That was kind of weird.
Hello and welcome to Rweap. There yet in exploration and edging location and anime. I'm your anime idiot, patrick dugan.
I'm an anime expert, D hollander.
And I'm brenda mccullough. Your spirit of a historical battleship possessing a young anime girl. There's not a joke intro this week because there's nothing dumber than what this show is actually about.
Is it like fate but for tanks?
I don't know what fate is, but yes.
Oh, the fate series with all of the girls who are also like King Arthur or whatever.
I like, I know of it. I've never watched.
So from what I gathered, that's it.
I worked on that show and I.
Don'T know anything about it. There's also another anime out there that's about warriors from the vermins of the Three kingdoms era that are all like, the diocese warrior games being possessed by those spirits. We got Ghost to tui with games and sports. We got that one with gigio and the Go series. And then there's a whole other subgenre of Ghost to Twoies where it's just like warrior things possessing anime girls so they can just have anime girls fighting instead of just having anime girls fighting. Because we can't have that. Can't have female agency in an anime. No Surrey, the spirit of a battleship.
No wrestling club.
No, never. Not allowed.
So, yeah, super built up. High expectations.
Gonna love it. Great. Good stuff. Yeah.
But yeah, I of course, know nothing about it.
We still haven't even said the name of the show.
I was waiting to see who would say if the episode title hasn't shown you already, we're watching cantie Collection or canned coley. Oh, boy.
Great. Good stuff.
Yeah.
So, yeah, I know nothing about it because why would it dana doesn't sound like you know anything about it. Brendan, explain yourself.
I got nothing. I don't know shit either. I heard about this when it came out, the anime, because it's such a novel idea, why wouldn't the Internet be talking about it? I was like, well, let me see what this is about. Let me watch this anime for a bit. One episode in, I was like, I'm good. I'm done.
But tapping out, that's enough for me. And, you know, if Brendan taps out after episode one, it's got to be good.
You know, that's a premium.
So glad you made us commit to two more.
Two more episodes. Two more episodes.
Genuinely enjoyed ultimate wrestling in zach Bell. You know, this is yeah, it's just such a weird ass premise. It like, drew my interest and I know nothing about can't. I Collection. Apparently it's a bigger franchise looking it up. It is apparently a free to play web browser game. Good sign. And then it got so much attention, it became a game you could actually buy. And then a manga series and then like, novel series and a tabletop rpg series and a PlayStation vita game. The vita, the most successful console.
It wasn't even the most appropriate console for this to be.
It wasn't even that this show was made to make a game. It was that they shoehorned a story into a game. Can't wait.
Yeah, they took all those cut scenes from those browser based games we all played in school when we were bored and pretending to be on the computer doing work. And they tried to make a story out of that. So we'll see.
Can't wait.
Getting real excited for my new upcoming series, kitten Cannon. So watch that on the horizon.
Go on. I'm already invested. What's your kitten?
Cannesota speaking of on the horizon. That's where I'm running to chase me down and try to make me watch this. bye. Get him.
Get it. See how we get this is a weird, like, underground, secret occultic society we have where we meet once a week and just drink a small amount of poison trying to gain immunity to it all. Are we doing this? Yeah. All right. A little part of me die today.
Is that us coming back from break? That sounds like us coming back from break.
We don't have anything better to come back with.
No better way to introduce this show. Our break was about 2 seconds, but oh, we just got in one.
We're getting into it. Let's talk about this.
We're in peak four.
Oh, boy.
You know what? Are we there eating, though? We're just going to see.
This episode is all episodes are one take, but this one is unedited.
This one's just raw. We're going raw, baby. I said it last week. We had to go wrong for a bit. We had a good few decent shows like I got to fuck things up a bit. You really got to appreciate the few food once you get food poisoning. And this is the cleansing of the palate and your bowels. So we'll start with episode one. Starts off with some black and white footage of the ocean. The camera zooming around it's got some weird religious sounding monologue going on top of it. I was really paying attention already.
Yeah, we can just real quick at the top say a lot of this does not fucking matter. So we were not as detailed in our notetaking as we normally are. Because why? God?
Who cares?
And then we get some anime sea monster girls. They're anime, so you know, they got some big old tds just for no reason. They're just standing out in the middle of the ocean with nothing around them. And the voiceover narrator was saying, like, the abyssal monsters drove humanity out of the ocean. And I'm thinking, why were we in the ocean?
That's how humanity lived.
If these hot anime monsters came from the ocean, this is their territory.
Let them have it. We can't breathe in there.
God our fucking hubris.
It's like saying shark infested waters. They're not shark infested the sharks. Live there.
That's their living room. chill.
It's like, hey, you know what? Fuck those birds. I'm going up in that sky. I'm claiming the sky back for humans. It's like it was never ours to begin with.
Bird law.
If we have to dress up like we're going into space to just live in this environment, it's not ours. We have no ownership. We can't claim it at all.
Who cares?
Stop.
Anyway, I take a quote. The narrator says they were girls that possessed the spirit of warships in years past, they were known as Fleet Girls. That's the show. That's it. That's it.
We're done.
And I love that the narrator sounds just fucking exhausted with everything. There's no emotion in this delivery. It's just like they're flee girls. Thank you.
That's what I fucked. The narrator sounded like she didn't fucking care. She was just like, seriously?
The show is about yeah, they got the script and they're like, Fine.
Come on, man, I need my $75.
It probably was only an hour.
I can buy groceries this week, so who cares about my reputation now?
So we see some of the fleet girls skating around on the ocean because they're actually on roller skates before the ocean. And they're fighting some of the abyss, which are the sea monsters. And it's just anime girls in the anime school uniforms, but they just got weird hunks of just metal and boat parts on them, like, strapped to their back and all along their arms and on their feet and stuff. And it's like, what if we had a mech show where they fought in the ocean at sea monsters? But instead of the girls piloting the max, the girls are the max.
