in the air. You see plenty of outdated but comfortable looking furniture. Well, worn recliners, overstuffed couches. And due to its pretty open floor plan, you can see straight to the kitchen from this angle of light.
Can I get a guess how far is the kitchen? How big is the room to the kitchen?
The room that you're looking into is about 30ft across. And the kitchen is kind of kick cornered. The door itself is pretty much dead center of the, of the southerly wall. And the kitchen occupies what would be the northeast corner. The kitchen itself is also 30 across and 15, so 15 further from you to the back wall and 30 from east to west. You can also tell that there is directly across from you a room. You can see a door. You can't really see in it. And there is another room to the west of that. And it seems, I believe, you are trying to draw a map. The Overall structure is 65ft from east to west total. The living room furniture occupies the southeast corner. There's a nice little fireplace that's out with the where the recliners and couch are. There's a little area rug. The majority of it is just wood flooring. And you see that it clearly transitions to tile in the kitchen. And the thing that really draws your attention more than any of this, but doesn't paint a good map is the large shadow looking entity, dark humanoid creature standing in the threshold to the kitchen from the living room with burning red eyes staring daggers back at you. She's staring at me.
You know what, that's good enough for Elliot to take a shot at it.
Okay.
Don't love that.
Send it.
Yep.
All right, go ahead and try to do that.
All right. So because of my sharpshooter feet, he doesn't get cover for it.
Okay. There's nothing to block him either. Anyway, it's a open transition, so I.
Got to get dice ready. Okay, first shot.
And it's the first round of combat. So you get extra too, don't you?
Yeah, yeah, I do.
I get extra for everything.
Extra shots. I'm putting those together now. First shot. Where is it? First I get extra attack. I've already got two attacks. Okay, So I get three attacks this round, this round only.
There we go.
First shot. Here we go.
Sorry, guy.
21 to hit.
Yeah.
Six points of piercing damage. Okay, so he draws second. Dice down. Dice down. I get my D8. Here we go. Second shot. 16 to hit.
Yep.
Nine points of piercing damage. Third shot. Oh God. Yeah. 19 plus a bunch more and an additional nine points of piercing damage. Okay, and then I'm going to step just through the doorway and I'm going to move to my left, which should be to the west, which should be away from the kitchen.
Okay. All right. I forget that you get that much shit on your first round. Well, just go ahead and describe that attack upon the thing.
So Elliot was nervous when he walked in anyway, so he's got. And he's learning as he's practicing. He's getting better at this. So he's got three arrows between each finger. He's got one of them knocked and he just barely pushes the door open. And the glowing eyes is.
Oh crap.
And he just draws back, shoots, Slaps the second one on, draws back, shoots and third one. And just as fast as he could run him just choo choo, choo, choo. And then he's like, oh God. And he like combat rolls in to the left.
Perfect. So Mel, you saw Elliot shoot three arrows very rapidly through the doorway and then jump into the building.
Did you get it?
I don't know.
Do I see the thing?
No, you don't.
Is it. Is it's eyes aren't glowing or anything?
Nope, nope.
Mel's going to hesitantly.
He's killed the shit out of a town.
Enter the building with her machete drawn in front of her.
Okay. Holding an action or just.
Yeah, I hold an action. If any suspicious thing attempts to attack any one of the three of us, Mel will attack.
Perfect.
I think the correct term according to Elliot is fucking annihilate it.
Yeah, just destroy it.
Glowing eyes. Glowing eyes.
Mel's doesn't quite have the same confidence as the Elliot does.
Oldak, you saw Elliot shoot three arrows very rapidly into a house, dive into it, and then Mel cautiously entered it.
Bulnok thinks it's going down. So he's going to draw the axe, the big great ax. And he's going to go in running, ready to fucking swing on anything that looks like a potential threat.
Beautiful.
Oh, before he does that, he needs to go into a rage.
There you go. Okay, you rage.
He's very angry. He's like.
He's really pissed off that he's the last one into the building again.
Say what you said again. What are you doing?
I'm running in axe ready.
Okay.
And I'm ready to swing on anything that looks like a threat.
Anything that looks like a threat.
Come on. Do not kill me.
But.
Well, it's too late.
I didn't see.
Ah, blood with a machete.
I didn't clarify. I didn't clarify.
I'm not gonna.
No, I mean, obviously not Friendly fire. I know my teammates, Right?
I assumed that part. That's not the part that.
Cause that could be a DM move. Just like damn. You killed your party friends, right? Like Mel decapitation, right? Like you can't bring her back from that. Probably. I don't know.
I am willing to assume that you're not intending to kill your buddies.
No, that's correct.
Colored me crazy here.
Wait, is it a full moon, Elliot?
No, that was. That was last week.
Was a 18 hits. Okay, cool. You. Where is it? There it is. Oh, it's an 18 plus 4. So 22 to hit. Still hits. Hits harder that you. Something hits you, you don't see anything. It feels like the air just punched the shit out of you. Taking nine damage contact.
Does Mel see it? Because that would throw off her previous action.
It is invisible.
Okay, great.
And it should be on your guys initiative screen now.
Yes, it is.
It is specifically named Invisible Thing 1.
Yes.
Not. There may be more. I think just named some members.
Yeah, that happens.
I don't remember what was my phrasing? Did I say if anything attempts to.
I think you said it. You said if anything. So I think yours can go off at disadvantage.
I will attempt to stab at the thing I can't see.
So you see Elliot get hit. You attack the air near where he got. The air near where he got hit.
Yep. Oh, that's a map. 20.
Boom. With disadvantage.
Oh, roll another 20.
That's a 11 plus 6. 17.
You make contact.
Okay. I stab at the invisible thing with my sword and I do new class. Oh, sweet. Eight points of stabbing damage. And so for hell actions, you still get your full action, right?
No.
No. Okay, so that's all I do then.
Because you're just burning your reaction to make that.
So when you make contact, it doesn't feel fully firm, if that makes sense. It's kind of like you're hitting the essence of a thing.
That is way too deep for Mel. All she knows is it didn't hurt as much as she thought it would.
Yep, that is the easy way to say that hitting.
That did not hurt nearly as much as I thought it would. Hey, this whole sword thing's not so bad.
You specifically cannot see it. So by your wording, nothing happens.
I didn't do anything because I just like, what's going on over there.
Yeah.
I can't see a threat.
I can't hit by something. And then Mel swings at the air.
And stabs a thing.
And a thing makes angry noises when she does it. You hear it.
So I'm just perplexed. I was like, what the fuck?
And then emerging from the room that was in the center. Suspense is another thing that looks very much like the thing Elliot smoked.
It's evil twin brother Juan.
How could you.
Wrong character.
You see it step out of the restroom into shade. And then none of you see where it goes. It blends into the shadows. So you see something step out of the bathroom and then just sulk away. Yeah, you did see it. You have a melee only weapon. Yeah. So it doesn't come to you to hit too far.
Yeah, I just go, what the fuck is that?
Y'all saw that, right?
Did everybody see that?
See what?
Exactly.
That's great.
Cool.
We're fighting things that only I can see.
That's.
That's fucking great.
And then, Mel.
I shadow people.
Guys, does a 12 hit.
No.
No. Okay. You feel some air near you. You become very aware of the air near you.
Something's in my bubble.
And that brings us back to the top. Elliot, some air in front of you caused you discomfort.
Okay, I'm having trouble not metagaming, so I'm gonna make a wisdom check to see if Elliot would think of this.
Okay.
I've DMed too long.
Clear.
Okay, I got a really high wisdom check. Elliot is going to. He's going to. It should take an action to light his flight device and other episodes. He's got a torch since he saw the one fade into the shadows and couldn't see it again. And I'm assuming Elliot can't see it either, even with the dark vision. Elliot is going to light a torch or whatever devices we have for making light torches.
Yeah.
Okay. So that's going to be his action to do that. Perfect.
Okay. You do now see. Hmm.
That this house is incredibly dusty.
Yes. You do definitely see that.
Oh. As a note to the dm, because of Elliot's alert feat, if something unseen does not get advantage on its attacks against him.
Okay.
Because of his alert feet.
Good to know. I forgot to do that part anyway, so. Whoops. Rolling standard. Thanks for reminding me. I can do that. Yay on everybody who isn't you. I'm getting the hurt. Nice. That's not great.
Because every time that the DM realizes he has multi tag. He fucks us up.
Yeah, I get lit up.
I may or may not have picked.
Things that this three points at a time purpose.
Okay, so you guys can now see, I guess because there's nothing for it.
Yeah. 40 foot of bright, 40 foot more foot of dim for the.
Now all of you are seeing this. Some of you for the first time. Another large about 6 foot 3 ish. You can only describe it as a shadow person.
Okay.
With burning red eyes standing from Elliot, 15ft.
Oh, he's pretty close. But not close enough for me to hit him.
No.
Yeah.
You are allowed to move, you.
Know, but I'm not. It's not my turn yet.
Well, that's true.
Any bonus actions?
Not that I can do, no.
All right, Mel, you see a tall scary thing.
Mel's not okay with that. She's going to run up to the tall scary thing and attack it.
All right. You have no way of knowing this, but that does provoke two attacks of opportunity against you.
Oh fuck.
Okay, now at disadvantage, you're not as.
Squishy as you once were.
You should be.
Okay, this is.
I don't know that yet.
Fair missus. You feel the air near you twice and you get up to the thing.
Okay. I'm going to attack once for 15 to hits. That is five points of stabbing damage.
Okay.
And then I'm going to do my second attack. Ooh, that's a nat20.
Nice.
That will hit that.
I would hope so. And I critted.
Jesus.
So that's going to do 12, 15 points of damage. And because Mel is just that fast, for my bonus action, I'm going to do an unarmed attack.
Okay.
Throw an elbow.
That is 6:14 to hit.
Yeah.
For eight points of damage.
All right. None of those feel like they're hitting quite as hard as they should. But the thing is, I don't know how you describe a shadow looking rough, but the shadow doesn't look so hot. The shadow is becoming less shadowy, jittery.
And Belle straight up like she's got no chill on this. She's doing the yeah, yeah, hi.
The whole time I like to imagine like there's like wisps of shadow coming off with each cut.
Yes.
And it's staggering backwards.
