Marriage is what brings us together today.
So you want to get married, but before you do, what do you need to know? I mean, deciding to marry someone is a huge deal. It's a lifelong commitment. And yet in a culture like this one, where people are coming together and they're divorcing and there's bad stuff that happens, how do we avoid those pitfalls? Today, I'm excited. Christina's joining me, and we're going to be talking about the top things to know before you get married.
Yes, this is going to be great.
First, we're going to talk about are you called to marriage? Then we're going to also look at the spiritual aspects of the individuals. We're going to talk about our callings and how those callings work together in a married couple. We're going to talk about the. The character of the people as well as financial aspects to consider. And we're going to just talk about some general things for those who are still single. First, let's begin with the question of, okay, I want to get married, I think, but are you actually called to marriage? Now, I think this is important. Cristina. You know, Paul spoke about this. He said. He talked about himself. You know, he said, I myself am one who, you know, we know Paul was not married. He devoted his life to serving God and building God's kingdom. And in his personal calling, according to his birthright, how God called him to be marriage and having a family was not what he was called to. Many of us are going to be called to marriage, and there are going to be some who are receiving a gift from God who are. And that is a gift, too, to not be called to marriage, to serve him with her whole life, her whole being, and not with someone else. Right. So I think we as a culture have thought of marriage as this guarantee, this thing that everyone must do to be happy, to be successful.
Right. Marriage is the answer for fulfillment, for happiness, for satisfaction, or to even feel like you are lovable, that someone will love you in that way, like a person as a spouse. Which, again, marriage is a beautiful thing. We're going to talk about it in this video. But there are people God has called for a life that is single running alongside him, running along to do whatever he would have you do as an unmarried person. And that's also an absolutely beautiful and exciting thing.
Yeah. I want to reiterate how beautiful that is, because I think people, they look at how people are married, right? And they're like, well, I want that. And that can be good. That can be that can be beautiful. But at the same time, don't despise if God calls you to being single. Because in that that is precious, that is beautiful, that frees you up to go here and there and not have the cares for that you would have to have for a family, being alone. You would be able to do things like Paul did, going places as Paul did.
You know exactly. We are all called to singleness, whether it be for long term or short term. And it's so important that we use this precious time to prepare for what the Father has called us to in whatever way, whatever form, whatever timing that might look like. I know people who have found the love of their life and they were 50 years old, they had a lot of time as a single person to run after him, to do ministry, to start their own businesses, to do whatever God laid before them to do. They were not just twiddling their thumbs waiting for someone, they were saying, God, use me right now. And if it's for two years, five years, 10 years as a single person, 50 years, who knows what God has planned? That you are content because you are running after God. And you, he knows the desires of your heart, right?
The thing that people can do is they can be waiting for this other person, this spouse. And they put their life on hold, they put their calling on hold, they put serving God's kingdom on hold. And so I think it's very important for us all to be a people who we're always seeking first the kingdom of God and then the rest will be added unto us. Don't seek first a spouse. Don't first seek happiness in someone else. Find happiness, find fulfillment in Christ. He is the one who's going to make you happy. He's the one who's going to make you fulfilled. He's the one who's going to make you, give you purpose. A spouse isn't going to do any of that. You need to have that figured out. So by the time and you need to figure that out while you're still single. So by the time that you come together, your two whole people who are happy, who are fulfilled, who are ready to build together, instead of two people who are trying to, to pull God out of what, what is supposed to come from God, out of the other person. And then that is just not a good com.
Know what's so exciting about that also is that if you know as a single person, you're running after the Lord, you're asking him what he would have for you in your life. You know, your Hobbies, your skills, the talents that he's given you. And you're pursuing those. You know, you're studying, you're learning, you're. You're being busy. You're not being just sitting on the couch, lazy. You're. You're working hard as you do those things so often in our own story, as we have met, but also in many people we know that's how they met their spouse, by being busy in the thing God called them to be busy in that hobby, that passion, that interest, that business idea, that mission trip that whatever God laid on your heart and you've sought his face and you've gotten counsel from those around you to run after that, to pursue that. It's in that moment of being busy in his business that God reveals what his next step for you is.
Right? So how do you know? Like, how do you know what you're called to? Well, as with anything in life, we place it at the Father's feet. We say, God, I surrender what I want, what I think is best for me, what I. I give it to you. And Lord, have your way. Let yout kingdom come in my life and let the birthright that you have for me be established. And when you lay it at his feet and you surrender and you pick up your cross and you follow him, you get busy with his business and his kingdom, you start spreading the gospel, you start serving at your fellowship, whatever that looks like, then God will have his way in that if he wants you to marry, he will give you a great desire for it, and he will bring the person to you. He will connect you with the other person he wants you to marry.