It's about middle school play costume design of how do we make this girl a battleship? Just put some cardboard cannons on her arm. Yeah, sure. Okay.
I got this rice cooker. Can we just strap it to her back? Yeah, fuck it. Why not? One of my favorites is we come back to the mainland with a young girl watching the planes fly out. But one of my favorites is while they're battling, we see these archery girls who are to the fleet carrier ships, and they shoot they have, like, old style traditional Japanese longbows. And they shoot the arrow from the bow and inflight the arrow bursts in the flames and turns into planes. Like, tiny planes that shit the monsters. And I'm just like, yeah, why not? Fucking why not?
I'll be honest, the only credit I'll give this show, I kind of like that. I kind of like, that was a good representation of, like, how do we do aircraft carriers? Rather than just throwing planes out, it's like, oh, no, we'll fire them from the ship, like a plane launching. I'm like, okay, I'll give you that's the only credit you get.
Well, hang on, hold on. I kind of would have loved a girl with just a fucking duffel bag full of planes, and she's just hoping on that monster. that'd be funny. Hot Wheel attack. Yeah. This show takes us up too seriously to do that, though. So we get the newest transfer student. Check Fabuki. She's the new girl. She's a special destroyer type ship. I guess if anyone likes ships, that means something to you. And when she gets introduced, she talks to the Commander. God forbid we ever see the Commander. No, we don't see the face. We don't hear a voice. We genuinely don't know if there is a Commander. Like, that character could not exist and it would not change.
I looked it up and I couldn't find anything about it. Like, if we ever see them or not.
They say he. So I presume it's the only male character in show, but he's also not there. So I'm assuming all the men in this world are dead. And it's just ship girls now, which.
Great absent father figure.
So when she talks to the Commander, she comes out and she's like, all right, thank you. I'll do my best. And she bumps into another girl, other girl. I don't care about names anymore.
I can't help you with this one.
There's about two dozen of them. Who cares?
Who cares?
The title of this episode is Who Cares? Who Cares?
So done so fast with the channel. It's a record. Yeah, I'm just going to call her best friend. She shows up and she introduces herself. It's like, oh, you're in that group. I'm in that group. Hey, we're best friends because we're the only ones with dialogue so far. Fantastic. Walking around the area and say, oh, yeah, this is a naval district as well as the school, but the naval district has, like, shops and all restaurants and all this stuff around here, so you never have to leave, ever. It's like, how convenient. One setting. Love it. And then they get back to the room. She introduced kabuki to everyone, and I said, fucking good luck with these names because, yeah, it's just like, here's the third roommate. And then here's the other three girls in our group. Those three are all sisters. We got mom, we got idol, we got jock.
And I called them the Orange Sisters.
Yeah, they all wear the same outfits. And then as well as those six characters, there's roughly, like 20 more. And it's like, no, they're not worth it. Not even one. ida. Like, what the fuck is this show even doing? So we cut back to the flea girls out in the ocean fighting, and we see them cutting back to their headquarters with the secretary ship and their boss ship. I forget the actual title of it. Like, coordinating the attack and strategizing and directing them where to go. And then we cut back to Fabooki being shown around more, and they ask her about battles and no, where am I not saying Fabuki ask about the battles. And the other two say the more senior girls tend to finish off the battles before they even get there. So they're kind of the underdogs who don't have quite a bit of experience, but they still help out sometimes because they're so passionate and plucky.
They love war.
Yeah.
Some weird whale teeth got so.
Much teeth, they go to see the carrier ships, who are the Archery Girls. And Fabuki is just kind of like freaking out, like, oh, my god, they're so hot. It's like, calm down, nerd. Yeah, so we see them shooting archery, like bows and arrows, and we see the arrows turning into planes, and it's like, that's neat. And at one point, I forget what episode it is. I think the notes are we see them to shoot the arrow, it turns into a plane. And then in the plane, we see a little cheapy pilot being giving like a thumbs up. You got it cheap. And it's like, what the fuck is going on here? Who are these tiny people in my arrows?
They make are you creating life? What is this mini civilization?
I have so many questions. So, yeah, she sees the Archery Girls and she gets really upset about one girl in particular, agaki. And she's just like, oh, man, she's just the bees knees. She's so neat. It's like, we get it, you're gay. Calm down. Hold it together. And then afterwards they go up for fruit parfaits. And they're just gigantic piles of fruit and crayons. Like, my teeth are just looking at this. I don't get why this was the thing. I'm guessing that's like an item you can buy in the game, in the browser game for your girls to replenish health.
May I just say everybody likes parfait.
Everyone loves parfait. Parfait great. But I assume this is just like an in game got you element where it's like, you can buy this for girls. And that's why there's so much detail on this particular food item and nothing else.
Yeah, now that you've let us know it was from our browser game, some of the elements make more sense. I still hate it. But.
While they get parfait, they notice two other girls. And one of them is just like, I'm enjoying my parfait. And the other one's like, don't look at my girlfriend. I'll fucking bite your neck out. And it's like, wow, okay. And then while they're eating parfaits, the siren goes off. Oh, no. What happened? All the girls lined up and the commander comes out on speaker and says that the fleet, they found that a fleet found what they believe is the enemy base and that they're going to attack it, hoping to destroy the missiles once and for all. Great first episode. plots over. Love this.
Done quick and easy.
Fabuki sheepishly admits that this is actually going to be her first time in battle. She's like, what do you mean your first combat? Experience. I haven't done it before. I'm at the school to learn about how to fight in battles. Why would I have done this before? So we see them going down in an elevator, and they all jump on these launch pads that get them all geared up. This is probably the weirdest transformation sequence I've seen in a while of just having, like, a full exhaust stack strapped to their back and then, like, torpedo launchers strapped to their thighs and stuff. It's like, all right, there's no fun sparkles.
What's the point?
It's very gray dreary. It's all metal. It's like, where's the color? Where's the fun?