And as you're doing this it is making some just truly God awful noises. It is not pleasant to hear that. I can't make it. Oldak. Mel is attacking a shadow fairly effectively.
I'm gonna go try to finish it off.
Okay, you can get to it.
Okay, I'm gonna go at it and I'm gonna try to hit him. You try to hit upon Yee.
Try to hit upon yi.
What?
Yeah, you hit.
Okay, I don't remember. And then plus 5 16, plus 5 21.
So.
And then D12, this one plus 6.
The one that looks like a sucker ball.
7 plus 6 13.
Yep. All right. Describe how you kill a shadow.
So in all knock fashion, I either like to split it in twain vertically or decapitate as best as possible. But this is a shadow and I don't know where its head is. So I'm going head to taint as far as I can figure it out.
Beautiful. So Mel gets some quick side to side swipes with an elbow thrown in. And you just come in, cleave it top to bottom. And it does like smoke, just into two parts and wisp away.
And I feel better.
Emery, do you think they're over there just fucking around?
Hard to say.
I hope they're not getting to like any good stuff. Shiny loot or some shit, I don't know.
But you guys know this blacksmith thing? It's been a while since I've done this much work with the hammer. My arms are tired.
I know I like sharpening knives as much as the next knife guy, but this is a lot of knives.
It's a lot of knives. But hey, you know what? We're getting free shit out of it.
Fair.
Free is always better.
Yeah. And extra silver. Refining that.
You guys see the door? Slam shut firmly.
Cool, that's great.
The front door.
Yep. The one you came through is very hardly slammed shut.
I am not okay with that.
And then boss music?
I don't know. Are you singing? I don't know.
Not yet. I haven't seen anything to trigger it.
Elliot, I'm totally going through a window.
I need you to make a strength check.
I'll try.
This is a contested strength check.
Oh, not good. That's 10 total or it's a strength or an athletics check.
Strength specifically.
Okay, well if it's just strength, it's 10.
Okay. You feel something? Try to rip the torch out of your hand, but you're able to maintain your grip upon it. Okay.
Just trying to get the light. Trying to get the light.
One thing I did fail to describe, because this is a two story building, you need to know where the stairs are. The stairs are kinda up by the third room that I described. The westmost room.
Congrats guys. You unlocked the stairs.
Yay.
Man was here, he could light something on fire.
Traditional Stair. While they're open, you can see them. And you see something coming down the stairs. Now, there's been a lot of noise. These creatures are shrieking and screaming, then smoke wispying away. And a third very similar looking thing that you've seen comes down the stairs. It sees that you are casting light and it pauses at the foot of the stairs. It's in the light, but it's not coming all the way to you right now because it doesn't like the light. Elliot, the thing just came down the stairs.
I know that something has been trying to grapple with. Can I see the thing that keeps trying to take them?
You cannot.
I'm holding a torch, so I can't shoot my bow. I'm gonna have to drop the bow and draw my shorts. What have I got? I've got a rapier. I've got one of the. Cool.
Yep.
And then I'm going to make an attack where I thought the thing was that tried to take the torch out of my hand. Okay, so disadvantage or do I need to figure out if I'm even attacking the right spot?
You are not. Okay, you swing wildly or I guess it's a rapier. You stab very stabbily. And you don't hit racing.
Okay, yeah, but he gets the point.
And I'm gonna tell everybody. He's trying to get the light. He's trying to knock the light out of my hand.
Don't let go.
What is. I don't see anything. There's me either. Are we fighting ghosts again?
No ghosts. No ghosts. I do not want to die old. Wait.
So you want to die young?
There's worse things than dying old.
Be old before my talk.
You don't want to be old like tomorrow. Is that.
Yes.
Okay.
Speaking of potentially dying. Not old. Mel.
Okay, so the thing that she was attacking is dead. Now, is there anything else that she can see that's within arm's reach, Arm's reach?
No.
Okay, you see the thing at the foot of the stairs that I'm gonna go after the thing that I can see.
Okay.
And I know I have the movement to do.
Yeah.
And then Miles can go. Yeah, yeah, yeah. And so on.
All right, let's hear those.
Let's see. I have a 14 to hit.
Oh, what?
Sorry.
14.
14 hit for seven points of damage. And then I have a 11 to hit.
How much damage?
Seven.
Seven. Okay. Sorry, my CPU in my brain is running solid.
Oh, no. Have you been hacked?
Yeah, yeah, I unfortunately run crowdstrike.
Oh, God help you. What was that second hit, 11 misses. Okay. And then I'm going to go ahead. Bonus action. To throw my elbow in there for a now one. I think I hit the elbow. I think I hit my elbow on some furniture.
Yeah, you definitely funny. Bonus action.
So I'm alternating high pitched squeals along with whatever I hit the first time.
Yeah, yeah.
Thunk bad.
A full. Oh, man.
A full strike elbow, dude.
God, that would hurt.
I've rubbed it across a heavy bag and that sucks.
Wrong. Yeah.
If you hit the corner of like a post or something. My God, it hurts so much. And you've got conditioned. She's not conditioned. Her elbows. That sucks.
That's what I mean. She can't even cuss at this point. All she could do is scream and use this.
She just falls over, cries ol knock.
Mel has attacked a shadow and a banister.
All right, so this sounds like a terrible idea, but it is what I would do. Well, Onak would do in this situation, possibly even myself. But I'm gonna go, Elliott, get ready to jump. And I'm gonna take a swinging motion and just randomly swing in a big circle.
Okay.
So you gotta skip mo my axe.
Jump, nut, duck.
Yeah, it's supposed to be short.
Supposed to be short?
I don't know. It was shorter than that. It sounds like it was probably little. So I'm swinging on the ground.
Wow.
Okay, I'll buy this.
It's a bad idea. Whatever. This is what I want to do.
Y'all ever played jump rope with a sharpened axe before?
Don't miss. Cause it's gonna suck.
So I get advantage. Cause I had warning, right?
Yeah, yeah. So I forgot.
We all have to roll.
Make a dex 21:30 once.
He won on my next save.
Okay.
And I'm rolling to hit thing.
No, no.
Just rolling to do things.
You're rolling to not hit.
You're willing to not hit Elliot.
Okay, so if I roll really well, is that good or bad?
That's bad.
Okay, well that's an eight.
Okay.
I missed my fucking dice thing.
Very comfortably. Just kind of lifts his foot over your ax. It's not even anything crazy.
He just like steps and you spin.
In a circle like a pretty, pretty ballerina.
I did. I did. There's a Nintendo game, a not Nintendo game where a guy with pointy ears spins in a circle. Please don't sue us.
I have no idea what you're talking about.
I have absolutely no idea.
Did you hit anything?
I don't think I hit anything.
Just hit. It's okay.
I just Spun in a circle. I was like, ah. Did anything die? Is anything dead? Did anything make noise?
It's hard to fight invisible things as a melee fighter.
That's why I just went for it.
It is very hard to.
I assumed I would have no idea where it is. I'm just trying to fucking make contact.
I just realized we went off on our own into battle with absolutely no aoe anything.
Yep.
Well, we got a sorcerer too.
Yeah.
Got a fucking wild magic fucking rave party. Yeah.
This was poor planning on our part.
A little bit.
We didn't expect you had a fight with some fucked up shadows.
We're just gonna go get some iron and bring it back.
I know. How hard could it be?
All right, Mel, I need you to make a strength check. This is contested and you succeed.
Eleven.
I rolled a one.
It doesn't matter.
You feel something like try to pull you.
Mel attempts to throw elbows at it.
It like tugs at her pant leg.
It brushes against your shirt as you like, clutch your elbow and cry.
Yeah, pretty much, yeah.
And then just to shake things up. Elliot, no, sorry. Oh, knock. I need you to make a strength check. This is contested.
17. Wait, I'm raging. Plus plus five. Right now you have advantage on. So I get a roll again. So 17. It went down too, so we'll stick with the original.
Yeah. You feel something kind of try to move you and it fails. And was that now?
Which is like pushes me in my butt. Like, hey, stop that.
Get some help. It is so difficult as James not to make snide comments about the combat that's currently happening because he's not there.
Right.
I kind of love your little side chat as you flash back to the Black Mithery.
Mel. 13. 4. 17 hits.
Yes.
All right, that is nine damage of the necrotic flavor. Oh, and your strength score is reduced by 3 points.
I forgot they do that.
Um, that puts my strength at a nine.
You are so fatigued.
Ugh.
And the creature is going to step back up the stairs, risking an opportunity attack.
From me.
From you.
I will absolutely swing at it.
And it makes it. Unless you manage to fucking one shot it to the second floor.
Damn, that thing's fast.
14.
Yeah. That hits.
Haha. No, wait.
They don't call it.
We're going to assume you're doing it with your machete.
Yes. Well, actually, it really doesn't matter. Six points.
Cool. It makes it to the second floor, up the stairs, around the end, to the other end. Oh, and it's now going. It's back in the Dark. We'll see if that matters later. Elliot, you saw the spooky thing. Go upstairs. You know that there are two things that are like, apparently just gently caressing the party.
Wait, what the fuck?
I'm. All I can do at this point is I'm gonna hold my. I'm gonna use my. I'm gonna hold my action. If I see something attacking that I can reach.
Okay.
I'm gonna attack it. That's if I can't see anything to attack.
Do you want to make progress into the room or do you want to stay by the wall?
I'm going to stay where I'm at.
Okay.
Oh, actually, you know what? I'm going to step away from the wall.
Okay.
Like five feet.
Just so you can have something. 360 of you.
Yeah.
Okay. Mel, something punched you, you feel bad, and then it ran away.
Ugh.
I. The cool thing was is the eyes seemed like they were always looking at you.
Hi.
That's burning red coal eyes.
That's horrifying.
Actually, you have bad luck with shadow people, like in general.
Well, Emery started it. Oh, yeah, no, you started. Actually, good chance that Mel thinks this might be boogeyman out to get her. Actually, she probably does. Actually, she totally does. So at this point she's like giving herself a little pep talk. Come on, Bel. You fucking punched a God. You can do this. And she runs up the stairs after it.
Perfect.
And goes to hit it again.
All right.
Okay. So the first one is a 21 to hit.
Yep, that does it. That makes contact.
So eight points of piercing damage.
Okay.