Yes. And I just want to jump in. I'm thinking of like the boy who had the loaves and the fish and he had sent so little to give in what we might see, like that's such a small thing, thing to give when there's 5,000 people who needed to be fed. But he gave what he had. And Yeshua, as we know, like, oh my goodness, we see the multiplication of what we have to give. So if you ever feel like I don't have anything to give God, I don't have any talents, I don't have any skills. I don't know what even who I am, like, what do I have to offer, Even offer your empty hands say, father, here I am. Use me. Here I am, Hanani. And he multiplies that when we give ourselves to Him.
Amen. All right, So I hope that helps for that first question. Next, we're going to move into the spiritual aspect. So when you are looking at a potential spouse, someone you may marry, first you're going to have to look at their spiritual life. You're going to have to look at what the relationship with God is like. Look, it is easy for us to be like, well, do they, do they do these or that? Those religious things, right, are checkboxes. And the most important part first, like, those things are important, right? Yeah, like, yeah, like you're going to look at the big picture. But first of all, you have to find someone who is on far for God, whose heart is burning, who has a passion for him. You don't want to marry someone who is going to church or drink through the motions. He lives a lot of Christians and people who are religious who goes through the motions. But yet that is not a guarantee of someone who is set apart, has set apart their entire life for the king. See, to be a believer truly is to pick up your cross and follow Yeshua. You don't get to have one foot in and one foot out. It's all or nothing. It's gather or scatter. And you want that kind of a person to be alongside you when you're running after the kingdom of God. So you want to look at their relationship with the Father, you want to look at their relationship with Yeshua, their relationship with the Holy Spirit. You want to see if there is truly a bright fire there that is burning. And truly if that is there, it is clear. Like when a fire burns in a forest, it is clear. And so in the same way, when a fire is burning in their tree, it is clear that God has encountered them and that they're never the same again. Right? That that encounter has occurred. You want that because you don't want to be the person who, oh, well, he went to church or she went to church and she seemed to have ticked all the boxes. But then you get into a marriage and you realize that you need to now start dragging them everywhere. You need to, spiritually speaking, you need to drag them to this calling, to that calling that you feel God is calling you guys to. And they're like a donkey. They don't want to come along. They're stubborn because yes, they tick boxes. There's a lot of people who go to church to find a spouse. There's a lot of people who act religious because they want a good religious girl or a good religious boy. But that at the end of the day is not what makes in of itself a good husband or wife. It is that they themselves are truly sold out. You must discern and you must look for that.
Exactly. And you know what's interesting is that like in our culture, the dating game, relationships, crushes, flirting, it's all kind of like just fun and games, right? Like, oh, I have a crush on her, she has a crush on me. You know, that's cool. We, we text each other. We don't really mean anything serious by it. So like, what we're saying right now seems really serious, really heavy. But the reason why is because it is serious. There is someone else whose emotions, whose heart that you know as you're speaking with them, like, what impact are you having on their time? Because their time is valuable. On your time, your time is valuable. And as who they are in God's eyes, made in his image valuable, called for a purpose, created with a beautiful calling. And so as we look at people that we may feel interested in seeing them as God sees them, not just as like, oh, he's cute, oh, she's cute, you know, but seeing them like that person is a child of God, brother, sister, and pursuing friendship, friends first. That's the one thing I will say. Don't do it as the world does it. The world says, the dating game. Oh, I think he's hot, she's cute. Let's date. Let's just go right into all this. And we are often, so often led by lust. We're led by physical attraction, pheromones and hormones and what looks good on the outside. And yeah, physical attraction is a thing. But remember, love is blind. That person can look great on the outside. But Yeshua described the Pharisees. They can be full of dead man's bones. They can be full of narcissism, manipulation, gaslighting, laziness, and just stuff that we need to look for. The fruit. That's what PD was talking about. And again, if you are someone who's looking for a godly spouse, I want to just let you know that by the nature of who you're looking for, that person is also looking for a godly spouse. So are you the person that the person you're looking for is looking for? Let me say that again. Are you the person that the person you're looking for would be looking for? You can't be saying, I want a godly spouse. Where's my godly man? Where's my godly woman? But you're in the meantime having no goals, you're sitting at home and you're giving into addictions or you're just flirting around, playing around, you know, trying to be the popular person, trying to fit in. Like, how are you spending your time right now in this season of your life? This is such an incredibly important time of your life.