Yeah, like, even their, like, uniforms are very muted colors. It's like, hey, all the things for battle are going to be gray and military. Can we have, like, some fun with the palette? No.
Cool. Got it. And I see they're all skating out into the ocean, and bookie is having the trouble just staying up and falling over as she's skating around. And they come across a giant seamaster. And most of these sea monsters are just weird black, lumpy blobs with teeth. And then when the monsters attack, they got big old chompers, so they can open their mouth and shoot the gun that's in their mouth because yeah, why not? gunfish?
Are you sure? I hate looking at them.
It's real unpleasant. So they start shooting. They shoot off their little wrist rockets, and they got, like, a little torpedoes on the sides and all this stuff shooting out. And then you see they're all struggling to fight. They're having a rough time, but Fabuki is more nervous than all of them because she's an experience. And we get shots of the other fleets fighting as well. So it's a bigger battle, not just this one group. And we see Fabuki's group approach the enemy base, and she gets ambushed. She's about to be attacked by a big old fish monster, but then a plane flies in, destroys it. It's the archery girls. Hot diggity is where we have the shot of little cheeky pile ups, like, what the fuck? The borrowers or borrowers? What are they? The tiny ones? And then we see the fleet girls appear, and they target the head of the Abyssal base. They're all crazy fish monsters with teeth and guns in their mouth. And then one of them is just an anime girl with tig old biddies. And, like, guess that's the leader. Let's kill her.
Yeah. There is a very weird correlation of Titty size and their rank because all the new girls are kind of just like normal teen girls, but all the high ranking officers, all the legendary ships, are just, like, stacked. And it's like, why is that part of your rank?
The commander's a freak.
Yeah, there's one shot of the secretary ship and the boss ship go into a classroom and instruct the other ships, like, what to do? And the camera angle is like, a sideshot of the boss ship, like, in front of the blackboard. But then you just see the secretary ship's tits, like, popping into the shot. Not nothing else of her body, not her face, not the rest of her torso. Like, just her boobs are popping. It's like, why this angle? Who is this angle? But it's just, like, so weird. I'm just like, we got to have boobs in the peripheral. We got to have them. It's like, why? Explain yourself, sir. Yeah, it's weird. Bus size is directly proportional to rank. And the same with the abyssals. If you're a fish monster, you're cannon fodder. If you got a double d's, you're the leader. congrats. They're throwing everything out of her, and she's got, like, a weird shielder at her, so nothing's working. And then we just see some planes fly over and drop. Just a giant ass bomb. I don't think it's a nuke, but there is a mushroom cloud, so apparently that gets the job done. And in the command room, they see the enemy bases destroyed. Great. I'm sure nothing else will happen. Concerning this is only episode one. Then we get back to the base. If a bouquet is thinking about the gaki, the carrier fleet girl that she's got a crush on, and suddenly the nameless commander approaches her. What does he say? It's a good question. No one will ever know. And then we see her run back to the dorm room and kick in the door. She's all tired from running back because she's so excited. She's like, I'm going to do my best so I can fight alongside a gawkey because I love her. It's like, cool. What did the commander say? I assume he the direct commander of the entire fleet. Talked to you because he had something important. It's like, no, I'm just horny for the archery girl.
It's like, all right, well, okay, good for you. forgot like, 2 seconds after he said whatever it was because I'm so in love.
That's episode one.
Yeah.
I assume I took the most notes.
In second episode, Fabuki is up early to train. She's, like, really motivated. She's like, yeah, I'm going to do my best to be as good as agaki. And then they go to real class for the first time, and there's a bunch of characters I don't care about. One of them's got a hat.
That's the one I call addiction.
And it's time to learn about war, I guess. And the teacher is mean, and one girl says it's because she's single. And that's like classic anime jokes.
Anime?
Anime. They're talking about torpedoes. And Fabuki is, like, super knowledgeable about the stuff, but she's also really bad at battling. She's out there training, and her friends are all worried about her and her poor fighting skills. And the orange sister girls are watching her train. And the secretary of something, she shows up, but she's like, hey, how's Fabuki doing? I don't know why they have such a vested interest in Fabuki, considering how terrible she is. Like, this was really confusing to me.
She was the unquote special type battleship. She's supposed to be, like, the secret weapon, but she also fucking sucks. This great military asset we have is so inexperienced. Can you be, like, helpful so we all don't die? Please?
I forget where it was. Someone later in this episode says it's about Fabuki. And I wrote yeah. Apparently, literally everything is because no one gives a shit about anything else besides her.
And it's like, nothing matters.
Why?
The secretary lady is like, yeah, she was assigned to your group because her fighting type is very necessary for the future. And they go get parfait again. And Fabuki is like, I'm so bad at this. And then as an excuse to hang out with agaki, she's like, I should shadow her and take a note on what she does. And they're like, she's not even the same fighting type as you.
What? That won't help.
And they go to that building that she was at before to find her, but they don't see her right away. And then they hear someone the baths are also in this building, and they hear someone in the tub, but it's not her. It's a big titty blonde girl.
Need one?
It's Anime, who forces Fabuki to take off her clothes and pushes her into the bath. Cool. And then she gets in the tub, and she's like, wow, this is really nice. I feel like I'm refreshed. It's like in stardew Valley when your energy is low and you go to the bathhouse and you sit in the bath, and then it brings your energy back up.
Bath house.
That place does. I never knew.
Yeah. Sit in the bath and not move.
I would just go there to meet up with linus. Well, we don't have to talk about that.
Penny'S Ten heart scene is in there. You go in the bath, and she tells you how she feels.
We're distracted by sardi. We're distracted by sardi. We're getting good.
Anyway, so Agake is in there. agaki. And she's popping bubble wrap, which I thought was fun and cute. I was like, oh, that's it provides you that she's just a girl.
Super 15 hours.
Yeah. She's sitting in, like, a special single tub because she was injured. But lucky for her, the Commander sent in an instant repair bucket. The instant repair bucket pours water into that tub, and then she's all better.