The second one is a 17 to hit. Hits for another eight points of piercing damage.
Describe it.
Aha. So every time she slashes at this thing with her machete, she just keeps shedding bits. Kind of like the other shadowy figure. And the last one, she stabs it and gets it right across the glowing red eyes.
Nice.
So you just get that red wisping into the shadow. Yes.
Ha. I touched a God. Do you hear from downstairs?
Did you just hear Mel boasting? I hear an echo. It sounded like her.
What? My ears are ringing from the hammering. What?
At the. So I'm gonna take a quick description break here. You see, when you get up to the top of the stairs, you are looking into a little bit of a reading nook. A little bookshelves, couple of comfortable looking armchairs. And the majority of this is you've got. On the south side, you have three obvious rooms with the doors open. Each is 20 foot by 20. So three 20 by 20 rooms.
Can I see some of the light from downstairs? Is that how I'm getting this? Or is it dark up there?
We'll say it's. Yeah, I guess you probably wouldn't. Okay, so you don't see that. What you do see is a fair distance away from you are two more burning red eyes.
Oh, I guess it's all you see. Well, I was just thinking you could.
Probably see the reading nook coming up the stairs.
Yeah, I was thinking because it's so there might be something coming in from.
Cracks in the blue. Yeah, we'll call it.
Dim lighting. Open.
Yeah, we'll call it dim.
But I see the other glowy thing.
Yeah, you do see two burning red eyes.
Guys, there's another one up here.
Um.
Get back down here. God damn it. We got these invisible things.
Why would I go downstairs in amongst invisible things? At least I can see this one.
You're not selling me on this.
You should come up here where we can see him.
Well, howdy there, stranger. Long time no see. I was starting to think y'all weren't gonna head back this way. Actually, I found a note that Elliot left for me, and it's says I should probably read it to you if. And I see you. The first point on it says that if you like what you're hearing, you should follow and subscribe to this podcast on your preferred podcasting app. And if you're a Spotify user, leave a rating or heck, leave a comment. They also says that you should go to their link tree in the podcast description and follow them on their social medias. They post new content daily, and odds are, if you've made it to this point in the podcast, you'll probably like what they post. Next thing Elliot says here is that next week's episode is gonna be the first episode of their Patreon. Only content, the side quest, some of this cast alongside a new cast member with entirely new characters, but set in the same world. This new show, as well as other goodies will be available on the Patreon for members. I haven't got a clue what any of that means, but Elliot seems to think it was important. Well, now, I was actually about to head on in and grab a bite if you want to join. I just cracked open a fresh tub of the Crisco, so the fry bread is going to be extra tasty.
This break brought to you by Shamrock Sheep. Sure, it's beef, but it tastes right.
I think after a while, James gets bored enough to teach Jacob how to sharpen knives.
Yeah, we have definitely. We have definitely taught both Jacob and Jeff how to do respective parts of this.
Probably playing horseshoes at some point.
Yeah.
It's break time. We're just having a grand old time. Throwing horseshoes at posts.
And a couple of knives too.
Yeah.
Jacob's got a couple Dr. Seuss books that he's reading to Jeff.
Nice.
You guys are learning that Jeff can't.
Read English at least Fox, socks, box, knocks. Fox and socks and box and knocks.
I missed the whole Dr. Seuss part, so I thought you were having a stroke.
Breaks like stocks and socks and socks and locks, sir. Mr.
Doctor's legitimate reaction.
I was like, you good.
That's Jeff's reaction. Jeff is like, is this book a.
Story or the fact that I still almost have that book memorized after like 25 years is amazing.
Ol knock. Mal ran upstairs and then said, there's a glowing thing.
I have no source of light. Correct.
You have an Elliot behind you. You can see pretty well.
Okay.
You just can't see Mel because she went up the stairs.
She went up the stairs and you.
Don'T see the glowing thing she sees.
She said there's a glowing thing.
She did. You're assuming that's because there's a floor.
Between you that does. That tracks. That makes sense. Makes sense. Elliot, should we keep fighting the invisible things or should I go help Mel?
I help. Go help Mal.
Okay, I'm gonna run. I'm gonna do that. I'm gonna go help. I'm gonna go. Yep, I'm coming, Mel.
Ay.
So you're able to get partway up the stairs. You don't quite make it all the way up. You were like 20ft from there. Shit.
I hope something attacks me. This is a problem.
You could action dash to get to.
Melissa, but since you don't really have an action anyway, I'm gonna do that.
You could dash and get close to.
The thing you see.
Hope it tries to hit me.
Exactly what I described to Mel. You see a nice little reading nook, and if you look far enough, you see spooky red eyes at the far end of the opposite room or far opposite end of the space. All right, you see the spooky thingy with the red eyes. Go into the middle room. The duo upstairs now.
Oh, it just went.
Yep. And then the door closest the bedroom closest to you's door gets slammed shut very loud and startlingly. And o'nah. It seems how you dashed. Do you wanna. What do you wanna do? Do you wanna be right next to Mel? Did you Wanna come up into the reading nook? Do you just pause at the top of the stairs. Where be it?
So I'm going to try to get to Mel because my goal is to be a bullet sponge again.
Okay. So you're going to try to move in front of her. Yeah. Cool. Cool. That makes sense and works.
Because I know she got hit with something and then she definitely has a hurt elbow.
And I am so tired.
Hey, Em, I'm getting hungry. You want a snack?
Yeah, please. Hey, the forge is hot. You could cook over here. I've got you here.
Hang on.
There's a pan over in the corner.
Perfect. Get some sausages.
Just throw that on the coals.
Anybody else craving sausages right now? Just me. All right. Why telepathic like connection with James.
I have some s'mores.
Yeah.
Yes.
A chair gets yeeted in your general direction and shatters on the wall next to you.
But it doesn't hit me. And that's bullshit.
But you were attacked.
I was attacked. At just totally missed.
I feel like the fact that you're getting attacked and they're missing you is actually enraging you more. Come on.
Right? Like.
Hey. It keeps your rage up though.
That's true.
Back on the ground floor.
Where Elliot is alone with several invisible things.
Elliot. You feel something try to throw you again and it fails to do so. You don't even need to roll strength check. But you do. You held your action for something to be near you. Go ahead and try to attack in front of you at disadvantage. Well, no, not disadvantage. Because you got weird ranger shit.
Right?
Correct.
Okay, technical term.
I'm very alert.
You're very alert? Yes. You are very aware that something is near you.
16 to hit. Hits they'll take eight points of it.
Would be piercing damage, Magical weapon or no.
And wow. It's the rapier we found in the mine. So I don't know if it's magical.
You feel it make contact. It's not as there as it should be. You don't feel as much resistance on your blade as you anticipated. And then on your right, these are going to quit trying to pull you because that's going poorly. 17 to hit hits. You have something come up and you feel the air to your right. Just punch the shit out of you. Dealing nine points of force damage. Shit.
Okay.
And it's your turn.
All right.
I need a DM ruling here. I'm gonna tell you what I want to accomplish. You tell me if I can get it done in one turn.
Okay.
I want to get as close to the stairs as I can. And I want to toss the torch up to the group, up to them.
That. Yeah, yeah. You are aware that there's two things basically on you.
Yep.
So moving this, you're aware that that means they get to hit you, Right. So you can absolutely pull that off.
Okay. Yep. Because it just dawned on me. If I can't see them, if they can't see me, we're on even footing.
Dark.
Because once I'm in the dark, they can't see me either.
It's gone forever.
Assuming they're seeing me with dark.
I am.
Nice.
Fair. Okay.
So. Yep. So I'm going to move to where I need to. To toss the torch up the stairs and say, almock. You need this worse than I do.
Torch.
Yes.
Okay.
I gotta do. I gotta roll and catch it.
Oh, man. Michael, roll with fucking advantage once.
Okay.
No, stop it.
No, you don't get advantage. You wouldn't get advantage.
You can't see them.
They don't get advantage because of my alert feet.
They don't get advantage.
They do not get advantage.
Okay, then you only take one hit.
Good. Four, nine points.
Seven this time. Oh, I'm rolling damage. I don't do average. I got buttons that make.
I think those are called calculators, but I could be wrong.
All right, Mel, a torch appears at your feet.
Cool, that helps. Now I can see all the neat stuff you described.
Oh. If I had enough movement after I tossed the torch, I want to get back to grab my boat.
You can't make it all the way back. You were about 20ft from the torch.
Okay, that's what I wasn't sure.
So you can absolutely toss it up to the.
And I want to get out into the dark. My hope is that I can't see them if they can't see me. At least work mildly even.
Perfect.
Yeah. You're able to position yourself to where you're in the shadow on your way back to.
Got it. Thank you.
This will be fun. Three blind things trying to face fist.
Fights in the dark.
Three blind things. Okay.
See how they punch.
Mel? A door got slammed near you. A chair got thrown at Ulnach and something walked into a room. And now there's a torch at your feet.
But there's still the thing with the glowing red eyes at the end of the hall.
Glowing red eyes moved into a room? Yeah.
Okay, okay, relax. I will follow glowing red eyes into the room. Because Mel is convinced now that this is her patron out to get her. Because they're dark and shadowy like he is.
Do you grab the torch?
No, no. Okay, that would make sense. Mel doesn't do that.
She's like, mel, where are you going, Mel?
She also can't see, though.
I'm following the red light.
What is your speed? Did it change?
It is 40ft.
40. You can get into the room you saw it go into, but that's it. You can go through the door into the room.
Once I'm in the room, do I see the thing with the glowing eyes?
What's your passive nine? Yes, you can.
Oh, okay, good.
Cool.
Can I reach it from where I'm standing?
Yes, you can. It just moved around the door and is like, almost like little kid hiding.
Oh, well, I'm going to stab it, Ben.
Barely.
Wow. That's an 8 and an 11.
All right. You hit the air near it. It spooked you. You weren't expecting it to be right there.
Then I'm gonna bonus action. Try to punch it. Oh, that's better. 16.
That one hits.
For seven points of damage and. Well, no, no.
For how much damage?
Seven.
Seven. Okay.
I'm going to spend a ki point and flurry of blips.
Okay.
Which gets me an additional unarmed strength.
Just like a panic attack. Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. Right lane.
Yes.
All right.