We can also move from, you know, after you start recognizing this other person's relationship with the Father, is the next question is going to be, what do they believe theologically about God? These things do matter, of course, very much. Because when you do life together with this person for the rest of your life, when you raise children with this person, when everything is going to be molded by your worldview and their worldview and our worldview as believers in Yeshua. And Jesus is most impacted by the fact that we are believers, by what he has called us to be like, by what he has taught us about him, by what he has taught us about how to treat one another. All of these things is, in essence, our theology. In theology is simply right, what the study of God, who God is, how does they, how do they know God? And how do you understand God? And is there compatibility? If they do not believe Yeshua is the same person as you believe Yeshua is, that's a problem, right? If, if they don't see Jesus as the one to whom every knee will bow and every tongue will confess, the one to whom every name on heaven, on earth is going to be submitted to, that's a big problem, number one, right? That's unequally yoked. And there are many such things like these that do matter and that will impact your relationship with them going forward. You have now this time to take a look at what they believe. But also be aware that when you are in, as people call, the honeymoon phase, which is, you know, you are very excited about one another, which is amazing. At the same time, sometimes we neglect to look at all the things that truly do matter because we're just excited to rush into getting the ring on the finger, right?
And it's so important you mentioned that, because again, like I mentioned, you know, love is blind. We can get caught up in how sweet they are, how funny they are, how handsome, how attractive, and these things are great. But remember, there are important topics that you need to talk about. And that's what PD and I did when we first started talking is I had talked to people before in the past, and there were red flags that came up that were, okay, can I deal with this red flag? Is it that big of a red flag? You know, is it a small red flag? Is it a big red flag? Can I, Can I make it work? And the Issue is usually, no, you, you can't. And some of these red flags are like, how is his walk? Or how is her walk with God authentically? And you will see the fruit of that. We've mentioned that. Is he. She on fire? It's not something you can have to go looking for. Is he on fire? I'm not sure. I think I saw him pray one day a year ago. It needs to be something that you see that just beams out from their presence, from their personality. Like, they love God and they love talking about God. Okay. And also, like, you need to ask the hard questions. Is there anything that you're struggling with that you have not had freedom over? We all struggle with things. This is true. But when you go into marriage, marriage is not this magic fix for a secret sin.
Yeah.
So make. I'm say again, marriage is not a magic fix for a secret sin. It is the great magnifier of that sin. In fact, it is a massive magnifier of that sin. Do not think you can go into marriage and all your struggles with lust, with temptation will go away because you have a spouse. That's not the way it works. In fact, you'll find yourself bringing that into marriage and hurting the person that you love. And it can, and we've seen it so many times, just tear apart marriages, tear apart trust and relationships. And that's not a place you want to start a marriage. So deal with these things right now in your life. And as you're talking with someone, ask these questions to know if they've dealt with that in their life, that they have found freedom, that. Not that. Oh, well, I've tried and I keep messing up, but I keep trying. That's good. Let them keep trying. But we need to find freedom. This is important. There's no excuses. It starts today.
Yeah. And I'm going to say something that I think is the elephant in the room right now is, you know, if the, the lady or the man that you're looking at is still watching pornography, forget about it. Forget about marrying them because they are not ready for marriage and that's that. Does that mean that you can never marry them? Well, if they repent, there's a chance. But if they are still. Look, if someone is actively committing adulteries and fornications before they even are in their marriage, what do you think is going to happen when you're in marriage? You think that's just going to go away? That the wedding ring is going to cure it? No, they need to repent of their sins. They need to turn to Christ and they need to let his Holy Spirit change them. If someone is watching pornography or stuff like that, they are entertaining those things in their life, then they have disqualified themselves from being allowed to be married because they have said, I myself am satisfying myself with other women and other men. And I would now want to make a covenant with one. But how can you make a covenant with one when you're busy with others? A covenant is exclusivity by nature. So if you're busy with multiple other people, you cannot make a covenant with one. By definition, it doesn't make sense, and this sounds really harsh, but this is the truth. If you want to have a lot of hurt, if you want to have a lot of nights laying awake and asking, oh God, oh God, help me, marry someone who's still addicted to sexual immoralities. But if you want to have a marriage that thrives and that has freedom in it from these things, they marry someone who has repented and turned from the things of the world.