Commander's a SIM paying for a gotcha game.
They go eat together, and maybe that's it. Maybe that's the point. Maybe the Commander is supposed to be like, you player. Like, you're supposed to see yourself in the Commander. And that's why because not to make it gross, but there's hentai like that.
I was going to say like a hentai yeah.
Where there's no male dialogue, and it's like, from the male's perspective. And that's probably why that makes sense.
Doesn't make it better, but it makes sense.
Yeah, but so they go eat together, and agaki eats a whole mountain of curry. And Fabuki is like, I think you're amazing. And she's like, what?
Okay, get a mouthful.
And her dorm pals are jealous that she got to hang out with her. And then just as Fabuki is going to bed, one of the Orange sisters, she's the oldest one, I think she comes in, and she's like, it's extra training time. It's leg day. So they go out and they practice fubuki's, leg strength and balance. They train all night. And even though fubuki doesn't get better, oldest Orange sister is like, I admire your spunk. You've got hut spa.
I think she even says, like, I'm impressed that you haven't gotten better at all. Just like, wow. Thank you. Your dedication to bullshitter dedication with no skill whatsoever.
So she's off to nap before class, but then one of the other Orange sisters comes in and is like, hey, let's go shoot some targets. So now Fabuki is so tired that she's snoozing in class, and then the third Orange sister comes in, and she wants to be an idol really bad. Who knows why?
Got to fill the type, I guess.
Yeah.
So she takes her outside to train her on being more confident because she's got to have confidence to be on the front lines. And then there's a weird moment with the gay couple, then whatever. And then Fabuki is so tired that night, and she just wants to sleep. But then the oldest sister is back, and it turns out that the three of them were all training her, but none of them knew that each other was training her.
What a twist.
Money one little thing. Yeah.
So redhead friend is like, hey, you got to lay off. She's so tired. And then there's going to be another battle soon. That's what the secretary told the sisters, but Fabuki isn't ready, so they wanted to train her so she wouldn't have to transfer to another group. They don't want to lose their friend.
We've only known her for a day, and I love her.
And then they go outside, and Fabuki, even though she's so tired, she's doing squats. She's training. Wow. They're all proud of her for training so hard. And then they're all like, yeah, we'll all help you train. And then there's a training montage that takes a really long time. And by the end, she's doing, like, pretty all right. And then the secretary is talking to the commander, saying that there's an exercise for Fabuki today. And then they'll make the decision about whether she's staying in that group, and it's time for her to do the thing. And she starts off strong, then she falls. And then the Orange sisters tell the secretary that even though she's had a rough start, she's doing her best, and she takes direction well so they can mold her.
I can fix you, you dumb.
An empty head. And you follow directions while like forrest gump, you're the perfect soldier.
They just keep saying that. She's got a lot of heart, the power of friendship. And she finishes the exercise and they're like, oh, that was pretty good. Let's do it again. And then the secretary is like, okay, I can train this child for murder. Anyway, that's episode two.
If anyone dies, honor watch, the blood is on your hands. So yeah. Episode three. We start out. We have our next mission. Oh boy. Fabuki is all nervous for the first mission briefing, even though this is actually her second mission briefing. I don't know why they say it was the first, but okay. So we meet some new people. But who gives a shit?
Moving on.
So the secretary starts the briefing. Basically, they're going to attack Island W, a strategic place, literally any other name. So basically, they're going to do a surprise attack, draw out some ships, blow them up, and then take the island. Cool. They're at the cafe after the briefing. And everyone well, Fabuki is super duper nervous because oh boy, she's going to fuck up. She's going to fuck something up. We all know it. We all know it. But everyone is being super encouraging. Being like, hey, we're bringing you gifts and all these. Now what I can tell are just like in game items. Give money to zenga or whatever. But the bully girls come in and are like, only the ships that they think are going to get sunk get gifts. Fuck you, teammate. It's like, all right, chill.
Wow, rude.
But her roommates keep encouraging her. So they're like, okay, we got to get rest. Tomorrow is the big day. But Fabuki wakes up early to get some more training in. And a coggy is also out there. They have some alone time. Are they going to smooch? No, they're going to throw some planes at some shit.
I know the show is rough. It's so gay. And we don't care. Yeah, we have no interest.
It's not gay in a meaningful way. So it's like, whatever.
It's a surface level.
But yeah. So going on a mission that night, fabuki still can't hit a fucking target. But she has a lot of heart. Let's put her in dangerous way. It's it's fine.
That's the worst that could happen.
Yeah. She can't hit emotionless target. Let's put her under enemy fire.
OK, cool. I genuinely have no depth perception. I think I'd do better than her.
Yeah. A Coggy's like, hey, let me show you something. And does her elegant bow draw, but closes her eyes at the last second, but still hits the target with her airplane.
It's just like, hiq anyway.
How dare you solely hiq. Maybe I bring it into this episode.
Oh, just she wait. I have thoughts. Continue.
Oh boy. So yeah, she gives. Fabuki the advice of Shoot true and you will never miss. Basically follow your heart and you'll be good at shooting things.
Sure.
Just close your eyes and hope for the best.
Trust your instincts. Yeah. Don't listen to all that fucking trading you just got. Just follow your heart. Okay? And then we see. roommate girl also followed and was like, about to askaggi to go give her advice. And then we get a big long speech on fleet sisterhood and sort of be like, your teammates are your best asset. blah, blah, blah. Inspiring vaguely gay romance imagery shows of girls cuddling in bed. But okay, whatever. It's meaningless garbage.
Make sure to say, tell your teammates whatever you truly feel because tomorrow is never guaranteed. Hint, hint.
They all gathered to launch. And one of the girls was like, hey, the teammate, I got to talk to you after the mission because I'm in love with you. But I'm not going to say it now while I can. You know the exact lesson that I just got.
So I'll wait for you afterwards. It's like, why? Just say it now. Fucking why? My only nose. Oh, who dropped all these death flags here? Just filling out my room.