For 13 to hit. Yes. Hits, which is going to be five more points.
Okay.
Flurry of blows should give you two attacks.
You are correct, resident monk expert.
Yeah, I played one for a long time.
So 17 to hit on that one for another six points.
All right.
She beat my monsters up for a mini. A long time.
I was good at playing monk Monach.
Mel ran into her room. You hear her hiyaing, and you hear something screaming back at her.
So I did. That just means I know something's in there with her.
You saw the thing go in there too.
And I know something threw a chair at me.
Yes.
But I can't see the thing.
Correct.
So I'm gonna talk shit. As I'm running into the next room. You're like, you miss me, you fucker? And I'm gonna keep running.
So she's fast. You're not as.
Nope. I'm gonna get to the door.
You can't quite make it to the.
Door and be like, mel, are you okay?
Yeah.
You are five from the door, 10 from being in the room.
Okay. I can't attack nothing. I guess I could randomly spin attack again.
Sure, let's go for it.
So I'm gonna roll to hit something, spin to win.
Sure.
That's a 20.
Yeah, that hits that natural 20.
To be honest, you do have disadvantage. Yeah, you do have disadvantage.
That one's an 11 plus 5. Because I'm ranging, I think because I have plus 6 at level 5 for attack.
Oh, then yeah.
Okay, so 17.
9 plus 6.
15. Great.
Wait.
Yes.
9 plus.
Yeah, cool. You feel contact.
Nice.
You don't see contact, but you feel.
Contact like got him. I don't know what I hit, but I got something.
In reality, he's just fucking up the walls.
Really hoping it wasn't a chair again or a fucking drywall.
So yeah, you do a spin attack, you feel resistance and then you hit the wall.
Okay, so you feel contact.
Yes.
So I was technically right.
I think you're.
Mel. A 19 plus to hit you.
Yeah, that'll hit.
Okay, you take five necrotic damage and your strength score is reduced by two. What is your HP at?
43 minus 14.
That puts you at 29. All righty. Gracias bulnok.
Mm, ghosty things attacking me again.
Yar 12.
Nope.
You feel something. Try to hit you from about the spot where the thing you feel like you hit was.
Okay.
Leading to some logical conclusions.
Come on. You can't hit me and you can fucking see me.
Come on, Mel. The door next to you slam shut. You are trapped in the room with the thing.
Not for long.
And then back on the ground floor.
I punched a gun.
And she licked a treat.
She didn't actually.
Oh, she said you could. That's right. That's right.
I prevented her from actually licking.
Maybe she should have licked the aspect.
Lick the door.
That's the cheat code.
I would like to lick a tree right now.
Solved the trap, right?
Woo. These don't have an area of effect attack either. They're not meant for fighting things they can't see.
It's just a bunch of creatures in a room. Attack.
Waving hands.
Something's wrecked or somewhere. So they are going to two.
That's funny. That was a good play.
Thank you. Elliot's a canny feller.
He is.
They are going to pick a dec. What is it? There are nine options. D10, one for directions to move.
Eight.
Eight options going to pick a D8 directions to move.
Suddenly they're playing Battleship.
Downstairs B12.
Ms. K?
Things happen. Just darkness and noise down there. Just.
Meanwhile, James and Emorett finished lunch.
You're pretty pretty confident. There's a couple of things you can't see in a room that can't see. You and your friends are upstairs and you Hear doors slamming.
That was kind of my plan. So I am going to. First off, I'm going to cast cure wounds on myself, and I'm going to heal. I'm going to heal. Seven points. I'm going to just take average.
Okay.
Down 18. Okay. That's my first thing. Now that's verbal. To do that. So I make some noise. They can pinpoint me from that. Now I'm going to stealth and move.
Okay. Stealth with advantage then.
Yes.
Because you do have the opportunity to find a squeaky floorboard or something.
So actually roll it. Yep. Should be pretty good. 21.
21.
Should be pretty good. 21. Yeah. That's it.
And you're still moving back towards the door where your bow was, right?
Yes. So I basically want a stealth to where my bow.
Okay. You can absolutely make it to your bow.
Okay.
You've only done a bonus action. Stealthing is technically an action. Right. You can grab your bow. Okay.
And that's all I've got time. So cast the spell. Move very quietly to pick my bow up.
Okay.
And that's where I'm at.
Cool.
Cause I've gotten out of stuff at this point, but I'm a little less hurt than I was.
I just realized that the party that split up split up again.
Yeah, the party splitter.
Yeah. Splintered.
Mel, you are locked in a room with a thing with scary red eyes that hits weird, hard.
Yeah. Devil don't like that. Mel's gonna try to hit it back.
Weird hard, like, 17 times.
Okay. So there's an 11 that misses.
Yep.
And a 16 and is 22 hits firmly for seven more points of damage.
Okay.
And then unarmed attacks for dirty. 20 hits for. Ooh. 9 points of damage.
Okay. It's looking all sorts of rough.
Well, in that case, she's going to flurry.
Okay.
For that one misses. 10 misses and an 18. And six hits.
Yeah.
Yep.
24 hits.
Oh, nice. I crit it again or I full damage. So that's another nine points of damage. So. Because before she'd hit it with the machete. This time, it's unarmed. So this time, like, she's doing her, like, her flurry jab punch. And then again she gets this one right between the glowing red eyes.
Nice.
And then she says, oh, crap, I had a good one.
That's a weird thing to say.
It's an odd.
Oh, crap, I had a good one.
What?
No, it's gone. It was a good one.
Crap.
Okay. She punches it right between the eyes and goes. I am so tired. And opens her door to go out to the hall because she doesn't like being locked in a dark room with the door shut.
Door is jammed. It was slammed pretty aggressively.
Ah, damn it. She's gotta cuss at the door for the remainder of her movement.
Cool. Ulnak. You felt something try to hit you and you felt something that you sort of hit.
Yeah, I know something's close to me.
Yeah.
I'm gonna take another circle swing.
Okay. Disadvantage again.
Even though I hear Mel like damn it, I can't get out. I was like hang tight.
With disadvantage.
Oh, no wonder she can't get probably.
The one I rolled. It is not. That's a four. Okay.
I might not be strong enough to.
Own even with the modifier. That's a 10. So cool.
And I didn't do it.
Dang it. All right, well that's not an old knock style. That was too pg. It definitely wouldn't have been. Ah, shucky darns.
Mel's cussing it up.
Darn it. Mister.
You're pulling on the door.
Like you sure are vexing me good sir.
And old X over here going whoopsie.
Oh man.
I am going mildly out of order. Just cuz switching between the two maps is a pain in the butt. So 3 and 4 and then 1 and 2 are going to do their thing on on the initiative order. Cuz they're all grouped together anyway. So I get to roll with advantage.
I'm remembering that that sounds more like.
16 plus to hit the null knock.
Yeah, I'm still raging though. So you.
Eight points of force damage.
So just half to four.
Okay.
Wish I could have my damage to four. I'm getting my ass kicked down here.
We'll just turn into a raging meathead and problem solved.
And then.
I didn't know unlock spoke marine.
Ra ra ra ra ra.
Unlocks become Scooby Doo as.
17 to hit.
Yeah.
The other chair in the sitting room gets launched at you doing most of the time.
It's the barbarian.
Four points of chair damage. Why didn't the damage apply half to two. Yeah. So for a total of six this round, right? Yeah.
Ow. Damn it.
There we go.
Stop fucking throwing chairs at me.
Mel starts to think maybe she should stay in the locked room.
Maybe I'm safe here. Yeah, just hang out.
If I can't get out, they also can't get in.
Exactly.
Alrighty. That's what happens upstairs, downstairs. Cause you're fucking ninja.
Ghost is the word you're looking for. I'm a fucking ghost.
Correct.
So now they only does know existing. So because I foresee us possibly running into this, you have to know the things there to get an opportunity attack on it.
I'm looking it up right now. I believe you have to be able to see it. I believe it's just. I'm looking it up right now.
I think so. Because I think I used to.
With our weird two ships crossing in the night thing here.
Something's there maybe.
Yeah.
That's why I'm just swinging an ax in a circle.
Open.
I get fucking contact.
I. I feel like from the outside, the way this battle looks right now is Mel's too weak to open a door and Ol knocks upstairs. Just spinning around in circles with his axe out. Just pretty much doing a little ballerina.
And downstairs you can't see anything.
Yeah, it just cuts to downstairs and nothing.
It just like fades through the floor. The camera fades through the floor to look downstairs and just. Just black.
Or would it be.
They need to roll stealth for you to not know they're there?
Yes. So I should.
That could work.
I should have an. I'm currently not moving, but if they're moving, I should have an opportunity to perceive their location.
Okay, so they'll roll stealth. Stealth normally with advantage, but because of you. Disadvantage. So just a straight roll.
Right?
No, for stealth, they'd still have advantage.
Still have advantage. Okay.
Yeah. Stealthy shelf advantage.
Dope. Okay, you know where this one is? An opportunity attack on this thing. I don't know how it makes noise, but it does a bad job of sneaking invisibly and not touching the ground. You're aware of where it is. It disrupts the moat of dust in the air.
I feel. I feel the air swish across my face.
So you take a bow in your hand, but you can punch. Unless you still have bow in one hand, rapier in the other.
I guess I haven't technically dropped the rapier.
You can rapier it.
All right, that's good.
That sounded wrong.
Staff might be the word. That's the verb.
Rapier status.
Okay. All right. This one's going to do something quite similar.
Yeah. I fill the air and I poke.
I feel like after the camera pans down into the completely black downstairs, where you just hear a lot of the sounds of air moving around it. Then pans over and there's James and Emery.
Because we don't fight invisible things very often. If you're trying to do. Can you do a ranged attack against something you cannot see?
You can.
How does that just disadvantage or how does that work?
If you. You have first. Generally, you have to succeed on a perception check to figure out where they're at. Once you do that, then you have disadvantage on the attack against that spot. Unless you're a sharpshooter.
Okay, cool. So you know, you heard the thing moving. It kept moving the first one, but you know the direction it's moving in.
Yeah, basically. I know it's general location. I can make a shot at it.
Okay, yeah, you can shoot at it. You do not detect the other one at all.
Okay.
And that takes us all the way around the lap back up to Elliot.