And the important thing also is that it is possible to find freedom from these things, from these addictions, like PD mentioned. It is possible, but it is hard work. You need to put the effort in. And the person you're talking to, are they putting that effort in? Are they like we talked about in the beginning, seeking first his kingdom. Are you hungering? Are they hungering and thirsting for righteousness? Because then you'll be filled. We all stumble and fall. We all can struggle. But are you on fire for God? Have you made him your priority? Nothing else matters. Are you willing to throw away that phone to get rid of that computer if need be? Are you willing to cut off? Are you that serious about God? Because that's an important question you need to ask before you enter a lifelong covenant of marriage.
Yeah. And of course, you know, you can decide what you would like to do. We are here telling you what is going to be most life giving. What is going to set you up, the best way you can be set up to enter that covenant. Because marriage is hard. Like marriage is hard. So when you have things that contaminate even before you get started with the covenant, that is making it harder and harder. Now, no two people are perfect. You. We're all going to enter marriages as imperfect people. We're going to have our flaws. We're going to have things that, as Christina mentioned, gets magnified, like. And that's uncomfortable and that's vulnerable and that's part of it. And that's beautiful too, by the way. Because you two grow together into the image of Christ. In fact, marriage is one of the things that does prune us more into his image. But when it comes to certain sins that in the first century would get you sent out of a church, like sexual immorality, then we have to be real and recognize that there's a line we have to draw on the sand. There are certain things that we have to say. These are red flags, as Christina mentioned, that I am not going to compromise on.
Yeah. And I just want to really quick, before we move on, just add this one last thing. I have encountered in different organizations, movements, congregations, this idea that if. Oh, if my son has a struggle, like addiction to pornography, let me just get him married to some nice Christian girl, some nice believing girl, and that will fix his issues. And dear parents, that's not the answer. In fact, you're setting up this wonderful young woman for a very, very difficult marriage. Please, parents, help your kids now to. To have them say no. I will say no to temptations of the enemy to prepare themselves for marriage. Even now, it doesn't matter how young you are, how old you are. Yeah. Start today.
Yeah. And someone maybe listen to us and be like, you guys have. Your standards are too high. Like, I'm never gonna find anyone, you know, based off these. Look, this world is dark. There's a lot of evil. There's a lot of. It can feel like there is no good man. There's no good women out there anymore. But there are. Just think about Isaac and Rebecca in the Bible, how Rebecca was far in a different land. But yet God brought Rebecca to Isaac and they married. I myself, I was born, raised in South Africa. Christina born, raised in the United States. We are on literal opposite sides of the world. And then yet God brought us together, Right? So if God has someone for you, he can reach to the other side of the world to bring that person to you. He is not limited by that. You don't need to limit him. Don't compromise. Don't compromise. Lower your standards out of desperation to get married.
Right. I mean, thinking back to my. In my story where I live, there was like no one my age who was on fire for God. And so it's easy to be like, well, since there's no one here, it must be X, Y, Z, P, D, Q. It must be one of these people. Because it's only. That's all there is over where I am. But let's have faith that God can do the impossible. God can reach across countries, across the pond, and who Knows trust in him again, run after him, and he knows the desires of your heart.
Amen. It's good. All right, next, let's talk about the alignment of callings. If you have theology with the other person, that's in agreement. If you see that other person, their relationship with God is solid. Next up, we also want to think about what's that person called to and what am I called to? You know, of course, our callings are something that God reveals to us over time. We're not going to know everything from the beginning. But you at least would like to look at what is the desires of your heart and how you would like to serve the Lord. What is the talents and the gifts that he has given. You see, these are things, are hints to us as to how God will use us one day. And when the other person. You're entering marriage and marriage, the purpose of marriage is very important. It's not to make you happy, it's not to make them happy. Those are things that come with marriage. We get happiness in marriage and in our love for one another. But the primary purpose of marriage is to build the kingdom of God together. That's what it's about. So if you enter marriage with, that's what I want to do. I'm going to build the kingdom of God with this beautiful person that I love. Question is, well, are you going the same direction? We all are called to build the kingdom of God in certain ways. Right? We're all called to spread the gospel. We're all called to walk like Jesus and all these things. But how it's. Exactly. Specifically works and looks in your life is going to be looking different from a. Different. From a different. To a different person. Each person has got a different slant. And ministry calling. You should be looking at the other person and thinking, well, you know, what are they. What is their passions? What is their. What are they excited about in terms of how they're going to build God's kingdom? And is there an alignment or are we like on other sides of the world with that?