In the harbor. They're everywhere. So, yeah, they go out. They go out and do the recon at the island. They're just hiding in some fucking rocks.
Off the coast, though. They said it'd be a night mission. It's not a night.
Yeah, we're going to do a night sneak attack, but let's send some ships and broad fucking daylight to their coastline.
I don't understand.
God, it's so dumb. But while they're doing recon, that girl who's going to talk to the other girl after the mission is like, you know what? Why am I fucking waiting? Hey, other girl, I fucking love you. I love you. You're my sister from another mister. And just a lot of lovey dovey stuff. Not listening for enemies, not being quiet. Not anything stealthy. Just, oh, I love you. No, I love you.
Let me take this moment to loudly proclaim my love for you.
I wrote you a heavy metal song that shows my appreciation. But oh, weird, their daytime recon mission didn't go great because oh, no, they're under attack. They were so clearly fucking visible. Who could have seen this coming? So they're under attack. We get cuts to the command ship being like, oh, strategizing. But basically these ships are retreating because, yeah, they're compromised. So get out of there. Try to be closer to reinforcement.
And I hate the teeth planes. I hate them so much.
Yeah, all the enemies fucking suck to look at. I hate them.
TV.
So they retreat. They're being pursued by planes and boats and oh, what's that? They sailed into a trap because they sail into other ships and planes and boats. They're surprised.
Surprised.
Yeah. Who cares? They fight. That's all you need to know. Because what is going on. They're shooting for an indeterminate amount of time. We see the lovey dovey girl is about to get a fucking missile to the brain. But Fabuki jumps in the way and uses their instinct to fire and actually is an asset right now in the nick of time. And they take out the big enemy ship. And they have reinforcements come in the second fleet that whatever. They get paid by dictating backups, whatever.
Yeah, the backup.
So, yeah, with the reinforcements fight off the enemy ships. So all clear. Right? Cool. All good. Except except for the extremely sneaky, very on fire plane with a smoke trail.
The one plane out in the middle of the fucking ocean on a clear day. Black plane against a blue back. It's like I don't know how you couldn't see this. Also, right before we get shots of it, it keeps cutting back to the best friend character. And this character being like, remember your promise. Promise to tell me when you get back. I wonder what's going to happen.
But yeah, she gets got she's alone for whatever fucking reason now, like three fleets involved in this, but she's just miles away from everyone else. And she's like, let me let me brush the hair out of my eyes. Let me let me do a quick rinse. Dunk my head under the water. Refreshing. Bomb. Bomb. Bomb.
Dead.
Dead. Dead. Dead. Just killed.
Missile.
Yeah. Just one last fucking attack and we're done. So love, girl. We're back at base. Mission complete. It went fucking terrible. But we won. I guess. So lovey, debbie. Girls. Like, after mission, the one thing I was looking forward to. Had plenty of fucking time as I just lounged about the place. But let me confess some love. Let me go wait by the coastline for their ship to return. But then we get the commanders talking, being like, hey, should we tell them she's fucking dead? They're like, nah, she'll find out. Don't worry.
It was like the flagship leader of the group being like, we don't know if they're gone. They're still looking for immediately cut to the segregated ship, telling the commander, like, we stop looking for them. Oh, yeah, she's fucking like the juxtaposition in some of these scenes had me genuinely laughing out loud of how hard it was just like, she's fucking dead. Saying, no, we still have hope. No, there's no hope. She's super dead. And it's like, damn.
But like, it's also extremely drawn out. Because like, if it was like super juxtaposed like that, it'd be like, that is a legitimately funny moment. But you just have to be like, no. The vague thing that they're going to talk about for this monologue is, nah, she's fucking dead.
She's so dead. When will my fleet girl come back from the war? She's standing out on the cliffside, dunk.
Their battleship, if you will.
And that's where we end this lovely show.
This is genuinely the shortest episode we've done so far.
Probably. Here's what I was thinking. That'll probably upset you, Brendan. This gave me Land of the lustrous vibes. If it was so much worse, like, if nothing about Land of the lustrous was intriguing or, like, the characters yeah, if the characters were just didn't matter unlikable because it's got all that they stay in one place. Like, everything they need is in one place. They fight these weird alien creatures that are coming for them and they're whatever. And then there was something else. Oh, like this specialized ranks.
Yeah.
And yeah, I guess they're all girls.
I didn't think of that, but no, you make good points. Yeah, that's bare bones. Very similar to it, actually.
Land of illustrious sucked.
Yeah. Land of illustrious is good. So I'm not upset, but yeah. How do you make the comparison? Wow. I can't not see that now.
Yeah, like, Land of Illustrious has, like, intriguing, mysterious things. You care about what's going on, but with this stuff, it's just like, get the fuck out of the ocean. Don't go in and just leave these people alone. They're just living their lives in the ocean and you're ruining it.
Turns out the abyssal creatures weren't so bad after all. Yeah, you didn't have to bomb them all the time. Stop doing that.
This is their water. They can't live on land. You're fine there.
You don't even want to live here. You just want to swim out here sometimes. Fuck off.
Yeah, they kept being like, These are our waters, and I'm like, what are you talking about?
What are you using them for?
Oh, boy. No, we're not.
There.
That was, like, the first thing out of our mouth. This is bad. The streak is over the weird range.
Because, like, watching it, I was just like, yeah, this is just kind of boring. But, like, thinking back on it, it's like, yeah, everything sucked and nothing mattered because it's not like an izu date my Santa where, like, it's real bad. Fucking garbage. Garbage just boring and nothing matters.
It's just filling in those tropes with really nothing else added. It's a web browser game. So you guys don't want to play the tabletop rpg?
There's a tabletop rpg?
Apparently.
Do I get to make my own character? Because that would be interesting.
Design your own battleship girl.