Excellent. So now that I know the location of one, I'm gonna take my two shots. Because of my sharpshooter feet, I don't have disadvantage on the attack.
Okay.
So attack number one. Yes. 22.
22.
For seven points of piercing damage.
Perfect. And there's nothing that makes that magic, right?
No, not currently.
Okay. All right.
Second attack, maybe 17.
Oh, yeah.
For six points of piercing damage.
Okay. You hear it scream. You already knew where that one was. It doesn't like getting shut.
I'm going to take a very slow, quiet step to the right.
To the right.
One spot.
Okay, quick battleship, but the ships are always moving.
Go ahead and reroll stealth to see how slow and quiet it is. Seems like you did just shoot 16.
Plus stealth is 6. 22.
Okay, cool. Mel, you're in a room.
Are there any windows in here?
Hoarded, but yes.
Is there any light coming through the.
Windows like you can kind of see? It's not like blackout curtains.
Tapping into her inner awareness of the universe, can she sense that there might be anything else in there with her now that she's killed the thing with the glowy red eyes?
Go ahead and roll a percentage.
Mel's going zen.
That'd be a passive of 9. Or 4, as the case may be.
Or 4. To the best of your knowledge, you.
Are alone in this room, and I can hear what's going on in the hall.
You do hear Olnak sounding. It would sound almost like he's chopping lumber.
Do you need help out there?
I don't know. There's things throwing things at me.
I will continue to attempt to open the door, which, given my current predicament, might actually take a strength check.
Yeah, you did actively perceive the room as an action. Okay, so next turn, I'll let you strength check the door.
I'm stuck in here. Give me a sec. Or six.
I'm fighting things. I can't see again and I don't like it.
And oldnock it's your turn to try.
I'm gonna fucking spinny. Rooney, Rooney, ro.
Go for it. Disadvantage.
So first one's a 12 plus 6.
18.
That's 7 plus 6.
13. Yeah, nice.
An 8. 5 plus 3.
You feel yourself make contact on a thingy. It screams at you.
Yeah. I can't see you and I'm still hitting you. You guys fucking suck at this.
15 plus. That's 10 damage halved. Okay, two. Five for you as nothing hits you in the face really hard. Ow.
I should. Maybe I should stop talking shit.
It catches you totally unawares. You can't see the punch coming.
Yeah.
Oh, fuck.
Okay. Does it feel like a tiny fist or a big fist?
It feels like a wall of force.
So it doesn't feel like a fist.
Nine.
All right, that makes the last four. Go fish. I win again.
God damn it. Throw my cards down. Sorry, Jacob. Don't repeat that.
19 plus. Yeah. Yeah. Okay, that's another 10 halved to 5 damage as something from a different position hits you.
Ow. All right, so maybe I shouldn't have talked that shit.
Fuck.
You guys are getting better. I'm gonna shut up.
The biggest change is your dungeon master remembered they get advantage on you.
That would help.
Can't dodge them.
That would help for them. Yeah.
All right.
They don't get advantage on Elliot. They get an advantage on me. Right?
Well, yeah, they can see.
I can hear commonness or whatever. Yeah, he can.
My alert feed. I can hear them swinging. So they lose that advantage even if I can't see them.
And I'm just Mr. Oblivious. You're like, Ow.
You rolled a 22 to yourself.
Yes.
Yeah, that's what their perception. They'd have to take an action to try to find me or perceive me, I guess would be the.
All right, this guy didn't want his house back, Right.
I was worried. I was thinking about just burning the house down.
You're. Your passive perception is what?
12.
12. Okay, cool. You hear something to your right. The one that you were hitting. You no longer detect. Your turn.
The one. So I did hear one. I do know the location of one of them. That's the one. I'm going to take my. I'm going to reach into my cool magical quiver and pull out my two arrows as silently as possible. Which is pretty good, by the way. It does give away my position every time I attack. So I'm gonna take my two shots. Yes. Both of them hit. I've got a 19 and a 16 plus a bunch. So the first one the damage is 10 points of piercing.
Okay.
And the second one is going to be 12 points of piercing. So 10 and 22 points of piercing total. And then I'm going to take a very quiet, stealthy step backwards.
You are up against the wall.
Do I know I'm against the wall? Cause I could bump and go, oh, shit, there's the wall.
Yeah, you would because you went to the wall to pick up your bow.
Okay.
And then you move to the right so, you know you're pretty much the same.
I'm gonna take another step to the right.
Okay.
Stealth.
Go ahead and reroll.
Stealth 23.
Okay.
You're increasing by one every single time.
I can't get much higher. I can't get much stealthier than I am right now. It's the only thing keeping me alive right now is how quiet I am.
Mel, you're in a room that.
And we're making a lot of noise upstairs.
And you think you're alone.
I think I'm alone. I still think I'm alone. And I'm gonna try keep trying to open the stuck door.
Give me a strength.
Check minus two.
Minus two.
Rudolph.
That's her current.
That's a seven.
Oh, my God.
You throw your shoulder into the door and the door wins.
Minus two.
Ow.
All right, maybe I should help Mel out real quick.
I said I can defeat demons, but I can't defeat doors.
You hear something hit a door behind.
You and I'm near the door.
You're five from the door. You'd have to move to get to the door.
So I'm gonna. That uses partial movement.
Yeah.
I would still have 20ft tech. 25ft. Technically, yes. Okay, so I'm gonna do that. I'm gonna try to open the door.
You're gonna take. You get hit because of a opportunity attack. Yep. 19 plus some shit.
Fuck you.
And then the damage amount of 13 halved to 6.
Really glad I'm raging because that would have fucked me up.
Yes. Go ahead and roll strength on the door.
That's a nat 20.
You vote. I was going to say you got advantage, but never mind. You can hit the door so hard.
It throws Mel across the room.
How do you open the door? What do you do?
Okay, so it's. I fucking.
You know, it opens into the hallway, if that matters.
Okay. So I would have just grabbed it and yank on it. Sounded like Mel couldn't get it, so I'm expecting this door to be fucking stuck. So I grabbed that bitch both hands and just yank.
And it's a privacy.
Rip that bitch off the hinges.
Face plants on the ground in front of you.
Unbeknownst to both of you, the force with which it got slammed had started to crack it. And you rip it off the hinges. You have a door.
What the fuck just happened?
I could say the same thing right now, actually.
So I still have movement and I have no actions, though, huh?
Correct. Correct.
So I'm just gonna back away from the door so I have a little distance between me and Mel.
Okay.
The door's still in your hand because she came.
It's a shield now. No.
Just set the door down gently and back the five feet.
You already moved back up. Yeah, I'm gonna go back to where I was.
Back to where you were? Yeah.
Because that should get me at least, because you know that once upon a.
Time there was something there.
Yeah. That would put me out of range of hitting Mel accidentally as well.
Yes, currently.
Thank you for that.
All right.
Because I'm mo be swinging it random again. I don't know what's out there. I can't see it.
14 to hit.
Hold up, Matches. Yeah.
You're going to take five halved to two. Okay.
No, I'm okay with it. They can keep doing that. That's fine.
And then you.
I'm a good damage sponge.
17 plus.
Fuck you.
I feel like you're regretting your previous statement.
I mean, I can take it, but it still sucks.
14 halved to 7 damage. Stop.
Stop hitting me so hard.
You guys gotta start killing these things. I'm a little stressed over here.
Look, I was stymied by a door, okay?
If it makes you feel any better, the downstairs is just kind of a joke.
It just kind of happened to that bucket.
It's just two things. Three things. Slowly moving.
He's around here somewhere.
We're gonna fucking find him.
They could give up and go away. I'm not giving up.
Oh, God. All right, Jacob. And with that, that's the last king. I win again.
You rolled a 23 this time for stealth.
Yes.
What are you playing? Are you playing go fish with a pinochle duck or something?
Just a regular duck?
No, I'm using mage hand with a mirror behind him.
Okay.
Mage hand is just holding up fingers to say.
And Jeff just says, I really don't understand this game.
One fish, two fish, red fish, blue fish. You cannot have green eggs in ham. I will not have them in a can.
That sounds like a brilliant idea, though, using mage hand to do the numbers to say, like, what you need.
Although mage Hand doesn't technically see, it.
Knows partial sign language symbols.
But the hand.
Okay, first. So it would need the.
It's mage hand, not mage eyeballs.
Fair. I'm just going to get some eyes. It's a different spell.
Like this fucking mirror randomly floating behind.
That arcane sensor is the one you.
Need for that one arcane sensor.
There you go.
That's a useful.
Yay. We don't know where that one is.
That's the highlight of the downstairs battles. You can't see it.
Fuck. That's two Nat 20s in a row. You don't know where these guys went. Oh, damn.
Shit.
Combat continues.
Ah.
They also have no fucking idea where you are.
Yeah, they don't know where you are either.
That's the important part. They're gonna make a noise eventually.
This is a shortcut scene.
Elliot's turn chasing.
I'm going to make a perception check to try to perceive something.
Perceive something. Them in particular.
Yeah, I'm trying to figure out where they're at. I'm not taking a shot until I 16 + Perception 18. So if they roll 20, I don't know where they're at.
You don't know where they are.
I take the dodge.
Okay.
No, that's not true. That's not true. If I hear one of them persuade it, I'm going to take a shot.
Okay. Okay.
Sorry.
Do you just need to wait for upstairs to stumble their way to success and then I'm sitting there at like.
Half draw listening for the tiniest.
So again, because we're in very, very nitpicky rules territory. If you're waiting to perceive them, does that mean we run with your 18 and they roll a stealth again or is it based off your passive.
No, that would be my. Because I'm listening it.
If they move again, they have to.
If they move again, they have to reroll a stealth. And if it beat your 18. Yeah, and if they are below it, then I perceive him. That will fire off my reaction.
We are in the weeds, folks. Nel, you're not in a room by yourself anymore.
No, I'm laying in the hallway, I picked myself up and I see old Nok went back. Went down the hallway.
Yeah, he's literally like. If you are in the hallway, he's five feet from you.
What?
He is fully geared up to hit something.
Yeah.
Ohnluck's going weed whacking.
I knew. Well, I mean, I feel like I kind of guessed there was something in there. There's nothing more with the red eyes, right?
I Have been talking shit the whole time.
Yeah, you have been talking shit.