God can still have two people who are opposites attract. Right. God can still have someone like, well, you're an engineer and I'm a. I'm a. I don't know, someone who's not an engineer, an artist. Yeah. Or something, whatever. But God can do a beautiful thing and combine those two people together. But what Petey's getting at is when you have a calling, you're going in the same direction. And that's so much easier to run the race hand in hand when you're not feeling like it's like a tug of war, like this person wants to do this, this person wants to do that. This person has a business that they've started here, maybe they're helping kids, but this person wants to have an RV and travel the United States. But how do we make that work? Like, you can try to figure things out after the process of marriage, but look for someone that, like, you're. Your callings are united and if anything, your hearts to honor God and whatever that looks like is united.
Yeah.
But. Yeah. You want to add something.
Yeah, if just, just think about it logically.
Right.
There is a. There is. There are more than one person out there who has theology that aligns with you, who's got a good character and writes with God and all these things. Right. There's. There are more. There are candidates. If I. For, for all the things we've talked about thus far in the world, but not all of them are the same people. They are still different. They have different gifts. And so you want someone who's compatible in that way. But we're not talking about like people are like, there's certain things. Christina is opposite in that. I'm in personality, wise and otherwise. But yet we are working together, for example, in ministry here today. And we have, we, we are enjoy coming together in ministry, in the ministry God has given us. And this is what God has both prepared us for as individuals to come and work together. Together with. Right. So that is something to consider. That's all we're really getting on.
Yeah. And you know, just as we were talking about the knowing where the other person is spiritually, where they're in regards to scripture, like you talked about, theologically, it's so important, you know, young men, young women that, you know, if you're 14 year olds, 12 years old, if you're 20 years old, if you're 50 years old, know the Word. It is so important. It's not just something we can say, oh, that's for the pastor, that's for the evangelist. That's for maybe just the men to know the Word and me as the woman, I can just be taught. Whatever he says must be true. That is a recipe for disaster. Please do not do that. You need to have a personal relationship with God. You need to know His Word, breathe His Word, walk His Word out. It's not enough to have scripture knowledge without Scripture action. It's not enough to have scripture talk without Scripture walk. That young man who might or that young woman who might Be able to spit out lots of wonderful scripture verses. I've known people like this who were very smart, very intelligent, knew the Bible cover to cover. But they had bad fruit, they had hidden sins and lies and secrets. So also be careful that as you are speaking with someone, they might know their scripture, but always delve deeper, always seek counsel, always pray, but do know your scripture so that you can have an answer when you're speaking with someone, that you cannot just be like, well, whatever they say must be true because that's how abuse can come in. And there are those who distort scripture to suit their own purposes, to walk over you or to manipulate you. And that is evil. But that's why you need to know the word. You need to be. I would say go study apologetics, dear young man, dear young woman, go study apologetics. Have an answer for the faith and for the hope that you so that you can, because it's so important in a marriage to build each other up. You as a wife should not be just like, well, whatever my husband says must be true. What if there's something that he has seen that isn't actually good, Holy, righteous and just that you need to as a wife say, hey, there's this verse over here that actually says this. We need, let's talk about this. You need to be as Ezra Kanedko, who has his back. Not someone who is just, they're floating along, but who is a strong warrior who is able to also protect him. And as the man who is able, who looks for a young woman who knows the word, who does not just look for a woman who is beautiful but empty headed like you want someone, you really want someone who has your back.
Yeah. I'm reminded of a story I had a gentleman who told me once, you know, I'm looking for a woman who she's not going to have, she's not going to speak theology with me because I just want to be able to lead us and I don't want her to be one who is going to be, you know, challenging me, challenging me or even disagreeing with me ever. So, you know, we, we. I don't want, See, that's a problem.
That's a massive.
I want my wife to disagree with me. I want my wife to tell me, pd, you need to take a second look at that to as she said, to have my back. Right? That is the call of a woman like, and that's beautiful. That is powerful. How can I, how can we as men do without that? It is so important that we do not neglect the reality that we need to work together and be two strong people working together. We don't want to choose a weaker vessel on purpose so we can manipulate. And we don't want to submit, if you will, to a stronger vessel just because we don't know better. And we don't want to take the time to learn and grow personally as an individual. We're just going to trust this other person. You don't want to just trust someone else with your walk and your relationship with God. It is between you and God. You're going to stand before God, just you and him. You're not. Your husband is. You're going to be. You're going to be like, hey, my husband, he told me this. Or my wife, she told me that. No, it's going to be you and God. We all have a Bible on our desks and we all have a responsibility to study ourselves. Approved.