Yeah, if we could take control of it and be like, okay, we're doing some fucking bonkers shit because nothing interesting happens in the show. What if we made, like, plot that we could do?
I want to get that glass of water, but it's across the room. Let me shoot my bow and arrow byplane to go pick it up for me and deliver it back to me.
All right, well, we had some fun to fill the blade done so far. I have a little game we can play. So we had a bunch of anthropomorphic vehicle girls falling in love with each other. So I have a game for you called you sank my bad old ship. And we are going to build some ships. We're going to ship some vehicles together. So what I'm going to do, I have a list of some vehicles that one of you is going to anthropomorphize. You're going to give them a personality based on their vehicle type, and the other is going to find either their perfect pair or the sun dre's person who's going to not seem to be their perfect match. Burns romance, you know, they're going to be smooch. And by the end, this is so.
Much worse than I thought the game was going to be. And I can't wait.
So, are you ready to play? You think my bad old ship.
That fucking you made that title and you worked back, didn't you? You thought of that title. It's a good title.
So, first vehicle in my days indoors, I've been feeling nostalgic for the vehicle I recklessly rode as a child. Let's brendan, you take this one. You anthropomorphize this one. dana, you come up with the pair, and then we'll just flip flop each vehicle. That sounds good.
Okay. Yeah.
All right. So first up, we have an atv, a four wheeler, whatever you call it. Basically just a beefy motorcycle made for climbing mountains.
Okay, let's see. There is a rock climbing anime about sports girls. So we'll get to that one day. But I'm thinking along those lines of like a jock, but like a lean build of a jock. Definitely muscular, but not like not body builder thinking, determined. Because you got to get over those mountains. You got to get over that weird log. You got to get that four wheeled motorized vehicle into a place God never intended it to be, but God damn it, it'll get there because I'm drunk and it's Sunday. So real determined, real athletic, kind of an idiot. Not intentionally, not emotionally there, but not emotionally there, just because it never thinks of relationships or romance or anything of that sort. So just kind of oblivious. I'm making a hymbo, aren't I? Yeah, I am.
That's perfect.
Look at an atv and tell me that's not a hymbo.
That's a hymn if I've ever seen one. Yeah, I think that'll be a determined athletic sporty and kind of oblivious at times.
All right, perfect. So, dana, what type of vehicle and what personality do you think would or would not pair?
I'm going with the vehicle. I currently drive, a 2006 Toyota sienna, which is a minivan. And it's just like this round, inviting car. And the way I see it is that this is the atv's best friend. She would do anything for this atv. She goes to every rock climbing competition. She makes her meals the night before.
I just imagine a minivan out of a fucking mountains on the mountain.
You go, she's, like, deeply in love with this atv girl, and it's perfect that you made her oblivious because it would go right over her head. She'd be like, I hope you do well at the competition today. atv. And the atv would be like, Fuck yeah.
Thanks.
Thanks, babe.
Yeah, that's literally as soon as you said atv, like, it's got to be something completely different.
And maybe the atv is a little more compact, and the minivan can fold the seats down in the back so we can actually carry the atv in the back and care for it and take it around. I'm way more invested in this fictional couple than 2 seconds in the show.
This is incredible.
Everyone get ready for cars for give me the fan.
You know what? Let me find some artists. I'll fucking commission this work. I'll pay.
Yeah.
All right, well, don't get too ahead of yourself because we got some more ships in it. Next up, dana going with a bigger vehicle, carrying stuff around. Your vehicle is a Ups truck.
Interesting. Okay. I would say that the Ups truck. This is a dude. This is a big dude.
Boy in brown.
He's very Takao from my love story. He cares very much about other people.
I thought you would go with this.
Yeah, he's always doing stuff for other people because that's a Ups truck. It carries packages. It delivers packages all day. He works very hard. I would say this is like an older dude, and he loves his job, but God, it's exhausting. And he's, like, the nicest dude, but sometimes he just wants someone to do something for him, recognize his hard work. I think that's about it.
Beautiful. Very touching. Just someone to appreciate all the labor that goes into the everyday life. Exactly.
A blue collar worker.
So, Brendan, how would you set up this hard working individual?
I want to get into specifics. I know nothing about cars, so make them off is going to be rough for me. I'm imagining one of those let's go with 2009. Let's go sedan. And it's those older cars that kind of don't look like they're for anyone. It's like, purely functionality. But then some kid goes on the Internet and watches need for speed. Took you to drift to one too many times and tricks it out with a spoiler on the back and, like, spinning wheels. And it's like, my car is the best make for speed and drifting. And it's like, that's not what this was for. You're just trying to convince yourself that it's a cool car because it's the only way for one of those. So he tricks it out and he uses it for uber eats. He uses it for those delivery services that just random people do and not, like, an actual company. So they can cheat him out of benefits. So it's one of those. So he's like, we're in the same line of work. We both do deliveries. You're like corporate, and I'm like freelance. I do my own stuff, and it's like the cool edgy guy, and he sees the Ups truck as, like, a rival, and it's like competing with them. I can be just good, too, whereas Ups is like, I just like the company. I don't see this as a rivalry, but it's fun to hang out, see the energy from the youngster. And then the Uber eats car is always a little behind. It'll make some deliveries quicker. It might get stuck in traffic because it doesn't know the back routes. It doesn't have as good customer service with some of them because it's just dropping off and running away real quick. It might just drop it off the mailbox and not tell the person, and then the food goes bad.
It's in the hair situation.
But then when push comes to shove, the Ups truck will teach the retriever, like, a little stuff, like, hey, you got to be courtney. You got to be consistent with this and teach them a little life lessons. And then when the Ups truck is tired it's the holiday season. It's been a long week. The Uber eats car will drop off some food for free. Be like, this one's on me, pal. Give him a little treat and show that he cares a little.
Finally giving him the appreciation he's looking for in his life. Beautiful.
This one's a slow burn.
This one's a slow burn. It takes a while, but he gets there. It's good.
Yeah. This is over the course of a series.