That's normal.
This is true. But I normally don't shout at nothing.
To perceive these invisible things that Olnok thinks he's. That are throwing chairs at Olnok.
I'm just imagining damage. Ow.
Oh, that's a nat 20. I perceive something. Woo hoo.
Okay, you can tell that there is one to Olnok's southwest and northwest.
Okay, I'm gonna go to the.
And you are on his south southwest.
And bonus action. Punch it.
Okay, Bonus action. Punch it.
14 hits Kia for six points of damage.
Okay. You jab your fist forward and you feel the air is really thick there.
This is really weird.
And that one finally takes damage.
Oh great. So I got a bloodied one somewhere. I gotta find that little bastard.
Olnak. You got a bloodied one somewhere. And you gotta find that little bastard.
Reckless attack. That I should have been doing the whole time. Reckless attack. So it's just a straight roll now.
Okay.
Could you maybe swing in like a three quarter circle?
She is right next to you now then.
Yeah, but I mean let's hope that something's there. There's one kind of in front of me. That should work. Let's do that. 16.
It's max damage.
12 plus 6 or 3. 5. Almost 5. 17.
What are you in an auction?
What are you doing?
12 plus 5. I was like 6.
3 5.
Wait. I know 17. Eagerly waiting with the type.
We have 30. So I. Because I know Mel's behind me, right? She's behind. Ish. Correct. So I'm gonna swing in front of me and stop before I get behind the moon. So I'm like post. I'm in the winning pose and I sling.
I hit something.
I don't know if it's fucking dead, but I'm just like I got something. And then I stop.
There you go. You did got something.
And the air suddenly seems less thick.
Yes. And nothing threw a chair at me yet.
All right. Fucking 18 plus hit smell.
Oh no.
You just hit the air. So the air is going to hit.
Back, which makes sense. And I will go out of rage if it.
I really thought you just attacked.
I attacked Health. I hit that thing.
How much damage does this one do?
11.
Ouch.
No, not have.
Cuz you are not an all knock.
No, I am not an all knock.
So the air punches you straight in the schnoz hard.
I can't get that fixed.
Go ahead and make an opportunity attack. Because you perceive it so well last time moving away from you with pleasure. That words.
That's gonna be a 12, 16, 18 to hit.
Okay.
That's only four points of damage though.
Okay.
It's hard to hit hard when you're.
Mike Tyson to you and you kind of pawed at it a little bit.
It's hard to hit hard when you can't see because your eyes are watering.
You can't see it anyway.
But my eyes are watering. It's distracting.
It was more of a startled counterattack.
It's like when something bites you and you just slap at it wildly.
Oh, dope. I know what this one's gonna do.
It punched me and I bitch slapped it.
The DM is excited. That's.
I just figured out how to fucking think. Ha ha. You are screwed.
Download. Finish downloading.
The DMs CPU finally cooled down.
Where'd you go?
It was one of those old Microsoft downloads that was wavering wildly between 67 years and 30 seconds.
Lots of things have occurred. I'm screwed now, guys. Fucking oofta.
There's a lot of expletives happening over there, but no one has any idea what's going on. I don't think the DM even knows anymore.
There's a lot of faces too.
Mel, does a nat20 hit you?
Oh no.
Let me check the AC.
Huh?
Yeah, yeah. Nat 20 hits.
Okay, that's a I just fucked up a party member face.
Well, it only rolled 12 damage.
I mean, you're not dead yet, but it's close.
So that would be doubled or the damage dice doesn't.
It doesn't have a plus to the hit. 3D6 straight for its hit for its damage. Okay, so it did 24 total damage.
To you because it was a.
Because it was 24 total damage.
So 24 total damage.
Yeah. And I have 25.
No, wait, I have you at 18.
Yeah, I don't know that's accurate.
I'm unconscious.
She's down.
So the air comes at you really fucking hard olnock. You see Mel get and knock the fuck out.
Yeah, there's another concussion.
Ellen, I need you to hurry the fuck up down there. Mel's down.
You hear nothing in response.
You hear nothing.
I'm just shouting so somebody hears.
Yes, melt. That's fine.
Elliot, are you there?
Elliot in his mind is going, God damn it. Shit, this is gonna hurt.
And that's another Go Fish victory.
You hear something moving, but you again. The same swirly mote of dust you're learning to look out for. See it move to directly in front of you that activates your held action.
Activates my attack?
No, it is in its movement.
18 hits.
Just the mage hand.
Yes. 11 points of piercing damage is halved to five.
Okay, it knows where you are now.
It does.
It doesn't have advantage on you because you're weird.
Yep. He's alert.
15 plus to hit. Yeah, that still hits for 16 damage upon your face.
Should we bail? Like, what the fuck?
What if he was unconscious? So you are.
You are near the door and you.
Said it was 16?
Yes, 16 force damage. And you know where it is.
God, this is so stressful for not being there.
I'm concerned.
You should be.
Elliot, I'm gonna wrinkle.
You just got fucking decked.
Yes, I did.
By the air in front of you. You know it's there because it rolled a NAT one on its stealth. You have a door behind you. You have an old knock begging for your help upstairs. And you have a nothing hurting you in front of you. You are. You can make it to the stairs from where you are. The door got slammed shut. You have not tried opening it.
I was called for help. I have to go.
You do know that's going to risk an opportunity attack because you know it's right there.
Unless he disengages.
Unless she disengages.
I'm going to have to because I can't take another hit. Okay, I'm going to disengage. I'm going to run up the stairs as far as fast as I possibly as his bony little legs will take him.
You get literally to the foot of the stairs. Unless you disengage. So you can't.
Because I can't dash.
So, yeah, you get to the bottom.
Of the stairs and then I'm going to holler. I'm coming.
Hang on, Mel. I going to do it. Finally, we get to do a secret destination. Implemented this rule like 20 episodes ago.
I would just like to point out that the DM just scared the out of me for jumping up, raising his arms.
I nearly died. We. I did a secret death save.
Yes, we've done it once.
Yeah.
Okay.
That sounded bad.
I don't know how to interpret. I hate this so much.
God damn it.
I shouldn't have given him that thing.
If you play poker, you're very misleading.
I do play poker. I do that. I don't know.
I can pretty, pretty much tell that he was very excited to do something when he jumped up yelling with his arms.
I gotta use the doctor death. Death. Dr. Dune surgeon. That's right.
We had to Come up with another name.
Yeah, this is exciting. Bull knock. Mel is at your feet.
On the plus side, she's not standing up to hit with your ax.
How much would my movement be slowed if I tried to Fireman's carry her and fucking bolt through a window.
Yeah, Halved.
Which means I am definitely not making it.
No, you know you're not making it.
I have. I don't know how many left are up here. I don't know that, do I?
Correct. And you haven't even looked at any of the rooms. The only window you see is at the far end of the hallway, boarded.
Okay.
Which is your movement. It's 30ft from you. Yeah.
So what you do is you use an unconscious Mel to bust through the window.
Do not do that.
You'll only suffer from CT later.
What you do know is very inconveniently.
I do.
30Ft from you to the stairs. You are in the center.
I want to say, I think he's got extra movement. Because at fifth level, as a barbarian, if you're not wearing armor, you get extra move movement.
Where would I see my movement? Sorry.
We have decided after this session, we're going to sit down and look at how to play a barbarian.
Yeah.
I can say we need to actually, like, write out his character sheet at some point.
You're. There's fences and it should have.
I printed it out there.
Okay. It's 40, so.
Okay. So you can make it 40.
Holy crap.
So that would make it down to 20 halves. Because you're carrying a person, you could damn near make it to the window. You know that, right? Can't make it.
And I have good strength, so my confidence of us getting out of this window makes me happy.
Okay.
But all of this is making me.
To the best of your knowledge, there are no windows you can go out of?
Yes.
Okay. So I wouldn't potentially be able to break through these.
Not on this turn. If you're carrying Mel, you can make it to the window without Mel. No.
I'm trying to say.
Yeah, with Mel.
No.
So I'm fucking.
Fuck.
Fuck it.
I'm gonna take another reckless attack and see if I can hit something.
Okay.
Because that makes more sense to me.
So you would. I'm gonna assume you're attacking the nothing that just took Mel out.
I'm gonna swing above Mel's unconscious body.
Okay. Yes, Go ahead and roll.
Sorry, Mel, that was a one.
No, no, no, he's. You're laying on the ground.
So my fucking, like, I just, like, fall as I'm trying to spin this. I'm like, ah, damn it.
Right, like you spent too long hesitating over what to do.
I panic because you're so worried about not hitting Mel, you forget that she has a wall next to her and you just beat the sh. You just continue.
Like when I fought.
Yeah.
Which again, Mel is covered in drywall dust.
Yeah, well, that's one of the less.
Mel.
Mel looks like a ghost Roll.
An opportunity attack, please. Yeah, normal attack.
That's what's 27? 6. 25.
Fuck yeah. Yeah. It hits. Go and roll your damage.
9.
Okay.
He's just yanking his ax out of the wallet.
Straight through.
Whatever.
Oh, there you are, you little bastard.
How'd you hit it when it was moving?
15 for you. Olnock.
Yeah.
Book comes flying off the bookcase.
Oh, a book. Olnuk's weakness.
That book beans you in the face for a total of 6 points of damage halved.
A3.
Thank fuck. All right. Ow.
It was an aggregate.
And you are aware that something to your north west tried to hit you and failed to do so.
Okay.
Its title is Beans and you.
I'm not talking shit anymore. I have given away my position too many times.
It knows where you are, but it doesn't get advantage on you. It does get to attack you.
Shit.
Please miss the level. Fuck.
Please miss, please miss.
Eight plus four. Twelve misses.
Finally miss.
Another one of the living room chairs explodes on the wall near you and it's your turn.
Okay, I'm going to run up to the top of the stairs. Hopefully I can get within. Hopefully I can touch Mel.
Sure.
Okay. I'll knock on coming. So I'll run up and I'll run up to Mel and I'm gonna see that she's unconscious and I'm gonna slam my hand down on her and cast cure wounds. You're gonna get what heals. Seven points. You're gonna get seven points of healing.
Thank you.
That's seven points of healing. First grape.
Yes. And I'm gonna look at all nok and tell him, let's fire the housing.