And I, we. I know there's so many marriages, relationships where this hasn't happened. Is it too late if you're in this place? No. But again, as we're talking about things to look for as you prepare for marriage, I have seen so many marriages where there is what we've described. The man who's very strong, who knows the stuff, and who's very authoritative in how he communicates it to his wife, who must agree and submit irregardless of anything else that she might have to say. But using scripture to walk over someone. Scripture says that God raises up the humble, but he lowers the proud. And Yeshua himself, as a servant leader, as the man, you have a beautiful and incredible responsibility to be that leader of the home, to be the provider, to be the protector, to slay the dragon. But the leader serves from his knees. He is a servant leader. Not a leader who's a tyrant leader, but a servant leader. And he needs a warrior bride, just like our king. He's looking for a bride who is busy about his business, who is equally yoked, who is also fighting the enemy. So that's what as men, you are looking for as well.
Yeah. And that moves us to our next section. And that's to talk about the character of the person. You know, we start touching on rules here. The man as the leader. When we think about that, people often, they would like to talk about what it looks like for a man to be the authority in the home and things of that nature. As Christina said, it is about servanthood. It is about considering others as better than yourself. Yeshua told us what a leader is Yeshua washed the feet of his disciples, right? That he turned the other cheek. These things are what is most important in a leader. Men, that's you, that's what you're called to. And so that means also now you take responsibility for a household. So if you want to be a man who has a wife, maybe children, if God blesses you, and yeah, the question is now, how do you prepare for that? And are you going to be able to be a man who provides for them? The Bible talks about the one who does not provide for his family and that he is worse than an unbeliever. That's a very serious statement, that if you as a man are not providing the way you should be, then you're worse than an unbeliever. In other words, the world and the unbelievers, they even do this. They even go to work, provide for their families, put food on the table. These basic things. Even the world does that. The Bible says that laziness leads to poverty, right? The Bible says that when we are men, we are called to lead. So that means simply that you have to prepare for your future. If you're single right now, you have to think about, do I have a job? Do I have a job that's going to provide for a family one day? Do I have. Am I making a way? Am I working on my own abilities, my skills? Am I, Am I studying, learning something new? Am I, Do I have a path ahead of me? Do I have a plan, whatever that is, God is calling us to plan for our futures as men so that we can provide for our families responsibly. You don't want to, like, be like, okay, I put a ring on her finger, we're married, okay, and now what? Like, I, I need to go find a job now. No, you need to. What does Yeshua do? What is the, what is the picture of the Bible itself? The Messiah says, I am going to prepare a place for you, right? He says, I'm going to my father's kingdom and I'm going to build a house for you. I'm going to prepare a place for you. That is what the bridegroom does. And then he comes back to get his bride. And she's going to have a place, she's going to have a home, she's going to have a place that's been prepared. That's the picture of how Christ deals with us.
And, you know, it's so important and that's so beautiful. And it's just that reminder that if you're not at that place in your life just yet that you're not able to do to, to get the house, you know, you're still working on the finances side. You're, you know, you're maybe you're 16 years old, you're not, you're not ready yet, you know, so the most important thing is this. Don't entertain relationships and enter into relationships if you're not ready to get married. Because that is the point of a relationship. It is marriage. It's not just to play around and to end up with a broken heart and lots of regrets and wasted time. Because what use is that really except for stealing from yourself and from the other person, you know, there you get the butterflies in your stomach. It's cool for a little bit, or at least it feels cool. But it really is just. You look back, you know, 20 years when you are married and it's like, well, that was a waste of time. Spend your time wisely. If you're not ready to get married, don't enter into relationships. Respect that person that you, maybe you were seeing as that 17 year old. Like, I'm not ready yet, but I see someone that I respect and maybe they're a person from you one day, who knows? See them as a brother, see them as a sister. Respect their boundaries. Because that is the way you show love to that person. That's the way you show honor to that person. Because if that person is by chance meant for you, who knows in the future, then glory to God, you can look back and not have regret. If that person is not meant for you in the future, you can say, glory to God, I do not have regret. And that is someone's future husband, someone's future wife. That you respected that person and you saw them as a brother and a sister in the Lord, as a friend.
Amen.