Oh, my God. They're both at the shop getting repaired, and it's like the bathhouse up. So we're relaxing and getting repaired and just, like, soaking in a tub together.
When they first meet, Ups truck is like, oh, my tired bones. I just need to rest. But the Uber eats car is like, oh, yeah, look. I'm just hooping all these six spoilers and these rims. Just getting all the new mods so that's their Meat Cute. All right.
Fuck, I want fan art.
This is so good.
This is good shit.
Okay, so next up we have Brendan. We're all from the La. Area. We're all very familiar with this next vehicle, I guess. I want you to anthropomorphize a street vendor hot dog grill cart.
I thought you're going to see it. I'm scooter. Okay, hot dog cart. Here we go. I'm trying hard not to just pick tropes and characteristics I like and just fall into the stick consciously. No more Hymbos street hot dog.
Yeah, comparatively. This is kind of a little fella.
He's a little fella, but he's exotic. He's eccentric. He's got big personality. Big personality. But it's the guy with a lot of gum shit of like he's got to draw your attention. He's got a lot of lily nickname. He's got a lot of flair because he got to pull your attention away from just the restaurants or, like, a vending machine. So he's got to give you something you can't get anywhere else. And it's got a lot of charm to it, but you feel like you might be getting a hustle a little bit. I feel like $7 shouldn't be for a hot dog, but he's fun. He's a fun guy. You know what? I'll give him $7. I'll give a little tip extra. And he makes it interesting. He makes it worth my wild. And it's got a little spice in there, too. There's something in that hot dog you can't find anywhere else like that's, only at that hot dog cart. So he's got some sort of secret sauce, secret recipe or something that brings you back every time and oh, God, now I'm just missing the taco lady used to be outside of my work. I fucking miss you.
Talk.
Your lady fucking champ.
Anyway, hope you're doing all right. Taco lady.
I literally I will pay hard money to employ her outside of my apartment. I'll just kill her or everything. Anyway. Yeah, he's got a lot of little chotches and knickknacks. I'm imagining, like, I don't know, maybe like a John Candy, but, like, smaller. He's got that big personality, but he's like also it's not obnoxious. You know, you won't spend all day out there on the corner with him, but you'll spend your full lunch. You'll enjoy your time with them.
I love that. Just your John Candy, daddy.
John Candy hot dogs.
Dana, do you have a perfect match for this lovely vendor? No, Roger.
Of course I do. So my perfect match for this little hot dog vendor thingy is little petite two door fiat. And she's like, a little business lady. She's, like, young, but she, like, broke into the game early, and she's always fast paced, always moving. And the day she meets this hot dog vendor is a day where she just didn't have time to eat, and she meets this hot dog vendor, and she just is completely charmed. And she's just like, wait a minute. I can't have feelings for this. This is not right, because I am businesswoman.
But she loved the hallmark movie you're making with exactly.
She keeps going back, and he just teaches her the joys of everyday life. He points out the birds, like, they meet in a park and skip stone somehow, even though they don't have hands.
He points out that the birds aren't actually natively from here and just knows way too much about these birds and say they travel. And the sparrows, he bird watches. He's a bird watcher.
But yeah, she's just this cute little thing, and people in the office don't respect her, but he does. He's like, wow, you're a businesswoman. That's amazing. I can't even believe that. And then at the end, they start a beautiful hot dog business together. They opened up a brick and mortar store.
All right. Okay.
That's better than the hallmark movie. The man respecting the woman. Never.
Not in my homework.
That is beautiful. Brings a tear to my eye, and.
The building looks like the hot dog cart. It's like a bigger version. that'd be fun.
Beautiful. I love it. All right, we have two more. Next one we have dana, can you please tell me about our good friend the camera drone?
Oh, my God.
These are all vehicles.
Shit.
Okay.
Get the fuck out of here.
You've seen their work in every movie or reality show where they just have, like, a weird aerial shot for no reason.
Paid for it. Have to justify the cost.
Yeah. So this guy, I imagine yes, he is in the entertainment industry, and people think he's so cool, but deep down, he's like, extremely insecure. And he's like, I got to make these cool shots. And like, half the time they don't turn out good. And they're like, what the fuck is wrong with you, camera drone guy? I thought you were cool. And he's like, no, I promise I am. But he wants to direct. He wants his creative vision to get out there into the world. And he's got big ideas, and he keeps, like, a whole file drawer full of really cool fantasy scripts, but no one wants to read them because they're like, nah, dude, come on. You know you're the best camera in town. When you get a good shot, those are the best shots.
Yeah. You're 4k, baby. Don't waste your talents behind the scenes. We need you right there in the action.
Exactly.
Okay.
All right.
Thank you.
Beautiful tortured artists not getting their full potential out there. All right, brendan, do you have a pair for this this tortured soul?
Let me get something good. Well, that doesn't work. Cars all look the same. They fuck cars. I don't get it.
Yeah, it doesn't need to be a car. It can be any sort of vehicle.
I got something most because I don't know what else would work with this. I'm going to go with the 2013 jeep Grand cherokee to go with that. Real woodsy sort of gal, real natureist. And she doesn't give two shits about Hollywood or the industry because honestly, why would you snack, right? Anyway, she's out there in the Pine barrens in the great redwood forest, and she meets this guy. He's on a shot on location somewhere. And they bump in the traveling the trails, and they get talking a bit when he's on his break and isolated by himself. So she doesn't know he's part of the crew doing all this bullshit that's disrupting nature in the forest area. She's looking at some of his stuff, and she's like, you do good work. You got good stuff. Nature. Plenty of stuff in nature. Fly around, get some of the shots, aerial shots. You want a vulture's nest up on a cliffside that's 2 miles up from the ground? We need you. You can do that drone. You can fly up there.
Can I make a proposal?
Sure.