Let's get out of here. Out of here. I'm down.
You did just leave the torch sitting on the floor. I think too. So like even if you go, well, I tossed.
I didn't know if he had it in his hand or not.
It's on the floor. I've been fighting like with a candlelight torch on the ground, just swinging partway there.
Mel, you're laying on the ground, you're no longer unconscious.
You fucking feel bad Oh, I died again, didn't I?
Get up. We gotta get out of here.
Okay, I'm gonna get up. Can we go downstairs?
There's two invisible shits down there.
Can we go out a window? I'm gonna try to go. I'm gonna try to unboard a window.
Okay, you can make it to the window at the end of the hallway. That'd be the most logical one to go to.
And I'm going to start trying to rip the boards off with my superior strength.
Yeah, let's go with another strength check on that.
Man, those were some heavy air quotes there.
That's a 10.
Okay, you're able to start. You're not able to get it opened up. Mel's up.
I know something's near me.
I stand up.
You know where it is because it did something that made you know where it was. It tried to hit you.
Okay, so another reckless attack. Let's hit this attack.
That's a D12. Oh, roll that one.
You guys. All right, I'm gonna.
Man, much better.
That's a seven plus six. Thirteen.
That hits.
Yeah, that's a six.
Okay, you hit.
Wait, what about all your bonus?
That was with the bonus.
Okay.
You should pull out a D12. That's a different color than a D20.
Or use the dinosaur. Use the dinosaur.
All right, all right, all right.
That way you can differentiate them.
There you go. Now you're now your color coded.
Yes.
I hit it.
I watched you pick it up to it. Like, I'm pretty sure that's a D12. Yep, it's a D12.
I'm almost like gonna say you have.
To get a new weapon for your weapon damage. Thing is ol knock a 17 to hit you. Yep, eight halved to four. Damage.
Half damage. Saving grace right there.
Still standing. All right.
Misses.
I'm not even there and this combat's giving me a heartburn.
That's the part that's the most stressful is the thing.
There's nothing you can do.
There's nothing we can do about it. We're playing Go Fish.
I'm just aggressively playing gold fish over here with wrinkled up cards. Go Fish. Damn it.
The whole team every is holding her cards like 2 inches from her face so he can't see them. That's what she's stressed about.
Jacob hasn't learned that one yet.
He's got him out here.
So I can't cheat against you, but I'm still cheating against you.
He cheats again and I throw something at you to hopefully break your concentration. On mage hand.
16 plus attack. Yep. Lance four. Another eight. Have to.
Four just beat me in the head with a horseshoe.
Still standing, but barely.
All right, we are to Elliot. You see Olnock taking damage.
Can I see what's damaging him?
You can tell that there is something directly south which would be directly east of you has harmed him. And you could tell there's something in your northerly quarters that harmed him.
Oh, there's two more up here. Fuck, I thought there was one. Well, damn.
Okay, I'm going to. I've got to. I'm going to die. I'm going to cast wounds out myself again.
For how much?
That'll be seven points up to 10.
Correct. Does my math and yours add up?
Yes, that sounds correct.
Okay.
And then I'm gonna run over to the window and try to help Mel.
You have how much movement?
30Ft.
You're five feet from the window. Okay. And 17 to hits. You try to run, you take 14 points of damage.
Oh, God damn it.
Opportunity attack.
He's down.
So you see him go to run and just lay the fuck out. Mel. Elliot starts running in your direction and falls down and isn't getting up. You have a board off the window.
Oh.
God, this is stressful. From over here.
I'm going to.
To fully paint the picture. You can absolutely make it to Elliot, Lynd or Olnak.
I'm gonna go to Elliot and try to stabilize him.
Okay.
Knowing that I am like the world's worst medicine.
You can make a medicine check?
Yeah, that's a 13.
That work? That stabilizes.
Okay.
Oh, okay.
I've heard the wacky.
It's just a DC10 to stabilize, right?
That's what he did to you.
Okay. You do things of a medicinal nature.
I have enough movement to move back to the window. I have 40ft.
Yes, exactly enough to make it back to.
Okay, I'm going to stabilize him and I actually. I'm also dragging him. If I can, then.
No, that would suck.
Yeah, no, I know I won't make it to the window, but that's what I'm trying to do.
Okay.
So I'm going to use what's left of my movement. Trying to drag Elliot should get you halfway, which isn't going to go very well since I have a negative 2 to my strength right now.
Yeah, you get about halfway back to the window. So you are 10ft from the window.
Okay.
It was 20 to Elliot and then effectively 20 to move 10 backwards.
Yep, yep.
Oh no, there is shit. Doing some hurtings.
How far Can I. Can I get to the window to help to bust the remainder out so if we have a mad dash we can hopefully get there.
You can make it.
Do I get opportunity attack upon me?
Yes.
I gotta fucking go for it.
I gotta.
I gotta. The only one who hopefully can break this fucking window open. So we get the fuck out of here.
17 to hit.
Yeah. How much fucker. Come on.
Your doom is lightning.
I did not think this was how we were gonna die today.
This, ladies and gentlemen is why you don't press. You're still up. That's five total damage. Ten have to five.
Oh that whole. I thought it was five halved.
I know I wore. That's why I redid it.
Okay. What can't you get. So I got to the window after getting hit. Can I pull on it?
Strength check.
Okay.
If he's still raging, he's got advantage. You've got advantage. If you're still.
I didn't do much better but nine plus six.
Okay. Yeah. You're able to open the window.
Okay.
You have secured the unsecured the window. Window's a window.
So we can get out? Hopefully.
Yes.
Just fucking yeet.
Every.
Everybody's going out that fucking window.
I need you to make a strength check. Goldmach bad advantage because you're raging. 14. Okay. You feel something? Try to shove you out the window. It doesn't work.
Okay, well I'm jumping anyway.
You're the only one that can pick my body up out that window. You better get me first.
Pick him up.
Yeet him.
Go.
You're going to surf on Elliot's unconscious body as you just yeet yourself up. The window.
The window is opened. It's daytime.
Okay.
Sunlight floods into the room.
Yes.
Everything bursts into flames.
Oh God, that'd be cool.
Yay.
A board tries to get thrown at you and it just gets chucked out the open window.
Okay, good for that.
Another board tries to get chucked at you, gets yeeted out the open window.
Fucking hell.
He's like. Okay, Elliot stable.
Yeah. Don't get too excited there buddy.
Elliot's in your hands. You're ten feet from a window.
Mel remembers that she has this cool sparkly potion that the elves gave her.
That'S supposed to make you from the convent.
Oh. Well, she has this cool sparkly potion that she incorrectly remembered how she received, but it's been in her pocket ever since. So she's going to give it to Elliot hoping that it makes him better.
Okay.
And then once she's done that, she's going to jump out the window.
Okay. I told you what they were back then. I think.
Yeah. It's just a regular healing potion.
It's a standard.
Perfect.
So it should be 2d4 plus 2.
2. Oh, nice. 6. 8.
8.
Rolling for a healing potion.
That was a good roll for you.
Gave it to Elliot and I'm like jump out the window. And then I jump in. Whatever fall damage that I would normally take is mitigated by the fact that I'm super awesome.
Entirely mitigated or halved.
Reduce falling damage to five times my monk level. So I would reduce it by 25 points.
Yeah. So it's.
I land on my feet like a cat and then.
You don't feel great.
No.
Off the second story you'd have an acrobatic save to land. Well. If you land poorly it would be 1d6 fall damage then.
Yeah.
Like Mel lands on her feet and.
Her ankles hurt a lot for like race you just.
I'm gonna jump.
You're jumping?
Yep.
It matters for you.
It does.
I need a. I need a acrobatics check.
I wonder if Mel got away or she's gonna have a raining old knock upon her.
Acrobatics.
Acrobatics. Safe.
Well that's not the good one. I was really hoping.
That's a D12.
Yep. There you go.
I'm gonna watch every single time.
Seven.
Okay.
That doesn't pass. I'm going to get hurt.
It'll be a D6. You're still raving.
I rolled a fucking six.
Of course you did.
Of course.
That's only three points.
That puts me down. You knock yourself the fuck out on the ground.
I'm alive.
Potato sack.
Onto the ground.
And now looks over at Almock. Damn it. I don't have any more of those.
Are they going to pursue? Because that's not great.
It's broad daylight.
It doesn't make any fucking sense for them to do that.
It's broad daylight. There'd be no reason to get out of their shadowy hidey hole.
That's correct. There is no reason for them to do that. Which there's only one thing that makes any sense for them to do.
Yeah, but it's curb stopping Elliot.
Yep. That's what makes sense.
Or because they're bloody.
Because there's sunlight. They have this. They would normally have this.
They might have sunlight sensitivity. I don't know what they are.
So they have sunlight sensitivity.
Well, they definitely don't have blindsider us the conduit.
It does not.
I Thought he jumped already.
No, no, he's still up there. He's it.
He's the only thing randomly again and hope I hit something. Damn it.
That misses. That's a net one. Jesus Christ. Three plus two is five thanks to disadvantage because I got a Nat 20 and an 18 on the other hand. All right, all right, Elliot. Some shit's trying real hard. Fuck you up. You know this is occurring to you.
Fine. You can keep the goddamn house as I heave myself out the window.
Can I get an acrobatics check from you, sir?
He fucking lands on me.
Right?
Like.
16.
Okay.
Soft landing. Land. I know.
So you don't get the 1d6 damage because you rolled well enough.
Correct. So I'm Olmox.
Knocked the fuck out on the floor.
And when I hit the ground, I'm going to look at him, God damn it.
And I'm just going to reach over.
And I'm going to hit my last.
Cure wound on Olmox. Nice.
How much I've been doing average on those seven.
Okay.
That'S go. I don't care if we have enough stuff. I'm going.
Assuming you are choosing to leave this.
Yes, we are getting on our horses with whatever random shit we've already picked up and we are leaving ass later.
No, we're gonna get Emery and we're gonna. We're gonna get her pissed off and we're gonna fuck this place up.
What's the full moon? I'll fuck these bitches up.
As you're. You hear the shrieks of sheer rage coming from the second floor and boards start flying off the windows. Doors are slamming aggressively. But you have survived. Poltergeist.
Not today. Ooh, Pokemon. Not today.
Oh, my God.