So dear young woman, I have this to say as an encouragement, but also do not waste that young man's time. Do not flirt. Do not send him images that if it were to be made public one day, you would be embarrassed or ashamed. You are valuable, you will, you are beautiful, you are worthy. And it's likely that God has someone planned for you a loving husband in the future. Honor that and look forward to that and plan for that. Don't defraud or waste the time of a brother in the Lord. Young men don't chase after girls. Don't toy with their hearts. Don't waste their time either. Don't ask for things that are shameful that would have them lower their standards. So that they can feel that you will still give them attention, honor them, respect them, love them as sisters in the Lord. As you would want someone to honor your sister or your daughter, if you have daughters one day, you know, be the person that if you have a child, if you have a daughter, be the suitor that you would want for your child.
Yes. Amen. And another way that we honor our future spouse and even ourselves is through planning. Right. And one way I want to also zoom in is on financial planning. I think it is important that as men, especially when we think about our future, we plan financially and we learn how to plan financially. We learn about how to manage finances, we learn about budgets, we learn about, you know, I think as men, sometimes we are. We're really focused on, okay, let's get the job done, and that's great, go and work and, and grow and Amen. But you also need to have your hand in. How do I financially steward responsibly? How do I ensure that I can live a life with my family where I'm not just working, but I'm ensuring that the funds are managed well in my own household? And of course, the ladies have an important role in this as well. Individuals are going to have different strengths. Absolutely. But we all still have a hand in it. We all still have the responsibility within it. We cannot toss it to the other side. We both need to be involved in financial decision making. The reason we raise this is because finances is one of the main reason that people fight and have disputes within marriages. The stress of poorly managed finances especially is also a huge problem that we see in marriages. You want before you get married. Because when you get married and you start intermingling finances and it becomes there's more responsibility, there's more pressure, not less. When you're single, when you're alone, you just have to take care of yourself. Right? It's pretty low pressure, but by the time you get married, you need to already know how to manage. What does retirement look like one day for us? Are we putting something away? Are we going to be able to be generous where we can even be giving away money to the poor or to ministries or to wherever the father leaves on our heart. Are we going to be able to steward because God wants us to be a people and families that are effective financially in his kingdom as we manage our funds financially.
And like you said, it's also so important, dear women, you know, as a woman, don't think that you can be at home and wait for Prince Charming to come with his Bag of cash and sweep you off your feet. He has everything. I don't need to do anything. No, you are to be someone who also has been working, who's also been busy, who's also been preparing for her future, who's also been putting money aside, who's being wise and who's thinking about, well, if I get married one day, I can have this job or maybe a couple jobs that I can now be putting aside to go towards a house, to go towards whatever needs that might be. You know, maybe you move to a different state like what happened in our case. I was working at many different jobs through college because my goal was always to save up, to pay off debt as soon as I possibly could, to save up, to take care of the bills, to budget. And I wanted, and I desired to be able to have freedom financially in marriage. It doesn't start after you get married. It starts before you get married. So let's start planning.
Yeah. Christina worked super hard while she was at college, multiple jobs, in order to pay off her college debt. So by the time that we got married, it was nothing to worry about, which is a huge blessing to me, a huge gift to me, never mind to herself. And so in the same way, you know, that doesn't mean, you know, we're going to have different situations. You know, some of us are going to intermarriage with that, and that's okay. But work hard, plan for your future, and the rewards, the blessings will come with that. Right. So then I think we can also ask this question, and I'll ask to the man first, I guess, is, are you the kind of leader that you yourself would want to follow? Dear men? That's what I would ask.
Yeah. And for the women also, are you the person you would pick for your team to help your team go further and farther, or are you the person, like, where I like, you know, I wouldn't even pick myself kind of thing. Like, if, you know, there are certain things you struggle in. We all have struggles. None of us are perfect. Like, I'm certainly not perfect, and I'm grateful my husband married me anyways. But if there's things that you realize you could work on in your life, take this time to work on it. If, you know, you struggle with, like, okay, just spending time on things that are kind of a waste of time, kind of fruitless, fun, but maybe there's not a balance in your life, you know, like, address that. Make sure that your priorities, you know, figure out what your priorities are in your life and the Same thing as you're looking for someone. What are his priorities? How does he spend his time? You know, we were talking earlier about planning. Okay. So we're talking about financially and.
Yeah. And I want to. I want to just add one last disclaimer to that is, you know, we're as people going to have very different situations. And I just want everyone to understand that we are placing forward today ideals. We're facing forward, things to consider. But no one is going to be. No two people are going to be perfect. As we've mentioned before, there's also. There's a balance between. Okay, there's red flags and, and waiting and waiting and waiting because, you know, I'm never going to be ready for this. I'm never going to be. Be careful of that as well. There's. There's these two sides of this, and we want to be prepared as we can be. We want to look out for red flags if there's actual red flags.