So camera drone was sent out on location to get some, like, broll shots of just, like, find, like, the most beautiful nature thing. But he's just lost in the woods, can't find anything. But when he meets this jeep, she's like, hey, let me show you all the scenic beautiful shots that you city slicker wouldn't know and takes to some, like, beautiful waterfalls. And it's all the perfect footage he needs. So he's like, ooh, there's there's beauty out there. There's natural beauty. And she can show me.
What if. What if the drones out on location try to get some of those shots? clips a branch, maybe a rock falls down. Maybe even a bird flies back and flies up and attacks it. They do train hawks to take down drones. Now. That's a weird thing that we have oh, dear. In this day and age. And it gets injured. Who stumbles upon it? I love Jack 2013 jeep Grand cherokee. She nurses them back to everything about this fixes the road.
Also, this is definitely a very large, buff girlfriend, very small, skinny boyfriend situation.
Big girl, small man.
Yeah, if they were human school nerd.
Because yet, cheap is huge compared to drone. The drone can also fit aside the jeep the week. Oh, boy.
On that note, changing the subject. Okay, we have one more. Sorry, who was up? Brendan.
Yes.
This one has a lot just perfect for dramatization, a lot of history. A lot going on with this one. So end of World War II, they were designing a new plane to bring supplies, but the war ended before it could be used. It was only flown once and then retired because it no longer served a purpose. I want you to personify the wooden plane, the Spruce Goose.
Oh, wow.
I'm going to need some visual with this, so give me a second. I'm a visual learner. I need some stories. The spruce goose. All right. God, what a weird idea for playing. What a fucking bulldogen. All right, I'm thinking obviously a little older, a little more seasoned. Thinking motherly. Sending those care packages, taking care of those boys and blues. Fighting a good fight across seas. Very caring. Isn't afraid to dabble in the aqua because I see the little plane legs that can go in the water. I don't know if those were I know, we just did. I'm thinking a big old lady, though. Just a real tall, like, six something lady. Very caring. She's out there. She back in her heyday, back in her prime. She was said to be the all Star. She was the shone and jump protagonist. She was going to be the star and then got sideswiped by the real protagon that ended up the underdog from the other series that ended up wrapping the plot up early. And it's like catching everyone off guard. She was going to be the model student that was going to get all straight is and the other dog steals that scholarship right from under her, but she's not resentful. It was a growing moment for her. She learned not to take satisfaction in material achievements and what others put on top of her, but into find enjoyment and happiness from her own activities and growth. And she finds that from taking care of care package. Dropping off care packages. Just postal delivery service, maybe cross country, maybe dropping off a lot of water on a forest fire. Anything that needs a lot of storage and could travel on a plane, she'll.
Take care of it.
But nothing. It'll never be as big as what she was going to be. And she learns to accept that in some older years, in her twilight years.
Yeah.
Beautiful finding grace in your age and the job you're best suited for, not what you were destined for. Wonderful. dana, do you have a mate for this plane?
I kind of want to go a different direction with this one. This is going to be a different kind of love. Okay. Not romantic.
Still. Ships come in many forms.
Sure. So the vision I had for this was one of those I don't know if it's called like a tram or what. The things that bring luggage to planes at the airport.
All right.
This person, they are extremely competitive and they just want to be their best. And they come across the Spruce Goose kind of by accident. One day they get lost in their thoughts. Like they're having like a stress a stressful day. Yeah. And the spruce goose sees them and she's like, hey, what's wrong, little guy? And they just unload all of this stuff on her and she's just like, hey, you know what? I can carry that load.
You know why? Because it's what I was built for.
She's got a good sense of humor. She's a fun lady. Yeah.
Can handle all your baggage.
Yeah. So this is definitely more of like a parental relationship. And she just teaches them to value what they've got. Don't work too hard because in the end, if you're trying to impress people, you can't control what they're going to think of. You can only value yourself.
Okay, so it's a primary relationship. Right. Like a traditional romantic ship. So Spruce Cruz mother, two Ups truck, baggage cart, sibling to Uber eats. They go for family dinners. They spend time together. The two are in a relationship. The two were just getting together. paternal figure, child dynamic.
Oh, wow.
I want to see their favorite restaurant is the hot dog restaurant.
Restaurant.
Bringing it all together.
We really came full circle.
This is so much better than Kim.
Yeah. I could do this for hours with all kinds of inanimate objects.
Tell us whatever you want to me. We got plenty of time.
All right, well, yeah, we'll leave it there for today. Just a bunch of ideas that are way better than the show we actually watch.
I'm happy. I picked it, though. We got this out of it.
Yeah, something good happened out of it.
Sure.
We're like six, seven years after the show's release, finally some good came of it.
Some finally emerged of it.
All right, well, next week we're gonna be a little bit more topical than this 2014 show.
Hey, it's topical for me.
What's that? Award season, I guess, for anime.
Okay.
The crunchy role anime awards were just announced, and we are going to watch what was named the 2020 anime of the year. Jijuitsu kaizen.
Hell, yeah. I've been watching this on my own free time. It's great.
I know nothing about it except a bunch of people voted it's good, so I'm going to be very disappointed when it's bad.
Hopefully we can trust people who haven't before.
Can now. Well, if there's a show you the listener would like us to watch, you can send your recommendations to us. Our email is areweebeveriet@gmail.com or you can reach out to us on twitter or instagram. Are we there yet? On both. You can find me on Twitter and instagram at Mr. Patrick dugan and listen to my fiction podcast echoed locations.
You can find me on instagram at honeyperiod d, on twitter at honey d eight and honey d art and on twitch at honey d. And honey is spelled H-U-N-N-I-E. Nice.
You can find me on twitter at APts brendan. It stands for almost better than silence, which is a video game podcast. I also do, unfortunately, a lot less car shipping.
Time to start. Thank you to camille ruley for her artwork. Thank you to Louis zong for theme song stories. You can find all of louie's music at Louisong bandcamp.com. Thank you, and we hope you'll join us next week as we learn to live with anime.
I feel so much better now.