Son of bitch.
I did not think you guys were gonna make it out. If they're alive.
My head hurt.
My everything hurts. And why is everything hurt?
That was a natural one on this.
I can tell by your face. I'm like, oh, no.
That's what I thought. I was like, fuck, that's bad. Yeah, but you made it. Can you laugh?
All three of you went down at some point.
Yes.
God damn.
Do they make it back to the rest of the group?
We do. And we look like hell.
So you get back to Liz. Do not go back to your house.
So you guys come back to the rest of the group. We're playing Go Fish, and I just get beamed in the head with a rock. And you see a mirror just crash to the ground.
He's been cheating.
I.
Naturally.
When you see your Party roll up. Looking terrible.
The fuck happened to you three?
Do not shit. Go to that ranch for any reason.
Just burn the house down. If you go back, it's not worth it.
Burn it down. Burn it down.
Burn it down from the outside. Don't even go in.
Do salt.
No, no, no, no.
Okay.
Don't. Don't. You don't want nothing to do with that shit.
Why don't you guys sit down for a minute. It looks like you need a break.
Bill. I think they made a movie Amityville Horror about that house. Just. I'm sorry, bro. Your house is gone.
It's going to take you over. You're going to chop wood aggressively with your son. It's a whole thing. Don't. Just don't do it.
I hope this is enough.
Here's the couple.
Here's the iron. We were able to get out of there.
They lost their goddamn minds. I'm. I'm. You know walk up with like the med kit.
We all died.
I just want food. Do you have food? Give me food.
Yeah, we got some sausages left.
Sausages. You guys.
You guys sit down and take a break and have a snack. I. You know. I'm glad you made it back.
We could job. We couldn't see them.
We had a harrowing journey for s'mores.
The air beat the out of us.
Where? In the nose.
Dude.
You're. Oh God.
Your nose.
Pretty. You guys.
Oh God. What's wrong with me?
It's.
Never mind. It's fine.
It's fine.
They threw chairs at me a lot. It was a rough time. I don't know what happened downstairs.
For most I killed a bunch of things with evil glowing eyes.
I think I could have got him. But I had to come save your dumb asses upstairs.
That's.
I think I had it right where I wanted it.
Even you saved my life. I saved your life.
I killed some baby. Probably.
I'll knock your legs facing the wrong way.
Fuck.
I'm gonna fight. I'm gonna. I'm gonna go find a place to sit down and throw up and I'm just going to stagger inside wherever and just kind of slump over.
I'll bring s'mores to you guys later.
And I would like to take a short rest, please.
Same.
Yeah, you can take a short rest.
Evening. Can we have a long rest?
You're currently at the school. You have rooms for board.
I was going to say I think it's still after because you were.
Weren't gone very long.
That was just a really?
We just got our asses kicked for like two hours.
Yeah, yeah.
You worked kind of hard for a bit. You got your shop wrecked for like I don't even know how many turns. That was 14 rounds.
Jesus Christ.
That's the longest I think we've ever gone.
That was a long ass minute.
That's what happens when half of the battle is three things. Wandering around looking.
Do you like it?
It was the half damage that was killing me. If I would have got full damage, so I'd have smoked them bastards. I also, I gotta get a magic bow. I have got to find a magic bow.
The turning point when the DM is like, oh, I have it.
And then just they can go through things. So this one just said fuck that guy. And it went through the root floor. That's why there was three upstairs now.
I was wondering about that.
Yeah, like this is dumb. They know shit's upstairs. Why is he gonna keep looking for sneaky again?
So what did we learn? We don't split the party.
We didn't think it'd be dangerous.
Well, we would.
I'm sorry guys, I totally would have gone with you. But yeah.
There's like blood leaking out of Elliot's nose as he sleeps.
Well, so Bill comes back from his.
Afternoon off and sees that the people who went to his ranch are destroyed.
So Bill, news about your house.
Do I have one still?
No, it belongs to the ghost things now.
Kill it with fire.
Apparently it's haunted.
You got things in it.
The jury is still out.
There were shadow people and things we can't see. Throwing chairs at people and punching Mel in the face. And it probably kicked Elliot in the dick. I don't know. It was a rough time.
These guys barely made it out. It sounds like we all died.
I think twice.
I'm pretty sure my leg's broken. That one's my fault. I jumped out the window.
My elbow hurts a lot.
So what is it? Tennis elbow. Get some tennis elbow out.
If you go back there, bring a crowd down because that'll be a fun time apparently. Maybe just avoid the house part of your property. And only go back in daylight.
Especially the second floor. Second floor is dangerous.
The first floor doesn't sound great either.
The happened to all knock went from.
Like, you know, haunted. You gotta change your background to the haunted one now.
Don't go in the second floor.
So Bill, there's a book indent in your forehead.
They did bring some iron back in me.
We did. Yes.
Reborn identity.
So he's going to say, you know What? I think you live here now. Y'all have done more than enough in the terms of payment.
Yeah. Yeah, we did.
I don't think I'd have survived going back to my ranch. So I am very, very sorry. I'm going to hold. I'm going to shoot your horses. That's done.
That's where I got the ones we had here. But they not the ones that they took. That's all?
Uhuh.
Also, these knives are very sharp now.
We went through a lot of your tools and finished those up.
Your wrenches are sharp now too.
We ran out of things.
No they're not.
You didn't sharpen. You did not sharpen the wrenches, James.
I ran out of. Knives.
Are useless now.
Anything's a knife if you sharpen it enough.
I don't particularly know how to handle that last piece of information. But for the rest of it. I'll show you how to smelt.
Appreciate it.
I'm gonna make sure that this gets done right. I think you guys have earned that. Why don't you all come back here tomorrow. Your horses will be shod and I will smelt this. And I'll let you practice on some back stuff. I'll smelt this throughout the night. It'll be ready to go for you tomorrow. I'll show you how to tomorrow on some practice stock.
Perfect.
What are we planning on coding?
We hadn't decided that yet.
Yeah.
Right now all you're trying to do is acquire silver.
You have silver in the stone.
Yeah.
I guess we'll determine how much silver we actually get out of this stuff before we decide to.
And water. Why don't we get you all down to the diner here. Get you guys some food in your belly.
That would be fantastic.
We'll make sure we get you guys back to the hotel for the night.
Perfect.
Yeah. We'll get them.
I think we fixed the banister in the back.
Yeah. If you're not paid up with them, I'll figure out how to make it right. You guys have earned.
I think I did pay up with them.
We did.
Yeah, I think so.
That was the easy one.
Yeah.
You know why? Because the group stayed together.
James.
Yeah.
I don't want to hear we got.
The horror movie logic. We won't separate again. No more Scooby doing. We got it. All right. God damn it.
It is fitting with the blonde.
That is.
Usually I did kick some ass before I got styled by a door.
It's always doors that do it. It's always the door.
It's Always the D and D horror.
Oh, no, you're not stuck behind the door.
And I think we have plenty of material for this episode.
Yeah, we do.
It's going to be a lot of rules editing out, but I did not foresee blind on Blind people.
Yeah.
Theater of the Mind is Jeremy Arstin as Elliot Brandy, Amanda Arston as Melanie Kelly, Michael Burnell as Olnock Parker Johnson, Michael downs as James O'Brien, Casey Weingarten as Emory Lee and Mike Schock as your Dungeon Master. We release new episodes every two weeks, so our next episode will release on November 24th. If you want to follow us, our social media and website can be found on our leak tree, which can be found in the podcast description. Also in the podcast description you can find a link to Pinecast as well as our referral code to get you 40% off for your first four months of a paid membership, as well as our referral link and to Epidemic Sound, which gets you a one week trial period to their excellent platform. The music this week was sourced from Epidemic Sounds, who we are not sponsored by under the Creative Commons license. The songs used in order are exit.
Fade by Dex 1200 version 5, 6 BA 76 night at the cemetery by Etienne Roussel, version 6E 289 dark seas by Michael Rothery, version DD 781E series by Lennon Hutton, versions 6, 7C 543 and DFDF 40 are you alone by Victor Lundberg, versions 856300 and 5CC 4 AD the lure by Christian Anderson, versions 110006 and FF0150 and rec by Anna Dagger and Hannah Extra. We also used birds, cow bell ringing, distant cow mooing and canary singing chirps Background rooster Daytime from the sound effects library.
The Theater of the Mind theme ad break and outro were written by Mike Schock. All people, places, events, weather, moon phases, comets and other things are used in a fictitious manner and in similarities to people, places, etc are purely coincidental and never happened except for in our minds. Definitely.
If I have a hammer, I could throw at things that I don't know about yet. I gotta figure that one out.
Yeah, use the thing, man.
You've got a magic.
Oh, yeah, that's right.
You've got a magic goddamn hammer.
It doesn't play.
Then they would have magic.
I just saw how I could throw.
It and it would come down.
So it does full damage.
It does magic damage. It does.
Oh my God.
So I could have recklessly attacked, like just fucking Thor's hammer throw the shit.
Because you were doing half damage the whole time on all of them because it was non magic damage. So you should just make that your standard weapon.
I don't know things.
It's okay. This is why before question.
I legit forget I have that hair.
That I hand off. And I just didn't read that section of my page.
And Hunter's mark I couldn't cast because I couldn't see him. I couldn't see him so I couldn't Hunter's mark. I was like, son of a. I did too. I'm like, oh, I have to see him to cast that shit.
What other magic shit did we get?
Right now we have four items that are useful. One is a superior healing potion, one's in scroll of arcane lock, One's a scroll of magic weapon, and one's a scroll of speak with plants. We should decide who has what now so that next time we know who has what. Cause we had a standard healing potion too in our party inventory.
And that's what conveniently Mel remembered was in her bucket. Because we never did figure out who.
I would really like the magic weapon.
I think that makes sense because if.
It would have been magic and they would have been.
I smoked them ass and I was thinking that the whole time, but I'm like, I didn't want to hand you guys. I handed you the card because I was like, you're gonna fucking die otherwise. That was the only reason I did that. It's in our party inventory. It makes sense that you would have one of these.
I feel like the superior healing potion should probably. Well, I guess my thought is that if you give it to one of the frontline fighters, if or when they go down, whoever goes to save them can just pull it out of the frontline fighter's pocket and get give to them.