Right.
But we also need to realize that there's going to come a time where we need to pull the trigger. And as. The more that you prepare yourself before you even meet the person, the better off you're going to be by the time you meet them.
Right. And the thing is, like you said, neither of us, you know, enter marriage as this perfect person. Your spouse will not be a perfect person. However, it's like what you just said is you are working on things, you are pushing forward. You know, even if you're shooting for the stars, but you hit a branch, at least you got off the ground, you are trying.
Right. If you see them trying before you're married, they'll likely continue trying while you're married. But if they're not even trying or barely trying.
Yeah.
Then that's going to be. You have to take that in consideration because they're probably not going to try harder after you're married. Because the thing is, people let down their guards when they get married. They get comfortable. They don't start working harder at issues. Sometimes it's the opposite, unfortunately.
Yeah, no one's going to be 100% perfect. But let's just try to follow our Father's voice as we seek his guidance in our life, seek the counsel of those around us, those who are mature in the faith. Faith from our family. Because that is so important.
Amen, guys. Again, you know, we're. This, this video is not a bunch of laws. Right. This video is just things to. That you can. Oh, I can consider that. I can consider that. And, and if there's something that's not applicable to you because you feel like your calling is different than some of the advice we've been giving. Okay, that's fair. Pray to God. Consult your parents. Consult your spiritual elders in pursuing any type of relationship.
Absolutely.
Make it a priority to consider their advice about a person. Do not discard what they have to say. Quickly. Submit yourself to the wisdom of elders, especially with a decision as important as this one.
Yes. And that's something that we did in our friendship before it became any kind of a relationship, is when we first started communicating. It was purely on scripture, because I 100 was not looking for anyone at that time. I had surrendered the whole concept of ever getting married. I felt old. I was. I was what, 25? I wasn't that old, but, you know, I felt old. All my peers were married by then. They had, like, kids that were four or five years old. So, man, I felt old.
Yeah.
Like, okay, God, maybe it's not for me. So take away this desire for marriage unless and until there is someone that I'm supposed to marry. Then you can give it back, you know? But until then, like, take away the desire, because otherwise, I'm just wasting my time looking for someone anyway. So I wasn't looking for anyone. Petey wasn't looking for anyone. As we both talked about, like, you can do more for God when you're single. But God started speaking to me and to him and his family and my family, because I shared about him with my family. They were involved. His family was hearing about me. And so that his God was able to speak to his mom in our story. And God spoke to my mom, giving them both peace with this guy from South Africa coming to visit and proposing all this stuff that seems crazy and impossible, but God is the God of the impossible. But just submit your ways to him and, you know, live in such a way that you can look at your actions without shame, without regret, you know, Again, try your best. God has grace when we stumble, when we mess up. But.
And we will make mistakes.
We will make mistakes. But the issue is we have a goal. Let's shoot for that goal.
Yeah, yeah, yeah. So if there is any shame from the past, God makes all things new. Remember that at the end of the day, we have forgiveness in Christ. If there's mistakes we've made, even in the midst of, you know, before we found someone, we're in the process of getting. Getting married soon. But yet, at the same time, if you've made mistakes, then sit down, repent, and turn over a new page. Look to the future, not to the past. Don't let shame put you in bondage. God has given us new life in Christ and as we turn to him he will surely give us peace and shalom. And so yes, that's where we would end up. I think this is a good note to end up on. I just want to pray for everyone who's listening. Father, I pray right now for every lady or gentleman, Father, who is placing their future before you. Father, we surrender right now our futures, our desires. We ask for your will, your perfect will to be done that you would, if there is someone that you have for us, that you would make that clear and that you would bring the right person in the way and at the right time, you and according to your perfect will. Father, I thank you for raising up couples that are on fire for you to gather. Not stumbling through their marriages being lukewarm, but on fire, God all the way through so that they can run the race of perseverance to the end together. Not one without the other. Father, I pray that you would also come and raise up Father families and offspring that is as offerings to you that is running for you and building your kingdom. We pray all this in name, Yeshua. Amen. Thank you guys for joining us. If you like this video, subscribe to the channel for more just like this. We've got a bunch of more videos on relationships and marriage and things like that. I'll link it up here for you. And yeah, thank you for joining us.
Blessings and shalom.